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7/27/20
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7/25/20
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How the US has handled the Coronavirus
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Compared to every other country in the world, the US's response for the coronavirus is everything but a good one. In the first months of the coronavirus pandemic, Trump denied the existence of the disease, leading to many of his supporters not taking the illness seriously. The US has lost the most lives out of every other country because of the lack of action that Trump and his staff have taken and his inability to know what to do during a dire situation. Almost every country has the coronavirus under control with very few death counts these past days, however, the US's death toll has skyrocketed and is only climbing. Without proper action from the government, we have dug ourselves a grave that is extremely difficult to get out of.
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https://www.nytimes.com/2020/07/27/opinion/covid-19-global-response.html?action=click&module=Opinion&pgtype=Homepage
 
7/23/20  
 
7/23/20  
  

Revision as of 16:09, 28 July 2020

Article Summary Page

7/27/20


7/25/20

How the US has handled the Coronavirus

Compared to every other country in the world, the US's response for the coronavirus is everything but a good one. In the first months of the coronavirus pandemic, Trump denied the existence of the disease, leading to many of his supporters not taking the illness seriously. The US has lost the most lives out of every other country because of the lack of action that Trump and his staff have taken and his inability to know what to do during a dire situation. Almost every country has the coronavirus under control with very few death counts these past days, however, the US's death toll has skyrocketed and is only climbing. Without proper action from the government, we have dug ourselves a grave that is extremely difficult to get out of.

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/07/27/opinion/covid-19-global-response.html?action=click&module=Opinion&pgtype=Homepage 7/23/20

The Global Issue

One of the largest problems in today's society is the warming of the globe and how it affects animals and humans alike. As the globe warms sea levels rise as more cities are flooded and drowned underneath the ocean. In the heart of this situation are the millions of families that are suffering because of Climate Change. The Earth has warmed more in the last 50 years than the last 6,000 years and this has had a long-lasting impact on the crops that millions of families grow to survive. In Guatemala, millions of families depends on their crops for food and a source of income, and as the globe heats up even more, crops become harder to grow. In the past few years, crops have been failing around the world, leading the families migrating for a better life. This is the Global Migration. Currently, 1% of the Earth is an almost uninhabitable hot zone, by 2070, this may rise to an astonishing 20%. Billions of families may be displaced as they scramble to survive an Earth that is barely holding on to itself.

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2020/07/23/magazine/climate-migration.html?action=click&module=Top%20Stories&pgtype=Homepage

7/22/20

The Current Global Economic Recession

With the coronavirus still rampaging through the United States, the world is still facing an economic depression that will still be felt years from now. With millions of Americans losing their jobs, almost every company's stock has fallen as commercial activity is at an all time low. Although this an economic depression has occurred before, not many have been felt at this scale. Kenneth S. Rogoff, a Harvard economist states that he feels "'like the 2008 financial crisis was just a dry run for this.'" Almost every part of the globe is in danger for a depression as almost every country has been affected by the coronavirus. This pandemic threatens to increase unemployment and decrease the global economy as “'The longer this goes on, the more likely it is that there will be destruction of productive capacity,' Ms. Owens Thomsen said. 'Then, the nature of the crisis morphs from temporary to something a bit more lasting.'” However, experts still say that this is only a temporary crisis as if coronavirus cases steadily decrease, the economy will slowly increase its way out of a depression.

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/01/business/economy/coronavirus-recession.html


7/21/20

Original

The EU's unreachable Greenhouse Gas goal

Although the EU had reported that they would cut their greenhouse emissions by 40%, they now state that the more likely goal is 30%. By 2030, their goal is to reduce emissions by 40%, and by 2050, cut off all their greenhouse gases. Both the US and the European Union saw a 1.7% decrease in emissions, however, both China and India have seen increases in their emissions. Due to the still-rising amounts of greenhouse gas emissions every year, many activists have spoken out. One of them is Greta Thunberg. She states that "We’re still moving fast in the wrong direction”. To be able to stop Climate Change, the whole world has to come together and come up with a goal to stop our ever-heating Earth.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/kidspost/european-union-predicts-it-wont-meet-its-goal-for-cutting-greenhouse-gases/2019/12/04/006eea48-113e-11ea-9cd7-a1becbc82f5e_story.html

Edits


The EU's unreachable Greenhouse Gas goal

***Every word in a title or headline that isn't an article or small preposition should be capitalized.

Edited title: The EU's Unreachable Greenhouse Gas Goal

Although the EU had reported that they would cut their greenhouse emissions by 40%, they now state that the more likely goal is 30%.

***Add in another detail here for clarification: their goal is to cut emissions, but what was their starting point? What number is being reduced by 30%?

Edited sentence: Although the EU had reported that they would cut their greenhouse emissions by 40%, they now state that the more likely goal is 30% of 1990 levels.

By 2030, their goal is to reduce emissions by 40%, and by 2050, cut off all their greenhouse gases.

***Good.

Both the US and the European Union saw a 1.7% decrease in emissions, however, both China and India have seen increases in their emissions.

***Change the first comma, which is acting as a splice and not a correctly-placed comma, to a semicolon.

Edited sentence: Both the US and the European Union saw a 1.7% decrease in emissions; however, both China and India have seen increases in their emissions.

Due to the still-rising amounts of greenhouse gas emissions every year, many activists have spoken out.

***Good.

She states that "We’re still moving fast in the wrong direction”.

***Good.

To be able to stop Climate Change, the whole world has to come together and come up with a goal to stop our ever-heating Earth.

***"Climate change" is not a proper noun and shouldn't be capitalized.

Edited sentence: To be able to stop climate change, the whole world has to come together and come up with a goal to stop our ever-heating Earth.

Final Edit

***Good! Overall, keep an eye on your capitalization and your punctuation usage. Commas are easy to mix up with semicolons, but they are not interchangeable. Also, every significant word in a title/headline should be capitalized, while non-proper nouns shouldn't be capitalized in the middle of a sentence.

Edited paragraph:

The EU's Unreachable Greenhouse Gas Goal

Although the EU had reported that they would cut their greenhouse emissions by 40%, they now state that the more likely goal is 30% of 1990 levels. By 2030, their goal is to reduce emissions by 40%, and by 2050, cut off all their greenhouse gases. Both the US and the European Union saw a 1.7% decrease in emissions; however, both China and India have seen increases in their emissions. Due to the still-rising amounts of greenhouse gas emissions every year, many activists have spoken out. She states that "We’re still moving fast in the wrong direction”. To be able to stop climate change, the whole world has to come together and come up with a goal to stop our ever-heating Earth.

Source: https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/kidspost/european-union-predicts-it-wont-meet-its-goal-for-cutting-greenhouse-gases/2019/12/04/006eea48-113e-11ea-9cd7-a1becbc82f5e_story.html

Edited by Natasha Vatalaro



7/20/20

Original

The Restoration of Nature

Although humans have been destroying nature for decades now, the restoration of nature is still considered a possibility if we all tried. This can be done through clever crop-growing techniques and how to tend your soil. One technique that is used is crop rotation. Crop rotation is one of the best ways to allow your soil to be rich with nutrients every year. If you plant one crop constantly every year, your soil will be deprived of its nutrients. In order to increase the amount of nutrients, you can plant a different variety of crops in the area, or even leave the soil alone for a few seasons. If crop rotation is implemented in all agriculture, it could greatly increase the health of the soil and the nutrients in them.

https://www.academia.edu/43556281/Restoring_Nature_is_possible_

Edits


The Restoration of Nature

***Good.

Although humans have been destroying nature for decades now, the restoration of nature is still considered a possibility if we all tried.

***Change "considered a possibility" to either "considered to be a possibility" or "within the realm of possibility" for a more natural flow.

Edited sentence: Although humans have been destroying nature for decades now, the restoration of nature is still considered to be a possibility if we all tried.

This can be done through clever crop-growing techniques and how to tend your soil.

***Technically this phrasing isn't incorrect, but it doesn't sound very natural. Keep "how to tend your soil" within the same type of structure as the previous phrase the sentence's verb also applies to, "clever crop-growing techniques."

Edited sentence: This can be done through clever crop-growing techniques and tending soil properly.

One technique that is used is crop rotation.

***Good.

Crop rotation is one of the best ways to allow your soil to be rich with nutrients every year.

***Good.

If you plant one crop constantly every year, your soil will be deprived of its nutrients.

***Good.

In order to increase the amount of nutrients, you can plant a different variety of crops in the area, or even leave the soil alone for a few seasons.

***Change the slightly awkward phrasing of "amount of nutrients" to "nutrient levels".

Edited sentence: In order to increase the nutrient levels, you can plant a different variety of crops in the area, or even leave the soil alone for a few seasons.

If crop rotation is implemented in all agriculture, it could greatly increase the health of the soil and the nutrients in them.

***Change "them" to "it", because the noun that this pronoun is replacing is "soil", which is singular and not plural.

Edited sentence: If crop rotation is implemented in all agriculture, it could greatly increase the health of the soil and the nutrients in it.

