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Godh's writing Page
 
Godh's writing Page
The two events the fairy God-Mother magically bestow (gave) to Cinderella was a beautiful dress and a fine coach. One detail from the passage is that “ Well said her godmother, “be but a good girl, and I will contrive that thou shalt go.” Then she took her into her chamber, and said to her, “Run into the garden, and bring me a pumpkin.” Second detail from the passage is that “ She then went to look into her mouse-trap, where she found six mice, all alive, and ordered Cinderella to lift up a little the trapdoor, when, giving each mouse, as it went out, a little tap with her wand, the mouse was that moment turned into a fine horse, which altogether made a very fine set of six horses of a beautiful mouse-colored dapple-gray. Being at a loss for a coachman.” This is the two events the fairy God-Mother magically bestow (gave) to Cinderella.
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'''Original:''' The two events the fairy God-Mother magically bestow (gave) to Cinderella was a beautiful dress and a fine coach. One detail from the passage is that “ Well said her godmother, “be but a good girl, and I will contrive that thou shalt go.” Then she took her into her chamber, and said to her, “Run into the garden, and bring me a pumpkin.” Second detail from the passage is that “ She then went to look into her mouse-trap, where she found six mice, all alive, and ordered Cinderella to lift up a little the trapdoor, when, giving each mouse, as it went out, a little tap with her wand, the mouse was that moment turned into a fine horse, which altogether made a very fine set of six horses of a beautiful mouse-colored dapple-gray. Being at a loss for a coachman.” This is the two events the fairy God-Mother magically bestow (gave) to Cinderella.
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'''Edits:'''
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<br> The two events the fairy God-Mother magically bestow (gave) to Cinderella was a beautiful dress and a fine coach.
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*** Edited for clarity: There were two items the Fairy Godmother gave Cinderella which was a beautiful dress and a fine coach.
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<br> Good first sentence! Changed some wording around a bit to make the sentence flow better.
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<br> One detail from the passage is that “ Well said her godmother, “be but a good girl, and I will contrive that thou shalt go.” Then she took her into her chamber, and said to her, “Run into the garden, and bring me a pumpkin.”
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*** Edited for fluidity: For instance, one detail from the passage is "Well said her godmother, “be but a good girl, and I will contrive that thou shalt go.” Then she took her into her chamber, and said to her, “Run into the garden, and bring me a pumpkin.”
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<br> Good citation! Make sure to begin with a transition statement.
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<br> Second detail from the passage is that “ She then went to look into her mouse-trap, where she found six mice, all alive, and ordered Cinderella to lift up a little the trapdoor, when, giving each mouse, as it went out, a little tap with her wand, the mouse was that moment turned into a fine horse, which altogether made a very fine set of six horses of a beautiful mouse-colored dapple-gray. Being at a loss for a coachman.”
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*** Edited for fluidity: Another detail from the passage is, "She then went to look into her mouse-trap, where she found six mice, all alive, and ordered Cinderella to lift up a little the trapdoor, when, giving each mouse, as it went out, a little tap with her wand, the mouse was that moment turned into a fine horse, which altogether made a very fine set of six horses of a beautiful mouse-colored dapple-gray. Being at a loss for a coachman.”
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<br> Good citation!
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<br> This is the two events the fairy God-Mother magically bestow (gave) to Cinderella.
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*** Edited for fluidity: In conclusion, these are the two events the fairy God-Mother magically gave to Cinderella.
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'''Final Edit:'''
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There were two items the Fairy Godmother gave Cinderella which was a beautiful dress and a fine coach. For instance, one detail from the passage is "Well said her godmother, “be but a good girl, and I will contrive that thou shalt go.” Then she took her into her chamber, and said to her, “Run into the garden, and bring me a pumpkin.” Another detail from the passage is, "She then went to look into her mouse-trap, where she found six mice, all alive, and ordered Cinderella to lift up a little the trapdoor, when, giving each mouse, as it went out, a little tap with her wand, the mouse was that moment turned into a fine horse, which altogether made a very fine set of six horses of a beautiful mouse-colored dapple-gray. Being at a loss for a coachman.” In conclusion, these are the two events the fairy God-Mother magically gave to Cinderella.
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Edited by Kelsey Eggsware
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Latest revision as of 17:45, 30 June 2020

Godh's writing Page

Original: The two events the fairy God-Mother magically bestow (gave) to Cinderella was a beautiful dress and a fine coach. One detail from the passage is that “ Well said her godmother, “be but a good girl, and I will contrive that thou shalt go.” Then she took her into her chamber, and said to her, “Run into the garden, and bring me a pumpkin.” Second detail from the passage is that “ She then went to look into her mouse-trap, where she found six mice, all alive, and ordered Cinderella to lift up a little the trapdoor, when, giving each mouse, as it went out, a little tap with her wand, the mouse was that moment turned into a fine horse, which altogether made a very fine set of six horses of a beautiful mouse-colored dapple-gray. Being at a loss for a coachman.” This is the two events the fairy God-Mother magically bestow (gave) to Cinderella.

Edits:


The two events the fairy God-Mother magically bestow (gave) to Cinderella was a beautiful dress and a fine coach.

      • Edited for clarity: There were two items the Fairy Godmother gave Cinderella which was a beautiful dress and a fine coach.


Good first sentence! Changed some wording around a bit to make the sentence flow better.


One detail from the passage is that “ Well said her godmother, “be but a good girl, and I will contrive that thou shalt go.” Then she took her into her chamber, and said to her, “Run into the garden, and bring me a pumpkin.”

      • Edited for fluidity: For instance, one detail from the passage is "Well said her godmother, “be but a good girl, and I will contrive that thou shalt go.” Then she took her into her chamber, and said to her, “Run into the garden, and bring me a pumpkin.”


Good citation! Make sure to begin with a transition statement.


Second detail from the passage is that “ She then went to look into her mouse-trap, where she found six mice, all alive, and ordered Cinderella to lift up a little the trapdoor, when, giving each mouse, as it went out, a little tap with her wand, the mouse was that moment turned into a fine horse, which altogether made a very fine set of six horses of a beautiful mouse-colored dapple-gray. Being at a loss for a coachman.”

      • Edited for fluidity: Another detail from the passage is, "She then went to look into her mouse-trap, where she found six mice, all alive, and ordered Cinderella to lift up a little the trapdoor, when, giving each mouse, as it went out, a little tap with her wand, the mouse was that moment turned into a fine horse, which altogether made a very fine set of six horses of a beautiful mouse-colored dapple-gray. Being at a loss for a coachman.”


Good citation!


This is the two events the fairy God-Mother magically bestow (gave) to Cinderella.

      • Edited for fluidity: In conclusion, these are the two events the fairy God-Mother magically gave to Cinderella.

Final Edit:


There were two items the Fairy Godmother gave Cinderella which was a beautiful dress and a fine coach. For instance, one detail from the passage is "Well said her godmother, “be but a good girl, and I will contrive that thou shalt go.” Then she took her into her chamber, and said to her, “Run into the garden, and bring me a pumpkin.” Another detail from the passage is, "She then went to look into her mouse-trap, where she found six mice, all alive, and ordered Cinderella to lift up a little the trapdoor, when, giving each mouse, as it went out, a little tap with her wand, the mouse was that moment turned into a fine horse, which altogether made a very fine set of six horses of a beautiful mouse-colored dapple-gray. Being at a loss for a coachman.” In conclusion, these are the two events the fairy God-Mother magically gave to Cinderella.


