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Evan's Article Summary Page
 
Evan's Article Summary Page
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'''Original'''
  
 
Remembered The Legend
 
Remembered The Legend
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Source: https://womenshistory.si.edu/news/2020/02/remembering-nasa-mathematician-katherine-johnson
 
Source: https://womenshistory.si.edu/news/2020/02/remembering-nasa-mathematician-katherine-johnson
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 +
'''Edits'''
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 +
<br>Remembered The Legend<br />
 +
<br>***Because this is a headline without a subject pronoun, there isn't much need to put your verb in the past tense. Change "Remembered" to "Remembering", and change "the" to "a", because there isn't necessarily just one specific legend, even if this article is only about one person. Also, in general, articles like "the" and "a" are not considered significant enough words to warrant capitalization in headlines.<br />
 +
<br>Edited headline: Remembering a Legend<br />
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<br>NASA mathematician, Katherine Johnson passed away at age 101, but she left a strong legacy.<br />
 +
<br>***The comma after "mathematician" isn't necessary because Katherine Johnson's name isn't an apostate clause. Add a preposition like "behind" after "left" to complete that phrase.<br />
 +
<br>Edited sentence: NASA mathematician Katherine Johnson passed away at age 101, but she left behind a strong legacy.<br />
 +
<br>Katherine had many impacting contributions to our world.<br />
 +
<br>***Good.<br />
 +
<br>For example she inspired the idea of the movie, "Hidden Figures".<br />
 +
<br>***Add a comma after "for example", and delete the comma after "movie". Also, increase the fluidity of this sentence by switching out the words "the idea of the movie" for "the premise for the movie". The word choice is more specific, and the preposition "for" instead of "to" is more direct.<br />
 +
<br>Edited sentence: For example, she inspired the premise for the movie "Hidden Figures".<br />
 +
<br>She was one of the first African American graduates and then she had a computer job.<br />
 +
<br>***Add a few more details here to clarify your meaning. What was she one of the first graduates of? How was a computer job impactful at that time? These details will both increase the fluidity of your overall paragraph and make your meaning more apparent to readers who are not familiar with what you're writing about.<br />
 +
<br>Edited sentence: According to the article, she "was one of the first African American graduate students of West Virginia University," and she had a 'computer' job at NASA making calculations by hand.<br />
 +
<br>Her work was outstanding and that was what sent astronauts to the moon.<br />
 +
<br>***Replace the word "that" with "it", so it's more clear that you're referring to earlier in the sentence and not something else. Add a comma before "and" because "and" is a conjunction and is followed here by a clause that could stand as an independent sentence on its own.<br />
 +
<br>Edited sentence: Her work was outstanding, and it was what sent astronauts to the moon.<br />
 +
<br>Even though she had some haters and despite her race and gender, she became famous and acknowledged by famous leaders like Barack Obama.<br />
 +
<br>***The word "haters" in this context is more informal and slang-like; switch the word choice of the first part of this sentence a bit to pull it together and make it a bit more formal to match the tone of a written paragraph. Also, try to avoid repeating specific words like "famous" twice in the same sentence for different purposes. Replace one of these uses of "famous" with a synonym, instead.<br />
 +
<br>Edited sentence: Even though she faced discrimination based on her race and gender, she became famous and was acknowledged by important leaders like Barack Obama.<br />
 +
<br>'''Final Edit'''<br />
 +
<br>***Good job! Remember that if you think you're unable to summarize a certain fact in your own words without leaving out important details (like with the West Virginia University sentence), it's perfectly acceptable to quote from the text if it's put in quotation marks and correctly cited. Make sure that you're using the correct prepositions based on the surrounding context of the sentence, especially with "to" and "for", which may seem like they work as a suitable preposition but are actually not the most specific and accurate for that situation. Continue to monitor your comma usage, as well; certain phrases necessitate commas, while others may seem like they need a comma but actually don't.<br />
 +
<br>Edited paragraph:<br />
 +
<br>Remembering a Legend<br />
 +
<br>NASA mathematician Katherine Johnson passed away at age 101, but she left behind a strong legacy. Katherine had many impacting contributions to our world. For example, she inspired the premise for the movie "Hidden Figures". According to the article, she "was one of the first African American graduate students of West Virginia University," and she had a 'computer' job at NASA making calculations by hand. Her work was outstanding, and it was what sent astronauts to the moon. Even though she faced discrimination based on her race and gender, she became famous and was acknowledged by important leaders like Barack Obama.<br />
 +
<br>Source: https://womenshistory.si.edu/news/2020/02/remembering-nasa-mathematician-katherine-johnson<br />
 +
<br>Edited by Natasha Vatalaro<br />
  
 
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Latest revision as of 14:59, 30 June 2020

Evan's Article Summary Page

Original

Remembered The Legend

NASA mathematician, Katherine Johnson passed away at age 101, but she left a strong legacy. Katherine had many impacting contributions to our world. For example she inspired the idea of the movie, "Hidden Figures". She was one of the first African American graduates and then she had a computer job. Her work was outstanding and that was what sent astronauts to the moon. Even though she had some haters and despite her race and gender, she became famous and acknowledged by famous leaders like Barack Obama.

Source: https://womenshistory.si.edu/news/2020/02/remembering-nasa-mathematician-katherine-johnson

Edits


Remembered The Legend

***Because this is a headline without a subject pronoun, there isn't much need to put your verb in the past tense. Change "Remembered" to "Remembering", and change "the" to "a", because there isn't necessarily just one specific legend, even if this article is only about one person. Also, in general, articles like "the" and "a" are not considered significant enough words to warrant capitalization in headlines.

Edited headline: Remembering a Legend

NASA mathematician, Katherine Johnson passed away at age 101, but she left a strong legacy.

***The comma after "mathematician" isn't necessary because Katherine Johnson's name isn't an apostate clause. Add a preposition like "behind" after "left" to complete that phrase.

Edited sentence: NASA mathematician Katherine Johnson passed away at age 101, but she left behind a strong legacy.

Katherine had many impacting contributions to our world.

***Good.

For example she inspired the idea of the movie, "Hidden Figures".

***Add a comma after "for example", and delete the comma after "movie". Also, increase the fluidity of this sentence by switching out the words "the idea of the movie" for "the premise for the movie". The word choice is more specific, and the preposition "for" instead of "to" is more direct.

Edited sentence: For example, she inspired the premise for the movie "Hidden Figures".

She was one of the first African American graduates and then she had a computer job.

***Add a few more details here to clarify your meaning. What was she one of the first graduates of? How was a computer job impactful at that time? These details will both increase the fluidity of your overall paragraph and make your meaning more apparent to readers who are not familiar with what you're writing about.

Edited sentence: According to the article, she "was one of the first African American graduate students of West Virginia University," and she had a 'computer' job at NASA making calculations by hand.

Her work was outstanding and that was what sent astronauts to the moon.

***Replace the word "that" with "it", so it's more clear that you're referring to earlier in the sentence and not something else. Add a comma before "and" because "and" is a conjunction and is followed here by a clause that could stand as an independent sentence on its own.

Edited sentence: Her work was outstanding, and it was what sent astronauts to the moon.

Even though she had some haters and despite her race and gender, she became famous and acknowledged by famous leaders like Barack Obama.

***The word "haters" in this context is more informal and slang-like; switch the word choice of the first part of this sentence a bit to pull it together and make it a bit more formal to match the tone of a written paragraph. Also, try to avoid repeating specific words like "famous" twice in the same sentence for different purposes. Replace one of these uses of "famous" with a synonym, instead.

Edited sentence: Even though she faced discrimination based on her race and gender, she became famous and was acknowledged by important leaders like Barack Obama.

Final Edit

***Good job! Remember that if you think you're unable to summarize a certain fact in your own words without leaving out important details (like with the West Virginia University sentence), it's perfectly acceptable to quote from the text if it's put in quotation marks and correctly cited. Make sure that you're using the correct prepositions based on the surrounding context of the sentence, especially with "to" and "for", which may seem like they work as a suitable preposition but are actually not the most specific and accurate for that situation. Continue to monitor your comma usage, as well; certain phrases necessitate commas, while others may seem like they need a comma but actually don't.

Edited paragraph:

Remembering a Legend

NASA mathematician Katherine Johnson passed away at age 101, but she left behind a strong legacy. Katherine had many impacting contributions to our world. For example, she inspired the premise for the movie "Hidden Figures". According to the article, she "was one of the first African American graduate students of West Virginia University," and she had a 'computer' job at NASA making calculations by hand. Her work was outstanding, and it was what sent astronauts to the moon. Even though she faced discrimination based on her race and gender, she became famous and was acknowledged by important leaders like Barack Obama.

Source: https://womenshistory.si.edu/news/2020/02/remembering-nasa-mathematician-katherine-johnson

Edited by Natasha Vatalaro


Original

The Importance of Liquor Stores

It may not seem like it, but liquor stores can be helpful during this time. Keeping liquor stores open can help people with alcohol use disorder avoid symptoms, including tremors, hallucinations and seizures. While coronavirus is still active, not a lot of stores that sell alcohol are open. It means the addictive users will be craving for alcohol. If they can't leave the house, they might try to find something else to substitute the alcohol. They might drink alcohol that is dangerous and not meant for your body to consume, such as rubbing alcohol. That is a high chance of killing themselves. Alcohol and liquor stores can be very helpful to those who need it.

Source: https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/observations/yes-liquor-stores-are-essential-businesses/

Edits


The Importance of Liquor Stores

***Good.

It may not seem like it, but liquor stores can be helpful during this time.

***Grammatically, this is good! However, instead of saying "this time", try to be more specific. If somebody were to read this sentence years from now, the phrase "this time" would seem vague and it might not be immediately clear what you were referring to.

Edited sentence: It may not seem like it, but liquor stores can be helpful during this time of dealing with COVID-19.

Keeping liquor stores open can help people with alcohol use disorder avoid symptoms, including tremors, hallucinations and seizures.

***Be a bit more specific here with what the symptoms are from - they're not necessarily from the disorder itself, but rather from when someone with AUD experiences withdrawal.

Edited sentence: Keeping liquor stores open can help people with alcohol use disorder avoid symptoms of withdrawal that include tremors, hallucinations, and seizures.

While coronavirus is still active, not a lot of stores that sell alcohol are open.

***Try to make this sentence a bit more fluid by switching out the phrase "not a lot of" for "many....are not open".

Edited sentence: While coronavirus is still active, many stores that sell alcohol are not open.

It means the addictive users will be craving for alcohol.

***Instead of using a personal pronoun like "it" to begin this sentence, use a demonstrative pronoun to make it more clear that you are referring to what was said in the previous sentence. Also, the word "addictive" is used for the substance, while the word "addicted" is used for the person using the substance. Try replacing this phrase with a more neutral phrase like "people struggling with addiction", which is more in keeping with the tone and word choices of the article you're summarizing than "addicted users" is. The word "for" is unnecessary; the verb "craving" usually just has the noun that is being craved directly after it.

Edited sentence: This means the people struggling with addiction will be craving alcohol.

If they can't leave the house, they might try to find something else to substitute the alcohol.

***Add the word "for" before "the alcohol".

Edited sentence: If they can't leave the house, they might try to find something else to substitute for the alcohol.

They might drink alcohol that is dangerous and not meant for your body to consume, such as rubbing alcohol.

***Good.

That is a high chance of killing themselves.

***Instead of saying "that", explain what you are referencing a bit more specifically. This will lengthen your sentence to a length that will flow better and feel more natural with the length of your other sentences in this paragraph. The verb "is" should be "has", as it is currently stated. Also, "themselves" should be changed to "them", because the action that is being taken (alcohol killing someone) is not reflexive.

Edited sentence: The consumption of these dangerous substances has a high chance of killing the person who consumed them.

Alcohol and liquor stores can be very helpful to those who need it.

