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<br>Humans can distinguish many things by their smell.  When our sensory neurons detect a smell, our brain receives a message on what the smell is coming from.  This recognizing pattern of the notes of a song are just like how we recognize objects with our brain.  When you see something, your brain will most likely remember it in the future.  If you smell something, the aroma will also be easy to recall.  Scientists have done studies on mice by observing how they reacted to the smells of the substances.  This experiment allowed them to figure out if animals had similar sensory reactions to us.  The similarities of the human brain and nature are can be astonishing.
 
<br>Humans can distinguish many things by their smell.  When our sensory neurons detect a smell, our brain receives a message on what the smell is coming from.  This recognizing pattern of the notes of a song are just like how we recognize objects with our brain.  When you see something, your brain will most likely remember it in the future.  If you smell something, the aroma will also be easy to recall.  Scientists have done studies on mice by observing how they reacted to the smells of the substances.  This experiment allowed them to figure out if animals had similar sensory reactions to us.  The similarities of the human brain and nature are can be astonishing.
  
<br>6/24/2020 https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-brain-interprets-smell-like-the-notes-of-a-song/
+
<br>6/25/2020 https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-brain-interprets-smell-like-the-notes-of-a-song/
  
  

Latest revision as of 14:57, 26 June 2020

Jach3's Writing Page

IMPORTANT: Make sure you keep your original work and my edits on here as well. You're doing great work! Also, remember to post newest articles at the very top. - Marissa (Editor)





The Brain Interprets Smell Like Notes of a Song


Humans can distinguish many things by their smell. When our sensory neurons detect a smell, our brain receives a message on what the smell is coming from. This recognizing pattern of the notes of a song are just like how we recognize objects with our brain. When you see something, your brain will most likely remember it in the future. If you smell something, the aroma will also be easy to recall. Scientists have done studies on mice by observing how they reacted to the smells of the substances. This experiment allowed them to figure out if animals had similar sensory reactions to us. The similarities of the human brain and nature are can be astonishing.


6/25/2020 https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-brain-interprets-smell-like-the-notes-of-a-song/






Title: A Little Princess: Sara Part 2
What kind of reading does Sara like? Use at least two details from the passage to support your response.

Sara likes reading books that are beyond her age level. According to the texts, "She is always starving for new books to gobble, and she wants grown-up books." Sara's interest in reading is incredible and she loves reading big, long books. The text also states that, "great, big, fat ones—French and German as well as English—history and biography and poets, and all sorts of things." She reads hefty books with a long story or a lot of information to keep her busy. Sara likes reading large books. 6/17/2020





Title: A Little Princess: Sara Part 1
What worried Sara? Use at least two details from the passage to support your response.

Her father's absence worried Sara. She didn't want to be alone but her father had to leave her at the school. According to the text, "Couldn't you go to that place with me, papa?" she had asked when she was five years old. "Couldn't you go to school, too? I would help you with your lessons." Sara wanted to stay with her father and help out. The text also states that, "You will go to a nice house where there will be a lot of little girls, and you will play together, and I will send you plenty of books, and you will grow so fast that it will seem scarcely a year before you are big enough and clever enough to come back and take care of papa." Papa has to leave Sara because he can't take care of both of them. Sara doesn't want to leave her dad alone and wants to be together. 6/16/2020



Original:

Opinion Writing

Police brutality is a major subject that has been going on in the past weeks. My opinion about it is that it is an unacceptable form of power and these corrupt cops are taking advantage of their power. For example, the recent death of George Flyod was most likely the result of a police officer with personal grudges against the black community and he let his feelings control him. Many other criminals have been detained and arrested things much worse than his criminal background. This was an unfair act of justice and many other police officers have been abusing their power. Cops have been doing very foolish acts to citizens. 6/13/2020


Corrections:

Police brutality is a major subject that has been going on in the past weeks.

      • Technically, police brutality has been occurring for longer than a few weeks. You could say something like: "Police brutality is a subject that's been in the news a lot in the past few weeks."
For example, the recent death of George Flyod was most likely the result of a police officer with personal grudges against the black community and he let his feelings control him.
      • Floyd*
      • Great sentence! However, it could be changed to: For example, the recent death of George Floyd was most likely the result of a police officer with personal grudges against the black community letting his feelings control him"

Many other criminals have been detained and arrested things much worse than his criminal background

      • Awesome point! It would sound even better if it was: "Many other criminals have been detained and arrested for things much worse than those from his criminal background."