Edited by Kelsey Eggsware





Original: The poem's stanzas tell about the donkey that he is tricking the villagers that he’s a lion but he is actually a donkey. One detail from the passage is that “ At that time a hawker used to go from place to place, trafficking in goods carried by a donkey.” Second detail is “ Now at each place, he came to, when he took the pack down from the donkey's back, he used to clothe him in a lion's skin, and turn him loose in the rice and barley fields. And when the watchmen in the fields saw the donkey, they dared not go near him, taking him for a lion.“ This is how the poem's stanzas tell about the donkey.

Edits:


The poem's stanzas tell about the donkey that he is tricking the villagers that he’s a lion bot he is actually a donkey.

      • Edited for clarity: The poems stanzas tell about the donkey and how he is tricking the villagers that he is a lion but he's actually a donkey.


Good first sentence! Switched the wording around to make the sentence flow better


One detail from the passage is that “ At that time a hawker used to go from place to place, trafficking in goods carried by a donkey.”

      • Edited for clarity: For instance, one detail from the story is "At that time a hawker used to go from place to place, trafficking in goods carried by a donkey."


Good citation! Add a transition statement


Second detail is “ Now at each place, he came to, when he took the pack down from the donkey's back, he used to clothe him in a lion's skin, and turn him loose in the rice and barley fields. And when the watchmen in the fields saw the donkey, they dared not go near him, taking him for a lion.“

      • Edited for clarity: Another detail from the poem is, "Now at each place, he came to, when he took the pack down from the donkey's back, he used to clothe him in a lion's skin, and turn him loose in the rice and barley fields and when the watchmen in the fields saw the donkey, they dared not go near him, taking him for a lion.“


Good!


This is how the poem's stanzas tell about the donkey.

      • Edited for fluidity: In conclusion, this is how the poem discusses what happened with the donkey.


Add a concluding statement


Final Edit:

The poems stanzas tell about the donkey and how he is tricking the villagers that he is a lion but he's actually a donkey. For instance, one detail from the story is "At that time a hawker used to go from place to place, trafficking in goods carried by a donkey." Another detail from the poem is, "Now at each place he came to, when he took the pack down from the donkey's back, he used to clothe him in a lion's skin and turn him loose in the rice and barley fields." In conclusion, this is how the poem discusses what happened with the donkey.


Edited by Kelsey Eggsware




Original: Schippeitaro captured the Cat King by fasting his teeth in the Cat King. One detail from the passage is that “ But instead of finding the maiden, Schippeitaro’s teeth were fastened in HIM, and the youth ran up and captured the Cat King with rope.” This is how Schippeitaro captured the Cat King.

Edits:


Schippeitaro captured the Cat King by fasting his teeth in the Cat King.

      • Edited for grammar: Schippeitaro captured the Cat King by fastening his teeth in the Cat King.


Change 'fasting' to 'fastening.' Good first sentence!


One detail from the passage is that “ But instead of finding the maiden, Schippeitaro’s teeth were fastened in HIM, and the youth ran up and captured the Cat King with rope.”

      • Edited for clarity: For instance, one detail from the passage is "But instead of finding the maiden, Schippeitaro’s teeth were fastened in him, and the youth ran up and captured the Cat King with rope."


Add a transition statement!


This is how Schippeitaro captured the Cat King.

      • Edited for fluidity: In conclusion, this is how Schippeitaro captured the Cat King.

Final Edit:


Schippeitaro captured the Cat King by fastening his teeth in the Cat King. For instance, one detail from the passage is "But instead of finding the maiden, Schippeitaro’s teeth were fastened in him, and the youth ran up and captured the Cat King with rope." In conclusion, this is how Schippeitaro captured the Cat King.


Edited by Kelsey Eggsware





Original: Johnny-cake feels about winning against others in running , happy , proud. One detail from the passage is that “ He said: “I've outrun an old man, and an old woman, and a little boy, and I can outrun you too-o-o! I've outrun an old man, and an old woman, and a little boy, and two well-diggers, and I can outrun you too-o-o! I've outrun an old man, and an old woman and a little boy, and two well-diggers, and two ditch-diggers, and I can outrun you too-o-o!.” This is how Johnny-cake feels about winning against others in running.

Edits:


Johnny-cake feels about winning against others in running , happy , proud.

      • Edited for punctuation and clarity: Johnny-Cake feels good about winning against others.


Good!


One detail from the passage is that “ He said: “I've outrun an old man, and an old woman, and a little boy, and I can outrun you too-o-o! I've outrun an old man, and an old woman, and a little boy, and two well-diggers, and I can outrun you too-o-o! I've outrun an old man, and an old woman and a little boy, and two well-diggers, and two ditch-diggers, and I can outrun you too-o-o!.”

      • Edited fro clarity: For instance, one detail from the passage is "He said: “I've outrun an old man, and an old woman, and a little boy, and I can outrun you too-o-o! I've outrun an old man, and an old woman, and a little boy, and two well-diggers, and I can outrun you too-o-o! I've outrun an old man, and an old woman and a little boy, and two well-diggers, and two ditch-diggers, and I can outrun you too-o-o!.”


Good citation! Start the sentence off with a transition statement


This is how Johnny-cake feels about winning against others in running.


      • Edited for fluidity: In conclusion, this is how Johnny-Cake felt about winning against others in running.


Final Edit:


Johnny-Cake feels good about winning against others. For instance, one detail from the passage is "He said: “I've outrun an old man, and an old woman, and a little boy, and I can outrun you too-o-o! I've outrun an old man, and an old woman, and a little boy, and two well-diggers, and I can outrun you too-o-o! I've outrun an old man, and an old woman and a little boy, and two well-diggers, and two ditch-diggers, and I can outrun you too-o-o!.” In conclusion, this is how Johnny-Cake felt about winning against others in running.


Edited by Kelsey Eggsware





Original: Lazy jack was able to make money by making a girl laugh. One detail from the passage is that “ Now it happened that in the course of his journey there lived a rich man with his only daughter, a beautiful girl, but deaf and dumb. Her father was overjoyed and fulfilled his promise by marrying her to Lazy Jack, who was thus made a rich gentleman.” This is how lazy jack was able to make money.

Edits:


Lazy jack was able to make money by making a girl laugh.

      • Edited for clarity: Lazy Jack was able to make money by making a girl laugh.


Good first sentence! Capitalize 'Jack' because it is a name


One detail from the passage is that “ Now it happened that in the course of his journey there lived a rich man with his only daughter, a beautiful girl, but deaf and dumb.

      • Edited for fluidity: One detail from the passage is, "Now it happened that in the course of his journey there lived a rich man with his only daughter, a beautiful girl, but deaf and dumb. Her father was overjoyed and fulfilled his promise by marrying her to Lazy Jack, who was thus made a rich gentleman."


One detail from the passage is, "Now it happened that in the course of his journey there lived a rich man with his only daughter, a beautiful girl, but deaf and dumb. Her father was overjoyed and fulfilled his promise by marrying her to Lazy Jack, who was thus made a rich gentleman.”


This is how lazy jack was able to make money.

      • Edited for fluidity: In conclusion, this is how Lazy Jack was able to make money.


Final Edit:


Lazy Jack was able to make money by making a girl laugh. One detail from the passage is, "Now it happened that in the course of his journey there lived a rich man with his only daughter, a beautiful girl, but deaf and dumb. Her father was overjoyed and fulfilled his promise by marrying her to Lazy Jack, who was thus made a rich gentleman." In conclusion, this is how Lazy Jack was able to make money.


Edited by Kelsey Eggsware



Original: Piggy-wiggy, Turkey-lurkey, Goosey-poosey, and Ducky-daddles they were captured by foxy-woxy. One detail from the passage is that “ Turkey-lurkey, Goosey-poosey and Ducky-daddles, all complaining about their poor treatment. Where they stayed for days.“ this is what happened to Piggy-wiggy, Turkey-lurkey, Goosey-poosey, and Ducky-daddles.