Final Edit

***Overall, your grammar in this paragraph is pretty good. For the most part, just keep an eye on your phrasing, and ask yourself if that is the most natural, fluid way to structure the sentence, or if you could vary your word choice for certain topics (like "nutrients") to keep your sentences diverse. Also, make sure the main focus of your summary is the same as the main focus of the article you're sourcing from. Although all the information you stated is correct, this article is not discussing crop rotation; it's discussing the effect of a certain product on a personal garden. When you write a summary about something that isn't majorly discussed in your source material, it can be misleading to a reader.

Edited paragraph:

The Restoration of Nature

Although humans have been destroying nature for decades now, the restoration of nature is still considered to be a possibility if we all tried. This can be done through clever crop-growing techniques and tending soil properly. One technique that is used is crop rotation. Crop rotation is one of the best ways to allow your soil to be rich with nutrients every year. If you plant one crop constantly every year, your soil will be deprived of its nutrients. In order to increase the nutrient levels, you can plant a different variety of crops in the area, or even leave the soil alone for a few seasons. If crop rotation is implemented in all agriculture, it could greatly increase the health of the soil and the nutrients in it.

Source: https://www.academia.edu/43556281/Restoring_Nature_is_possible_

Edited by Natasha Vatalaro



7/17/20

Original

Many people likely to face food and water shortage as Nature fails.

For the past several decades, mankind has wretched the face of the Earth, altering more than 75% of land masses and 66% of oceans. As we destroy nature, we also destroy ourselves, as our lives are completely dependent on whether or not nature is able to provide for us. Nature provides with food, coastal protection, and clean water, however, because we are destroying the things nature gives us, flooding will occur more often and more sever, there will be a shortage of food, many species will become extinct, and most importantly, we might too.

https://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/2019/10/billions-face-water-food-insecurity/#close

Edits


Many people likely to face food and water shortage as Nature fails.

This headline is pretty similar to the article's headline, which is "Billions face food, water shortages over next 30 years as nature fails". Try rephrasing a few more of your words to differentiate your words from the article's. Also, all significant words in a headline (i.e. all words except for articles and certain prepositions) should be capitalized, and there shouldn't be a period at the end of it.

Edited headline: Many Face Future Shortages Due to Climate Change

For the past several decades, mankind has wretched the face of the Earth, altering more than 75% of land masses and 66% of oceans.

***By "wretched", I think you actually mean to say "wrecked". However, because "wrecked" has a very strong negative connotation and comes off as more of your opinion than as a fact, I would change it to something more neutral like "changed" or "impacted". "Landmasses" is also just one word.

Edited sentence: For the past several decades, mankind has changed the face of the Earth, altering more than 75% of landmasses and 66% of oceans.

As we destroy nature, we also destroy ourselves, as our lives are completely dependent on whether or not nature is able to provide for us.

***Good.

Nature provides with food, coastal protection, and clean water, however, because we are destroying the things nature gives us, flooding will occur more often and more sever, there will be a shortage of food, many species will become extinct, and most importantly, we might too.

***I would split this sentence into two before the word "however", so it isn't as much of a run-on sentence. "Sever" should be "severely". The second "more" can be deleted because the first instance of "more" can apply to both "often" and "severely".

Edited sentence(s): Nature provides with food, coastal protection, and clean water. However, because we are destroying the things nature gives us, flooding will occur more often and severely, there will be a shortage of food, many species will become extinct, and most importantly, we might too.

Final Edit
***Good job; make sure your word choice matches what you actually intend to say, and maybe consider using some sort of spell-checker to check for simple fixes like "landmasses" being one word instead of two. Also, in the future, try to find a few more fact sentences to include in your paragraphs to match the required model; I'm pretty sure three sentences isn't considered quite long enough for these article summaries.

Edited paragraph:

Many Face Future Shortages Due to Climate Change


For the past several decades, mankind has changed the face of the Earth, altering more than 75% of landmasses and 66% of oceans. s we destroy nature, we also destroy ourselves, as our lives are completely dependent on whether or not nature is able to provide for us. Nature provides with food, coastal protection, and clean water. However, because we are destroying the things nature gives us, flooding will occur more often and severely, there will be a shortage of food, many species will become extinct, and most importantly, we might too.

Source: https://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/2019/10/billions-face-water-food-insecurity/#close

Edited by Natasha Vatalaro



7/16/20

Original

Dinosaur Fossil Found in Thailand

A new dinosaur species, Siamraptor suwati, was just discovered in Thailand and dates back millions of years. Said to be one of the most important dinosaurs ever found in the region, Siamraptor suwati presents a complete set of fossils to represent its age and type. New intel on the dinosaur could reveal how predatory dinosaurs spread across the world. Archeologists discovered that this particular dinosaur's "skeleton is shot through with air sacs", creating lightweight bones and exhilarated breathing. This could explain how not only how the dinosaur traveled long distance, but also how they hunted. This project is extremely important to understanding the evolutionary history of dinosaurs.

https://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/2019/10/huge-new-shark-toothed-dinosaur-siamraptor-found-in-thailand/

Edits


Dinosaur Fossil Found in Thailand

***Good.

A new dinosaur species, Siamraptor suwati, was just discovered in Thailand and dates back millions of years.

***Good; just put words that are in other languages, like the name of this dinosaur (which is in Latin, the language used for all official species names) in italics to differentiate it from English.

Edited sentence: A new dinosaur species, Siamraptor suwati, was just discovered in Thailand and dates back millions of years.

Said to be one of the most important dinosaurs ever found in the region, Siamraptor suwati presents a complete set of fossils to represent its age and type.

***Be careful with your phrasing here; the set of fossils is nowhere near complete, but it is the "most complete...ever found in Southeast Asia." Add a modifier like "enough" in after "complete" to represent this idea and modify your phrasing. Also, italicize the dinosaur's scientific name in this sentence, as well.

Edited sentence: Said to be one of the most important dinosaurs ever found in the region, Siamraptor suwati presents a complete enough set of fossils to represent its age and type.

New intel on the dinosaur could reveal how predatory dinosaurs spread across the world.

***Change the word "the" to "this" to be just a bit more specific; this isn't completely necessary for this sentence to make sense, but it does help.

Edited sentence: New intel on this dinosaur could reveal how predatory dinosaurs spread across the world.

Archeologists discovered that this particular dinosaur's "skeleton is shot through with air sacs", creating lightweight bones and exhilarated breathing.

***I'm not sure "exhilarated" is the right word here; it means "very happy, animated, or elated". A better word would be "accelerated", which means "faster".

Edited sentence: Archeologists discovered that this particular dinosaur's "skeleton is shot through with air sacs", creating lightweight bones and accelerated breathing.

This could explain how not only how the dinosaur traveled long distance, but also how they hunted.

***Because you use the pronoun "they" later in the sentence, "dinosaur" should be the plural "dinosaurs". Also, "distance" should be the plural "distances" if you don't have an article like "a" in front of it. Delete the extraneous "how" before "not only".

Edited sentence: This could explain not only how the dinosaurs traveled long distances, but also how they hunted.

This project is extremely important to understanding the evolutionary history of dinosaurs.

***Change "to" to "in".

Edited sentence: This project is extremely important in understanding the evolutionary history of dinosaurs.

Final Edit

***Good work! Overall, make sure to put words that are in languages other than English in italics. Also, keep an eye on your word choice; plural pronouns should be matched with plural nouns, and certain words can sound similar when spoken out loud but look very different written down and mean very different things, like exhilarated and accelerated.

Edited paragraph:

Dinosaur Fossil Found in Thailand

A new dinosaur species, Siamraptor suwati, was just discovered in Thailand and dates back millions of years. Said to be one of the most important dinosaurs ever found in the region, Siamraptor suwati presents a complete enough set of fossils to represent its age and type. New intel on this dinosaur could reveal how predatory dinosaurs spread across the world. Archeologists discovered that this particular dinosaur's "skeleton is shot through with air sacs", creating lightweight bones and accelerated breathing. This could explain not only how the dinosaurs traveled long distances, but also how they hunted. This project is extremely important in understanding the evolutionary history of dinosaurs.

Source: https://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/2019/10/huge-new-shark-toothed-dinosaur-siamraptor-found-in-thailand/#close

Edited by Natasha Vatalaro




7/15/20

Original

Inventions in nanotech

The invention of nanotechnology is one not to be trifled with. It is one of the most important inventions of the 21st Century and will be the doctors of the future. Nanotech is extremely useful in many different ways. Arguably the most important is its use in medicine. Scientists in the future may be able to inject small nanobots into your body that are able to fight diseases and virus that are trying to take over your body. This practice has already been in use several times but is extremely expensive and has not yet been perfected. With nanotechnology, we may be able to live longer lives and fight off diseases more easily.

https://www.academia.edu/11485851/Protecting_new_ideas_and_inventions_in_nanomedicine_with_patents

Edits


Inventions in nanotech

***Capitalize "Nanotech" because this is a headline/title.

Edited headline: Inventions in Nanotech

The invention of nanotechnology is one not to be trifled with.

***This is technically correct, but switch "one" and "not" for better fluidity.

Edited sentence: The invention of nanotechnology is not one to be trifled with.

It is one of the most important inventions of the 21st Century and will be the doctors of the future.

***Decapitalize "century" because it isn't a proper noun.

Edited sentence: It is one of the most important inventions of the 21st century and will be the doctors of the future.