Cops have been doing very foolish acts to citizens.

      • Cops have been acting very foolishly towards citizens.


Fully Edited Version:

Opinion Writing"'

Police brutality is a subject that has been in the news for the past few weeks. My opinion about it is that it is an unacceptable form of power and these corrupt cops are taking advantage of their power. For example, the recent death of George Flyod was most likely the result of a police officer with personal grudges against the black community and he let his feelings control him. Many other criminals have been detained and arrested things much worse than his criminal background. This was an unfair act of justice and many other police officers have been abusing their power. Cops have been doing very foolish acts to citizens.





Original:


Title: Little Women Part 7
In this part of the story, what are the children doing? Use at least two details from the passage to support your response.

The children are getting ready and preparing for the event. According to the text, "The rest of the day was devoted to preparations for the evening festivities." This shows that they were busy making sure that everything would go out as planned. The text also states that, "...the girls put their wits to work, and necessity being the mother of invention, made whatever they needed. " The children were trying to take on the role of making sure nothing messes up in the evening. They wanted to help out make the day better. 6/12/2020

Corrections:

The children are getting ready and preparing for the event.

      • Try: "In the novel, the children are getting ready and preparing for the event." It's a little vague otherwise.

According to the text, "The rest of the day was devoted to preparations for the evening festivities."

      • Nice way to insert a quote.
This shows that they were busy making sure that everything would go out as planned.
      • "This shows" shouldn't be used if you can avoid it. It's choppy and very nonspecific. Let's instead try: "The previous quote illustrates that the children were busy making sure that everything would go as planned.

The children were trying to take on the role of making sure nothing messes up in the evening.

      • The children took on the role of making sure nothing messed up the evening.

They wanted to help out make the day better.

      • There's a simple mistake here. Change the sentence to: "They wanted to help make the day better."


Fully Edited Version:

Little Women Part Seven"

In the novel, the children are getting ready and preparing for the event. According to the text, "The rest of the day was devoted to preparations for the evening festivities." The previous quote illustrates that the children were busy making sure that everything would go as planned. The text also states that, "...the girls put their wits to work, and necessity being the mother of invention, made whatever they needed. " The children took on the role of making sure nothing messed up the evening. They wanted to help make the day better.





Original:


Title: Little Women Part 6
What is the atmosphere (feeling of the people) described in home with Mrs. March? Use at least two details from the passage to support your response.

The atmosphere described in home with Ms. March is comfortable. According to the text, "Mrs. March gave the mother tea and gruel, and comforted her with promises of help, while she dressed the little baby as tenderly as if it had been her own. " Ms. March wants to make sure that the children are being cared for as if they were her own. A lot of people would find that comforting. The text also states that "Beth played her happiest march, Amy threw open the door, and Meg enacted escort with great dignity. Mrs. March was both surprised and touched, and smiled with her eyes full as she examined her presents and read the little notes which accompanied them." Ms. March was rewarded for her caring skills and the moment was very heartwarming. This shows that the family was feeling better with Ms. March. 6/11/2020

Corrections:

The atmosphere described in home with Ms. March is comfortable.

      • Change to: "The atmosphere of Ms. March's home is described as comfortable.

This shows that the family was feeling better with Ms. March.

      • Try to avoid using "this shows..." when you can. You could try something like: "It is evident that the family feels much better with Ms. March's help."

Fully Edited Version:

Little Women Part Six

The atmosphere in Ms. March's room is described as comfortable. According to the text, "Mrs. March gave the mother tea and gruel, and comforted her with promises of help, while she dressed the little baby as tenderly as if it had been her own. " Ms. March wants to make sure that the children are being cared for as if they were her own. A lot of people would find that comforting. The text also states that "Beth played her happiest march, Amy threw open the door, and Meg enacted escort with great dignity. Mrs. March was both surprised and touched, and smiled with her eyes full as she examined her presents and read the little notes which accompanied them." Ms. March was rewarded for her caring skills and the moment was very heartwarming. It is evident that the family feels much better with Ms. March's help.


      • Good job with your summary! The mistakes were simple ones. Keep writing!




Original:


Title: Little Women Part 3
According to the story, what made everybody very happy? Use at least two details from the passage to support your response.