Piggy-wiggy, Turkey-lurkey, Goosey-poosey, and Ducky-daddles they were captured by foxy-woxy.

      • Edited for clarity: Piggy-wiggy, Turkey-lurkey, Goosey-poosey, and Ducky-daddles were captured by foxy-woxy.


Take out the word 'they.' Good first sentence!


One detail from the passage is that “ Turkey-lurkey, Goosey-poosey and Ducky-daddles, all complaining about their poor treatment. Where they stayed for days.“

      • Edited for fluidity: For instance, one detail from the passage is "Turkey-lurkey, Goosey-poosey and Ducky-daddles, all complaining about their poor treatment where they stayed for days.“


Take out the period after 'treatment.' Good citation!


this is what happened to Piggy-wiggy, Turkey-lurkey, Goosey-poosey, and Ducky-daddles.

      • Edited for capitalization: In conclusion, this is what happened to Piggy-wiggy, Turkey-lurkey, Goosey-poosey, and Ducky-daddles.


Final Edit:

Piggy-wiggy, Turkey-lurkey, Goosey-poosey, and Ducky-daddles were captured by foxy-woxy. For instance, one detail from the passage is "Turkey-lurkey, Goosey-poosey and Ducky-daddles, all complaining about their poor treatment where they stayed for days.“ In conclusion, this is what happened to Piggy-wiggy, Turkey-lurkey, Goosey-poosey, and Ducky-daddles.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware




Original: The mistake the frogs made was that their eyes was at the back of their heads. One detail from the passage is that the “ The Kioto frog turned his nose towards Osaka, and the Osaka frog turned his nose towards Kioto; but the foolish things forgot that when they stood up their great eyes lay in the backs of their heads.” This is the mistake that the frog’s made.

Edits:


The mistake the frogs made was that their eyes was at the back of their heads.

      • Edited for fluidity: One mistake that the frogs made was their eyes being at the back of their heads.


Good first sentence! Changed some wording around to make the first sentence flow better.


One detail from the passage is that the “ The Kioto frog turned his nose towards Osaka, and the Osaka frog turned his nose towards Kioto; but the foolish things forgot that when they stood up their great eyes lay in the backs of their heads.”

      • Edited for clarity and punctation: For instance, one detail from the passage is, "The Kioto frog turned his nose towards Osaka, and the Osaka frog turned his nose towards Kioto; but the foolish things forgot that when they stood up their great eyes lay in the backs of their heads.”


Good citation!


This is the mistake that the frog’s made.

      • Edited for clarity: In conclusion, this is one mistake that the frogs made.

Final Edit:


One mistake that the frogs made was their eyes being at the back of their heads. For instance, one detail from the passage is, "The Kioto frog turned his nose towards Osaka, and the Osaka frog turned his nose towards Kioto; but the foolish things forgot that when they stood up their great eyes lay in the backs of their heads.” In conclusion, this is one mistake that the frogs made.


Edited by Kelsey Eggsware




Original: I would describe the four year old boy by kind nice and caring for his grandpa. One detail from the passage is that “ They were once sitting thus when the little grandson of four years old began to gather together some bits of wood upon the ground. ‘What are you doing there?’ asked the father. ‘I am making a little trough,’ answered the child, ‘for father and mother to eat out of when I am big.” This is how I would describe the four year old boy.

Edits:


I would describe the four year old boy by kind nice and caring for his grandpa.

      • Edited for clarity: The four year old boy can be described as kind, nice, and caring for his grandpa.


Good first sentence! Take out 'I' and replace it with third person.


One detail from the passage is that “ They were once sitting thus when the little grandson of four years old began to gather together some bits of wood upon the ground. ‘What are you doing there?’ asked the father. ‘I am making a little trough,’ answered the child, ‘for father and mother to eat out of when I am big.”

      • Edited for punctuation: To begin, one detail from the passage is, "They were once sitting thus when the little grandson of four years old began to gather together some bits of wood upon the ground. ‘What are you doing there?’ asked the father. ‘I am making a little trough,’ answered the child, ‘for father and mother to eat out of when I am big.”


Make sure to put the quotations in the right place. Great citation!


This is how I would describe the four year old boy.

      • Edited for fluidity: In conclusion, this is how the boy was kind to his grandpa.


Add a concluding statement

Final Edit:


The four year old boy can be described as kind, nice, and caring for his grandpa. To begin, one detail from the passage is, "They were once sitting thus when the little grandson of four years old began to gather together some bits of wood upon the ground. ‘What are you doing there?’ asked the father. ‘I am making a little trough,’ answered the child, ‘for father and mother to eat out of when I am big.” In conclusion, this is how the boy was kind to his grandpa.


Edited by Kelsey Eggsware



Original: The bird let’s the bad man pluck a feather from the bird. One detail from the passage is that “ Then a little bird flies towards the grating, for birds twitter to the just as well as to the unjust. He only cries, "Tweet, tweet," and then perches himself near the grating, flutters his wings, pecks a feather from one of them, puffs himself out, and sets his feathers on end round his chest and throat.” This is what the bird did for the bad man.

Edits:


The bird let’s the bad man pluck a feather from the bird.

      • Edited for clarity: The bird let the bad man pluck a feather from its body.


Good first sentence!


One detail from the passage is that “ Then a little bird flies towards the grating, for birds twitter to the just as well as to the unjust. He only cries, "Tweet, tweet," and then perches himself near the grating, flutters his wings, pecks a feather from one of them, puffs himself out, and sets his feathers on end round his chest and throat.”

      • Edited for punctuation: One detail from the passage is, "Then a little bird flies towards the grating, for birds twitter to the just as well as to the unjust. He only cries, "Tweet, tweet," and then perches himself near the grating, flutters his wings, pecks a feather from one of them, puffs himself out, and sets his feathers on end round his chest and throat.”


Good citation! Make sure the quotations are in the right place


This is what the bird did for the bad man.

      • Edited for clarity: In conclusion, this is what the bird did for the bad man.


Add a concluding statement.


Final Edit:

The bird let the bad man pluck a feather from its body. One detail from the passage is, "Then a little bird flies towards the grating, for birds twitter to the just as well as to the unjust. He only cries, "Tweet, tweet," and then perches himself near the grating, flutters his wings, pecks a feather from one of them, puffs himself out, and sets his feathers on end round his chest and throat.” In conclusion, this is what the bird did for the bad man.


Edited by Kelsey Eggsware




Original: The reason for sticking up for sausage skewer was because to become the queen. One detail from the passage is that “ Then the old mouse-king rose and promised that the young lady-mouse who should learn how best to prepare this much-admired and savory soup should be his queen, and a year and a day should be allowed for the purpose." This is the reason for sticking up for the sausage skewer.

Edits:


The reason for sticking up for sausage skewer was because to become the queen.

      • Edited for clarity: The reason for sticking up for the sausage skewer was to become queen.


Good first sentence! Take out the word 'because'


One detail from the passage is that “ Then the old mouse-king rose and promised that the young lady-mouse who should learn how best to prepare this much-admired and savory soup should be his queen, and a year and a day should be allowed for the purpose."

      • Edited for clarity: One detail from the passage is, "Then the old mouse-king rose and promised that the young lady-mouse who should learn how best to prepare this much-admired and savory soup should be his queen, and a year and a day should be allowed for the purpose."


Make sure to put the quotations in the right place


This is the reason for sticking up for the sausage skewer.

      • Edited for clarity: In conclusion, this is the reason for sticking up for the sausage skewer.