***The word "it" should be changed to "them", because the subject that this pronoun refers to is plural ("stores"). Add a transition word like "therefore" to make this sentence flow better.

Edited sentence: Therefore, alcohol and liquor stores can be very helpful to those who need them, especially in a pandemic.

Final Edit

***Overall, good job on using your own words to summarize and including the full source! You can continue to improve by focusing on making sure your sentences are fluid and fit together well. You can test this by reading your paragraph out loud to yourself after it's written. If the length of your sentences or the way they fit together doesn't sound natural out loud, they most likely don't sound natural written, either. Also, make sure that you include relevant details from the article in spots where you may be vaguer or not explaining things as if to someone who hasn't read the article. Keep an eye on preposition usage and placement, especially with the word "for", and make sure that when you use pronouns it is clear what they are referring to.

Edited paragraph:

The Importance of Liquor Stores

It may not seem like it, but liquor stores can be helpful during this time of dealing with COVID-19. Keeping liquor stores open can help people with alcohol use disorder avoid symptoms of withdrawal that include tremors, hallucinations, and seizures. While coronavirus is still active, many stores that sell alcohol are not open. This means the people struggling with addiction will be craving alcohol. If they can't leave the house, they might try to find something else to substitute for the alcohol. They might drink alcohol that is dangerous and not meant for your body to consume, such as rubbing alcohol. The consumption of these dangerous substances has a high chance of killing the person who consumed them. Therefore, alcohol and liquor stores can be very helpful to those who need them, especially in a pandemic.

Source: https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/observations/yes-liquor-stores-are-essential-businesses/

Edited by Natasha Vatalaro




Original

You Shouldn't Pop A Zit

Popping a zit or a pimple may seem like the right thing to do, but it can cause you even more problems. By popping a zit, it will become an open wound, and potentially infectious bacteria will enter your body. You can get a scar and picking at or popping any zit makes permanent marks more likely by increasing inflammation. If you pop a zit, it would leave a permanent zit, in a popped form. If you pop a zit and there is no infection or scar, you would still be spreading more zits around. Therefore you should pop zits because it will end up badly.

Source: https://www.popsci.com/popping-pimples

Edits


You Shouldn't Pop A Zit

***Good.

Popping a zit or a pimple may seem like the right thing to do, but it can cause you even more problems.

***Good.

By popping a zit, it will become an open wound, and potentially infectious bacteria will enter your body.

***Good.

You can get a scar and picking at or popping any zit makes permanent marks more likely by increasing inflammation.

***There should be a comma after "scar", because the word "and" separates two independent clauses in this sentence. The second part of this sentence needs to be properly cited in quotation marks because it is directly from the article.

Edited sentence: You can get a scar, and "picking at or popping any zit makes permanent marks more likely by increasing inflammation."

If you pop a zit, it would leave a permanent zit, in a popped form.

***Change "would" to "could" here, so it's more hypothetical. Change this sentence a bit for fluidity and accuracy.

Edited sentence: If you pop a zit, it could leave a permanent mark, like a zit in popped form, on your skin.

If you pop a zit and there is no infection or scar, you would still be spreading more zits around.

***Add a little more information to the end of this sentence - where are the other zits being spread around, and why?

Edited sentence: If you pop a zit and there is no infection or scar, you would still be spreading more potential zits around the surrounding skin by releasing the trapped fluids.

Therefore you should pop zits because it will end up badly.

***Don't forget the word "not" before "pop", or you'll end up saying the opposite of what you mean to.

Edited sentence: Therefore, you should not pop zits because it will end badly.

Final Edit

***Overall, pretty good! Make sure that you're not accidentally dropping important small words that could change the whole meaning of your sentence, like "not", by proofreading your paragraph after it's finished. Also, make sure that every long phrase/sentence fragment/sentence that is directly taken from the article is correctly cited in quotation marks.

Edited paragraph:

You Shouldn't Pop A Zit

Popping a zit or a pimple may seem like the right thing to do, but it can cause you even more problems. By popping a zit, it will become an open wound, and potentially infectious bacteria will enter your body. You can get a scar, and "picking at or popping any zit makes permanent marks more likely by increasing inflammation." If you pop a zit, it could leave a permanent mark, like a zit in popped form, on your skin. If you pop a zit and there is no infection or scar, you would still be spreading more potential zits around the surrounding skin by releasing the trapped fluids. Therefore, you should not pop zits because it will end badly.

Source: https://www.popsci.com/popping-pimples

Edited by Natasha Vatalaro



Original

Cases expand in Florida, and the governor wants another shutdown.

"Florida reported 2,783 new cases, Texas 2,622, and Arizona 2,392." The amount of cases has increased tremendously, and The governor of Florida wants another shutdown, to prevent more and more cases. "He acknowledged a growing concern among local officials, including the mayors of large cities, about the availability of hospital beds as cases spike, with 2,518 people now hospitalized with the virus. But he and his top advisers said that the system still had plenty of capacity." Even though the governor wants to have a shutdown, the number of hospital beds say that he shouldn't, and makes the governor think that that's the peak of the number of people that are diagnosed with coronavirus.

Source: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/06/16/world/coronavirus-live-updates.html?action=click&module=Top%20Stories&pgtype=Homepage

Edits


Cases expand in Florida, and the governor wants another shutdown.

***Headlines should have all significant words capitalized, and should generally not have a period at the end of them. This is a fairly long headline, so try shortening it to just "Cases Expand in Florida", so that you save some of the information for your paragraph.

Edited headline: COVID-19 Cases Expand in Florida

"Florida reported 2,783 new cases, Texas 2,622, and Arizona 2,392."

Good job using quotes to illustrate that this is directly taken from the article, but try adding a little more information to introduce the quote and explain where it's coming from.

Edited sentence: The New York Times says that "Florida reported 2,783 new cases, Texas 2,622, and Arizona 2,392."

The amount of cases has increased tremendously, and The governor of Florida wants another shutdown, to prevent more and more cases.

***It is very important that you make sure you are summarizing what the article actually says: the article explicitly says the opposite of what you have stated in the second half of this sentence. He "said the state would not shutter activity again. 'We're not shutting down,' he said." The information in this sentence needs to be changed in order to accurately represent the facts of the article.

Edited sentence: The amount of cases has increased tremendously, and the governor of Florida acknowledges the problem but does not want another shutdown.

"He acknowledged a growing concern among local officials, including the mayors of large cities, about the availability of hospital beds as cases spike, with 2,518 people now hospitalized with the virus. But he and his top advisers said that the system still had plenty of capacity."

***Good job correctly citing the article here; just add an introductory phrase so that the quote doesn't stand on its own as your whole sentence.

Edited sentence: The article says, "He acknowledged a growing concern among local officials, including the mayors of large cities, about the availability of hospital beds as cases spike, with 2,518 people now hospitalized with the virus. But he and his top advisers said that the system still had plenty of capacity."

Even though the governor wants to have a shutdown, the number of hospital beds say that he shouldn't, and makes the governor think that that's the peak of the number of people that are diagnosed with coronavirus.

***Again, make sure that you are correctly copying the facts here. The governor does not want to have a shutdown, and there is nothing in the article that indicates he thinks they are at the peak number of diagnoses. Grammatically, this sentence is good; just make sure that you aren't presenting misinformation in your summary.

Edited sentence: Even though the governor doesn't want to have a shutdown, the number of occupied hospital beds is rising, and the governor "attributed the uptick to more widespread testing."

Final Edit

***Good job on including a source, and placing your textual evidence in quotes to cite it properly, and writing the rest in your own words! Make sure that when you include quotes, you introduce them or embed them in a sentence to give them more context. Also, when you are writing in your own words, you must make sure that you are not saying things that are either a) not included in the article at all, or b) are directly contradictory to what is presented as fact in the article. It might be helpful for you to compare your summary after you've written it to the article, just to make sure you aren't making any unfounded assumptions.

Edited paragraph:

COVID-19 Cases Expand in Florida

The New York Times says that "Florida reported 2,783 new cases, Texas 2,622, and Arizona 2,392." The amount of cases has increased tremendously, and the governor of Florida acknowledges the problem but does not want another shutdown. The article says, "He acknowledged a growing concern among local officials, including the mayors of large cities, about the availability of hospital beds as cases spike, with 2,518 people now hospitalized with the virus. But he and his top advisers said that the system still had plenty of capacity." Even though the governor doesn't want to have a shutdown, the number of occupied hospital beds is rising, and the governor "attributed the uptick to more widespread testing."

Source: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/06/16/world/coronavirus-live-updates.html?action=click&module=Top%20Stories&pgtype=Homepage

Edited by Natasha Vatalaro



Original

Project Our Oceans

The oceans cover more than 70 percent of the planet and shelters an incredible diversity of life. But only less than 8% is protected. If we don't protect them it won't survive. Pristine Seas is an organization that is helping protect our oceans. Pristine Seas is partnering with Vulcan Technologies to ensure the long-term monitoring of marine protected areas using Vulcan Technologies' cutting edge Skylight system.

Edits


Project Our Oceans

***Try using a different word from "project", like "protect". The word "project" implies your headline is the official name of a project discussed in your summary, which is not accurate for this summary.

Edited headline: Protect Our Oceans

The oceans cover more than 70 percent of the planet and shelters an incredible diversity of life.

***This is directly copied from the website information page. Put it in quotation marks and cite it properly.

Edited sentence: According to National Geographic's project information page, "The oceans cover more than 70 percent of the planet and shelters an incredible diversity of life."

But only less than 8% is protected.

***When writing single-digit numbers, they should be fully spelled out instead of in their numerical form. This sentence is very similar to the one on the webpage, so it should be cited properly.

Edited sentence: However, "less than eight percent is protected."

If we don't protect them it won't survive.

***This sentence seems to be in your own words, so good. Make sure that when you use pronouns like "them" and "it" in the same sentence, they are consistent. For instance, if you use the noun "oceans" in its plural form, you should only use plural pronouns to refer to them later.

Edited sentence: If we don't protect them, they won't survive.

Pristine Seas is partnering with Vulcan Technologies to ensure the long-term monitoring of marine protected areas using Vulcan Technologies' cutting edge Skylight system.

***This is directly from the webpage and needs to be correctly cited in order to not be plagiarized.

Edited sentence: National Geographic states that "Pristine Seas is partnering with Vulcan Technologies to ensure the long-term monitoring of marine protected areas using Vulcan Technologies' cutting edge Skylight system."

Final Edit

***First, remember that you must always include a source when you are writing a summary of that source, and especially when you are quoting directly from it. Second, keep in mind here that your source is not technically an article; it is a webpage describing one of National Geographic's conservation projects. A good rule to follow is that if you cannot find an author listed for the words in your source, it is probably either a) not actually an article, or b) not a credible source. In this case, it is a credible source but not an article. Third, keep an eye on keeping your pronoun use consistent, especially if you find yourself using singular and plural pronouns to refer to the same noun in the same sentence. Finally, remember that you must always properly cite direct sentences or phrases from your source. If you do not do this, it is not considered your own writing and can be interpreted as plagiarism. This doesn't help you learn how to improve your writing!

Edited paragraph:

Protect Our Oceans

According to National Geographic's project information page, "The oceans cover more than 70 percent of the planet and shelters an incredible diversity of life." However, "less than eight percent is protected." If we don't protect them, they won't survive. National Geographic states that "Pristine Seas is partnering with Vulcan Technologies to ensure the long-term monitoring of marine protected areas using Vulcan Technologies' cutting edge Skylight system."

Source: https://www.nationalgeographic.org/projects/pristine-seas/#:~:text=The%20ocean.,half%20the%20oxygen%20we%20breathe.