A letter sent by father made everyone happy. According to the text, "Beth clapped her hands, regardless of the biscuit she held, and Jo tossed up her napkin, crying, "A letter! A letter! Three cheers for Father!" This shows that a letter from father was exciting to them and they were all enjoyed by the letter's presence. The text also states that, "As they gathered about the table, Mrs. March said, with a particularly happy face, "I've got a treat for you after supper." Usually a treat is something you look forward to or make you happy and she had bought father's letter as a treat for everybody. This shows what made everyone happy. 6/5/20

Corrections:

A letter sent by father made everyone happy

      • This should either be "Father," if the character's name is Father, or the father. Let's try changing it to: "A letter the father sent made everyone happy."

This shows that a letter from father was exciting to them and they were all enjoyed by the letter's presence.

      • This sentence doesn't make total sense. The letter is an inanimate object, so "presence" isn't the right word. Try: "This illustrates that the girls were all very happy to receive their father's letter."

This shows what made everyone happy.

      • As evident through the previous passages, the letter is what made everyone happy.


Fully Edited Version:

Little Women Part Three

A letter sent by the father made everyone happy. According to the text, "Beth clapped her hands, regardless of the biscuit she held, and Jo tossed up her napkin, crying, "A letter! A letter! Three cheers for Father!" This illustrates that the girls were all very happy to receive their father's letter. The text also states , "As they gathered about the table, Mrs. March said, with a particularly happy face, "I've got a treat for you after supper." Usually a treat is something you look forward to or make you happy and she had bought father's letter as a treat for everybody. As evident through the previous passages, the letter is what made everyone happy.


      • Good job! Keep writing!



Original:


Title: Little Women Part 2
According to the story, what was Beth scared about? Use at least two details from the passage to support your response.


Beth was scared about when it was her turn to open the bundles while she was being the center of attention. According to the text, "I used to be so frightened when it was my turn to sit in the chair with the crown on and see you all come marching round to give the presents." This piece of evidence suggests that Beth was nervous and shy when she had to open up the presents that she received. The text also states, "It was dreadful to have you sit looking at me while I opened the bundles." This shows how Beth was feeling when everyone was watching her. 6/4/2020

Corrections:

Beth was scared about when it was her turn to open the bundles while she was being the center of attention.

      • This sentence doesn't quite make sense. Try changing it to: "Beth was scared when it was her turn to open the bundles while she was the center of attention."

According to the text, "I used to be so frightened when it was my turn to sit in the chair with the crown on and see you all come marching round to give the presents."

      • Change "According to the text" to "As Beth says in the text..."
This piece of evidence suggests that Beth was nervous and shy when she had to open up the presents that she received. 
      • "The previous quote suggests..." flows better.

The text also states, "It was dreadful to have you sit looking at me while I opened the bundles."

      • Excellent evidence. Try writing: "Beth also says..." instead of "The text also states..."

This shows how Beth was feeling when everyone was watching her.

      • "This shows" shouldn't be used in any of your formal writings. Try: "The previous dialogue from the novel illustrates how Beth feels when everyone watches her."

Fully Edited Version:

Little Women Part Two Beth was scared to open the bundles while she was the center of attention. As Beth says in the story, "I used to be so frightened when it was my turn to sit in the chair with the crown on and see you all come marching round to give the presents." The previous quote suggests that Beth was nervous and shy when she had to open up the presents that she received. Beth also says, "It was dreadful to have you sit looking at me while I opened the bundles." The previous dialogue from the novel illustrates how Beth feels when everyone watches her.


Original:


Title: Little Women Part 1
Who stated that his or her life was hard and why? Use at least two details from the passage to support your response.


Jo was the one who stated that his life was hard because he has to deal with an old lady everyday. According to the text, "How would you like to be shut up for hours with a nervous, fussy old lady, who keeps you trotting, and is never satisfied." This demonstrates how difficult and annoying this lady is to Jo. The text also states, "You don't have half such a hard time as I do." Jo compares his life with Meg and says that he has a harder time in his life. 6/3/2020

Corrections:

Jo was the one who stated that his life was hard because he has to deal with an old lady everyday.

      • Jo sounds like a boy name, but she's a girl.

According to the text, "How would you like to be shut up for hours with a nervous, fussy old lady, who keeps you trotting, and is never satisfied."