Nanotech is extremely useful in many different ways.

***Good.

Arguably the most important is its use in medicine.

***Good.

Scientists in the future may be able to inject small nanobots into your body that are able to fight diseases and virus that are trying to take over your body.

***"Virus" should be the plural "viruses". The second part of this sentence beginning with "that are trying..." can be deleted; it's redundant after you've already mentioned "your body".

Edited sentence: Scientists in the future may be able to inject small nanobots into your body that are able to fight diseases and viruses.

This practice has already been in use several times but is extremely expensive and has not yet been perfected.

***I would replace the phrase "several times" with "for some time" because nanotech has been used more than just "several times", but the suggested phrase still maintains the same desired vagueness.

Edited sentence: This practice has already been in use for some time but is extremely expensive and has not yet been perfected.

With nanotechnology, we may be able to live longer lives and fight off diseases more easily.

***Good.

Final Edit

***Good work! Overall, continue to focus on your word choice; make sure your word choice and placement are contributing to the overall fluidity of your paragraph and properly representing what is stated in the article. Also, if you find yourself repeating certain phrases, see if you can either find a different synonym for that word or potentially eliminate the chunk of text containing the repetition. This will streamline your writing.

Edited paragraph:

Inventions in Nanotech

The invention of nanotechnology is not one to be trifled with. It is one of the most important inventions of the 21st century and will be the doctors of the future. Nanotech is extremely useful in many different ways. Arguably the most important is its use in medicine. Scientists in the future may be able to inject small nanobots into your body that are able to fight diseases and viruses. This practice has already been in use for some time but is extremely expensive and has not yet been perfected. With nanotechnology, we may be able to live longer lives and fight off diseases more easily.

Source: https://www.academia.edu/11485851/Protecting_new_ideas_and_inventions_in_nanomedicine_with_patents

Edited by Natasha Vatalaro



7/14/20

Original

Nature within Urban Cities

As the human population grows larger, many forest and natural environments have been destroyed to make room for more agriculture, places to live, and new buildings. In order to adapt and overcome these difficulties. Humans have tried to implement nature into urban cities as a way to sustain the amount of trees in the area and also make the urban landscape more colorful. For example, over the past few years, 50% of Cyprus Wetlands have disappeared in order to build new buildings and urbanize. However, in doing so, pollution and discharge is able to reach the ocean and bodies of water more easily as trees and their root systems are pulled away. In order to mitigate the increasing amount of pollution in the water, mangroves are one of the best natural solutions as they are natural barriers that are able to stop pollution better than almost any other organism.

https://www.academia.edu/21497169/Inventing_Nature_within_Urban_Environments

Edits


Nature within Urban Cities

***"Within" should be capitalized, because it counts as a significant word in this headline.

Edited headline: Nature Within Urban Cities

As the human population grows larger, many forest and natural environments have been destroyed to make room for more agriculture, places to live, and new buildings.

***Good.

In order to adapt and overcome these difficulties. Humans have tried to implement nature into urban cities as a way to sustain the amount of trees in the area and also make the urban landscape more colorful.

***These two sentences should be joined together instead of being separated with a period because the first sentence is not complete on its own. Change "amount" to "number" because "trees" is something that can be counted and come up with an exact number, so your quantifying phrase should reflect that.

Edited sentence: In order to adapt and overcome these difficulties, humans have tried to implement nature into urban cities as a way to sustain the number of trees in the area and also make the urban landscape more colorful.

For example, over the past few years, 50% of Cyprus Wetlands have disappeared in order to build new buildings and urbanize.

***Add an apostrophe after "Cyprus" to indicate possession, and decapitalize "wetlands". This article is being written about the wetlands in the country of Cyprus, not a hypothetical category of wetlands called "Cyprus Wetlands".

Edited sentence: For example, over the past few years, 50% of Cyprus' Wetlands have disappeared in order to build new buildings and urbanize.

However, in doing so, pollution and discharge is able to reach the ocean and bodies of water more easily as trees and their root systems are pulled away.

***Good.

In order to mitigate the increasing amount of pollution in the water, mangroves are one of the best natural solutions as they are natural barriers that are able to stop pollution better than almost any other organism.

***Replace the word "as" with "because" to avoid using exactly the same sentence structure in two sentences right next to each other. Also, to avoid repeating the word "natural" in the same sentence, either use a synonym for one of the instances or delete the first instance of natural, which isn't necessary for the same meaning to come across.

Edited sentence: In order to mitigate the increasing amount of pollution in the water, mangroves are one of the best solutions because they are natural barriers that are able to stop pollution better than almost any other organism.

Final Edit

****Overall, very good! For the most part, focus on avoiding unnecessary repetition, both with your word choice and with your sentence structure. Increasing this variance will help make your writing flow better and feel even more natural. Also, make sure that you aren't just splitting sentences with a period and not paying any further attention to the structures. If you just put a period in, you will often have one or more sentences missing a verb or some other vital component. These aren't complete sentences. If you're going to split one sentence into two to meet a length requirement for this assignment, make sure each part of the split is a complete sentence on its own.

Edited paragraph:

Nature Within Urban Cities

As the human population grows larger, many forest and natural environments have been destroyed to make room for more agriculture, places to live, and new buildings. In order to adapt and overcome these difficulties, humans have tried to implement nature into urban cities as a way to sustain the number of trees in the area and also make the urban landscape more colorful. For example, over the past few years, 50% of Cyprus' Wetlands have disappeared in order to build new buildings and urbanize. However, in doing so, pollution and discharge is able to reach the ocean and bodies of water more easily as trees and their root systems are pulled away. In order to mitigate the increasing amount of pollution in the water, mangroves are one of the best solutions because they are natural barriers that are able to stop pollution better than almost any other organism.

Source: https://www.academia.edu/21497169/Inventing_Nature_within_Urban_Environments

Edited by Natasha Vatalaro



7/13/20

Original

The Sixth Mass Extinction

Throughout our planet's history, Earth has experienced five mass extinctions. However, did you know that we are in the middle of our sixth. Contrary to past mass extinctions, this is the first time that a mass extinction has occurred due to a species (us), and not because of natural occurrences. Currently, our extinction rate 0.01% per annum, or around 10,000 species extinct per year. Compared to the natural extinction rate, which is only around 10 species per year, this is a 1000x higher than normal. If this trend continues, we could lose almost 75% of all species within a few generations. This is extremely alarming and if we continue at out normal pace. This world could be a real possibility within decades.

https://www.academia.edu/33840214/Sixth_mass_extinction

Edits


The Sixth Mass Extinction

***Good.

Throughout our planet's history, Earth has experienced five mass extinctions.

***Good.

However, did you know that we are in the middle of our sixth.

***If you were to leave this as it is, there should be a question mark at the end of the sentence because you're phrasing it as a question. However, addressing questions to the reader is not typical of an article summary, and there are other ways to phrase this that would probably be more formal and appropriate.

Edited sentence: However, Earth is actually experiencing its sixth such extinction at this moment.

Contrary to past mass extinctions, this is the first time that a mass extinction has occurred due to a species (us), and not because of natural occurrences.

***Change "us" to "humans" to be both more specific and more formal (academic writing typically requires more formal ways of address). Delete the second comma because the phrase following it is not an independent sentence on its own and it is not surrounding an appositive clause.

Edited sentence: Contrary to past mass extinctions, this is the first time that a mass extinction has occurred due to a species (humans) and not because of natural occurrences.

Currently, our extinction rate 0.01% per annum, or around 10,000 species extinct per year.

***Add the missing verb to this sentence.

Edited sentence: Currently, our extinction rate is 0.01% per annum, or around 10,000 species extinct per year.

Compared to the natural extinction rate, which is only around 10 species per year, this is a 1000x higher than normal.

***Delete the article "a" before "1000x"; a number usually doesn't require an article in front of it (If you say this out loud, you're saying "a one thousand", when normally you would just say "one thousand").

Edited sentence: Compared to the natural extinction rate, which is only around 10 species per year, this is 1000x higher than normal.

If this trend continues, we could lose almost 75% of all species within a few generations.

***Good.

This is extremely alarming and if we continue at out normal pace. This world could be a real possibility within decades.

***The first sentence is not complete; these two sentences should be joined together. You shouldn't split one sentence into two just to fit the assignment's sentence-length requirements without paying any attention to how you're splitting them. If you're going to do this, each sentence needs to be complete on its own, or you need to join these two sentences back together and add another, new sentence to your paragraph to meet the length requirement.

Edited sentence: This is extremely alarming and if we continue at our normal pace, this world could be a real possibility within decades.

Final Edit

***Overall, good work. You should continue to focus on your word choice and your comma usage. Make sure to proofread for missing words, especially verbs, or extra words that you don't need, like unnecessary articles. Additionally, it's a good idea to evaluate your paragraphs for formality: if you find yourself constantly using the words "you", "we", "us", etc., this tends to be less formal. It's okay to use these once in a while, depending on your instructor, but typically, academic writing requires that you use the more formal third person.