Edited by Natasha Vatalaro



Original

World's Most Expensive Fish

The world's most expensive fish is called the Asian Arowana, also known as the dragonfish. The Asian Arowana is the world’s most expensive aquarium fish. It is a tropical freshwater fish from Southeast Asia that grows three feet long in the wild. That’s roughly the size of a snowshoe. It is a fierce predator dating back to the age of the dinosaurs. It has large, metallic scales, and whiskers that jut from its chin.

Edits


World's Most Expensive Fish

***Technically this is correct because headlines tend to be more lax on which words you do or don't have to include, but this headline would be stronger if you added the article "the" at the beginning.

Edited headline: The World's Most Expensive Fish

The world's most expensive fish is called the Asian Arowana, also known as the dragonfish.

***Good.

The Asian Arowana is the world’s most expensive aquarium fish.

***This is pretty much exactly what the article says. Put this in quotation marks with another phrase introducing it in order to properly cite this sentence.

Edited sentence: According to the article, the Asian Arowana is "the world's most expensive aquarium fish."

It is a tropical freshwater fish from Southeast Asia that grows three feet long in the wild.

***This sentence is directly taken from the article and needs to be cited correctly. Put it in quotation marks and introduce it with another phrase.

Edited sentence: The author writes that "it is a tropical freshwater fish from Southeast Asia that grows three feet long in the wild."

That’s roughly the size of a snowshoe.

***Like the other sentences, this is directly copied from the article and needs to be cited properly in order to not be plagiarized.

Edited sentence: The article says that this length is "roughly the size of a snowshoe."

It is a fierce predator dating back to the age of the dinosaurs.

***This should also be correctly cited.

Edited sentence: Voigt states, "It is a fierce predator dating back to the age of the dinosaurs."

It has large, metallic scales, and whiskers that jut from its chin.

***You omitted the words "like coins" from this sentence, but the rest is still too similar to the sentence in the article to not be in quotation marks.

Edited sentence: The article finally describes that the fish "has large, metallic scales" and "whiskers that jut from its chin".

Final Edit

***Overall, this seems to be a return to your previous work, where you are taking sentences directly from the article and not citing them properly. First, remember that you must always include a source. Second, if you have a sentence (or a large part of one) that is word-for-word from the article, even if you didn't include a couple of small words, that sentence will be considered plagiarized if it isn't cited properly in quotation marks. Remember, you aren't learning how to improve your grammar and writing skills by copying directly from the article!

Edited paragraph:

The World's Most Expensive Fish

According to the article, the Asian Arowana is "the world's most expensive aquarium fish." The author writes that "it is a tropical freshwater fish from Southeast Asia that grows three feet long in the wild." The article says that this length is "roughly the size of a snowshoe." Voigt states, "It is a fierce predator dating back to the age of the dinosaurs." The article finally describes that the fish "has large, metallic scales" and "whiskers that jut from its chin".

Source: https://www.nationalgeographic.com/news/2016/07/dragon-fish-most-expensive-arowana-emily-voigt/

Edited by Natasha Vatalaro




Original

The Depth of The Mariana Trench

At the bottom of the trench, the pressure is 1000 times higher. According to the article, "if you were to put Mount Everest at the bottom of the Mariana Trench, its peak would still sit around 7,000 feet below sea level." This shows how deep the trench is. The scientists who were exploring the trench could only spend 20 mins because of the pressure. "Batteries drained, sonar died, and some of his vessel’s thrusters to malfunctioned, making it hard to maneuver."

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-mariana-trench-is-7-miles-deep-whats-down-there/

Edits
The Depth of The Mariana Trench

***Great!

At the bottom of the trench, the pressure is 1000 times higher.

***Grammatically, this is good! Just remember that when you are writing a sentence that implies a "more than..." statement, you should include both sides of the statement for clarity. For instance, the pressure is higher than what, exactly? These small details will lend your sentences credibility and structure.

Edited sentence: At the bottom of the trench, the pressure is 1000 times higher than at surface level.

According to the article, "if you were to put Mount Everest at the bottom of the Mariana Trench, its peak would still sit around 7,000 feet below sea level."

***Good citation of evidence from the article.

This shows how deep the trench is.

***Good.

The scientists who were exploring the trench could only spend 20 mins because of the pressure.

***Delete the extra space before the beginning of this sentence; there only needs to be one. Also, "mins" should be lengthened to "minutes" when you are writing an article summary. You should generally only abbreviate numerical units when you are citing several numbers with units in a short amount of narrative space.

Edited sentence: The scientists who were exploring the trench could only spend 20 minutes there because of the pressure.

"Batteries drained, sonar died, and some of his vessel’s thrusters to malfunctioned, making it hard to maneuver."

***Once again, good citation. Just add another detail to indicate who this event happened to so that your reader can have more context without necessarily having to consult the article itself.

Edited sentence: "Batteries drained, sonar died, and some of his vessel’s thrusters to malfunctioned, making it hard to maneuver," the article states, regarding one diver's experience in the trench.

Final Edit

***Overall, you are really improving with writing in your own words and appropriately citing evidence from the article! Most of what you should work on is examining your sentences for where you need to add an extra detail or two. If you have a quote from the article that is all by itself, or a "more than" statement with only one side of the comparison explained, add another detail to provide more structural context to your summary.

Edited paragraph:

The Depth of The Mariana Trench

At the bottom of the trench, the pressure is 1000 times higher than at surface level. According to the article, "if you were to put Mount Everest at the bottom of the Mariana Trench, its peak would still sit around 7,000 feet below sea level." This shows how deep the trench is. The scientists who were exploring the trench could only spend 20 minutes there because of the pressure. "Batteries drained, sonar died, and some of his vessel’s thrusters to malfunctioned, making it hard to maneuver," the article states, regarding one diver's experience in the trench.

Edited by Natasha Vatalaro


Original

Scientists Made A More Efficient Mask.

N95 masks are efficient, but they can block oxygen up to 20%. “My main motivation is trying to bring back the oxygen concentration in the mask,” says co-developer John Xu, a mechanical engineer at Stanford’s Nanoscale Prototyping Laboratory. So he made a mask, that works just like an N95 mask, but better. They made more of the mask and shipped it all across the world.

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/new-design-helps-n95-mask-wearers-breathe-easier/

Edits


Scientists Made A More Efficient Mask.

***Good; just remember that there shouldn't be a period at the end of a headline.

Edited sentence: Scientists Made A More Efficient Mask

N95 masks are efficient, but they can block oxygen up to 20%.

***Add the word "by" in front of "up". Phrases that say "up to (a percentage)" usually require an adverb like "by" in front of them.

Edited sentence: N95 masks are efficient, but they can block oxygen by up to 20%.

“My main motivation is trying to bring back the oxygen concentration in the mask,” says co-developer John Xu, a mechanical engineer at Stanford’s Nanoscale Prototyping Laboratory.

***This sentence is directly from the article and needs to be cited correctly, but because it is all vital information, you can still include it as a quote and have the dialogue inside of your quote, as indicated below. This allows you to cite the text properly and keep all the information you have here.

Edited sentence: According to the article, "'My main motivation is trying to bring back the oxygen concentration in the mask,' says co-developer John Xu, a mechanical engineer at Stanford’s Nanoscale Prototyping Laboratory."

So he made a mask, that works just like an N95 mask, but better.

***Good!

They made more of the mask and shipped it all across the world.

***Good job on putting this sentence in your own words, but the article does not actually say this. The article says that the mask is currently a prototype, but if they are able to make a working model, the parts they will need to build it are mass-manufactured and able to ship across the world. Make sure that when you are writing in your own words, you are writing accurate information that is true to what the article is presenting as fact.

Edited sentence: They plan to make a working model of the mask and ship it all across the world, if possible.

Final Edit

***Overall, you are really improving at using your own words! Continue to work on this by including dialogue from the article inside of a larger, correctly cited sentence, and making sure that when you write your own sentence, you aren't asserting facts that are inaccurate or missing from the article.

Edited paragraph:

Scientists Made A More Efficient Mask

N95 masks are efficient, but they can block oxygen by up to 20%. According to the article, "'My main motivation is trying to bring back the oxygen concentration in the mask,' says co-developer John Xu, a mechanical engineer at Stanford’s Nanoscale Prototyping Laboratory." So he made a mask, that works just like an N95 mask, but better. They plan to make a working model of the mask and ship it all across the world, if possible.

Edited by Natasha Vatalaro




Original

Skinny genes make fat burn

Skinny genes, which appears in people who are naturally svelte, tells the bodies fat to burn. The genes tells the brain to burn the fat that is stored away. That is why people with skinny genes appear to always be skinny. The genes does not make the person or animal with the genes to eat less. People with cancer are usually burning calories over a long time period. These genes make people skinny.

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/podcast/episode/skinny-genes-tell-fat-to-burn/

Edits


Skinny genes make fat burn

***Remember, every significant word in a headline should be capitalized.

Edited headline: Skinny Genes Make Fat Burn

Skinny genes, which appears in people who are naturally svelte, tells the bodies fat to burn.

***Good job putting things more into your own words! Work on your subject-verb agreement here. Your subject of "skinny genes" is plural, so the verb applying to it, "to appear", should not have an "s" on the end. The same goes for the verb "to tell". Also, "bodies" is the correct plural form of the word "body", but here you want the possession form, not the plural form. To indicate possession, you take the singular noun of "body" and add an apostrophe and an "s" after it.

Edited sentence: Skinny genes, which appear in people who are naturally svelte, tell the body's fat to burn.

The genes tells the brain to burn the fat that is stored away.

***Again, work on your subject-verb agreement here, especially with plurals. The verb "to tell" is applying to a plural subject ("genes") so the "s" at the end should be dropped.

Edited sentence: The genes tell the brain to burn the fat that is stored away.

That is why people with skinny genes appear to always be skinny.

***Good.

The genes does not make the person or animal with the genes to eat less.

***The same subject-verb plurality edit is needed here. If you want, instead of changing the verb to fit the subject, make the subject singular instead of plural, and then the verb doesn't need to be changed. Also, "to eat" should not be in its infinitive form here, because you have a subject by saying "person or animal". Delete "to" in order to solve this issue.

Edited sentence: The gene does not make the person or animal with the genes eat less.

People with cancer are usually burning calories over a long time period.

***This is an interesting fact, but it's not a fact explicitly presented in the article. Try to make sure you aren't making claims that aren't actually stated in your source. The edited sentence will have an example of how you can adapt this sentence to still discuss the cancer component, but in a way that keeps with what the article presents as fact.

Edited sentence: People with a certain cancer gene are usually burning more calories for the same amount of food because the cancer and "skinny" genes are associated.

These genes make people skinny.

***Good. Try to keep your word choice interesting and varied by changing a word like "skinny", which you have already used quite a bit in your summary, to a synonym like "thin".

Edited sentence: These genes make people remain thin.

Final Edit

***Overall, great job on using your own words and your own arrangements of the sentences! You can continue to work on this by looking at your word choice: for instance, when an article uses an unusual word like "svelte" that you may not know the exact definition of, instead of just repeating it in your article summary, try looking up a thesaurus online and finding synonyms for it! If you use a synonym like "slender" instead of "svelte", your writing will sound more authentic to yourself, and you will expand your vocabulary. Also, keep an eye on your subject-verb agreement, especially when it comes to plural vs. singular agreement.

Edited paragraph:

Skinny Genes Make Fat Burn

Skinny genes, which appear in people who are naturally svelte, tell the body's fat to burn. The genes tell the brain to burn the fat that is stored away. That is why people with skinny genes appear to always be skinny. The gene does not make the person or animal with the genes eat less. People with a certain cancer gene are usually burning more calories for the same amount of food because the cancer and "skinny" genes are associated. These genes make people remain thin.

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/podcast/episode/skinny-genes-tell-fat-to-burn/

Edited by Natasha Vatalaro



Original

Bumblebees Bite Plants to Force Them to Flower.