      • "According to the text" is usually followed by a sentence ending in a period, not a question. If you're providing a question from the article, try writing: "As Jo says in the text..."

The text also states, "You don't have half such a hard time as I do."

      • Good job citing the quote.

Jo compares his life with Meg and says that he has a harder time in his life.

      • Change this to: "Jo compares her life..."


Fully Edited Version:

Little Women Part One

Jo was the one who stated that her life was hard because she has to deal with an old lady every day. In the story, Jo asks: "How would you like to be shut up for hours with a nervous, fussy old lady, who keeps you trotting, and is never satisfied?" This demonstrates how difficult and annoying this lady is to Jo. The text also states, "You don't have half such a hard time as I do." Jo compares his life with Meg and says that he has a harder time in his life.


      • Great job sticking to the prompt. Your mistakes were simple ones. Keep writing!



Original:
Detect Humans Just by Walking!


There are many machines that can identify people in many ways, for example, your fingerprint or DNA. Now, there is a new method of recognizing peoples identities just by how they walk. These footstep sensors are next generation technology. Scientists say that you can also learn the person's health information just by their gait. The way people walk is very unique and different from others. This recognition system is known to have a 95 percent accuracy rate which is really good for bleeding edge technology like this. With gait identifiers, just think of the many possibilities of new inventions in the future.
5/29/2020 https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/footstep-sensors-identify-people-by-gait/

Corrections:

There are many machines that can identify people in many ways, for example, your fingerprint or DNA.

      • It is fine to use "you" in some situations, but it doesn't sound the best here. Try changing the first sentence to something more specific, like: "There are many machines that can identify people in several ways, such as by fingerprint or DNA."

These footstep sensors are next generation technology

      • Change to "next-generation"

The way people walk is very unique and different from others.

      • Each person has their own unique walk.

With gait identifiers, just think of the many possibilities of new inventions in the future.

      • Nice work!


Fully Edited Version:


Detect Humans Just by Walking!

There are many machines that can identify people in several ways, such as by fingerprint or DNA. Now, there is a new method of recognizing peoples identities just by how they walk. These footstep sensors are next-generation technology. Scientists say that you can also learn the person's health information just by their gait. Each person has their own unique walk. This recognition system is known to have a 95 percent accuracy rate which is really good for bleeding-edge technology like this. With gait identifiers, just think of the many possibilities of new inventions in the future.


5/29/2020 https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/footstep-sensors-identify-people-by-gait/


      • Great work! Your expressed your ideas clearly and efficiently! Keep writing!



The Reason Why We Hiccup.


"What's the actual science behind why we hiccup?" is a question asked by many people around the world. Hiccups can be super annoying or very hilarious. When we hiccup, it is an involuntary reflex, meaning it happens without control. Folklore tells us that getting the hiccups means someone is talking about you or missing you. In medieval times, hiccups were thought to be caused by elves. However, the real reason this happens is because our diaphragm contracts more sharper and quicker than normal and creates the result of hiccups. this makes the reaction of air being sucked in the back of your throat, creating the sound of a hiccup.
5/16/2020 https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/whats-the-science-behind-why-we-hiccup/





The Importance of Liquor Stores


It may not seem like it, but liquor stores can be helpful during this time. Keeping liquor stores open can help people with alcohol use disorder avoid symptoms, including tremors, hallucinations and seizures. While coronavirus is still active, not a lot of stores that sell alcohol are open. That means the addictive users will be craving for alcohol. If they can't leave the house, they might try to find something else to substitute the alcohol. They might drink alcohol that is dangerous and not meant for your body to consume such as rubbing alcohol. That is a high chance of killing themselves. Alcohol and liquor stores can be very helpful to those who need it.
4/15/20 https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/observations/yes-liquor-stores-are-essential-businesses/





A Possible Cure


Covid-19 is a new virus in our world and there is a possible test to contain the disease. It spreads quickly and stealthy, but scientists and doctors are working hard to find a new treatment for it. There are 2 specific treatment tests that give helpful information for the patient. One test is simple and sees if you are infected with the virus yet. The other test is more complicated and it samples your blood molecules to detect anything bad. The difference between these tests are that the second test tells you if something is in your system that is not meant to be there. These two methods work together and can help change our society.
4/8/20 https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/breaking-down-two-tests-could-help-contain-covid19-pandemic-180974604/