Edited paragraph:

The Sixth Mass Extinction

Throughout our planet's history, Earth has experienced five mass extinctions. However, Earth is actually experiencing its sixth such extinction at this moment. Contrary to past mass extinctions, this is the first time that a mass extinction has occurred due to a species (humans) and not because of natural occurrences. Currently, our extinction rate is 0.01% per annum, or around 10,000 species extinct per year. Compared to the natural extinction rate, which is only around 10 species per year, this is 1000x higher than normal. If this trend continues, we could lose almost 75% of all species within a few generations. This is extremely alarming and if we continue at our normal pace, this world could be a real possibility within decades.

Source: https://www.academia.edu/33840214/Sixth_mass_extinction

Edited by Natasha Vatalaro



7/11/20

Original

The End-Triassic Mass Extinction

Considered one of the five largest extinctions in the history of the Earth, the Triassic extinction wiped out 76% of life and brought the end to "conodonts and nearly annihilated corals, sphinctozoan, sponges, andammonoids." Surprisingly, there was an almost instantaneous recovery in level-bottom communities, with many plants and habitats returning relatively quickly. However, coral reefs were hit extremely hard and there was almost not trace of reef systems until almost 10 million years after the extinction. Another major event that occurred at the same time period as the End-Triassic Mass Extinction was the separation of the supercontinent, Pangea. The separation of Pangea brought about new changes to the world. Previously, due to how far land on the inside of Pangea was to the ocean, there were many deserts as rain almost never reached the interior of Pangea. From the transition to the Triassic Period to the Jurassic Period. More land was able to reach water, entering into a new era of creatures.

https://www.academia.edu/2070748/Extinction_end-Triassic_mass_extinction

Edits


The End-Triassic Mass Extinction

***Good.

Considered one of the five largest extinctions in the history of the Earth, the Triassic extinction wiped out 76% of life and brought the end to "conodonts and nearly annihilated corals, sphinctozoan, sponges, andammonoids."

***When you include a quote directly from the article, make sure that it's the exact same as it is in the article. Delete the comma after "sphinctozoan" and add a space between "and" and "ammonoids".

Edited sentence: Considered one of the five largest extinctions in the history of the Earth, the Triassic extinction wiped out 76% of life and brought the end to "conodonts and nearly annihilated corals, sphinctozoan sponges, and ammonoids."

Surprisingly, there was an almost instantaneous recovery in level-bottom communities, with many plants and habitats returning relatively quickly.

***While this sentence is rephrased enough to not be plagiarized, the phrase "instantaneous recovery in level-bottom communities" is the same as in the article. With larger fragments like this, try to change another one or two words or the sentence structure to further differentiate your words from that of the article.

Edited sentence: Surprisingly, the recovery in level-bottom communities occurred almost instantaneously, with many plants and habitats returning relatively quickly.

However, coral reefs were hit extremely hard and there was almost not trace of reef systems until almost 10 million years after the extinction.

***With this sentence as is, the phrase should be "no trace", not "not trace". However, because you have "almost" in front of "10 million", the first instance of "almost" should be changed or restructured to avoid unnecessary repetition. There should also be a comma after "extremely hard".

Edited sentence: However, coral reefs were hit extremely hard, and reef systems were essentially eradicated until almost 10 million years after the extinction.

Another major event that occurred at the same time period as the End-Triassic Mass Extinction was the separation of the supercontinent, Pangea.

***This is good, but I would add the word "relatively" before "the same time period" because even though these occur close together in geologic terms, there are thousands, if not almost a million, of years in between these events.

Edited sentence: Another major event that occurred at relatively the same time period as the End-Triassic Mass Extinction was the separation of the supercontinent, Pangea.

The separation of Pangea brought about new changes to the world.

***Good.

Previously, due to how far land on the inside of Pangea was to the ocean, there were many deserts as rain almost never reached the interior of Pangea.

***Replace "to" with "from".

Edited sentence: Previously, due to how far land on the inside of Pangea was from the ocean, there were many deserts as rain almost never reached the interior of Pangea.

From the transition to the Triassic Period to the Jurassic Period. More land was able to reach water, entering into a new era of creatures.

***This first sentence is not a complete sentence; there's no verb. These two sentences should be combined, with the period eliminated. If you need another sentence to fulfill a requirement for this assignment, another fact sentence should be added in before these two, or another concluding sentence after it. Change "entering into" to "ushering in" for increased specificity and fluidity.

Edited sentence: From the transition to the Triassic Period to the Jurassic Period, more land was able to reach water, ushering in a new era of creatures.

Final Edit

***Good work! Overall, you should mainly focus on word choice. Make sure the prepositions you're using are correct for the context, and if you find yourself repeating certain words within the same sentence, get creative and come up with a synonym or a new way of structuring that sentence. Also, whenever you're copying sections directly from the article to be cited within your summary, make sure your quote is written the same as it is in the article.

Edited paragraph:

The End-Triassic Mass Extinction

Considered one of the five largest extinctions in the history of the Earth, the Triassic extinction wiped out 76% of life and brought the end to "conodonts and nearly annihilated corals, sphinctozoan sponges, and ammonoids." Surprisingly, the recovery in level-bottom communities occurred almost instantaneously, with many plants and habitats returning relatively quickly. However, coral reefs were hit extremely hard, and reef systems were essentially eradicated until almost 10 million years after the extinction. Another major event that occurred at relatively the same time period as the End-Triassic Mass Extinction was the separation of the supercontinent, Pangea. The separation of Pangea brought about new changes to the world. Previously, due to how far land on the inside of Pangea was from the ocean, there were many deserts as rain almost never reached the interior of Pangea. From the transition to the Triassic Period to the Jurassic Period, more land was able to reach water, ushering in a new era of creatures.

Source: https://www.academia.edu/2070748/Extinction_end-Triassic_mass_extinction

Edited by Natasha Vatalaro



7/10/20

Original

Impact of Injury in a Person's Personality

When a person undergoes a traumatic experience or injury, we often assume that there would be alterations in ones mood and personality. Studies were conducted to find a possible link between a person's personality and the injury that they experienced. Patients were brought in who experienced traumatic experienced and were evaluated a few times every month to see if there was any significant changes in their mood and behaviors. A total of 41 patients were tested and although there were changes in their mood, they were not extremely significant and no one showed an extreme swing in their moods. Therefore, although there is a slight change in personality when a person is injured, it is not enough to create a direct link between brain injuries and a person's mood.

https://www.academia.edu/20229248/Personality_Changes_in_Brain_Injury

Edits
Impact of Injury in a Person's Personality

***Add the article "the" at the beginning of this title; it's not necessarily required in a headline, but it will make it flow more smoothly. Also, change "in" to "on"; the latter is usually the correct preposition to accompany the noun "impact".

Edited title: The Impact of Injury On a Person's Personality

When a person undergoes a traumatic experience or injury, we often assume that there would be alterations in ones mood and personality.

***Add an apostrophe to "ones" to indicate that it's possessive.

Edited sentence: When a person undergoes a traumatic experience or injury, we often assume that there would be alterations in one's mood and personality.

Studies were conducted to find a possible link between a person's personality and the injury that they experienced.

***Good.

Patients were brought in who experienced traumatic experienced and were evaluated a few times every month to see if there was any significant changes in their mood and behaviors.

***Change the second instance of "experienced" to "brain injuries". The word "was" should be changed to the plural "were", because "changes" is plural. "Behaviors" can be shortened to "behavior" for better fluidity and consistency. Additionally, make sure that the information you're copying from the article is actually what is stated in the article - the patients were not evaluated a few times every month; they were only evaluated twice - once within the first three months after their injury, and another time around 12 months after their injury.

Edited sentence: Patients were brought in who experienced traumatic brain injuries and were evaluated twice over twelve months to see if there were any significant changes in their mood and behavior.

A total of 41 patients were tested and although there were changes in their mood, they were not extremely significant and no one showed an extreme swing in their moods.

***Using the word "extreme" twice in this sentence can make the second part of this sentence seem redundant. Change the first use of "extremely" to the word "statistically", which will eliminate this problem.

Edited sentence: A total of 41 patients were tested and although there were changes in their mood, they were not statistically significant and no one showed an extreme swing in their moods.

Therefore, although there is a slight change in personality when a person is injured, it is not enough to create a direct link between brain injuries and a person's mood.

***This is good, but consider changing the word "mood" to the more scientific "personality", which is mostly what's discussed in the article. Mood is something that changes for everyone on a day-to-day basis, but personality is more inherent, long-lived, and ingrained in a person.

Edited sentence: Therefore, although there is a slight change in personality when a person is injured, it is not enough to create a direct link between brain injuries and a person's personality.

Final Edit

***Good work! Keep an eye on your subject-verb agreement and your word choice (avoid direct repetition when possible, especially within the same sentence, and make sure you're being specific in places that the subject matter could be explained further for better reader comprehension). Also, as with previous paragraphs, make sure that you are conveying the same focus and facts that the article is. This often requires reading the article very carefully or reading it multiple times to ensure that you aren't misquoting it or accidentally saying things that aren't necessarily true.