Final Edit:

The reason for sticking up for the sausage skewer was to become queen. One detail from the passage is, "Then the old mouse-king rose and promised that the young lady-mouse who should learn how best to prepare this much-admired and savory soup should be his queen, and a year and a day should be allowed for the purpose." In conclusion, this is the reason for sticking up for the sausage skewer.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware





Original: Based on the story the shoemaker felt that the red shoes was clumsy but it was a kind thought. One detail from the passage is that “ In the middle of the village lived old Dame Shoemaker; she sat and sewed together, as well as she could, a little pair of shoes out of old red strips of cloth; they were very clumsy, but it was a kind thought.” This is how the shoemaker felt about the red shoes.

Edits:


Based on the story the shoemaker felt that the red shoes was clumsy but it was a kind thought.

      • Edited for clarity: Based on the story, there was shoemaker who made a pair of shoes out of cloth for a little girl named Karen.


I changed the wording around a bit to make the paragraph flow a bit better!


One detail from the passage is that “ In the middle of the village lived old Dame Shoemaker; she sat and sewed together, as well as she could, a little pair of shoes out of old red strips of cloth; they were very clumsy, but it was a kind thought.”

      • Edited for fluidity: For instance, one detail from the passage is “In the middle of the village lived old Dame Shoemaker; she sat and sewed together, as well as she could, a little pair of shoes out of old red strips of cloth; they were very clumsy, but it was a kind thought.”


Great quote for the text!


This is how the shoemaker felt about the red shoes.

      • Edited for clarity: In conclusion, this is how the shoemaker helped the young girl, Karen.


Good. Changed some wording around a bit.


Final Edit:

Based on the story, there was shoemaker who made a pair of shoes out of cloth for a little girl named Karen. For instance, one detail from the passage is “In the middle of the village lived old Dame Shoemaker; she sat and sewed together, as well as she could, a little pair of shoes out of old red strips of cloth; they were very clumsy, but it was a kind thought.” In conclusion, this is how the shoemaker helped the young girl, Karen.


Edited by Kelsey Eggsware




Original: Based on the story the beetle lived his high perched life by lying on the grass. To begin with, one detail is “ It was linen that had been laid to bleach on the grass. He crept into a fold of the damp linen, which certainly was not so comfortable a place to lie in as the warm stable, but there was nothing better .” This is how the beetle lived his high perched life.

Edits:


Based on the story the beetle lived his high perched life by lying on the grass.

      • Edited for fluidity: Based on the story, the beetle lived his high perched life by lying on the grass.


Good first sentence! Make sure to add a comma after the word 'story'


To begin with, one detail is “ It was linen that had been laid to bleach on the grass. He crept into a fold of the damp linen, which certainly was not so comfortable a place to lie in as the warm stable, but there was nothing better .”

      • Edited for clarity: To begin, one detail in the text is, “It was linen that had been laid to bleach on the grass. He crept into a fold of the damp linen, which certainly was not so comfortable a place to lie in as the warm stable, but there was nothing better."


Make sure you put the quotations in the right places.


This is how the beetle lived his high perched life.

      • Edited for clarity: In conclusion, this is how the beetle lived his high perched life.


End the last sentence with a concluding statement.


Final Edit:


Based on the story, the beetle lived his high perched life by lying on the grass. To begin, one detail in the text is, “It was linen that had been laid to bleach on the grass. He crept into a fold of the damp linen, which certainly was not so comfortable a place to lie in as the warm stable, but there was nothing better." In conclusion, this is how the beetle lived his high perched life.


Edited by Kelsey Eggsware




Original: According to the passage the young lady was very interested in sculpting. One detail from the passage is that “ She was a study for the sculptor to contemplate “. This is what the young lady was very interested in.


Edits:


According to the passage the young lady was very interested in sculpting.

      • Edited for punctuation: According to the passage, the young lady was very interested in sculpting.


Great first sentence! Add a comma after the word 'passage'


One detail from the passage is that “ She was a study for the sculptor to contemplate “.

      • Edited for clarity: To begin, one detail from the passage is "She was a study for the sculptor to contemplate."


Make sure the period goes inside the quotation marks.


This is what the young lady was very interested in.

      • In conclusion, this is why the young lady was interested in sculpting.


End the last sentence with a concluding statement.

Final Edit:

According to the passage, the young lady was very interested in sculpting. To begin, one detail from the passage is "She was a study for the sculptor to contemplate." In conclusion, this is why the young lady was interested in sculpting.


Edited by Kelsey Eggsware





Original: Great Claus took away little claus’s horse because Great Claus said if you say “ gee - up my fine horses” you will get your horse taken away. One detail is “ I'll gee-up your horses for you," said Great Claus, and he caught up to the horse and took it far away. Great Claus took the away Little Claus horse because I will certainly not say it again, I promise you," said Little Claus. But as soon as anyone came by, nodding good day to him, he was so pleased and felt so grand at having five horses plowing his field, that again he cried out, "Gee-up, all my horses. that again he cried out, "Gee-up, all my horses." This is how Great Claus took away little Clause horse.

Edits:


Great Claus took away little claus’s horse because Great Claus said if you say “ gee - up my fine horses” you will get your horse taken away.

      • Edited for fluidity: Big Claus took away Little Claus's horse because according to the text Big Claus said, "I'll 'gee up' your horses for you!"


Great job! In the text, they use big clause not great claus so make sure to use that word.


One detail is “ I'll gee-up your horses for you," said Great Claus, and he caught up to the horse and took it far away.

      • We can delete this sentence because you already stated it in the first sentence.


Great Claus took the away Little Claus horse because I will certainly not say it again, I promise you," said Little Claus.

      • Edited for clarity: He also took away Little Claus's horse because Great Claus said, "I will certainly not say it again, I promise you."


Make sure to put who said who in the correct order. Great citation!


But as soon as anyone came by, nodding good day to him, he was so pleased and felt so grand at having five horses plowing his field, that again he cried out, "Gee-up, all my horses. that again he cried out, "Gee-up, all my horses."

      • To add on, "But as soon as any one came by, by nodding good day to him, he was so pleased and felt so grand at having five horses plowing his field, that again he cried out, "Gee-up, all my horses."


Great quote from this story.


This is how Great Claus took away little Clause horse.

      • In conclusion, this is how Great Claus took away Little Claus's horse.


Start the last sentence with 'In conclusion'


Final Edit:


Big Claus took away Little Claus's horse because according to the text Big Claus said, "I'll 'gee up' your horses for you!" He also took away Little Claus's horse because Great Claus said, "I will certainly not say it again, I promise you." To add on, "But as soon as any one came by, by nodding good day to him, he was so pleased and felt so grand at having five horses plowing his field, that again he cried out, "Gee-up, all my horses." In conclusion, this is how Great Claus took away Little Claus's horse.


Edited by Kelsey Eggsware





Original: It was possible to know that the princess was a real princess by the prince asking the princess a question. One detail is “It was now quite evident that she was a real princess, since through twenty mattresses and twenty eider-down beds she had felt the pea”. This is how it was possible to know that the princess is really a princess.


Edits:


It was possible to know that the princess was a real princess by the prince asking the princess a question.

      • Edited for clarity: To understand that the princess was real was for the prince to ask the princess a question.


Great first sentence! Changed the wording around a bit.


One detail is “It was now quite evident that she was a real princess, since through twenty mattresses and twenty eider-down beds she had felt the pea”.

      • Edited for punctuation and fluidity: One detail from the text is, "It was now quite evident that she was a real princess, since through twenty mattresses ans twenty eider-down beds she had felt the pea."


Make sure to put the period inside the quotation marks. Great citation!


This is how it was possible to know that the princess is really a princess.

      • Edited for fluidity: In conclusion, this is how it was possible to understand that the princes was actually a princess.


Final Edit:

To understand that the princess was real was for the prince to ask the princess a question. One detail from the text is, "It was now quite evident that she was a real princess, since through twenty mattresses and twenty eider-down beds she had felt the pea." In conclusion, this is how it was possible to understand that the princes was actually a princess.