Remembered Legend


NASA mathematician, Katherine Johnson passed away at age 101, but she left a strong legacy. Katherine had many impacting contributions to our world. For example she inspired the idea of the movie, "Hidden Figures". She was one of the first African American graduates and then she had a computer job. Her work was outstanding and that was what sent astronauts to the moon. Even though she had some haters and despite her race and gender, she became famous and acknowledged by famous leaders like Barack Obama.
1/28/20 https://womenshistory.si.edu/news/2020/02/remembering-nasa-mathematician-katherine-johnson




Original Article
Women’s Rights

Back then women didn't have the ability to vote, own property and many other things. Now, we are in a much more equalized society, but sometimes women aren't treated correctly. Although we celebrate holidays and have museums for women, they are still not recognized as men are. Reform movements happen and it shows great persistence in women. It is even harder for African American women to do their job. Women should be much more recognized.
1/21/20 https://www.si.edu/spotlight/votes-for-women

Detailed Edits


Back then women didn't have the ability to vote, own property and many other things.

      • Specify “back then,” by referencing the specific time period (AKA pre-1920) and use the word “right” as opposed to “ability.” Since we are listing things women couldn’t do, we will use “or” in the list as opposed to “and.” Let’s also change up the wording a little bit on those “many other things.” ; Before 1920, women did not have the right to vote, own property, or do many other things that their male counterparts could.


Now, we are in a much more equalized society, but sometimes women aren't treated correctly.

      • Reworded for fluidity and word choice, as well as elaborating on “Now” ; In 2020, we are in a much more equalized society where women can indeed vote and own property, though women are still facing injustices that need to be addressed.


Although we celebrate holidays and have museums for women, they are still not recognized as men are.

      • Reworded for fluidity ; Despite having holidays and museums dedicated to women, their work and contributions are not always seen as equal to their male counterparts.


Reform movements happen and it shows great persistence in women.

      • Let’s reference a specific movement for credibility, such as the women’s march of 2019. Also rewording a bit to add some “pizazz” ; Reform movements, such as the 2019 Women’s March, are growing in popularity and show great persistence in men and women alike in the fight for equality.


It is even harder for African American women to do their job.

      • Reworded for accuracy ; Though receiving recognition as a white woman is difficult, women of color face even greater opposition.


Women should be much more recognized.

      • While the concluding statement should be fairly general, we should still aim to make it sound “fresh” and non-repetitive, so let’s tweak this a bit ; While great strides have been made for the rights of women in the past century, there is still much progress to be made.

Complete Article, Ready for Publishing
Women's Rights
Before 1920, women did not have the right to vote, own property, or do many other things that their male counterparts could. In 2020, we are in a much more equalized society where women can indeed vote and own property, though women are still facing injustices that need to be addressed. Despite having holidays and museums dedicated to women, their work and contributions are not always seen as equal to their male counterparts. Reform movements, such as the 2019 Women’s March, are growing in popularity and show great persistence in men and women alike in the fight for equality. Though receiving recognition as a white woman is difficult, women of color face even greater opposition. While great strides have been made for the rights of women in the past century, there is still much progress to be made.
1/21/20 https://www.si.edu/spotlight/votes-for-women





The Genius of Entertainment

Stan Lee, a successful film director and creator of Marvel, made the world of entertainment more fun. From making comics about superheroes to publishing bestselling movies, Stan Lee was very creative with his inventions. Big sellers like Avengers and other superhero singles helped his career grow. Lee used himself as a character in some of his films and books. Stan Lee created our universe of entertainment. 1/21/20 https://www.si.edu/spotlight/superheroes



Original Article: Tom Yendell was an artist that was born without any arms so he painted with his feet. Scientists studied Yendell’s skills and came up with the conclusion that he was more creative than artists that paint with their hands. Each toe stimulated a different nerve in his brain whenever he painted and that was why his brain pattern was more unique than others. People who paint with their feet are found to be more smarter. 2/7/9 https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/artists-who-paint-with-their-feet-have-unique-brain-patterns-180974064/

Detailed Edits:

      • Missing title as well as one more supporting sentence and a conclusion sentence***


Tom Yendell was an artist that was born without any arms so he painted with his feet.

      • Good start! Let's change the first "was" to "is" since Tom is still living. We can also separate this into two sentences since you are short two sentences of meeting GTK's sentence count; Tom Yendell is a well-known artist who was born without any arms. Despite not having any arms, Tom creates beautiful artwork using his feet.