Edited paragraph:

The Impact of Injury On a Person's Personality

When a person undergoes a traumatic experience or injury, we often assume that there would be alterations in one's mood and personality. Studies were conducted to find a possible link between a person's personality and the injury that they experienced. Patients were brought in who experienced traumatic brain injuries and were evaluated twice over twelve months to see if there were any significant changes in their mood and behavior. A total of 41 patients were tested and although there were changes in their mood, they were not statistically significant and no one showed an extreme swing in their moods. Therefore, although there is a slight change in personality when a person is injured, it is not enough to create a direct link between brain injuries and a person's personality.

Source: https://www.academia.edu/20229248/Personality_Changes_in_Brain_Injury

Edited by Natasha Vatalaro



7/9/20

Original

The Difficulties of Internet Marketing

Over the past years, the Internet has had a large impact on marketing and the trading of stocks. These days, almost anyone can buy and sell stocks through the convenience of their phone. Through the Internet you don't have to worry about any geographic barriers and you're able to trade 24/7. However, with these benefits come a lot of downsides. For example, because everything is done on the internet, you lack face-to-face contact. Many bonds between companies are built in person and with less face-to-face interaction, less trust is formed between the two companies. Moreover, Security also becomes an issue as there are many hackers nowadays that are able to easily find your username and password.

https://www.academia.edu/43517796/Prospect_and_Challenges_of_Internet_Marketing

Edits


The Difficulties of Internet Marketing

***Good.

Over the past years, the Internet has had a large impact on marketing and the trading of stocks.

***Good. (See final edit for more notes.)

These days, almost anyone can buy and sell stocks through the convenience of their phone.

***Good (See final edit for more notes).

Through the Internet you don't have to worry about any geographic barriers and you're able to trade 24/7.

***Add a comma after "Internet" and after "barriers". (See final edit for more notes.)

Edited sentence: Through the Internet, you don't have to worry about any geographic barriers, and you're able to trade 24/7.

However, with these benefits come a lot of downsides.

***Good.

For example, because everything is done on the internet, you lack face-to-face contact.

***Capitalize "internet".

Edited sentence: For example, because everything is done on the Internet, you lack face-to-face contact.

Many bonds between companies are built in person and with less face-to-face interaction, less trust is formed between the two companies.

***Add a comma after "person", because the conjunction "and" combined with the fragment after, which would be a complete sentence on its own, requires a comma there.

Edited sentence: Many bonds between companies are built in person, and with less face-to-face interaction, less trust is formed between the two companies.

Moreover, Security also becomes an issue as there are many hackers nowadays that are able to easily find your username and password.

***Decapitalize "security" because it isn't a proper noun.

Edited sentence: Moreover, security also becomes an issue as there are many hackers nowadays that are able to easily find your username and password.

Final Edit

***Overall, good job with your grammar! The main things you should focus on based on this paragraph is proper capitalization and comma placement. Also, in the future, try to make sure your paragraph summary matches the overall focus of the article you're sourcing from. "Marketing", as the article is discussing it, is meant to describe the series of strategies and customer interactions that are used to sell and advertise products. This is unrelated to the "stock market". Therefore, your mention of the stock market (and stock trading) in this summary should be changed to mentions of product placement and advertising strategies in order to be wholly accurate and true to the source material.

Edited paragraph:

The Difficulties of Internet Marketing

Over the past years, the Internet has had a large impact on marketing and the trading of stocks. These days, almost anyone can buy and sell stocks through the convenience of their phone. Through the Internet, you don't have to worry about any geographic barriers, and you're able to trade 24/7. However, with these benefits come a lot of downsides. For example, because everything is done on the Internet, you lack face-to-face contact. Many bonds between companies are built in person, and with less face-to-face interaction, less trust is formed between the two companies. Moreover, security also becomes an issue as there are many hackers nowadays that are able to easily find your username and password.

Source: https://www.academia.edu/43517796/Prospect_and_Challenges_of_Internet_Marketing

Edited by Natasha Vatalaro


7/8/20

Original

The Impact of Climate Change on Vegetable Production

Climate Change is one of the largest issues that mankind is currently facing. Due to the heating of the Earth, oceans are becoming more acidic and natural disasters are prone to occur more frequently and more devastatingly. Through all of this, the growth of human foods are also slowing down. Climate Change affects vegetable production because "unpredictable high temperature and erratic rainfall patterns disrupt the normal growth and development of the plant." A rise in temperature results in more droughts, floods, and higher UV radiation. All these affects, unsurprisingly, has affected the growth of vegetables and other crops.

https://www.academia.edu/43414059/Climate_Change_Mitigation_Through_Organic_Farming_in_Vegetable_Production

Edits


The Impact of Climate Change on Vegetable Production

***Good.

Climate Change is one of the largest issues that mankind is currently facing.

***Climate change doesn't need to be fully capitalized; it's not a proper noun, just a phenomenon.

Edited sentence: Climate change is one of the largest issues that mankind is currently facing.

Due to the heating of the Earth, oceans are becoming more acidic and natural disasters are prone to occur more frequently and more devastatingly.

***Good.

Through all of this, the growth of human foods are also slowing down.

***Change "are" to "is", because your subject is the singular "growth", not the plural "foods".

Edited sentence: Through all of this, the growth of human foods is also slowing down.
Climate Change affects vegetable production because "unpredictable high temperature and erratic rainfall patterns disrupt the normal growth and development of the plant."

***Decapitalize "climate change".

Edited sentence: Climate change affects vegetable production because "unpredictable high temperature and erratic rainfall patterns disrupt the normal growth and development of the plant."

A rise in temperature results in more droughts, floods, and higher UV radiation.

***Good.

All these affects, unsurprisingly, has affected the growth of vegetables and other crops.

***Add "of" after "all". "Affects" should be changed to "effects"; they're easy to mix up but are used in different contexts. Change "has" to "have", because your subject is "effects", which is plural.

Edited sentence: All of these effects, unsurprisingly, have affected the growth of vegetables and other crops.

Final Edit

***Overall, the grammar of this paragraph is very good; just make sure you're using the correct form of very similar words, and not capitalizing regular (non-proper) nouns. While all of the information in your summary about climate change affecting food production is correct, that is not the focus of the article you're summarizing. The focus of this article is that organic farming can actually help with mitigating (or adapting to) climate change; the focus is not just the harm climate change is inflicting. In the future, make sure that the focus of your article summary is the same as the focus of the actual article. Otherwise, good!

Edited paragraph:

The Impact of Climate Change on Vegetable Production

Climate change is one of the largest issues that mankind is currently facing. Due to the heating of the Earth, oceans are becoming more acidic and natural disasters are prone to occur more frequently and more devastatingly. Through all of this, the growth of human foods is also slowing down. Climate change affects vegetable production because "unpredictable high temperature and erratic rainfall patterns disrupt the normal growth and development of the plant." A rise in temperature results in more droughts, floods, and higher UV radiation. All of these effects, unsurprisingly, have affected the growth of vegetables and other crops.

Source: https://www.academia.edu/43414059/Climate_Change_Mitigation_Through_Organic_Farming_in_Vegetable_Production

Edited by Natasha Vatalaro


7/7/20

Original

Racism in the form of Execution

Throughout America's history, African Americans have almost always been the oppressed, whether through the era of slavery or present day, the life of an African American has almost always been more difficult and less privileged than the average white person. This trend follows through when compared to the death penalty. During the Jim Crow era, 75% of people executed in the South were African American and of 455 men executed for rape, an astonishing 90% of men were black. Although measurements have been taken in the form of supreme court rulings and laws rewriting the death penalty, African Americans are still being oppressed as the death penalty still stands. Since the 1970s, 47% of murder victims were black, however, "in cases ending in an execution, only 17% of murder victims are black." This evident form of racial oppression needs to be fixed as African Americans to this day do not have the privileges that a white person has.

https://www.academia.edu/43532090/The_Death_Penaltys_Role_in_the_Long_History_of_Racial_Oppression_Equal_Justice_USA_

Edits


Racism in the form of Execution

***Good; just make sure to capitalize all significant words when writing a title or headline.

Edited headline: Racism in the Form of Execution

Throughout America's history, African Americans have almost always been the oppressed, whether through the era of slavery or present day, the life of an African American has almost always been more difficult and less privileged than the average white person.

***Change "the oppressed" to just the adjective "oppressed" to increase your fluidity. The word "through" is less specific in the context of this sentence than the word "during", which is probably a better choice here. Also, the second comma (after "present day") is acting as a splice and is separating two independent clauses without any kind of connector. Add a combination of conjunctions and transitory words, like the phrase "and so" or "and subsequently" after this comma to fluidly join the two separate parts of your sentence together.

Edited sentence: Throughout America's history, African Americans have almost always been oppressed, whether during the era of slavery or the present day, and subsequently the life of an African American has almost always been more difficult and less privileged than the average white person.

This trend follows through when compared to the death penalty.

***Try to be a bit more specific here by adding "of racial bias" after "trend"; this will help your sentences flow together more naturally. Also, you're not necessarily comparing the death penalty to racial bias, you're saying racial bias is included within the death penalty. Try using a different word than "comparing" to better convey this nuance.

Edited sentence: The trend of racial bias continues when examining the death penalty.

During the Jim Crow era, 75% of people executed in the South were African American and of 455 men executed for rape, an astonishing 90% of men were black.