Edited by Kelsey Eggsware



Original: I think the authors purpose in writing the story to teach us a moral. One detail from the passage is “And what does the moral say? "Better to crow than to be vainglorious and break down at last." Second detail from the passage is “ It's all stupid stuff," said a voice within the weather-vane. "The yard rooster does not lay eggs any more than I do, and I am too lazy” . This is the author’s purpose of writing this story.

Edits:


I think the authors purpose in writing the story to teach us a moral.

      • Edited for clarity: The purpose of this story was to teach us a certain moral.


Good! Don't start a sentence with 'I think' because the reader already understands that you think that.


One detail from the passage is “And what does the moral say? "Better to crow than to be vainglorious and break down at last." Second detail from the passage is “ It's all stupid stuff," said a voice within the weather-vane.

      • Edited for fluidity and punctuation: To understand this moral, one detail from the passage is "And what does the moral say? "Better to crow than to be vainglorious and break down at last." Another detail from the passage is, "It's all stupid stuff" said a voice within the weather-vane.


Make sure to use commas in the correct places and good use of citations!


"The yard rooster does not lay eggs any more than I do, and I am too lazy” . This is the author’s purpose of writing this story.

      • Edited for fluidity: In conclusion, the author's purpose of writing this story was to teach us a moral.


Take out the last quote because you already have two great ones.


Final Edit:

The purpose of this story was to teach us a certain moral. To understand this moral, one detail from the passage is "And what does the moral say? "Better to crow than to be vainglorious and break down at last." Another detail from the passage is, "It's all stupid stuff" said a voice within the weather-vane. In conclusion, the author's purpose of writing this story was to teach us a moral.


Edited by Kelsey Eggsware




Original: The mother stork wanted her children to learn how to fly because so that they can get food. One detail is “ You are to learn to fly, and then we shall pay a visit to the frogs “. Second detail is “ They will bow to us in the water and sing 'Croak! croak!' and we shall eat them up, and that will be a great treat." This is why the mother stork wanted to let her children fly .

Edits:


The mother stork wanted her children to learn how to fly because so that they can get food.

      • Edited for grammar: The mother stork wanted her children to learn how to fly so that they can retrieve food.


Good first sentence!


One detail is “ You are to learn to fly, and then we shall pay a visit to the frogs “.

      • Edited for punctuation and grammar: One detail from the text is, "You are to learn to fly, and then we shall pay a visit to the frogs."


Make sure to put the quotations after the punctuation mark.


Second detail is “ They will bow to us in the water and sing 'Croak! croak!' and we shall eat them up, and that will be a great treat."

      • Edited for grammar and clarity: A second detail is, "They will bow to us in the water and sing 'Croak! Croak!' and we shall eat them up, and that will be a great treat."


Great job!


This is why the mother stork wanted to let her children fly .

      • Edited for clarity: In conclusion, this is why the mother stork wanted her children to learn how to fly.


Final Edit:


The mother stork wanted her children to learn how to fly so that they can retrieve food. One detail from the text is, "You are to learn to fly, and then we shall pay a visit to the frogs." A second detail is, "They will bow to us in the water and sing 'Croak! Croak!' and we shall eat them up, and that will be a great treat." In conclusion, this is why the mother stork wanted her children to learn how to fly.


Edited by Kelsey Eggsware






Original: I can tell that Baron was not a good person because he pushed the girl in the muddy pool. One detail from the passage is that “ Everything in its right place," cried he. "Into the puddle with you“. This is how I can tell that the baron is not a good person.


Edits:


I can tell that Baron was not a good person because he pushed the girl in the muddy pool.

      • Edited for clarity: Baron was not a good person because he pushed the girl into the muddy pool.


Good! Changed the wording around a bit to make the sentence sound more clear.


One detail from the passage is that “ Everything in its right place," cried he. "Into the puddle with you“.

      • Edited for fluidity: One detail from the passage is, "Everything in its right place," cried he. "Into the puddle with you!"


Make sure to quote word for word when citing from an article. Also, the punctuation should go inside the quotation marks.


This is how I can tell that the baron is not a good person.

      • Edited for clarity: In conclusion, this is why the Baron is not a good person.


Make sure to capitalize 'Baron'


Final Edit:

Baron was not a good person because he pushed the girl into the muddy pool. One detail from the passage is, "Everything in its right place," cried he. "Into the puddle with you!" In conclusion, this is why the Baron is not a good person.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware





Original: Ali baba was abled to know how to get into the cave by Baba followed them with his eyes as far as he could see them. One detail is “ Baba followed them with his eyes as far as he could see them“. This is how Ali baba was a led to know how to get into the cave .

Edits:


Ali baba was abled to know how to get into the cave by Baba followed them with his eyes as far as he could see them.

      • Edited for clarity: Ali Baba was able to know how to get into the cave by following them.


Great job! Make sure to capitalize the names of people. Ex: Ali Baba.


One detail is “ Baba followed them with his eyes as far as he could see them“

      • Edited for clarity: One detail from the text is, "Ali Baba followed them with his eyes as far as he could see them."


Make sure to cite the full sentence!


This is how Ali baba was a led to know how to get into the cave .

      • Edited for fluidity: In conclusion, this is how Ali Baba knew how to get into the cave.


Make sure to not put a space before the period. Also, end the last sentence with a concluding statement.

Final Edit:


Ali Baba was able to know how to get into the cave by following them. One detail from the text is, "Ali Baba followed them with his eyes as far as he could see them." In conclusion, this is how Ali Baba knew how to get into the cave.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware






Original: The fern singed a song because the fern knows the world yet as well as she does. One detail from the passage is that “ know the world yet as well as I do, for my sticks are knotty"; and then it sang quite mournfully”. This is the reason why the fern was singing.

Edits:


The fern singed a song because the fern knows the world yet as well as she does.

      • Edited for clarity: The fern sang a song because the fern knows the world as well as she does.


Good! Make sure you say 'sung' instead of 'singed.' Signed is not a word.


One detail from the passage is that “ know the world yet as well as I do, for my sticks are knotty"; and then it sang quite mournfully”.

      • Edited for fluidity: One detail from the passage is that "But you do not know the world yet as well as I do, for my sticks are knotty," and then it sung quite mournfully.


Make sure to all the cited words when quoting from a story!


This is the reason why the fern was singing.

      • Edited for fluidity: In conclusion, this is the reason why the fern sang.


Final Edit:

The fern sang a song because the fern knows the world as well as she does. One detail from the passage is that "But you do not know the world yet as well as I do, for my sticks are knotty," and then it sung quite mournfully. In conclusion, this is the reason why the fern sang.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware







Original: The main character of the story is the tin soldiers. One detail from the passage is that “ There was once five and twenty tin soldiers”. This is the main characters of this story.

Edits:


The main character of the story is the tin soldiers.

      • Edited for fluidity: The main characters of the story are the 25 tin soldiers.


Good! Go in-depth with how many soldiers there were.


One detail from the passage is that “ There was once five and twenty tin soldiers”.

      • Edited for fluidity: The first sentence begins with, "There were once five-and-twenty tin soldiers, who were all brothers, for they had been made out of the same old tin spoon."


Make sure to cite the whole sentence.


This is the main characters of this story.

      • Edited for clarity: In conclusion, this shows that the tin soldiers were discussed a lot throughout the story.

Final Edit:

The main characters of the story are the 25 tin soldiers. The first sentence begins with, "There were once five-and-twenty tin soldiers, who were all brothers, for they had been made out of the same old tin spoon." In conclusion, this shows that the tin soldiers were discussed a lot throughout the story.