Scientists studied Yendell’s skills and came up with the conclusion that he was more creative than artists that paint with their hands.

      • Reworded for fluidity and conciseness. Also, note that the article doesn't say that Yendell is any more creative than those who paint with their hands, but that he has a different sensory map within his brain. This is an important distinction as we don't want to deliver any misleading facts to readers; After studying Yendell's artistic skills, scientists reached the conclusion that artists who paint with their hands have different sensory maps within their brain than artists who paint with their feet.


Each toe stimulated a different nerve in his brain whenever he painted and that was why his brain pattern was more unique than others.

      • Reworded for conciseness and fluidity. Lets also divide this into two sentences to meet GTK's sentence count; In one study, researchers found that each toe stimulated a different nerve is Yendell's brain while he painted. It is because of this that Yendell and others who paint with their feet has such a unique brain pattern.


People who paint with their feet are found to be more smarter.

      • Once again, be sure to read and reread your article as this fact is not stated and we would not want to mislead any readers; Contributions from people like Tom can help scientists better understand the brain, and potentially use this information to create new technology for other people missing limbs, as well.


Complete Article:
The Brain Patterns of One Unique Artist

Tom Yendell is a well-known artist who was born without any arms. Despite not having any arms, Tom creates beautiful artwork using his feet. After studying Yendell's artistic skills, scientists reached the conclusion that artists who paint with their hands have different sensory maps within their brain than artists who paint with their feet. In one study, researchers found that each toe stimulated a different nerve is Yendell's brain while he painted. It is because of this that Yendell and others who paint with their feet has such a unique brain pattern. Contributions from people like Tom can help scientists better understand the brain, and potentially use this information to create new technology for other people missing limbs, as well.
2/7/9 https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/artists-who-paint-with-their-feet-have-unique-brain-patterns-180974064/


Original Article:
Successful inventor, Nikola Tesla had a very interesting life. From being dirt poor, to becoming one of the richest men in his time, he showed a great change. With the help of his inventions, Tesla thrived with famous people like Thomas Edison to help him with his projects. Tesla experienced some hardships in his life though like when his laboratory burned down along with his notes. Despite the obstacle, Nikola Tesla rose and didn't give up. His major invention was the tesla car company. 1/31/20 https://www.smithsonianmag.com/innovation/extraordinary-life-nikola-tesla-180967758/


Detailed Edits:

      • Needs a title!


Successful inventor, Nikola Tesla had a very interesting life.

      • Good job with your opening hook. You can take out the comma here since the description "Successful inventor" pairs with the noun "Nikola Tesla" as a unit. I also changed "had" to "led" as "led" is a more common usage in this context; Successful inventor Nikola Tesla led a very interesting life.


From being dirt poor, to becoming one of the richest men in his time, he showed a great change.

      • Nice inclusion of this powerful fact. We can take out the comma after poor, and also change "in his time" to "of his time," which is more grammatically correct. We can also spice up those last four words a bit by saying "Tesla made an inspiring transition." ; From being dirt poor to becoming one of the richest men of his time, Tesla made an inspiring transition.


With the help of his inventions, Tesla thrived with famous people like Thomas Edison to help him with his projects.

      • Reworded for clarity. By following "with the help of his inventions," with "Tesla," this leads the reader to think you're talking about Tesla's inventions, but I understand that you mean Edison's. ; With the help and inventions of famous people like Thomas Edison, Tesla and his projects thrived.


Tesla experienced some hardships in his life though like when his laboratory burned down along with his notes.

      • This is an awesome fact to include. Let's chance "though" to "as well" and "like when" to "such as the time." We can also say "all of his notes," to express just how significant a loss this was; Tesla experienced some hardships in his life, as well, such as the time his laboratory burned down along with all of his notes.


Despite the obstacle, Nikola Tesla rose and didn't give up.

      • Change "the" to "this" since we're referencing a specific event. I am also switching around a bit of the wording towards the end of the sentence to be a bit more logical. (First, he didn't give up, then he rose.) ; Despite this obstacle, Nikola Tesla persevered and eventually rose to fame.


His major invention was the tesla car company.

      • Just adding in a few more words here to sound a bit more conclusive. Remember, always finish strong! :) ; With the major creation of the Tesla Car Company, Tesla made history.