       There are some bumblebees that bite plants so that flowers can bloom. A team of people put some bees in a small container. After a while, the bees started to bite the flowers. The scientists started to realize that the reason that bees bite the plants, is due to climate change, and they adapted to it. This is how scientists found out that bees started to bite on plants to make pollen. 

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/bumblebees-bite-plants-to-force-them-to-flower-seriously/

Edits


Bumblebees Bite Plants to Force Them to Flower.

***Good job with your capitalization. There shouldn't be a period at the end of a headline. In the future, though, try to make the headline in your own words, like you have done for past paragraph summaries, instead of just using (most of) the article's headline.

Edited headline: Bumblebees Bite Plants to Force Them to Flower

Research published on Thursday in Science shows that the insects puncture the plants’ leaves, which causes them to flower, on average, 30 days earlier than they otherwise would.

***This sentence is not in your own words. Put quotation marks around it and use a phrase like, "according to the article" to introduce it as cited material.

Edited sentence: According to this article, "Research published on Thursday in Science shows that the insects puncture the plants’ leaves, which causes them to flower, on average, 30 days earlier than they otherwise would."

How the technique evolved and why the plants respond to bumblebee bites by blooming remain unclear.

***Once again, this sentence is directly copied from the article. Please cite it correctly, as you have been shown how to do in many of your past paragraphs.

Edited sentence: The author states that "How the technique evolved and why the plants respond to bumblebee bites by blooming remain unclear."

But researchers say the discovery of a new behavior in such a familiar creature is remarkable.

***This sentence is not in your own words. Cite it properly in order to avoid plagiarism.

Edited sentence: The article states, "researchers say the discovery of a new behavior in such a familiar creature is remarkable."
"
“Initially we wanted to see if they were removing the tissue or feeding on the plants or taking [leaf material] to the nest,” she says.

***This sentence is also copied directly from the article. Indicate who "she" is in your own words, because you have not indicated any specific names so far in your paragraph summary and it is unclear who is being quoted here.

Edited sentence: Consuela De Moraes, who is a chemical ecologist, is quoted in the article saying, “Initially we wanted to see if they were removing the tissue or feeding on the plants or taking [leaf material] to the nest."

And because previous research had shown stress could induce plants to flower, De Moraes and her colleagues also wondered whether the bees might be creating blooms on demand.

***Please cite this sentence properly; it's not in your own words.

Edited sentence: According to the article, "Because previous research had shown stress could induce plants to flower, De Moraes and her colleagues also wondered whether the bees might be creating blooms on demand."

Final Edit

***Please do not just take sentences directly from the article without proper citation. The only words of yours that I have been able to edit have been your headlines. Because you are able to rephrase the headline of the article and make it into your own words for your paragraph headline, I know you are capable of doing it for the rest of the paragraph, too! I would love to be able to edit your own writing and help you improve. Taking sentences from the article as evidence is great and often a necessary writing tool, especially in these assignments, but when you do that, you must cite properly with quotation marks and some sort of phrase introducing the evidence as not your own. This is very important because when you don't do this, you are plagiarizing and not learning how to improve your own writing.

Edited paragraph:

Bumblebees Bite Plants to Force Them to Flower

According to this article, "Research published on Thursday in Science shows that the insects puncture the plants’ leaves, which causes them to flower, on average, 30 days earlier than they otherwise would." The author states that "How the technique evolved and why the plants respond to bumblebee bites by blooming remain unclear." The article states, "researchers say the discovery of a new behavior in such a familiar creature is remarkable." Consuela De Moraes, who is a chemical ecologist, is quoted in the article saying, “Initially we wanted to see if they were removing the tissue or feeding on the plants or taking [leaf material] to the nest." According to the article, "Because previous research had shown stress could induce plants to flower, De Moraes and her colleagues also wondered whether the bees might be creating blooms on demand."

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/bumblebees-bite-plants-to-force-them-to-flower-seriously/

Edited by Natasha Vatalaro



Original

Researchers made a new eye that's looks and works just like a real one.

          Scientists made a new retina that mimics the eye, and it works exactly like a real eye. When the team tested the artificial eye, it processed patterns of light within 19 milliseconds. It could pick up a greater distance, and lacked a blind spot. Hongrui Jiang says, “Mimicking the natural eyes has been a dream for many optical engineers.” They dream of mimicking the natural eyes is finally achieved. 

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/new-artificial-eye-mimics-a-retinas-natural-curve/

Edits


Researchers made a new eye that's looks and works just like a real one.

***Remember that in a headline, all significant words should be capitalized, and there shouldn't be a period at the end. Also, "that's" means "that is", and what you really want to say here is just "that".

Edited headline: Researchers Made a New Eye That Looks and Works Just Like a Real One

The human eye is an advanced instrument: images enter through a curved lens at the front of the sphere and pass through its gooey, vitreous liquid before reaching the light-sensitive retina—which relays the signal to the optic nerve that carries the picture to the brain.

***Good attempt at starting to use your own words, by changing "a sophisticated" to "an advanced". However, changing one word is still not enough of a significant change for this to count as a sentence in "your own words". Therefore, you still need to include the parts of this sentence that are completely unchanged in quotation marks to show that it is taken directly from the article.

Edited sentence: The human eye is an advanced instrument, and according to the article, "images enter through a curved lens at the front of the sphere and pass through its gooey, vitreous liquid before reaching the light-sensitive retina—which relays the signal to the optic nerve that carries the picture to the brain."

Once they had their curved “retina,” the scientists incorporated it into an artificial eye that included a curved lens at the front.

***This sentence is exactly the same as the one in the article, so in order to be cited properly, it should be contained in quotation marks and be introduced with a phrase like, "the article states that".

Edited sentence: The article states that "once they had their curved 'retina,' the scientists incorporated it into an artificial eye that included a curved lens at the front."

Inspired by the specialized liquid in a real eye, the team filled its biomimetic version with an ionic liquid, a type of liquid salt in which charged particles can move.

***This sentence is also directly taken from the article and requires the same citation tools as the previous sentence.

Edited sentence: The author writes, "Inspired by the specialized liquid in a real eye, the team filled its biomimetic version with an ionic liquid, a type of liquid salt in which charged particles can move."

When the team tested the artificial eye, it managed to process patterns of light in as little as 19 milliseconds—half the time required by a human eye.

***Once again, this sentence is not in your own words and should be cited properly, like the others.

Edited sentence: According to the article, "When the team tested the artificial eye, it managed to process patterns of light in as little as 19 milliseconds—half the time required by a human eye."

And it produced images that had a greater contrast and clearer edges than those generated by a flat image sensor with a similar number of pixels.

***This sentence also requires citation tools (quotation marks and an introductory phrase) because it is directly copied from the article.

Edited sentence: Finally, they found that "it produced images that had a greater contrast and clearer edges than those generated by a flat image sensor with a similar number of pixels."

Final Edit

***Overall, you need to start writing in your own words. You have received similar feedback to this for many of your past article summaries, with many examples of how to properly avoid plagiarism. All you need to do is add quotation marks around the phrase you are copying from the article and write a few words to introduce that piece of evidence. Ideally, you would only cite a couple of sentences from the article to support the other, paraphrased fact sentences you should be writing in your own words. Changing one word in a sentence is not a significant enough change to be considered "your own words". Until you start writing your own sentences, I cannot help you learn to improve your writing!

Edited paragraph:

Researchers Made a New Eye That Looks and Works Just Like a Real One

The human eye is an advanced instrument, and according to the article, "images enter through a curved lens at the front of the sphere and pass through its gooey, vitreous liquid before reaching the light-sensitive retina—which relays the signal to the optic nerve that carries the picture to the brain." The article states that "once they had their curved 'retina,' the scientists incorporated it into an artificial eye that included a curved lens at the front." The author writes, "Inspired by the specialized liquid in a real eye, the team filled its biomimetic version with an ionic liquid, a type of liquid salt in which charged particles can move." According to the article, "When the team tested the artificial eye, it managed to process patterns of light in as little as 19 milliseconds—half the time required by a human eye." Finally, they found that "it produced images that had a greater contrast and clearer edges than those generated by a flat image sensor with a similar number of pixels."

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/new-artificial-eye-mimics-a-retinas-natural-curve/

Edited by Natasha Vatalaro



Original

Testing for the coronavirus

         President Donald J. Trump says, “We have more cases than anybody in the world. But why? Because we do more testing. When you test, you have a case. When you test, you find something is wrong with people. If we didn't do any testing, we would have very few cases.” This suggests that he is open to testing, because if none of us do testing, then no one would no who has the virus or not. For example, if we don't test the levels of carbon dioxide, then we wouldn't find any change. If we don't test, then we wouldn't find levels of change in the number of people who have it. This is why Trump is saying to not worry about the virus that much and that we have the same amount of people with the virus as anyone in the world. 



Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/podcast/episode/were-being-tested/

Edits


President Trump suggests that we should get tested.

***First, remember that when you write a headline, every word except for words like "a" and "the" should be capitalized. Second, make sure that your headline matches what is actually said in the article! This article doesn't actually say that the president suggests we should get tested; in fact, it implies the opposite. Please make sure that your headline is actually representative of what is in the article.

Sample alternative headline: President Trump's Remarks on Testing

President Trump pointed out on 5/14/20 that if we didn't do any testing for the virus we would have very few cases, which forces us to confront the issues posed by testing in general.

***Good job including the actual date instead of just saying "today", so it isn't confusing for future readers. However, like with your other article summaries, this sentence is directly from the article even with the date switched out for "today", and you still need to put it in quotation marks with a phrase before it like "the article states".

“We have more cases than anybody in the world. But why? Because we do more testing. When you test, you have a case. When you test, you find something is wrong with people. If we didn't do any testing, we would have very few cases.”

***This is directly quoted from the article, including the quotation marks. You could introduce this statement by saying something like, "This podcast discusses the president's remarks on testing:" and then go on to include the quote.

And obviously, if we stop testing for the levels of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, there won’t be any noticeable increase in the levels of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere.

***This is still directly from the article, even with the comma you added after "obviously". That small of a change does not significantly change the quote from what it is in the article, so you still need to put quotation marks around it and use a phrase like "according to the article" so you aren't plagiarizing.

The logic is unassailable. As writer Quinn Cummings tweeted almost immediately after the President’s remarks, “Remember kids: You don’t want a baby? Stay away from pregnancy tests!”

***These sentences have the same issues as the others and should be cited properly.

Final Edits

***Overall, good job on including a source, but this article is still plagiarized. Like the notes on many of your past paragraphs, you need to start changing how you are writing these. When you pull a quote directly from the article, even changing something like the word "today" to the date of that day or adding a comma where there wasn't before doesn't make your sentence significantly or even noticeably different from the article's. Once you start writing in your own words, I will be able to actually critique and edit your writing and help you improve, but until then, this is considered plagiarism, and isn't helping you learn. Also, make sure you pay attention to the type of article you are writing a summary for. It may be difficult to tell this because it is very subtle, but this article is actually a satire, which means it's actually making fun of what President Trump was saying in his remarks on testing with a stylized way of writing. You should consider these concepts when writing your summaries so that you can make sure you are accurately representing what is being said and what is being implied in the article. I am providing an example of a way to write this article summary without plagiarizing by only adding a few words each sentence below.

Edited paragraph:

President Trump's Remarks on Testing

According to the article, "President Trump pointed out on 5/14/20 that if we didn't do any testing for the virus we would have very few cases, which forces us to confront the issues posed by testing in general." This article states that he said, “We have more cases than anybody in the world. But why? Because we do more testing. When you test, you have a case. When you test, you find something is wrong with people. If we didn't do any testing, we would have very few cases.” It also says, "And obviously, if we stop testing for the levels of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, there won’t be any noticeable increase in the levels of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere." The writer further satirizes the president's words by saying, "The logic is unassailable. As writer Quinn Cummings tweeted almost immediately after the President’s remarks, 'Remember kids: You don’t want a baby? Stay away from pregnancy tests!'"