Edited by Kelsey Eggsware





Original: The way the treasure can be gained is by whoever jumps the highest. One detail from the passage is “ I will give a great treasure to him who shall jump highest”. This is how the treasure be gained.

Edits:


The way the treasure can be gained is by whoever jumps the highest.

      • Edited for clarity: Whoever jumps the highest is the way the treasure is obtained.


Good! Instead of 'gained' change the word to 'obtained'


One detail from the passage is “ I will give a great treasure to him who shall jump highest”.

      • Edited for punctuation and clarity: According to the text, "I will give a great treasure to him who shall jump the highest."


Make sure to put the period mark inside the quotations.


This is how the treasure be gained.

      • Edited for clarity: In conclusion, this is how the treasure is gained.


Instead of 'be' put 'is'

Great Job!

Final Edit:


Whoever jumps the highest is the way the treasure is obtained. According to the text, "I will give a great treasure to him who shall jump the highest." In conclusion, this is how the treasure is gained.


Edited by Kelsey Eggsware





Original: Gerda’s trip was a difficult one because had a long way to go yet Gerda must travel more than a hundred miles farther. one detail from the passage is that“ Gerda must travel more than a hundred miles farther”. This is why the trip was difficult.

Edits:


Gerda’s trip was a difficult one because had a long way to go yet Gerda must travel more than a hundred miles farther.

      • Edited for fluidity: Gerda's trip was difficult because she was freezing cold and had to travel over one hundred miles to Finland.


Good! Changed some wording around to make the sentence flow better.


one detail from the passage is that“ Gerda must travel more than a hundred miles farther”.

      • We can delete this because it is already stated in the first sentence.
      • Put in more information on the Snow Queen and maybe Gerda, as well!


This is why the trip was difficult.

      • In conclusion, this is why Gerda's trip was difficult.

Final Edit:

Gerda's trip was difficult because she was freezing cold and had to travel over one hundred miles to Finland. ** more information about Gerda and the snow queen here ** In conclusion, this is why Gerda's trip was difficult.


Edited by Kelsey Eggsware




Original: The soapsuds were being used to destroy the Greenies. One detail from the passage is “ The human beings do not like us. They pursue and destroy us with soapsuds”. This is what the soapsuds are being used for.

Edits:


The soapsuds were being used to destroy the Greenies.

      • Good first sentence!


One detail from the passage is “ The human beings do not like us. They pursue and destroy us with soapsuds”.

      • Edited for clarity: One detail from the passage is "Human beings do not like us. They pursue and destroy us with soapsuds."


Take out 'the' in front of 'human beings'

This is what the soapsuds are being used for.

      • Edited for clarity: In conclusion, this is what the soapsuds were used for.

Final Edit:

The soapsuds were being used to destroy the Greenies. One detail from the passage is, "Human beings do not like us. They pursue and destroy us with soapsuds." In conclusion, this is what the soapsuds were used for.


Edited by Kelsey Eggsware






Original: The feather of the bird of fortune touched his forehead, became a pen in his hand, and brought him such luck that he soon became a wealthy merchant. One detail from the passage was that “ The feather of the bird of fortune touched his forehead, became a pen in his hand, and brought him such luck“ This is how the man became wealthy.

Edits:

      • The feather of the bird of fortune touched his forehead, became a pen in his hand, and brought him such luck that he soon became a wealthy merchant.


Edited for clarity: The merchant became wealthy from the golden feather of a bird by touching his forehead and soon became a pen in his hand.
Great first sentence! Changed the wording around to make the sentence flow better.

      • One detail from the passage was that “ The feather of the bird of fortune touched his forehead, became a pen in his hand, and brought him such luck“


Edited for punctuation and clarity: According to the passage, "The feather of the bird touched his forehead, became a pen in his hand, and brought him such luck."
Make sure the quotations come right before the first word in that citation. Also, make sure a period goes inside the quotations.

      • This is how the man became wealthy.


Edited for fluidity: In conclusion, this is how the man became wealthy.
Start the last sentence with 'In conclusion' to state this is the concluding sentence.


Final Edit: The merchant became wealthy from the golden feather of a bird by touching his forehead and soon became a pen in his hand. According to the passage, "The feather of the bird touched his forehead, became a pen in his hand, and brought him such luck." In conclusion, this is how the man became wealthy.


Edited by Kelsey Eggsware



Original: The tree that was the most kind was the apple or plum tree. One detail from the passage is that “here and there stood an apple tree or plum tree to serve as a kind of a token hat there had been once a garden”. This is the tree that was the most kind.

Edits:

      • The tree that was the most kind was the apple or plum tree.


Edited for fluidity: The plum and apple tree are the kindest trees in this article.
Changed the wording around to make it flow better

      • One detail from the passage is that “here and there stood an apple tree or plum tree to serve as a kind of a token hat there had been once a garden”.


Edited for grammar: One detail from the passage is that "Here and there stood an apple or plum tree to serve as a kind of token that there had been once a garden."
Make sure you are using your grammar correctly but a great sentence from the article!

      • This is the tree that was the most kind.


Edited for clarity: In conclusion, these are the trees that were the most kind.
Start the ending sentence with a concluding sentence.

Final Edit:

The plum and apple trees are the kindest trees in this article. One detail from the passage is that "Here and there stood an apple or plum tree to serve as a kind of token that there had been once a garden." In conclusion, these are the trees that were the most kind.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware



Original: The difference between buckwheat and the willow-tree was that the buckwheat appears blackened and singed, as if a flame of fire had passed over it. And the willow-trees trunk has been split, and out of the crevice grass and brambles grow. One detail is that “ a field of buckwheat appears blackened and singed “. This is the difference between the willow-tree and the buckwheat.

Edits:

      • The difference between buckwheat and the willow-tree was that the buckwheat appears blackened and singed, as if a flame of fire had passed over it.


Edited for grammar and clarity: The difference between the buckwheat and the willow-tree is that the buckwheat appears blackened and singed as if a flame of fire had passed over it.
Good first sentence! No need for the comma after 'singed'

      • And the willow-trees trunk has been split, and out of the crevice grass and brambles grow.


Edited for clarity: To begin, the article states that the willow-trees trunk has been split, and out of the crevice grass and brambles grow.
Take out the 'and' at the beginning of the sentence. Instead, start with a transition phrase.

      • One detail is that “ a field of buckwheat appears blackened and singed “.


Edited for clarity: One detail from the text is "A field of buckwheat appears black and singed as if a flame of fire had passed over it."
Finish the full sentence from the article.

      • This is the difference between the willow-tree and the buckwheat.


Edited for clarity: In conclusion, this is the difference between the willow-tree and the buckwheat tree.
End the last sentence with 'In conclusion'


Final Edit: The difference between the buckwheat and the willow-tree is that the buckwheat appears blackened and singed as if a flame of fire had passed over it. To begin, the article states that the willow-trees trunk has been split, and out of the crevice grass and brambles grow. One detail from the text is "A field of buckwheat appears black and singed as if a flame of fire had passed over it." In conclusion, this is the difference between the willow-tree and the buckwheat tree.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware




Original: The youngest princess most pleasure of all things is to hear about the human world up above. One detail is “Nothing gave her greater pleasure than to hear about the world of human beings up above” This is the youngest princess pleasure of all things.

Edits:

      • The youngest princess most pleasure of all things is to hear about the human world up above.


Edited for clarity: The youngest princess's most pleasure of all things is to hear about the human word up above.
princess should be princess's

      • One detail is “Nothing gave her greater pleasure than to hear about the world of human beings up above” This is the youngest princess pleasure of all things.


Edited for clarity: One detail in the article is "Nothing gave her greater pleasure than to hear about the world of human beings up above."
Make these two sentences!

      • This is the youngest princess pleasure of all things.