Complete Article:
The Inspirational Life of Nikola Tesla


Successful inventor Nikola Tesla led a very interesting life. From being dirt poor to becoming one of the richest men of his time, Tesla made an inspiring transition. With the help and inventions of famous people like Thomas Edison, Tesla and his projects thrived. Tesla experienced some hardships in his life, as well, such as the time his laboratory burned down along with all of his notes. Despite this obstacle, Nikola Tesla persevered and eventually rose to fame. With the major creation of the Tesla Car Company, Tesla made history. 1/31/20 https://www.smithsonianmag.com/innovation/extraordinary-life-nikola-tesla-180967758/


Original Article:
Bubba smith was a football star and famous actor that had died in 2011 because of repeated head trauma. Not only that, he had C.T.E. (chronic traumatic encephalopathy) a disease of the brain with constant brain trauma. For example, you can get repetitive concussions from this. Smith is one of the many N.F.L. players who has/had C.T.E. C.T.E. is a disease that has some unknown details scientists can’t figure out yet. Bubba Smith’s concussions were grave enough to kill him. Football is a very dangerous sport.

Detailed Edits:
Bubba Smith was a football star and famous actor that had died in 2011 because of repeated head trauma.

      • Let's take out "was" and "that" and add some commas to make this sound like less of a run-on sentence. I would also change "because" to "due to" because it sounds a little more sophisticated. I added the bit about other health complications to your topic sentence, as you go into quite a bit of detail about C.T.E. in your following sentences. Great start! Make sure you add a title always; Bubba Smith, a football star and famous actor, died in 2001 due to repeated head trauma and other health complications.


Not only that, he had C.T.E. (chronic traumatic encephalopathy) a disease of the brain with constant brain trauma.

      • Let's combine this sentence with the next one to ensure that your sentence count follows GoodToKnow's format; In addition to head trauma, Smith also suffered from C.T.E., chronic traumatic encephalopathy, a brain disease that can cause repetitive concussions.


For example, you can get repetitive concussions from this.

      • We can take out this sentence since we combined it with the last one.


Smith is one of the many N.F.L. players who has/had C.T.E.

      • NFL doesn't need periods here, so we can take those out. I would also suggest saying "just one of many" to suggest that this is a problem that affects many individuals. We can also say "have suffered from" to minimize the indecisiveness that surrounds the phrasing "has/had"; Smith was just one of the many NFL players who have suffered from C.T.E.


C.T.E. is a disease that has some unknown details scientists can’t figure out yet.

      • Reworded for fluidity; We have very few details about C.T.E. as scientists still have much research to conduct on it.


Bubba Smith’s concussions were grave enough to kill him.

      • Lets add a transition at the beginning of this sentence to make it flow a bit more smoothly; We do know, however, that Bubba Smith’s concussions were grave enough to kill him.


Football is a very dangerous sport.

      • I would include a bit to your last sentence just to sum up all of the details you mentioned in your supporting sentences and make it a bit more relevant to the article as a whole. Great job on the clarity and inclusion of facts within your article; Football is a very dangerous sport, especially when combined with preexisting conditions such as C.T.E.


Complete Article:
The Concussions of Late Football Star Bubba Smith

Bubba Smith, a football star and famous actor, died in 2001 due to repeated head trauma and other health complications. In addition to head trauma, Smith also suffered from C.T.E., chronic traumatic encephalopathy, a brain disease that can cause repetitive concussions. Smith was just one of the many NFL players who have suffered from C.T.E. We have very few details about C.T.E. as scientists still have much research to conduct on it. We do know, however, that Bubba Smith’s concussions were grave enough to kill him. Football is a very dangerous sport, especially when combined with preexisting conditions such as C.T.E.

12/18/19 https://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/25/sports/football/bubba-smith-cte-nfl-concussion.html?searchResultPosition=6


Original Article:

New Person of The Year For 2019

Climate activist, Greta Thunberg, has won Time’s person of the year of 2019. Only 16 years old, she has gotten many awards before and is popular for her motivational speeches. Greta Thunberg has inspired many people of all ages and is very proud of her work. She takes a lot of action about climate change by spreading awareness to her audience. She makes her speeches and talks inspirational and with emotion to move the listener. Greta Thunberg travels worldwide and uses her time to let people know and share her ideas. 1/3/20 https://www.nytimes.com/2019/12/11/business/media/time-person-of-the-year-greta-thunberg.html?searchResultPosition=1

Detailed Edits:


Climate activist, Greta Thunberg, has won Time’s person of the year of 2019.