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/podcast/episode/were-being-tested/

Edited by Natasha Vatalaro



Original

Bats are our friends, not enemies.

     The kernel of truth regarding bats and disease is that the former does host an unusual variety of the latter, including viruses that can be deadly when they spill into the lives of other mammals like us. Other authors have thoughtfully covered the direct and indirect role bats play in the emergence of the likes of Ebola, Nipah, and SARS.  Setting all that aside, culling, or otherwise directly harming bats in an attempt to tamp down the risk of a future SARS or Ebola is based on faulty assumptions and may paradoxically lead to higher disease risk. In March, officials in Indonesia ordered the culling of captive bats in markets. There are rumors of officials in Rwanda blasting straw-colored fruit bat colonies with a firehose. We are still perfecting the recipe for heading off the next zoonotic pandemic. It certainly includes a heaping portion of enhanced disease surveillance and a healthy dollop of improved public health infrastructure. Less obvious though, is the mélange of ingredients united in their requirement that we stop treating bats as some sort of sinister “other.”

Source: https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/observations/bats-are-not-our-enemies/

Edits


Bats are our friends, not enemies.

***I appreciate that you changed your headline to be your own, in your own words. Remember, each word that is not "is", "in", "the", "a", etc. should be capitalized in a headline, and you don't need a period at the end.

Edited headline: Bats Are Our Friends, Not Enemies

The kernel of truth regarding bats and disease is that the former does host an unusual variety of the latter, including viruses that can be deadly when they spill into the lives of other mammals like us. Other authors have thoughtfully covered the direct and indirect role bats play in the emergence of the likes of Ebola, Nipah, and SARS. Setting all that aside, culling, or otherwise directly harming bats in an attempt to tamp down the risk of a future SARS or Ebola is based on faulty assumptions and may paradoxically lead to higher disease risk. In March, officials in Indonesia ordered the culling of captive bats in markets. There are rumors of officials in Rwanda blasting straw-colored fruit bat colonies with a firehose. We are still perfecting the recipe for heading off the next zoonotic pandemic. It certainly includes a heaping portion of enhanced disease surveillance and a healthy dollop of improved public health infrastructure. Less obvious though, is the mélange of ingredients united in their requirement that we stop treating bats as some sort of sinister “other.”
Final Edit


***Good job on including the full source. However, I cannot edit or evaluate these sentences individually because not one of them is in your own words. I noticed that in the first few sentences, you changed the form of one of the verbs so it is technically not "exactly" the same sentence as the article's sentences. Unfortunately, this is still plagiarism. You need to rewrite these sentences, either in proper citation format with each cited sentence in quotation marks, or rephrased and paraphrased in your own words. I will provide an example paragraph below of what proper citation could look like, but you are not learning anything by doing this, besides how to copy and paste from another source. Please look at Penny's and my own notes on your previous article summaries for more information on how to correctly incorporate cited text in your summary, if you are confused.

Edited paragraph: According to the article, "the kernel of truth regarding bats and disease is that the former does host an unusual variety of the latter, including viruses that can be deadly when they spill into the lives of other mammals like us." The author of this article claims that "other authors have thoughtfully covered the direct and indirect role bats play in the emergence of the likes of Ebola, Nipah, and SARS." Many try to hurt bats because of that, but "setting all that aside, culling, or otherwise directly harming bats in an attempt to tamp down the risk of a future SARS or Ebola is based on faulty assumptions and may paradoxically lead to higher disease risk." The article says, "In March, officials in Indonesia ordered the culling of captive bats in markets. There are rumors of officials in Rwanda blasting straw-colored fruit bat colonies with a firehose." Additionally, it claims that "there are rumors of officials in Rwanda blasting straw-colored fruit bat colonies with a firehose." The author of this article says that "we are still perfecting the recipe for heading off the next zoonotic pandemic." They say that this recipe "certainly includes a heaping portion of enhanced disease surveillance and a healthy dollop of improved public health infrastructure." Finally, the article says that what is less obvious "is the mélange of ingredients united in their requirement that we stop treating bats as some sort of sinister 'other.'"

Source: https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/observations/bats-are-not-our-enemies/

Edited by Natasha Vatalaro



Original

Dangerous hornets.

The Asian giant hornet (Vespa mandarinia) has arrived in North America. In the past several days' photographs and videos have surfaced showing how viciously this insect has attacked honeybees: it crawls into hives and rips off the heads of bees in large numbers—making its supervillain nickname, “murder hornet,” feel disturbingly apt. It unbalanced the food levels and the people didn't know what to so they planted more food, which made them lose more food. The murder hornets spread all through Asia, and people are very worried about it. Edits


Dangerous hornets.

***Both of these words should be capitalized because this is a title. Also, you don't need a period after a headline/title. You could also include a little bit more information - why are you writing an article summary about this topic? What's important about these dangerous hornets?
'
Edited title: Dangerous Hornets Invade the USA

The Asian giant hornet (Vespa mandarinia) has arrived in North America.

****This sentence needs to be treated as cited text because it is taken directly from the article. Use a phrase like, "the article states" to introduce the sentence, and add quotation marks around the text you are taking directly from your article.

Edited sentence: The article states that "the Asian giant hornet (Vespa mandarinia) has arrived in North America."
In the past several days' photographs and videos have surfaced showing how viciously this insect has attacked honeybees: it crawls into hives and rips off the heads of bees in large numbers—making its supervillain nickname, “murder hornet,” feel disturbingly apt.

***This sentence is also directly taken from the article. You need to take the same edits from the previous sentence and apply them here, as well.

Edited sentence: It also states, "In the past several days' photographs and videos have surfaced showing how viciously this insect has attacked honeybees: it crawls into hives and rips off the heads of bees in large numbers—making its supervillain nickname, 'murder hornet,' feel disturbingly apt."

This behavior even has a name: the slaughter and occupation phase. U.S. beekeepers supply billions of honeybees each year to help pollinate at least 90 agricultural crops.

***You need to cite and quote this sentence properly, like with the other ones.

Edited sentence: According to experts, "this behavior even has a name: the slaughter and occupation phase. U.S. beekeepers supply billions of honeybees each year to help pollinate at least 90 agricultural crops."

U.S. beekeepers supply billions of honeybees each year to help pollinate at least 90 agricultural crops.

***This sentence needs the same edits as the others. Try experimenting with different phrases to introduce cited text, like, "according to the article" or "experts say that".

Edited sentence: The article says that "U.S. beekeepers supply billions of honeybees each year to help pollinate at least 90 agricultural crops."

And they are worried that this new raider could further worsen already deep losses in important pollinator populations.

***This sentence requires the same edits as the others because it is taken directly from the article.

Edited sentence: In addition to this, "they are worried that this new raider could further worsen already deep losses in important pollinator populations."

The hornet is native to Asia, ranging from Japan and Russia down to Thailand and Myanmar (formerly Burma).

***This sentence requires the same edits.

Edited sentence: Biologists state that "the hornet is native to Asia, ranging from Japan and Russia down to Thailand and Myanmar (formerly Burma)."

The first confirmed U.S. sighting was a dead specimen found in Washington State last December.

***Please apply the same edits required for the other sentences here, as well.

Edited sentence: According to them, "the first confirmed U.S. sighting was a dead specimen found in Washington State last December."

Final Edit

***This whole article summary is taken directly from the article, without any of your own words. This is plagiarism, which is not allowed and will not help you learn anything. You need to rewrite these summaries in your own words, and if you do use phrases or sentences from the article, they need to be in quotation marks. You also need to include a source at the bottom of your paragraph. When you plagiarize, it doesn't help you or the original author!

Edited paragraph:

Dangerous Hornets Invade the USA

The article states that "the Asian giant hornet (Vespa mandarinia) has arrived in North America." It also states, "In the past several days' photographs and videos have surfaced showing how viciously this insect has attacked honeybees: it crawls into hives and rips off the heads of bees in large numbers—making its supervillain nickname, 'murder hornet,' feel disturbingly apt." According to experts, "this behavior even has a name: the slaughter and occupation phase. U.S. beekeepers supply billions of honeybees each year to help pollinate at least 90 agricultural crops." The article says that "U.S. beekeepers supply billions of honeybees each year to help pollinate at least 90 agricultural crops." In addition to this, "they are worried that this new raider could further worsen already deep losses in important pollinator populations." Biologists state that "the hornet is native to Asia, ranging from Japan and Russia down to Thailand and Myanmar (formerly Burma)." According to them, "the first confirmed U.S. sighting was a dead specimen found in Washington State last December."

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/just-how-dangerous-is-the-murder-hornet/

Edited by Natasha Vatalaro



Original

How COVID-19 really spreads

The world struggled to understand how COVID-19 spread during the pandemic’s first four months, but genetic sequences of the coronavirus reported by laboratories tell the real story—when the virus arrived in each place and where it came from. The virus had not mutated significantly as of March 31, 2020; human contact created the pandemic, not a wildly evolving pathogen. Mapping the spread also substantiates actions that could have best mitigated it: faster, wider testing in China; earlier, stricter global travel bans and isolation of infected people; and more immediate social distancing worldwide.

Edits


How COVID-19 really spreads

***Good title; make sure to capitalize all words that are not "and", "in", "the", etc.

Edited title: How COVID-19 Really Spreads

The world struggled to understand how COVID-19 spread during the pandemic’s first four months, but genetic sequences of the coronavirus reported by laboratories tell the real story—when the virus arrived in each place and where it came from.

***Because these are not your own words and are taken directly from the article, start this sentence with something like, "The article states that..." and put quotation marks around the text you are citing.

Edited sentence: The article states that "the world struggled to understand how COVID-19 spread during the pandemic’s first four months, but genetic sequences of the coronavirus reported by laboratories tell the real story—when the virus arrived in each place and where it came from."

The virus had not mutated significantly as of March 31, 2020; human contact created the pandemic, not a wildly evolving pathogen.

***Again, these are not your own words, so you need to include something like the phrase, "also according to this article," and make sure to include the cited text in quotation marks.

Edited sentence: Also according to this article, "the virus had not mutated significantly as of March 31, 2020; human contact created the pandemic, not a wildly evolving pathogen."

Mapping the spread also substantiates actions that could have best mitigated it: faster, wider testing in China; earlier, stricter global travel bans and isolation of infected people; and more immediate social distancing worldwide.

***Like the other sentences, this is another direct quote from the article. Please place it in quotation marks and add a statement like, "scientists also say that..."

Edited sentence: Scientists also say that "mapping the spread also substantiates actions that could have best mitigated it: faster, wider testing in China; earlier, stricter global travel bans and isolation of infected people; and more immediate social distancing worldwide."

Final Edit

***Continuing the notes you have received on previous article summaries: you need to include at least some of your own words in these summaries; they are here to improve your own writing in addition to showing your ability to find relevant text in an article. It's great to include some cited text in your summary, but when you do, it needs to be contained in quotation marks. Without this, the words are technically plagiarized, which is very important to avoid while writing. You do not learn anything from plagiarizing articles, and you should rewrite the plagiarized text in your own words. You also need to include a source at the end of the article, so we know where you are getting your information from.

Edited paragraph:

How COVID-19 Really Spreads

The article states that "the world struggled to understand how COVID-19 spread during the pandemic’s first four months, but genetic sequences of the coronavirus reported by laboratories tell the real story—when the virus arrived in each place and where it came from." Also according to this article, "the virus had not mutated significantly as of March 31, 2020; human contact created the pandemic, not a wildly evolving pathogen." Scientists also say that "mapping the spread also substantiates actions that could have best mitigated it: faster, wider testing in China; earlier, stricter global travel bans and isolation of infected people; and more immediate social distancing worldwide."