Edited for clarity: In conclusion, this is why the youngest princess is the pleasure of all things.
Make this the conclusion sentence to end the paragraph.

Final Edit:

The youngest princess's most pleasure of all things is to hear about the human word up above. One detail in the article is "Nothing gave her greater pleasure than to hear about the world of human beings up above." In conclusion, this is why the youngest princess is the pleasure of all things.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware




Original: The Boston Dynamics’ robot is assisting by reduce the number of necessary medical staff at the scene. One detail from the passage is that “are able to reduce the number of necessary medical staff at the scene and conserve their limited PPE [personal protective equipment] supply.” This is how the Boston Dynamics robot is assisting during the convid 19 Pandemic.

Edits:

      • The Boston Dynamics’ robot is assisting by reduce the number of necessary medical staff at the scene.


Edited for grammar: The Boston Dynamics' robots are assisting by reducing the number of necessary staff at the scene.
Reduce should be reducing

      • One detail from the passage is that “are able to reduce the number of necessary medical staff at the scene and conserve their limited PPE [personal protective equipment] supply.”


Edited for clarity: One detail from the passage is that "They are able to reduce the number of the necessary medical staff at the scene and conserve their limited PPE (Personal Protective Equipment) supply."
Changed some wording around a bit.

      • This is how the Boston Dynamics robot is assisting during the convid 19 Pandemic.


Edited for grammar: In conclusion, this is how the Boston Dynamics' robots are assisting during the COVID-19 pandemic.


Final Edit: The Boston Dynamics' robots are assisting by reducing the number of necessary staff at the scene. One detail from the passage is, "They are able to reduce the number of the necessary medical staff at the scene and conserve their limited PPE (Personal Protective Equipment) supply." In conclusion, this is how the Boston Dynamics' robots are assisting during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware




Original: Your brain cleanse itself and get rid of harmful toxins. One detail from the passage is that “ Now, it appears that snoozing for an average of 8 hours daily enables the brain to cleanse itself and get rid of harmful toxins.” This is what happens to your brain 🧠 when you sleep 💤.

Edits:



Original: The boys are helping the seniors by delivering groceries and necessary supplies they need. One detail is “ by delivering groceries and supplies they need “ This is how the boys are helping the seniors.

Edits:

      • The boys are helping the seniors by delivering groceries and necessary supplies they need.


Edited for clarity: The boys are helping seniors by delivering groceries and the necessary supplies needed to survive.
Put 'the' in front of 'necessary'

      • One detail is “ by delivering groceries and supplies they need “ This is how the boys are helping the seniors.


Edited for clarity: One detail in the article is "by delivering groceries and supplies they need" which is how the boys are helping senior citizens.
This paragraph can use a bit more detail. Maybe get one more detail from the article and put it in this paragraph!

Final Edit: The boys are helping seniors by delivering groceries and the necessary supplies needed to survive. One detail in the article is "the boys are delivering groceries and supplies they need" which is how the boys are helping senior citizens.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware




Original: One of the article reports that Earth Day will be celebrated is “Celebrate The 50th Anniversary Of Earth Day Without Leaving Home” One detail is that “ Earth Day which is celebrated annually on April 22 is usually commemorated with outdoor activities demonstrating support for environmental protection.” This is one of the article reports that Earth Day will be celebrated.

Edits:

      • One of the article reports that Earth Day will be celebrated is “Celebrate The 50th Anniversary Of Earth Day Without Leaving Home”


Edited for grammar and clarity: The article reports that Earth Day will be celebrated as "Celebrate The 50th Anniversary Of Earth Day Without Leaving Home."
Instead of 'one of the article' state that it is 'The article' and also, put a period inside the quotations of the word 'Home'

      • One detail is that “ Earth Day which is celebrated annually on April 22 is usually commemorated with outdoor activities demonstrating support for environmental protection.”


Edited for clarity: One detail in the reading is that "Earth day, which is celebrated manually on April 22, is usually commemorated with outdoor activities demonstrating support for environmental protection."
Great job putting the period inside the quotations! Also, add a comma after day and 22.

      • This is one of the article reports that Earth Day will be celebrated.


Edited for clarity: In conclusion, this is an article that reports how Earth Day will be celebrated.
Changed the wording around a little to make the sentence more clear.

Final Edit: The article reports that Earth Day will be celebrated as "Celebrate The 50th Anniversary Of Earth Day Without Leaving Home." One detail in the reading is that "Earth day, which is celebrated manually on April 22, is usually commemorated with outdoor activities demonstrating support for environmental protection." In conclusion, this is an article that reports how Earth Day will be celebrated.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware




Original: One of the accomplishments that William has achieved is that he ended childhood hunger. One detail is that “ I will do whatever it takes to end childhood hunger”. Second details are “ Many children , not just William and Alexander, still help make Food Drive Kids”. This is one of the accomplishments that Willliam has achieved.

Edits:

      • One of the accomplishments that William has achieved is that he ended childhood hunger.


Edited for fluidity: One accomplishment that William has achieved is that he ended childhood hunger.
Say 'one accomplishment' instead of 'one of the accomplishments'

      • One detail is that “ I will do whatever it takes to end childhood hunger”.


Edited for punctuation and clarity: One detail in the reading is, "I will do whatever it takes to end childhood hunger."
Explain that this detail was in the reading. Make sure the period is inside the quotation marks, also!

      • Second details are “ Many children , not just William and Alexander, still help make Food Drive Kids”.


Edited for punctuation and fluidity: Another detail in the reading states, "Many children, not just William and Alexander, still help make Food Drive Kids."
The word 'details' needs to be singular and instead of 'second' state 'another detail in the reading.' Also, the period goes inside the quotations!

      • This is one of the accomplishments that Willliam has achieved.


Edited for fluidity: In conclusion, these are some of the accomplishments William has achieved.
Start the ending sentence with 'In conclusion' and instead of 'this is one' state 'these are some' because there are two accomplishments, not one.

Final Edit: One accomplishment that William has achieved is that he ended childhood hunger. One detail in the reading is, "I will do whatever it takes to end childhood hunger." Another detail in the reading states, "Many children, not just William and Alexander, still help make Food Drive Kids." In conclusion, these are some of the accomplishments William has achieved.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware




Original: All people who enter the program does not become astronaut because there are many challenging parts to the training. One detail is that “ There are many challenging parts to the astronaut training.” Seconded detail is that “ Not everyone who is accepted into the program is certain to become an astronaut.” This is why all people who enter the program does not become astronaut.

Edits:

      • All people who enter the program does not become astronaut because there are many challenging parts to the training.


Edited for grammar: Everyone who enters the program does not become an astronaut because there are many challenging parts to the training.
Instead of 'all people' use 'everyone' it makes the sense flow better! Astronaut is spelled incorrectly also

      • One detail is that “ There are many challenging parts to the astronaut training.”


Edited for grammar and clarity: One detail in the reading is that "There are many challenging parts to the astronaut training and "Not everyone who is accepted into the program is certain to become an astronaut."
Combine these two sentences and say that the detail was in the reading.

      • Seconded detail is that “ Not everyone who is accepted into the program is certain to become an astronaut.”


Edited for clarity: Another detail is that not everyone who is accepted into the program is certain to become an astronaut.
Quotations do not need to be put here because you are stating it came from the reading.

      • This is why all people who enter the program does not become astronaut.


Edited for grammar and clarity: In conclusion, this is why some people who enter the program do not become astronauts.
To begin the ending sentence, start with 'In conclusion'

Final Edit: Everyone who enters the program does not become an astronaut because there are many challenging parts to the training. One detail in the reading is that "There are many challenging parts to the astronaut training." Another detail is that not everyone who is accepted into the program is certain to become an astronaut. In conclusion, this is why some people who enter the program do not become astronauts.