***Good; just change the second instance of "men" to the pronoun "them" instead to avoid unnecessary repetition.

Edited sentence: During the Jim Crow era, 75% of people executed in the South were African American and of 455 men executed for rape, an astonishing 90% of them were black.

Although measurements have been taken in the form of supreme court rulings and laws rewriting the death penalty, African Americans are still being oppressed as the death penalty still stands.

***Supreme Court should be capitalized. Also, replace the specific word "measurements", which solely refers to numbers, to the more general "measures," which can refer to many different actions or rulings.

Edited sentence: Although measures have been taken in the form of Supreme Court rulings and laws rewriting the death penalty, African Americans are still being oppressed as the death penalty still stands.

Since the 1970s, 47% of murder victims were black, however, "in cases ending in an execution, only 17% of murder victims are black."

***Good.

This evident form of racial oppression needs to be fixed as African Americans to this day do not have the privileges that a white person has.

***Good.

Final Edit

***Great job! Overall, the main thing you should focus on is the fluidity of your sentences, both within the sentence itself and between different sentences. Sometimes this means expanding a less specific word to connect it back to your more previous sentence, or double-checking commas to make sure they're correctly placed with accompanying connector words. Also, double-check your word choice to make sure you're using the most appropriate word for each situation; a thesaurus can often come in handy to help with this.

Edited paragraph:

Racism in the Form of Execution

Throughout America's history, African Americans have almost always been oppressed, whether during the era of slavery or the present day, and subsequently, the life of an African American has almost always been more difficult and less privileged than the average white person. The trend of racial bias continues when examining the death penalty. During the Jim Crow era, 75% of people executed in the South were African American and of 455 men executed for rape, an astonishing 90% of them were black. Although measures have been taken in the form of Supreme Court rulings and laws rewriting the death penalty, African Americans are still being oppressed as the death penalty still stands. Since the 1970s, 47% of murder victims were black, however, "in cases ending in an execution, only 17% of murder victims are black." This evident form of racial oppression needs to be fixed as African Americans to this day do not have the privileges that a white person has.

Source: https://www.academia.edu/43532090/The_Death_Penaltys_Role_in_the_Long_History_of_Racial_Oppression_Equal_Justice_USA_

Edited by Natasha Vatalaro


7/6/20

Original

The influence of social media on the English Language

Over the past few years, social media has had an everlasting impact on how people obtain information and how they perceive it. Whether it's creating new words or finding new hobbies, the versatility of the media is the reason why it is fundamental to the almost every industry in the world. These days, Google allows us to GOOGLE almost anything in the blink of an eye and twitter allows us to TWEET whatever we want to. With these new changes, words are bound to created and phrases are coined left and right. If you want to hang out in someone's house, you ask if they want to "Netflix and chill," or to go out if they want to "link." Children these days have their opinions morphed by television and political views are shaped in the way we want to see them. In these ways, social media has had a considerable amount of influence in shaping the English language to what it is now.

https://www.academia.edu/42259249/Impact_of_Social_Media_on_English_Language_A_Review

Edits


The influence of social media on the English Language

***Make sure that when you have a headline or a title, all the significant words are capitalized.

Edited title: The Influence of Social Media on the English Language

Over the past few years, social media has had an everlasting impact on how people obtain information and how they perceive it.

***Good.

Whether it's creating new words or finding new hobbies, the versatility of the media is the reason why it is fundamental to the almost every industry in the world.

***Technically this is grammatically correct, but try replacing the word "it's" with the more specific phrase "it helps with". This clarifies the first clause of your sentence. Delete the word "the" before "almost", because an article is not required there.

Edited sentence: Whether it helps with creating new words or finding new hobbies, the versatility of the media is the reason why it is fundamental to almost every industry in the world.

These days, Google allows us to GOOGLE almost anything in the blink of an eye and twitter allows us to TWEET whatever we want to.

***"Twitter" should be capitalized. Additionally, even though the article places "Google" in all capital letters, that is not technically the correct way to write it in English; words like "Google" and "tweet" in terms of the Internet are now fully realized verbs in the English language, and therefore shouldn't be all capitalized. Putting these verbs in quotation marks would be an alternatively acceptable way to differentiate these verbs from other words.

Edited sentence: These days, Google allows us to "Google" almost anything in the blink of an eye, and Twitter allows us to "tweet" whatever we want to.

With these new changes, words are bound to created and phrases are coined left and right.

***Add the verb "be" before "created", and the word "new" before "phrases". This will help with your sentence fluency and will clarify your diction.

Edited sentence: With these new changes, words are bound to be created and new phrases are coined left and right.

If you want to hang out in someone's house, you ask if they want to "Netflix and chill," or to go out if they want to "link."

***Be careful with the slang you're using; "Netflix and chill" has other implications besides just "hanging out in someone's house", and the phrase "link" would more commonly be used as "link up". Because you're using examples here, try adding a phrase like "for instance" at the beginning of this sentence to let your reader know what to expect.

Edited sentence: For instance, if you want to hang out in someone's house, you ask if they want to "Netflix and chill," or to go out, you ask if they want to "link up".

Children these days have their opinions morphed by television and political views are shaped in the way we want to see them.

***In the second part of this sentence, I would perhaps change "in the way we want to see them" to "by the media around them". It's more specific, and more neutral compared to the statement that certain people are directly shaping children's political views, whether that statement is correct or otherwise.

Edited sentence: Children these days have their opinions morphed by television, and their political views are shaped by the media around them.

In these ways, social media has had a considerable amount of influence in shaping the English language to what it is now.

***Good.

Final Edit

***Overall, good job! Make sure to keep your language and word choice specific when possible; it will help with your reader's comprehension of what you're saying. Make sure that when you use two verbs next to each other (for instance, one in the infinitive and one conjugated, like "be created") that you don't drop the infinitive. Also, when you are citing an article written by another person for whom English is a second language, make sure to double-check the words you cite from them to make sure they're correct in the current English dictionaries.

Edited paragraph:

The Influence of Social Media on the English Language

Over the past few years, social media has had an everlasting impact on how people obtain information and how they perceive it. Whether it helps with creating new words or finding new hobbies, the versatility of the media is the reason why it is fundamental to almost every industry in the world. These days, Google allows us to "Google" almost anything in the blink of an eye, and Twitter allows us to "tweet" whatever we want to. With these new changes, words are bound to be created and new phrases are coined left and right. For instance, if you want to hang out in someone's house, you ask if they want to "Netflix and chill," or to go out, you ask if they want to "link up". Children these days have their opinions morphed by television, and their political views are shaped by the media around them. In these ways, social media has had a considerable amount of influence in shaping the English language to what it is now.

Source: https://www.academia.edu/42259249/Impact_of_Social_Media_on_English_Language_A_Review

Edited by Natasha Vatalaro


12/6/19

Fire at a Texas Facility

In March, a fire broke out in the Houston-area petrochemical storage facility that burned for days. It was reportedly accidental and caused by equipment failure at a storage tank. The blaze sent waves of black smoke high up into the air and caused the closure of roads, schools and a critical shipping channel. Although there were no injuries, it triggered many air quality warnings.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/report-fire-at-texas-facility-caused-by-equipment-failure/2019/12/06/6c1c3a00-1884-11ea-80d6-d0ca7007273f_story.html


*** Equipment Failure Sparks Trouble at a Texas Facility.***

- Good title, only issue I see is that it doesn't grasp the reader strongly; add some mystery to your title and have fun with it-- don't be so cut and dry/ straightforward.

***This passed March, a fire broke out in a Houston-based petrochemical storage facility that burned for multiple days.***

- looking back at the original piece, there are many phrases in your paragraph that are taken directly from the article, such as: A fire at a Houston-area petrochemical storage facility that burned for days; accidental and caused by equipment failure at a storage tank. I see that you move some words around and break up the sentences. Use your own words! This can get you in a great deal of trouble-- it's better to spend extra time putting together your own thoughts then risking the use of someone else's. Going back to revision, "passed" gives us a more concrete idea of when the incident occurred. "Based" is also more specific than "area", which refers more to the entire area as a whole. "Multiple" contributes to "days" and adds to the investigative tone. Keep that momentum going so the sentence does not stop short.

***Reports confirmed the fire was an accident caused by equipment failure, and no foul-play was involved.***

- Same issues as above with reusing phrases. See how adding your own ideas and phrases can set up your tone and distinguish your writing?

*** The blaze sent waves of black smoke into the air, closing roads and schools and halting businesses.***

- This sentence was taken from the original; "waves of thick, black smoke thousands of feet into the air and forced the closure of roads, schools and a critical shipping channel." There are too many similarities! See above few edits.

***Thankfully, no injuries were reported but many air quality reports were triggered due to the smoke.***

- The adverb adds a personal voice behind the writing. I also included "smoke" because this sentence doesn't tell us directly why the reports were triggered. Also, this is not a proper conclusion, which should stand alone and wrap up or summarize your paragraph. Try something instead like "Although the fire was not deadly, actions much be taken to insure the safety of factory workers and citizens alike." This gives the paragraph a sense of finality and conclusion, which is very important for the reader. Good job including sources!

EDITED VERSION

Equipment Failure Sparks Trouble at a Texas Facility.