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/virus-mutations-reveal-how-covid-19-really-spread1/

Edited by Natasha Vatalaro




Covid-19

    Scientists have long known that viral infections can affect human cellular metabolism, the system of biochemical reactions needed to provide energy for everything cells do. In the new paper, researchers showed that in live mice and human cells, infection with an influenza A virus—one of two types that typically cause seasonal flu—sets off a chain of cellular events, or a pathway, that boosts the metabolism of glucose. Although the research was not focused on the novel coronavirus, the team says the same mechanism is likely at play in the illness it causes: COVID-19. When a virus infects a cell, it steals resources in order to make copies of itself, explains Paul Thomas, an immunologist at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital in Memphis, Tenn., who was not involved in the new study.


Covid-19

*** Capitalize all the letters in “Covid-19.” This title can include more detail from the article.

Edited title: COVID-19 and the Flu

Scientists have long known that viral infections can affect human cellular metabolism, the system of biochemical reactions needed to provide energy for everything cells do.

*** Add a phrase like “According to the article” at the beginning of this sentence. Add quotation marks (“) at the beginning and at the end of sentences from the article. Explain what this quote means.

Edited sentence: According to the article, “Scientists have long known that viral infections can affect human cellular metabolism, the system of biochemical reactions needed to provide energy for everything cells do.”

In the new paper, researchers showed that in live mice and human cells, infection with an influenza A virus—one of two types that typically cause seasonal flu—sets off a chain of cellular events, or a pathway, that boosts the metabolism of glucose.

*** Add a phrase like “The article also states” at the beginning of this sentence. Add quotation marks (“) at the beginning and at the end of sentences from the article. Explain what this quote means.

Edited sentence: The article also states, “In the new paper, researchers showed that in live mice and human cells, infection with an influenza A virus—one of two types that typically cause seasonal flu—sets off a chain of cellular events, or a pathway, that boosts the metabolism of glucose.”

Although the research was not focused on the novel coronavirus, the team says the same mechanism is likely at play in the illness it causes: COVID-19.

*** Add a phrase like “The article adds” at the beginning of this sentence. Add quotation marks (“) at the beginning and at the end of sentences from the article. Explain what this quote means.

Edited sentence: The article adds, “Although the research was not focused on the novel coronavirus, the team says the same mechanism is likely at play in the illness it causes: COVID-19.”

When a virus infects a cell, it steals resources in order to make copies of itself, explains Paul Thomas, an immunologist at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital in Memphis, Tenn., who was not involved in the new study.

*** Add a phrase like “Additionally, the article states” at the beginning of this sentence. Add quotation marks (“) at the beginning and at the end of sentences from the article. Explain what this quote means.

Edited sentence: Additionally, the article states, “When a virus infects a cell, it steals resources in order to make copies of itself, explains Paul Thomas, an immunologist at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital in Memphis, Tenn., who was not involved in the new study.”

*** When using sentences from the article, you need to quote them correctly. Add a phrase like “According to the article” before quotes. To quote correctly, add quotation marks (“) at the beginning and at the end of sentences from the article. Explain what the quotes mean using sentences written in your own words.

Fully edited paragraph:

COVID-19 and the Flu

According to the article, “Scientists have long known that viral infections can affect human cellular metabolism, the system of biochemical reactions needed to provide energy for everything cells do.” The article also states, “In the new paper, researchers showed that in live mice and human cells, infection with an influenza A virus—one of two types that typically cause seasonal flu—sets off a chain of cellular events, or a pathway, that boosts the metabolism of glucose.” The article adds, “Although the research was not focused on the novel coronavirus, the team says the same mechanism is likely at play in the illness it causes: COVID-19.” Additionally, the article states, “When a virus infects a cell, it steals resources in order to make copies of itself, explains Paul Thomas, an immunologist at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital in Memphis, Tenn., who was not involved in the new study.”

Edited by Penny Yagake






Covid-19 might lead to an increase in suicide.

          K. Balakrishna, a 50-year-old Indian father-of-three, maybe the first suicide victim linked to the coronavirus epidemic. Panic is suspected of precipitating his death. Historically, disease pandemics have been associated with grave psychological consequences. This should not come as a surprise. The elderly are at particular risk. Following the SARS outbreak in 2003, there was a spike in suicide among older adults, which could be a harbinger of what’s to come. Even when the epidemic is under control and the isolation measures are lifted, the economic ripple effect will be immense. The looming economic crisis has already claimed its first suicide victim: the German state of Hesse’s finance minister Thomas Schäfer.


Covid-19 might lead to an increase in suicide.

*** Capitalize all letters in “Covid-19.”

Edited sentence: COVID-19 might lead to an increase in suicide.

K. Balakrishna, a 50-year-old Indian father-of-three, maybe the first suicide victim linked to the coronavirus epidemic. Panic is suspected of precipitating his death. Historically, disease pandemics have been associated with grave psychological consequences. This should not come as a surprise.

*** This sentence is the same as the one in this article: https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/observations/covid-19-is-likely-to-lead-to-an-increase-in-suicides/. There should be a space between “may” and “be.” Do not just copy sentences from the article. Add a phrase like “According to the article” at the beginning of this sentence. Add quotation marks (“) around sentences from the article.

Edited sentence: According to the article, “K. Balakrishna, a 50-year-old Indian father-of-three, may be the first suicide victim linked to the coronavirus epidemic. Panic is suspected of precipitating his death. Historically, disease pandemics have been associated with grave psychological consequences. This should not come as a surprise.”

The elderly are at particular risk. Following the SARS outbreak in 2003, there was a spike in suicide among older adults, which could be a harbinger of what’s to come.

*** Add a phrase like “The article also states” at the beginning of this sentence. Add quotation marks (“) around sentences from the article.

Edited sentence: The article also states, “The elderly are at particular risk. Following the SARS outbreak in 2003, there was a spike in suicide among older adults, which could be a harbinger of what’s to come.”

Even when the epidemic is under control and the isolation measures are lifted, the economic ripple effect will be immense. The looming economic crisis has already claimed its first suicide victim: the German state of Hesse’s finance minister Thomas Schäfer.

*** Add a phrase like “The article adds” at the beginning of this sentence. Add quotation marks (“) around sentences from the article.

Edited sentence: The article adds, “Even when the epidemic is under control and the isolation measures are lifted, the economic ripple effect will be immense. The looming economic crisis has already claimed its first suicide victim: the German state of Hesse’s finance minister Thomas Schäfer.”

*** Do not just copy sentences from the article. Add a phrase like “According to the article” before quotes from the article. Add quotation marks (“) around sentences from the article. Explain each quote with a sentence using your own words.

Fully edited paragraph:

COVID-19 might lead to an increase in suicide. According to the article, “K. Balakrishna, a 50-year-old Indian father-of-three, may be the first suicide victim linked to the coronavirus epidemic. Panic is suspected of precipitating his death. Historically, disease pandemics have been associated with grave psychological consequences. This should not come as a surprise.” The article also states, “The elderly are at particular risk. Following the SARS outbreak in 2003, there was a spike in suicide among older adults, which could be a harbinger of what’s to come.” The article adds, “Even when the epidemic is under control and the isolation measures are lifted, the economic ripple effect will be immense. The looming economic crisis has already claimed its first suicide victim: the German state of Hesse’s finance minister Thomas Schäfer.”

Edited by Penny Yagake






     There are ways you could make cures for the coronavirus. A virus is an unusual beast. Essentially it is a cluster of genetic material that integrates itself into a cell and takes over some of the cell’s molecular machinery, 

using it to assemble an army of viral copies. So in early January, when the alarms rang about SARS-CoV-2, Denison and Baric alerted colleagues at Gilead that they were sitting on a potential treatment. Largely because of its activity against other coronavirus strains in Denison and Baric’s animal studies, redeliver was made available to patients for “compassionate use” in January. In early April they published results showing that in mice, the new substance helped breathing and reduced the amount of many coronaviruses. In test-tube experiments with human lung cells, it drastically hindered SARS-CoV-2. Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/three-ways-to-make-coronavirus-drugs-in-a-hurry/


There are ways you could make cures for the coronavirus.

*** Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only. Here, you could replace “you could” with “to.”

Edited sentence: There are ways to make cures for the coronavirus.

A virus is an unusual beast. Essentially it is a cluster of genetic material that integrates itself into a cell and takes over some of the cell’s molecular machinery, using it to assemble an army of viral copies.

*** To credit the source, add “According to the article” at the beginning of this sentence. Place quotation marks around phrases from the article.

Edited sentence: According to the article, “A virus is an unusual beast. Essentially it is a cluster of genetic material that integrates itself into a cell and takes over some of the cell’s molecular machinery, using it to assemble an army of viral copies.”

So in early January, when the alarms rang about SARS-CoV-2, Denison and Baric alerted colleagues at Gilead that they were sitting on a potential treatment.

*** To credit the source, add “The article adds” at the beginning of this sentence. Place quotation marks around phrases from the article.

Edited sentence: The article adds, “So in early January, when the alarms rang about SARS-CoV-2, Denison and Baric alerted colleagues at Gilead that they were sitting on a potential treatment.”

Largely because of its activity against other coronavirus strains in Denison and Baric’s animal studies, redeliver was made available to patients for “compassionate use” in January.

*** Make sure the information from the article is written correctly — the drug’s name is “remdesivir,” not “redeliver.” To credit the source, add “The article also states” at the beginning of this sentence. Place quotation marks around phrases from the article. When there is another quoted phrase inside of a quote, the inside quote should use single quotation marks (‘).

Edited sentence: The article also states, “Largely because of its activity against other coronavirus strains in Denison and Baric’s animal studies, remdesivir was made available to patients for ‘compassionate use’ in January.”

In early April they published results showing that in mice, the new substance helped breathing and reduced the amount of many coronaviruses. In test-tube experiments with human lung cells, it drastically hindered SARS-CoV-2.

*** To credit the source, add “Additionally” at the beginning of this sentence. Place quotation marks around phrases from the article.

Edited sentence: Additionally, “In early April they published results showing that in mice, the new substance helped breathing and reduced the amount of many coronaviruses. In test-tube experiments with human lung cells, it drastically hindered SARS-CoV-2.”

*** You can use quotes, but you also need to summarize the article in your own words. Explain what the quotes mean. Make sure that the information included in the summary is written correctly according to the source. Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only.

Fully edited article:

There are ways to make cures for the coronavirus. According to the article, “A virus is an unusual beast. Essentially it is a cluster of genetic material that integrates itself into a cell and takes over some of the cell’s molecular machinery, using it to assemble an army of viral copies.” The article adds, “So in early January, when the alarms rang about SARS-CoV-2, Denison and Baric alerted colleagues at Gilead that they were sitting on a potential treatment.” The article also states, “Largely because of its activity against other coronavirus strains in Denison and Baric’s animal studies, remdesivir was made available to patients for ‘compassionate use’ in January.” Additionally, “In early April they published results showing that in mice, the new substance helped breathing and reduced the amount of many coronaviruses. In test-tube experiments with human lung cells, it drastically hindered SARS-CoV-2.”

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/three-ways-to-make-coronavirus-drugs-in-a-hurry/

Edited by Penny Yagake






Bill Gates has a fantasy dream of jabbing every person on the planet with one of his “philanthropic” vaccines. The guy lives to vaccinate, and it’s really the only thing he ever seems to talk about. Sure, he’ll occasionally mention pharmaceuticals as well – never nutrition, by the way – but vaccines are Gates’ thing, for which he almost has a bizarre type of fetish. Gates has admitted on numerous occasions that he supports mass depopulation of the planet, and has even admitted that vaccines are part of what’s going to make that happen. "Gates appears confident that the COVID-19 crisis will now give him the opportunity to force his dictatorial vaccine programs on all American children – and adults."-CHD. Source: https://www.naturalnews.com/2020-04-17-coronavirus-dream-come-true-for-bill-gates-lives-to-vaccinate.html


Bill Gates has a fantasy dream of jabbing every person on the planet with one of his “philanthropic” vaccines.