      • Great start. You can remove the commas in this sentence because the description “climate activist” pairs with the noun “Greta Thunberg as a unit. I would also capitalize all letters in TIME as this is how it is always printed on their site and in paper publications. Let’s also capitalize Person and Year as “Person of the Year” is an official title; Climate activist Greta Thunberg has won TIME’s Person of the Year of 2019.


Only 16 years old, she has gotten many awards before and is popular for her motivational speeches.

      • “At just sixteen years old…” would sound a bit less awkward. Also, I recommend always spelling out your numbers in your written work unless the number is ridiculously large. I’m also rewording slightly for fluidity so take a look at how these changes make the phrasing seem less “clunky;" At just sixteen years old, Greta has already received many awards and has gained popularity for her motivational speeches.


Greta Thunberg has inspired many people of all ages and is very proud of her work.

      • We can now say “she” since we’ve said “Greta” in the last sentence. It’s nice to alternate between pronouns and the name of the individual and can sound redundant if we keep referring to them formally by first and last name. We can also elaborate a bit more here on the word “work” to give the reader a better idea of what she is all about; Greta has inspired people of all ages and is very proud of the efforts she has made to protect the environment.


She takes a lot of action about climate change by spreading awareness to her audience.

      • Reworded for fluidity and elaboration; She takes action by organizing peaceful protests to spread awareness about climate change.


She makes her speeches and talks inspirational and with emotion to move the listener.

      • Let’s add a transition here so that we are not starting two sentences in a row with “She.” I have also reworded a bit for fluidity. Note that “talks inspiration” is technically grammatically incorrect, and you should get into the habit of following a verb such as “talks” with an adverb, such as “inspirationally.” That “ly” on the end makes a big difference! In her speeches, she talks inspirationally and appeals to emotion to move the listener.


Greta Thunberg travels worldwide and uses her time to let people know and share her ideas.

      • I would suggest referring to her as “Ms. Thunberg” here to change things up, or simply calling her Greta. As I mentioned before, we already introduced her formally in the opening sentence, so now we can stick to “Greta” or “She” to sound more natural. I have also reworded this slightly for fluidity and incorporated the phrase “continues to” so that in your conclusion, it gives the notion that Greta, Person of the Year, will continue to do great things. See my rewording at the end of the sentence for a more impactful ending. Always end strong! Great work 😊 Greta continues to travel worldwide, using her time to share her passion and ideas with people from every corner of the globe.


Completely Edited Article:

New Person of The Year For 2019

Climate activist Greta Thunberg has won TIME’s Person of the Year of 2019. At just sixteen years old, Greta has already received many awards and has gained popularity for her motivational speeches. Greta has inspired people of all ages and is very proud of the efforts she has made to protect the environment. She takes action by organizing peaceful protests to spread awareness about climate change. In her speeches, she talks inspirationally and appeals to emotion to move the listener. Greta continues to travel worldwide, using her time to share her passion and ideas with people from every corner of the globe. 1/3/20 https://www.nytimes.com/2019/12/11/business/media/time-person-of-the-year-greta-thunberg.html?searchResultPosition=1



Link to this article is broken/no longer available.

A Struggling Relationship.

The US military and Iraq are currently in an aggressive relationship. After the US sent an attack drone and killed Iranian General, Qassem Soleimani, Iraq immediately took that as a threat and wanted to battle. Iraq officials, however, called the US strike that killed the important figure, an unacceptable breach of Iraqi sovereignty. Both forces have been sending violent weapons to each others country and harms people in their too. Iraq and the United States have not settled down yet. 1/14/20 https://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2020/01/15/us/politics/ap-us-united-states-iraq.html?searchResultPosition=7





Marine sea animals are very interesting and have many wonders. For example, there are over 500 different species of sharks. Sharks also help out their ecosystem by keeping a balance with the other creatures. Something else unique about sharks is that their skeletons are made of cartilage. Sharks also have razor sharp teeth that helps them catch their prey. Therefore, sharks are very cool animals. 1/25/20 https://ocean.si.edu/ocean-life/sharks-rays/sharks