Edited by: Kelsey Eggsware




Original: The difference of opinion brought out by the Mayor and the Governor is that the mayor says that his opinion is to close school during this whole year. But the Governor says that his opinion is to open the school on June 26. One detail is that “ The mayor announced the school will be closed for the whole year “. This is the difference of opinion brought out by the Mayor and the Governor.

Edits:

      • The difference of opinion brought out by the Mayor and the Governor is that the mayor says that his opinion is to close school during this whole year. But the Governor says that his opinion is to open the school on June 26.


The difference of opinion between the Mayor and the Governor is that the mayor wants to close school the rest of the school year, while the Governor wants to open schools back up June 26th.
Edited for word choice and fluidity: Changed 'brought out' to between.' Great capitalization skills with the word Mayor and Governor! Combine the first two sentences.

      • One detail is that “ The mayor announced the school will be closed for the whole year “. This is the difference of opinion brought out by the Mayor and the Governor.


The Mayor concluded that he was closing the close for the whole year which is the difference between him and the Governor.
Edited for clarity: Put in the verb 'concluded' to describe what the mayor is doing. Combined the last two sentences.


Final Edit: The difference of opinion between the Mayor and the Governor is that the mayor wants to close school the rest of the school year, while the Governor wants to open schools back up June 26th. The Mayor concluded that he was closing the close for the whole year which is the difference of opinion between him and the Governor.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware


Original: The main idea of this story is about animals taking advantage of humans while the humans stay inside. The text states "The first animal to take advantage of human absence were Annie and Edward,two rockhopper penguins who reside at Chicago's Shedd Aquarium."This is what the main idea of this article is about.

Edits:

      • The main idea of this story is about animals taking advantage of humans while the humans stay inside.


No edits. Great first sentence

      • The text states "The first animal to take advantage of human absence were Annie and Edward,two rockhopper penguins who reside at Chicago's Shedd Aquarium."


The text states, "The first animal to take advantage of human absence were Annie and Edward, two rockhopper penguins who reside in Chicago's Shedd Aquarium."
Edited for fluidity and clarity: Put a comma after 'states' and a space after the comma before the word 'two.'

      • This is what the main idea of this article is about.


In conclusion, this is what the main idea of what this article is about.
Edited for word choice: Start the ending sentence with 'In conclusion.'

Original: The main idea of this story is about animals taking advantage of humans while the humans stay inside. The text states, "The first animal to take advantage of human absence were Annie and Edward, two rockhopper penguins who reside in Chicago's Shedd Aquarium." In conclusion, this is what the main idea of what this article is about.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware


Original:The positive good reasons of praticing social distancing is to limit the spread of the coronavirus that causes COVID-19. One detail is "Even standing six feet apart from one another, people can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes."This is the positive good reason for practicing social distancing.

Edits:

      • The positive good reasons of praticing social distancing is to limit the spread of the coronavirus that causes COVID-19.


The positive reasons for practicing social distancing are to limit the spread of the Coronavirus.
Edited for grammar and clarity: Take out the word 'good' and change 'of' to 'for.' Change the word 'is' to 'are' because the word 'reasons' is plural. 'That causes COVID-19' can be taken out.

      • One detail is "Even standing six feet apart from one another, people can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes."


One detail in the reading was, "Even standing six feet apart from one another, people can spread the virus droplets from coughs and sneezes."
Edited for clarity: Insert 'in the reading' to clarify.

      • This is the positive good reason for practicing social distancing.


In conclusion, this is why it is important to practice social distancing.
End the last sentence with 'in conclusion.'

Final Edit: The positive reasons for practicing social distancing are to limit the spread of the Coronavirus. One detail in the reading was, "Even standing six feet apart from one another, people can spread the virus droplets from coughs and sneezes." In conclusion, this is why it is important to practice social distancing.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware




Original: The reason for the 2020 Olympics in Japan being postponed is because of COVID-19. One detail is that" The 2020 Summer Olympic Games, in Tokyo, Japan, will be postponed for about a year. This is because of the coronavirus pandemic." This is the reason why the 2020 Olympics is being postponed in Japan.

Edits:

      • The reason for the 2020 Olympics in Japan being postponed is because of COVID-19.


The 2020 Olympics in Tokyo, Japan are being postponed because of COVID-19.
Take out 'the reason' and put Tokyo in this sentence to explain where the Olympics are occuring.

      • One detail is that" The 2020 Summer Olympic Games, in Tokyo, Japan, will be postponed for about a year.


Edited for clarity: One detail in the article is that "The 2020 Summer Olympic Games in Tokyo, Japan, will be postponed for about a year." This is because of the Coronavirus pandemic.
Make sure you state that the details are within the article. No need for a comma after 'Games." Good job capitalizing Coronavirus!

      • This is the reason why the 2020 Olympics is being postponed in Japan.


Edited for clarity: In conclusion, this is the reason why the 2020 Olympics are being postponed in Japan.
Add in conclusion because it is the last sentence. Also, change 'is' to 'are'

Final Edit: The 2020 Olympics in Tokyo, Japan are being postponed because of COVID-19. One detail in the article is that "The 2020 Summer Olympic Games in Tokyo, Japan, will be postponed for about a year." This is because of the Coronavirus pandemic. In conclusion, this is the reason why the 2020 Olympics are being postponed in Japan.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware



Original: This two activities called Board Games and Card Games seem to be more Fun in home!

I chose these two games because it is fun to play with. The reason why I chose Board Games is that the game Monopoly is a good Board Game . It is a fun way to practice math skills , while also Monopoly teaches savings. So its like learning and fun together .

The reason why I chose Card Games is that games like Uno and Go fish and Old Maid, they are cheap and are easy to find . So you can play cards whenever you want to and wherever you want to , and I promise playing cards is very good

This is why I think these two games will be fun to play with.

Edits: This two activities called Board Games and Card Games seem to be more Fun in home! I chose these two games because it is fun to play with.


Edited for clarity, grammar and fluidity: Two activities that I enjoy playing at home are board games and card games.
Even though I took out the word 'this', it should have been 'these.'

The reason why I chose Board Games is that the game Monopoly is a good Board Game . It is a fun way to practice math skills , while also Monopoly teaches savings.


Edited for punctuation, grammar and clarity: Monopoly is one of my favorite board games because it's a great way to practice math skills and also teaches me the importance of saving money.
This should be one sentence. Also, when using punctuation, do not put a space after the word.

So its like learning and fun together.


Edited for clarity, fluidity and grammar: I enjoy Monopoly because I always have fun when playing it and it also helps me learn.
'its' should be 'it's' because it is a contraction.

The reason why I chose Card Games is that games like Uno and Go fish and Old Maid, they are cheap and are easy to find .


Edited for grammar, punctuation and fluidity: I enjoy card games because some of my favorite games to play are Uno, Go Fish, and Old Maid. These games are very cheap and super easy to find in stores.
Remember, no space before a punctuation.

So you can play cards whenever you want to and wherever you want to , and I promise playing cards is very good.


Edited for fluidity, punctuation and grammar: Having cards handy makes it very easy to play whenever I want, wherever I want which is why I enjoy these two types of games.

Final Edit: Two activities that I enjoy playing at home are board games and card games. Monopoly is one of my favorite board games because it’s a great way to practice math skills and also teaches me the importance of saving money. I enjoy Monopoly because I always have fun playing it and also helps me learn. I enjoy card games because some of my favorite games to play are Uno, Go Fish, and Old Maid. These games are very cheap and super easy to find in stores. Having cards handy makes it very easy to play whenever I want, wherever I want which why I enjoy these two types of games.

Edited by: Kelsey Eggsware