*** Use quotation marks around phrases from the article. When there is another quote inside of a quote from an article, put single quotation marks (‘) around the inside quote.

Edited sentence: Bill Gates has a “fantasy dream of jabbing every person on the planet with one of his ‘philanthropic’ vaccines.”

The guy lives to vaccinate, and it’s really the only thing he ever seems to talk about.

*** Add “According to the article” before the quoted phrase. Use quotation marks around phrases from the article.

Edited sentence: According to the article, “The guy lives to vaccinate, and it’s really the only thing he ever seems to talk about.”

Sure, he’ll occasionally mention pharmaceuticals as well – never nutrition, by the way – but vaccines are Gates’ thing, for which he almost has a bizarre type of fetish.

*** Add “The article adds” before the quoted phrase. Use quotation marks around phrases from the article.

Edited sentence: The article adds, “Sure, he’ll occasionally mention pharmaceuticals as well – never nutrition, by the way – but vaccines are Gates’ thing, for which he almost has a bizarre type of fetish.”

Gates has admitted on numerous occasions that he supports mass depopulation of the planet, and has even admitted that vaccines are part of what’s going to make that happen.

*** Add “The article states” before the quoted phrase. Use quotation marks around phrases from the article.

Edited sentence: The article states, “Gates has admitted on numerous occasions that he supports mass depopulation of the planet, and has even admitted that vaccines are part of what’s going to make that happen.”

"Gates appears confident that the COVID-19 crisis will now give him the opportunity to force his dictatorial vaccine programs on all American children – and adults."-CHD.

*** Add “According to Children’s Health Defense” at the beginning of this sentence.

Edited sentence: According to Children’s Health Defense, “Gates appears confident that the COVID-19 crisis will now give him the opportunity to force his dictatorial vaccine programs on all American children – and adults.”

*** Create a title for your article summary. Do not copy sentences from the article. You must write your own sentences summarizing the article or use quotes. To quote, use the phrase, “According to the article,” and place quotation marks around the quote. Then explain what the quotes mean.

Fully edited article:

Bill Gates has a “fantasy dream of jabbing every person on the planet with one of his ‘philanthropic’ vaccines.” According to the article, “The guy lives to vaccinate, and it’s really the only thing he ever seems to talk about.” The article adds, “Sure, he’ll occasionally mention pharmaceuticals as well – never nutrition, by the way – but vaccines are Gates’ thing, for which he almost has a bizarre type of fetish.” The article states, “Gates has admitted on numerous occasions that he supports mass depopulation of the planet, and has even admitted that vaccines are part of what’s going to make that happen.” According to Children’s Health Defense, “Gates appears confident that the COVID-19 crisis will now give him the opportunity to force his dictatorial vaccine programs on all American children – and adults.”

Source: https://www.naturalnews.com/2020-04-17-coronavirus-dream-come-true-for-bill-gates-lives-to-vaccinate.html

Edited by Penny Yagake






There is a problem telling children that they're better than others. Children can learn to always compare themselves with those around them and become trapped in a vicious cycle of competition. Social comparisons are well-intentioned: we want to make children feel proud and motivate them to achieve. As one writer for the Novak Djokovic Foundation has noted, “Winning a game or being the best in the class gives children a good feeling about themselves and makes them proud,” and it helps “children get motivated to take the next steps to achieve even bigger goals, such as jumping even further.” Such awards, however, may not abolish social comparisons: despite receiving the same trophy, children are sensitive to even minor differences in performance between themselves and others. One well-known strategy to eliminate social comparisons is to provide children with participation trophies. Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-problem-with-telling-children-theyre-better-than-others/


There is a problem telling children that they're better than others.

*** Add “with” after “problem.”

Edited sentence: There is a problem with telling children that they’re better than others.

Children can learn to always compare themselves with those around them and become trapped in a vicious cycle of competition.

*** This sentence is from the article. Do not copy sentences from the article. You must write your own sentences summarizing the article or use quotes. To quote, use the phrase, “According to the article,” and place quotation marks around the quote.

Edited sentence: According to the article, “Children can learn to always compare themselves with those around them and become trapped in a vicious cycle of competition.”

Social comparisons are well-intentioned: we want to make children feel proud and motivate them to achieve.

*** This sentence is also from the article — the only difference is that a hyphen has been placed between “well” and “intentioned.” Again, do not copy from the article, and write your own sentences summarizing the article or use quotes.

Edited sentence: The article also states, “Social comparisons are well intentioned: we want to make children feel proud and motivate them to achieve.”

As one writer for the Novak Djokovic Foundation has noted, “Winning a game or being the best in the class gives children a good feeling about themselves and makes them proud,” and it helps “children get motivated to take the next steps to achieve even bigger goals, such as jumping even further.”

*** This is also from the article. Again, do not copy from the article, and write your own sentences summarizing the article or use quotes.

Such awards, however, may not abolish social comparisons: despite receiving the same trophy, children are sensitive to even minor differences in performance between themselves and others.

*** This is also from the article. Again, do not copy from the article, and write your own sentences summarizing the article or use quotes.

One well-known strategy to eliminate social comparisons is to provide children with participation trophies.

*** This is also from the article. Again, do not copy from the article, and write your own sentences summarizing the article or use quotes.

*** Create a title for your article summary. Do not copy sentences from the article. You must write your own sentences summarizing the article or use quotes. To quote, use the phrase, “According to the article,” and place quotation marks around the quote. Then explain what the quotes mean. Only the edited sentences are included in the edited article below.

Edited article:

There is a problem with telling children that they’re better than others. According to the article, “Children can learn to always compare themselves with those around them and become trapped in a vicious cycle of competition.” The article also states, “Social comparisons are well intentioned: we want to make children feel proud and motivate them to achieve.”

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-problem-with-telling-children-theyre-better-than-others/

Edited by Penny Yagake






33-year-old Jack Pantall used his tractor to create his own heartwarming tribute to the British National Health System (NHS) by using his tractor to plow a giant rainbow into one of his fields. The dad-of-two said he wanted to show his support for all of the NHS heroes—particularly since his 31-year-old brother Harry is a paramedic and his sister-in-law works as a doctor. In addition to broadcasting his message of support to NHS workers, Pantall has also set up a JustGiving page to support hospital staffers—and he hopes his stunt can help raise money and spirits. The rainbow has become a symbol of support for people wanting to show solidarity with health workers on the front lines of the novel coronavirus pandemic.

Source: https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/farmer-plows-tribute-to-nhs-workers-into-his-field/


33-year-old Jack Pantall used his tractor to create his own heartwarming tribute to the British National Health System (NHS) by using his tractor to plow a giant rainbow into one of his fields.

*** Since the tractor is already mentioned once at the beginning of this sentence, replace “by using his tractor to plow” with “by plowing.” Add quotation marks around phrases from the source article.

Edited sentence: 33-year-old Jack Pantall used his tractor to create “his own heartwarming tribute to the British National Health System (NHS)” by plowing “a giant rainbow into one of his fields.”

The dad-of-two said he wanted to show his support for all of the NHS heroes—particularly since his 31-year-old brother Harry is a paramedic and his sister-in-law works as a doctor.

*** This is exactly the same as the article. Reword this sentence with your own words or make this a quote.

In addition to broadcasting his message of support to NHS workers, Pantall has also set up a JustGiving page to support hospital staffers—and he hopes his stunt can help raise money and spirits.

*** This is also exactly the same as the article. Reword this sentence with your own words or make this a quote.

The rainbow has become a symbol of support for people wanting to show solidarity with health workers on the front lines of the novel coronavirus pandemic.

*** This is also exactly the same as the article. Reword this sentence with your own words or make this a quote.

*** Create a title for your article summary. Do not copy from the article. You must write your own sentences or include quotes. Summarize the article. Watch out for repeating phrases, as in the first sentence. Only the edited sentence is included in the fully edited article below.

Fully edited article:

33-year-old Jack Pantall used his tractor to create “his own heartwarming tribute to the British National Health System (NHS)” by plowing “a giant rainbow into one of his fields.”

Source: https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/farmer-plows-tribute-to-nhs-workers-into-his-field/

Edited by Penny Yagake






December 21 is the Crossword Puzzle Day

    The Crossword Puzzle Day is on December 21. It is celebrated to remember the day that crosswords were invented.  The object of a crossword puzzle is to fill in the white spaces of a grid with the correct words using the clues provided. The clues to more challenging puzzles read like riddles and trivia, making the game more complex. Crossword puzzles may help delay the effects of dementia or sharpen the brain for problem-solving and can increase vocabulary and even relieve the mind from the stress of the day by focusing on something other than worldly problems. These are the reasons that you should celebrate the Crossword Puzzle Day. 

Source: https://nationaldaycalendar.com/crossword-puzzle-day-december-21/


December 21 is the Crossword Puzzle Day

*** Remove “the.”

Edited title: December 21 is Crossword Puzzle Day

The Crossword Puzzle Day is on December 21.

*** Remove “The.”

Edited sentence: Crossword Puzzle Day is on December 21.

It is celebrated to remember the day that crosswords were invented.

*** Good, but remove the extra space after this sentence.

The object of a crossword puzzle is to fill in the white spaces of a grid with the correct words using the clues provided.

*** This sentence is exactly the same as the source. Rewrite this sentence with your own words or quote it.

The clues to more challenging puzzles read like riddles and trivia, making the game more complex.

*** This sentence is almost exactly the same as the source, except that “and trivia” has been added. Please rewrite this sentence or quote it.

Crossword puzzles may help delay the effects of dementia or sharpen the brain for problem-solving and can increase vocabulary and even relieve the mind from the stress of the day by focusing on something other than worldly problems.

*** Add quotation marks around quoted phrases.

Edited sentence: Crossword puzzles “may help delay the effects of dementia or sharpen the brain for problem-solving” and can “increase vocabulary and even relieve the mind from the stress of the day by focusing on something other than worldly problems.”

These are the reasons that you should celebrate the Crossword Puzzle Day.

*** Avoid second person point of view. Use third person point of view only. Replace “you” with “people.”

Edited sentence: These are reasons that people should celebrate Crossword Puzzle Day.

*** Do not copy exact sentences from the source. You must either create your own sentences or quote the source. Use third person point of view only for these article summaries. Instead of using “you,” use other pronouns such as “people.”

Fully edited article:

December 21 is Crossword Puzzle Day

Crossword Puzzle Day is on December 21. It is celebrated to remember the day that crosswords were invented. Crossword puzzles “may help delay the effects of dementia or sharpen the brain for problem-solving” and can “increase vocabulary and even relieve the mind from the stress of the day by focusing on something other than worldly problems.” These are reasons that people should celebrate Crossword Puzzle Day.

Source: https://nationaldaycalendar.com/crossword-puzzle-day-december-21/

Edited by Penny Yagake





December 20 is the National Ugly Christmas Sweater Day

    During 2014, The holiday lover partnered with Save the Children in their “Make the World Better with a Sweater” campaign. So every year, they could have a chance to wear their ugly sweaters. The holiday was created as a way to lighten up the busy holidays and to show off their absurdly, ugly sweaters. The holiday has grown in popularity and is celebrated all over the world.  You could wear your ugliest Christmas sweater. You should also use #UglyChristmasSweaterDay or #ChristmasSweaterDay to post on social media. This is why the National Ugly Christmas Sweater Day is so popular across the world.

Source: https://nationaldaycalendar.com/national-ugly-christmas-sweater-day-third-friday-in-december/


December 20 is the National Ugly Christmas Sweater Day

*** Remove “the.” Note that December 20 was the day for 2019, but in 2020, the day is December 18.

Edited title: December 18 is National Ugly Christmas Sweater Day

During 2014, The holiday lover partnered with Save the Children in their “Make the World Better with a Sweater” campaign.