This passed March, a fire broke out in a Houston-based petrochemical storage facility that burned for multiple days. Reports confirmed the fire was an accident caused by equipment failure, and no foul-play was involved. The blaze sent waves of black smoke into the air, closing roads and schools and halting businesses. Thankfully, no injuries were reported but many air quality reports were triggered due to the smoke. Although the fire was not deadly, actions much be taken to insure the safety of factory workers and citizens alike.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/report-fire-at-texas-facility-caused-by-equipment-failure/2019/12/06/6c1c3a00-1884-11ea-80d6-d0ca7007273f_story.html

12/5/19 Impeaching Trump

After months of ignoring the press, the White House has now publicly embraced a strategy that accepts the reality that Trump will likely be impeached. Almost surely, they are going to accuse Trump of "violating the Constitution, abusing presidential of power and undermining national security by pressing the president of Ukraine to investigate a Democratic political rival as the White House was withholding crucial security aid." With the 2020 presidential election right around the corner, Trump states "If you’re going to impeach me, do it now, fast."

https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/trump-if-youre-going-to-impeach-me-do-it-now-fast/2019/12/05/50a56060-17b4-11ea-80d6-d0ca7007273f_story.html 12/4/19

The European Union won't meet its Greenhouse Gas goal

Although the EU had reported that they would cut their greenhouse emissions by 40%, they now state that the more likely goal is 30%. By 2030, their goal is to reduce emissions by 40%, and by 2050, cut off all their greenhouse gases. Both the US and the European Union saw a 1.7% decrease in emissions, however, both China and India have seen increases in their emissions. Due to the still-rising amounts of greenhouse gas emissions every year, many activists have spoken out. One of them is Greta Thunberg. She states that "We’re still moving fast in the wrong direction”. To be able to stop Climate Change, the whole world has to come together and come up with a goal to stop our ever-heating Earth.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/kidspost/european-union-predicts-it-wont-meet-its-goal-for-cutting-greenhouse-gases/2019/12/04/006eea48-113e-11ea-9cd7-a1becbc82f5e_story.html 11/15/19

The return of the whooping crane in Alabama’s national refuge

With only 850 bird left, whooping cranes are one of the rarest birds in the world. Considering that there were only 15 in the world in the 1940s, this is significant progress. The first whooping cranes arrived at the refuge in 2004. Nowadays, the number has now jumped to 14 and continues to double each year.


*** The Whooping Crane Returns to Alabama*** - I simplified your title so it is cohesive. I also capitalized the relevant words (verbs, nouns, etc. should be capitalized in titles)

***With only 850 left, the whooping crane is one of the rarest birds in the world.*** - Good intro sentence, the noun "bird" is unnecessary since you name it in your parenthetical. I changed "crane" to singular since you are generalizing with the "850"-- this clears up confusion.

*** This is a significant improvement from the 1940s, when there were a mere 15 whooping cranes in the world. *** - The word "mere" adds description and a deeper insight into the essay. Overall, I would say that your sentences are too brief and just a reiteration of facts, not your understanding of the information which would actively make the piece interesting to read.

***The first whooping cranes arrived at a refuge in Alabama in 2004.*** - Similar to above, this is just a bland reiteration of fact. A more meaty sentence would be "After decades on the brink of extinction, the species was brought to a refuge in Alabama in 2004 and the population has since thrived." It would also help to include your source -- not only is that necessary in any analytical text, but it adds clarification and direction.

***Today, the whooping crane population has flourished and continues to grow each year.***

-Some of your numbers here don't match up. So there are currently 850 cranes in the world, as you establish in the first sentence. Your last sentence says there are now 14. Clarify!!!! INCLUDE YOUR SOURCES

EDITED VERSION:

The Whooping Crane Returns to Alabama With only 850 left, the whooping crane is one of the rarest birds in the world. This is a significant improvement from the 1940s, when there were a mere 15 whooping cranes in the world. The first whooping cranes arrived at a refuge in Alabama in 2004. Today, the whooping crane population has flourished and continues to grow each year.


Most Shoes Are made using plastic

Although you may not realize it, most shoes have many parts that contain plastic in it. Without plastic, many of the most innovative shoes would not be possible. For example, when the Nike AirMax came out, it changed everything. This shoe used pockets of air cushion the back of your foot, after all, what could be lighter than even air? However, this amazing show could not have been plastic. This plastic takes centuries to decompose, and because of this, shoes are piling up more and more each year, waiting to return back to the Earth. 10/16/19

*** Plastic Shoes are the New Norm?*** - Your title is vague; have fun with your titles.

*** Don't forget to include your source at the end of your article; copy and paste the website link***

***Although you may not realize it, most of our shoes are made with plastic.*** - Try to end the intro on a stronger note than "it", so the first sentence of the piece is strong.

*** Without plastic, many of the most innovative and popular shoes would not have been created.*** - Good sentence. I ended with "have been created" to show past tense and create a more precise image than "possible".

*** Take, for example, Nike's AirMax, which has revolutionized athletic footwear.*** - I used "take" so we can connect to the next sentence and continue the thought. "Changed everything" was too conversational.

*** This shoe uses pockets of air to cushion the back of your foot-- after all, what could be lighter than air?*** - Good sentence. "Use" should be present because the shoe is currently on the market, so it currently uses air pockets. "To" is needed between "air" and "cushion". I like your insert, though it should be separated from the main part of the sentence using a dash.

***However, this amazing shoe is not without its setbacks.*** - "Could not have been plastic" (?) very confusing. I rephrased.

*** Plastic takes centuries to decompose, and shoes are taking longer to break down after they are disposed.*** - The visual of "waiting to return to Earth" was confusing (I know what you are trying to say, it just doesn't have a clear visual). But I really like that you're building your own voice in the piece! Well done

EDITED VERSION

  • 'Plastic Shoes are the New Norm"

Although you may not realize it, most of our shoes are made with plastic. Without plastic, many of the most innovative and popular shoes would not have been created. Take, for example, Nike's AirMax, which has revolutionized athletic footwear. This shoe uses pockets of air to cushion the back of your foot-- after all, what could be lighter than air? However, this amazing shoe is not without its setbacks. Plastic takes centuries to decompose, and shoes are taking longer to break down after they are disposed.


The World’s Fastest Ants

Running at more than 2.8 feet a second, the Sahara Silver Ant is the fastest ant, and one of the fastest insects, on the planet. This speed is likely due to the fact that these ants have to endure the scorching heat of the Sahara desert, their speed allows them to go about their business as possible. These ants also have a body shape that allows them to dispel heat more easily, allowing them to speed along the Sahara in no time at all. 10/11/19

*** The World's Fastest Ant***

- Great title! Only edit is that "ants" should be singular since you are describing one species of ant. Please include the source at the bottom of your article.

***When it comes to speed, the Sahara Silver Ant leaves its competitors in the dust. ***

- I prefer not to start a paragraph with a verb. This is not a strict rule, I just find that makes the sentence disjointed. The intro has to set the tone for the entire piece.

***Clocking in at more than 2.8 feet per second, the Sahara Silver Ant is the fastest ant species on the planet, and one of the fastest insects ever recorded.***

- I changed "running" to "clocking" to create a stronger image. Also, switch "a" for "per". These small word changes can greatly improve your writing and the strength of the paragraph.

*** These ants have to endure the scorching heat of the Sahara desert, and their speed allows them to go about their business as quickly as possible. ***

- Again, I removed the phrase "likely due to the fact" because the extra wording slows down the paragraph and makes it weaker; assert your fact, don't dance around it!

***Their body shape also allows them to dispel heat more easily than other insects. ***

- The conclusion should be its own sentence with limited additional information/facts. Break them up so you end the paragraph on a strong note.

*** The unique features of this one-of-a-kind insect allows the Sahara Silver Ant to survive in a hostile environment. ***

- Wrap up the paragraph, and use creative language to build a final picture.

EDITED VERSION

  • "The World's Fastest Ant"

When it comes to speed, the Sahara Silver Ant leaves its competitors in the dust. Clocking in at more than 2.8 feet per second, the Sahara Silver Ant is the fastest ant species on the planet, and one of the fastest insects ever recorded. These ants have to endure the scorching heat of the Sahara desert, and their speed allows them to go about their business as quickly as possible. Their body shape also allows them to dispel heat more easily than other insects. The unique features of this one-of-a-kind insect allows the Sahara Silver Ant to survive in a hostile environment.


Many State Birds could become stateless

There are many reports on how if the Earth continues the trend of warming, many North American birds could become extinct or endangered. As Climate change occurs, North American bird population has plummeted by 2.9 billion breeding adults since 1970. This is a drastic change and shows that something needs to be done to ensure the safety of our birds.

*** America's Birds are Disappearing and the Culprit is Climate Change*** - Your title is vague; you don't discuss specific states so don't include it to your title. Give us a clue about the inside of the paragraph in a simple way but enough that we have a clear idea of the direction of the paragraph.

*** Climate change is a very real issue that is harming humans and animals alike.*** - The intro sentence of the paragraph is the middle man between the title and the meat of the article. See how this sentence links with the next, as we delve deeper into the paragraph and the main topic your are talking about.

***Reports agree that if the Earth continues the trend of increased temperature, many North American birds will become either extinct or endangered.*** - Provide supporting evidence by mentioning key points in the original article (which you do not have posted here)- such as "this study is from xyz University" or "research by Dr SoandSo".

*** Since 1970, North American bird populations have plummeted by nearly 2.9 billion breeding adults, a drastic indicator of the destructive power of climate change.*** - This is another moment where we can use the original text for further info, ie. what is the current number of breeding adults? Info like this connects each sentence so the paragraph is full and cohesive.

*** This research shows unequivocally that something must be done to ensure the safety of North America's birds.*** - Let your conclusion be the paragraph's final punch, with no additional information; just assert what one should take away from the article. Include the source and meat up your paragraph.

EDITED VERSION

  • "America's Birds are Disappearing and the Culprit is Climate Change"

Climate change is a very real issue that is harming humans and animals alike. Reports agree that if the Earth continues the trend of increased temperature, many North American birds will become either extinct or endangered. Since 1970, North American bird populations have plummeted by nearly 2.9 billion breeding adults, a drastic indicator of the destructive power of climate change. This research shows unequivocally that something must be done to ensure the safety of North America's birds.



10/10/19

Many people likely to face food and water shortage as Nature fails.

For the past several decades, mankind has wretched the face of the Earth, altering more than 75% of land masses and 66% of oceans. As we destroy nature, we also destroy ourselves, as our lives are completely dependent on whether or not nature is able to provide for us. Nature provides with food, coastal protection, and clean water, however, because we are destroying the things nature gives us, flooding will occur more often and more sever, there will be a shortage of food, many species will become extinct, and most importantly, we might too.

https://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/2019/10/billions-face-water-food-insecurity/#close

*** "Food and Water Shortages are Expected as Nature Fails." ***

- Your titles seemed bored and slapdash, especially for something so grim! I edited to be more direct.

*** For the past several decades, mankind has depleted the Earth, altering more than 75% of land masses and 66% of the oceans.***

- "Wretched" is an adjective when we need a verb in this situation.

*** As we destroy nature, we also destroy ourselves; our lives are completely dependent on what nature is able to provide for us.***

- The semi-colon helps clean the sentence with a pause, as apposed to the parenthetical which speeds up the sentence unnecessarily.

***Nature supplies us with food, coastal protections and clean water.***

- Your sentence is a giant run on. Break it up! A good trick is say the sentence aloud and if you have to catch your breath at the end, it is too long. I also changed out "provides" to "supplies" because you use the former in the previous sentence.

***However, because we are destroying what natures give us, flooding is expected to occur more regularly and more severely.***

- "Things" is not specific and not needed. "Is expected" is better suited for the sentence, in its ambiguity.

***Along with a shortage of food, many species will become extinct, including our own.***

- The conclusion is a wrapping up point; it, like the intro, is super important to the paragraph so clarity is key!


EDITED VERSION

  • "Food and Water Shortages are Expected as Nature Fails."

For the past several decades, mankind has depleted the Earth, altering more than 75% of land masses and 66% of the oceans. As we destroy nature, we also destroy ourselves; our lives are completely dependent on what nature is able to provide for us. Nature supplies us with food, coastal protections and clean water. However, because we are destroying what natures give us, flooding is expected to occur more regularly and more severely. Along with a shortage of food, many species will become extinct, including our own.

https://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/2019/10/billions-face-water-food-insecurity/#close


10/9/19

New Shark-toothed Dinosaur found in Thailand

Dating back millions of years, the new species, Siamraptor suwati, was just discovered. Said to be one of the most important Thai dinosaurs ever found, Siamraptor suwati is the most complete dinosaur of its respected age and type in Southeast Asia. New intel on the dinosaur could reveal how predatory dinosaurs spread around the world. They discovered that this particular dinosaur's "skeleton is shot through with air sacs. This would have made the dinosaur’s frame lightweight and perhaps helped it breathe faster." This could explain how dinosaurs traveled in long distances and also how the dinosaurs hunted, making this project extremely important on the evolutionary history of dinosaurs.

https://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/2019/10/huge-new-shark-toothed-dinosaur-siamraptor-found-in-thailand/

*** "New Dinosaur Fossil Found in Thailand"***

- Good title, only edit it capitalization and quotations so the reader knows it is the title. I also removed "shark-toothed" because this is something you don't explore in the paragraph and I added "fossil" for specificity.

***A new dinosaur species, Siamraptor suwati, was just discovered in Thailand and dates back millions of years.***

- Starting the intro with a verb makes the sentence weak and, therefore, the paragraph. Switch the form of the sentence, and include "dinosaur" and "Thailand" for specificity.

***Said to be one of the most important dinosaurs ever found in the region, Siamraptor suwati presents a complete set of fossils to represent its age and type.***

- The second part of this sentence takes directly from the original piece. Replicated, it also confuses the text, especially "most complete dinosaur". Instead, reword with your own characterization and understanding of the information given.

*** New intel on the dinosaur could reveal how predatory dinosaurs spread across the world.*** - Good sentence! I like your word choice of "intel" (this incorporated your own unique voice into the written, which readers love!) Only change is "around" for "across"-- it is more descriptive to the visual of dinosaurs traveling across landmasses.

***Archeologists discovered that this particular dinosaur's "skeleton is shot through with air sacs", creating lightweight bones and exhilarated breathing.***

-Your quotation should not spread across two sentences. Use snippets or brief sections instead. Instead of the pronoun "they", be specific. Use your own interpretation of the text!

***This could explain how not only how the dinosaur traveled long distance, but also how they hunted.*** - "Dinosaur" should be singular, as you are talking about a specific dinosaur. By using the conjunction "but", the sentence completes with your assertion instead of a tone of guessing. Assert your point! Also, this sentence is still presenting new information and should be split for the paragraph to end on the right tone.

*** This project is extremely important to understanding the evolutionary history of dinosaurs.*** - We need a verb to complete the sentence so I included "understanding". Good paragraph!

EDITED VERSION

  • "New Dinosaur Fossil Found in Thailand"

A new dinosaur species, Siamraptor suwati, was just discovered in Thailand and dates back millions of years. Said to be one of the most important dinosaurs ever found in the region, Siamraptor suwati presents a complete set of fossils to represent its age and type. New intel on the dinosaur could reveal how predatory dinosaurs spread across the world. Archeologists discovered that this particular dinosaur's "skeleton is shot through with air sacs", creating lightweight bones and exhilarated breathing. This could explain how not only how the dinosaur traveled long distance, but also how they hunted. This project is extremely important to understanding the evolutionary history of dinosaurs. https://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/2019/10/huge-new-shark-toothed-dinosaur-siamraptor-found-in-thailand/


10/5/19

Hazard scores first goal for Real Madrid

The soccer player, Hazard has finally scored a goal for the team, Real Madrid. After transferring into the team Real Madrid, this spectacular soccer player and star, was having a goal drought. Hazard was one of Chelsea’s best players. During the summer, he was moved to Real Madrid. Many people consider him one of the best players in the league, so when he couldn’t score a goal for Real Madrid, fans were shocked. All that changed when he scored his first goal for Real Madrid this week. In a tough match between Granada, Real Madrid came out with a victory, and Hazard came out with his first big play with Real Madrid.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/


*** "Hazard Scores First Goal for Real Madrid."***

- Capitalize your title (only articles and conjunctions are not capitalized). Also, your source is incomplete; it just takes to the main website, not the exact article.

*** Soccer player Edan Hazard has finally scored a goal for the team Real Madrid.***

- Always use the person's full name when first introducing them. Also, the comma is not needed before "Real Madrid".

*** After transferring to the team, the usually spectacular soccer player and star was having a goal drought.***

- You already established the team he is on, so you don't need to reiterate that info. The adverb "usually" helps show the reader that the "soccer drought" was unexpected.

***Hazard was one of Chelsea's best players before he was moved to Real Madrid during the summer.***

- This sentence and the one that follows it should be brought together to form a full, complete thought.

***Many people considered him to be one of the best players in the league, so when he couldn't score a goal for Real Madrid, fans were shocked.***

- Good use of the parenthetical! "Consider" must be in past tense because you are asserting that this opinion has changed from past to present.

***All that changed when Hazard scored his first goal for his new team this week.***

- I used "Hazard" instead of the pronoun to give dynamic to the paragraph. When you only use the pronouns or only a person's name, your paragraph becomes stale.

In a tough match between Granada and Real Madrid, Hazard came out with his first big play for the team and helped bring them to victory.***

- When using "between" there must be an indication between two things, not just one. I also took away a parenthetical to make the sentence clear and concise.

EDITED VERSION

  • "Hazard Scores First Goal for Real Madrid."

Soccer player Edan Hazard has finally scored a goal for the team Real Madrid. After transferring to the team, the usually spectacular soccer player and star was having a goal drought. Hazard was one of Chelsea's best players before he was moved to Real Madrid during the summer. Many people considered him to be one of the best players in the league, so when he couldn't score a goal for Real Madrid, fans were shocked. All that changed when Hazard scored his first goal for his new team this week. In a tough match between Granada and Real Madrid, Hazard came out with his first big play for the team and helped bring them to victory.