*** Remove the first “The.” Add an “s” after “lover” since there is more than one “lover.” Add quotation marks around quoted phrases.

Edited sentence: During 2014, holiday lovers “partnered with Save the Children in their ‘Make the World Better with a Sweater’ campaign.”

So every year, they could have a chance to wear their ugly sweaters.

*** Good.

The holiday was created as a way to lighten up the busy holidays and to show off their absurdly, ugly sweaters.

*** Put quotation marks around the quoted part.

Edited sentence: The holiday was created “as a way to lighten up the busy holidays and to show off their absurdly, ugly sweaters.”

The holiday has grown in popularity and is celebrated all over the world.

*** Remove the extra space after this sentence.

Edited sentence: The holiday has grown in popularity and is celebrated all over the world.

You could wear your ugliest Christmas sweater.

*** Avoid second person point of view. Remove “you” and replace it with another pronoun such as “a person” or “people.” Use third person point of view only.

Edited sentence: People could wear their ugliest Christmas sweater.

You should also use #UglyChristmasSweaterDay or #ChristmasSweaterDay to post on social media.

***Avoid second person point of view. Use third person point of view only. This sentence can be combined with the previous sentence to help the article fit the six sentence structure.

Edited sentence: People could wear their ugliest Christmas sweater and use #UglyChristmasSweaterDay or #ChristmasSweaterDay to post on social media.

This is why the National Ugly Christmas Sweater Day is so popular across the world.

*** Remove the first “the.”

Edited sentence: This is why National Ugly Christmas Sweater Day is so popular across the world.

*** Do not use second person point of view (you, your). Use third person point of view only. This means replace “you” with another pronoun such as “people,” “a person,” or other pronouns depending on the article. Remember that the article summary needs six sentences.

Fully edited article:

December 18 is National Ugly Christmas Sweater Day

During 2014, holiday lovers “partnered with Save the Children in their ‘Make the World Better with a Sweater’ campaign.” So every year, they could have a chance to wear their ugly sweaters. The holiday was created “as a way to lighten up the busy holidays and to show off their absurdly, ugly sweaters.” The holiday has grown in popularity and is celebrated all over the world. People could wear their ugliest Christmas sweater and use #UglyChristmasSweaterDay or #ChristmasSweaterDay to post on social media. This is why National Ugly Christmas Sweater Day is so popular across the world.

Source: https://nationaldaycalendar.com/national-ugly-christmas-sweater-day-third-friday-in-december/

Edited by Penny Yagake




Mosquitos!

      The first thing that comes to your mind when hearing the word mosquito is probably the itchy annoying bite on your neck. But do you know why the mosquitos want to suck your blood? Scientists have discovered that there is another reason that mosquitos want to suck your blood.  Even though they suck your blood to get protein for their babies, the blood you have in your body also works as a cool, and refreshing drink for mosquitos. They tend to be a lot more aggressive if they are dehydrated.  Because they lay their eggs in the water, they tend to spread more diseases if the water is polluted. This is why mosquitos want to suck your blood.

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-other-reason-mosquitoes-want-to-suck-your-blood/


Mosquitos!

*** Spell as “Mosquitoes.”

Edited title: Mosquitoes!

The first thing that comes to your mind when hearing the word mosquito is probably the itchy annoying bite on your neck.

*** Avoid second person point of view — remove “your.” Use only third person point of view. Avoid using the word “thing.” Instead, state what that thing is, or describe it. Put quotation marks around “mosquito.”

Edited sentence: The first thought that comes to a person’s mind when hearing the word “mosquito” is probably the itchy annoying bite on their neck.

But do you know why the mosquitos want to suck your blood?

*** Avoid second person point of view — remove “your.” Use only third person point of view. “mosquitos” should be spelled with an “e” after the “o.”

Edited sentence: But do people know why the mosquitoes want to suck their blood?

Scientists have discovered that there is another reason that mosquitos want to suck your blood.

*** Remove the extra space after this sentence. Avoid second person point of view — remove “your.” Use only third person point of view. “mosquitos” should be spelled with an “e” after the “o.”

Edited sentence: Scientists have discovered that there is another reason that mosquitoes want to suck people’s blood.

Even though they suck your blood to get protein for their babies, the blood you have in your body also works as a cool, and refreshing drink for mosquitos.

*** Remove the comma after “cool.” Avoid second person point of view — remove “your.” Use only third person point of view. “mosquitos” should be spelled with an “e” after the “o.”

Edited sentence: Even though they suck human blood to get protein for their babies, the blood people have in their bodies also works as a cool and refreshing drink for mosquitoes.

They tend to be a lot more aggressive if they are dehydrated.

*** Good.

Because they lay their eggs in the water, they tend to spread more diseases if the water is polluted.

*** Where does the source discuss polluted water? According to the source, mosquitoes tend to spread more diseases during droughts because they drink blood instead.

Edited sentence: Because they lay their eggs in the water, they tend to spread more diseases during droughts.

This is why mosquitos want to suck your blood.

*** Avoid second person point of view — remove “your.” Use only third person point of view.

Edited sentence: This is why mosquitoes want to suck people’s blood.

*** Make sure that the information in the summary is correct according to the source. Use only third person point of view. This means replace “you” with another pronoun such as “people,” “a person,” or other pronouns depending on the article. Remember that the summary needs six sentences.

Fully edited article:

Mosquitoes!

The first thought that comes to a person’s mind when hearing the word “mosquito” is probably the itchy annoying bite on their neck. But do people know why the mosquitoes want to suck their blood? Scientists have discovered that there is another reason that mosquitoes want to suck people’s blood. Even though they suck human blood to get protein for their babies, the blood people have in their bodies also works as a cool and refreshing drink for mosquitoes. They tend to be a lot more aggressive if they are dehydrated. Because they lay their eggs in the water, they tend to spread more diseases during droughts. This is why mosquitoes want to suck people’s blood. Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-other-reason-mosquitoes-want-to-suck-your-blood/

Edited by Penny Yagake






The Invention of the Single Sliced Pizza

     Every second, Americans eat about 350 slices per second! But how did it even get invented? Well, you know that America is made of immigrants, right? 4 million out of the 20 million people that immigrate to America are Italian. They traveled west and went to suburbia, which injected gooey cheese and tomato sauce that we put on our everyday pizza. Since they have so many pizza and so many American pizzerias, they invented the single slice pizza. This enabled hectic operators to eat on the go and could be done a lot quicker. This is how the single sliced pizza was invented.

Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/why-is-pizza-so-popular-in-the-u.s/


The Invention of the Single Sliced Pizza

*** Remove the “d” in “Sliced.”

Edited sentence: The Invention of the Single Slice Pizza

Every second, Americans eat about 350 slices per second!

*** The “per second” at the end is not needed because you already have “Every second” at the beginning of this sentence. Write “350 slices of pizza” so that the reader will know what these slices are.

Edited sentence: Every second, Americans eat about 350 slices of pizza!

But how did it even get invented?

*** Good.

Well, you know that America is made of immigrants, right?

*** Avoid second person point of view (“you”). Use third person point of view instead.

Edited sentence: Well, America is made of immigrants.

4 million out of the 20 million people that immigrate to America are Italian.

*** This is the number of people that immigrated in the past according to the source, so the verbs “immigrate” and “are” should be in past tense. If there is a number at the beginning of a sentence, it should be spelled out.

Edited sentence: Four million out of the 20 million people that immigrated to America were Italian.

They traveled west and went to suburbia, which injected gooey cheese and tomato sauce that we put on our everyday pizza.

*** Avoid first person point of view (“we” and “our”) and use third person point of view. Add “the” after “injected.”

Edited sentence: They traveled west and went to suburbia, which injected the gooey cheese and tomato sauce that is put on everyday pizza.

Since they have so many pizza and so many American pizzerias, they invented the single slice pizza.

*** “have” should be “had” since this sentence is describing an event in the past.

Edited sentence: Since they had so many pizzas and so many American pizzerias, they invented the single slice pizza.

This enabled hectic operators to eat on the go and could be done a lot quicker.

*** Add “eating” after “and.”

Edited sentence: This enabled hectic operators to eat on the go and eating could be done a lot quicker.

This is how the single sliced pizza was invented.

*** Remove the “d” in “sliced.”

Edited sentence: This is how the single slice pizza was invented.

*** Read over your sentences to make sure information is not repeated. Also make sure that the tense in each sentence is consistent — if an event occurred in the past, then the verbs should be in the past. Use third person point of view, and do not use first person point of view (I, me, our) or second person point of view (you, your). Remember that the article summary needs six sentences. Additionally, check the source link to see that it works — for the link listed in the source for this article, the slash at the end of the link needed to be removed for it to work.

Fully edited paragraph:

Every second, Americans eat about 350 slices of pizza! But how did it even get invented? Well, America is made of immigrants. Four million out of the 20 million people that immigrated to America were Italian. They traveled west and went to suburbia, which injected the gooey cheese and tomato sauce that is put on everyday pizza. Since they had so many pizzas and so many American pizzerias, they invented the single slice pizza. This enabled hectic operators to eat on the go and eating could be done a lot quicker. This is how the single slice pizza was invented. Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/why-is-pizza-so-popular-in-the-u.s

Edited by Penny Yagake







WW3

Relations with Iraq were destroyed when the US launched a drone strike near Baghdad’s international airport on 1/3/20. The Parliament voted to expel US forces from the country. Iraq leaders are angry about the US drone strike.

Source: https://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2020/01/15/us/politics/ap-us-united-states-iraq.html?searchResultPosition=7

WW3

Relations with Iraq were destroyed when the US launched a drone strike near Baghdad’s international airport on 1/3/20.

*** Write out dates. 1/3/20 should be written as January 3, 2020. “US” should be written as “U.S.”

Edited sentence: Relations with Iraq were destroyed when the U.S. launched a drone strike near Baghdad’s international airport on January 3, 2020.

The Parliament voted to expel US forces from the country.

*** Which Parliament? “US” should be written as “U.S.”

Edited sentence: The Parliament voted to expel U.S. forces from the country.

Iraq leaders are angry about the US drone strike.

*** Add an ‘s after “Iraq.” “US” should be written as “U.S.”

Edited sentence: Iraq’s leaders are angry about the U.S. drone strike.

*** According to the New York Times website, the article is no longer available. However, remember that your article summary needs six sentences. Write out dates fully and write “US” as “U.S.” And remember to include important information — there are many parliaments, so include in the summary which parliament is mentioned here.

Fully edited article:

Relations with Iraq were destroyed when the U.S. launched a drone strike near Baghdad’s international airport on January 3, 2020. The Parliament voted to expel U.S. forces from the country. Iraq’s leaders are angry about the U.S. drone strike. Source: https://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2020/01/15/us/politics/ap-us-united-states-iraq.html?searchResultPosition=7

Edited by Penny Yagake






American Airlines pilots sue to stop flights to China

       Ever since the coronavirus outbreak, the U.S. pilots are suing the airlines and most pilots refuse to fly to China. The virus is a public health emergency. Several international carriers have stopped flying to China. The U.S. has not canceled any U.S.-China flights.

Source: https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2020/jan/30/american-airlines-pilots-sue-over-china-flights/


American Airlines pilots sue to stop flights to China


*** This title is the same as the source. Please create your own title.


Ever since the coronavirus outbreak, the U.S. pilots are suing the airlines and most pilots refuse to fly to China.


*** “the” is not needed before “U.S. pilots.” Since the source is discussing one airline, “airlines” does not need an “s.”


Edited sentence: Ever since the coronavirus outbreak, U.S. pilots are suing the airline and most pilots refuse to fly to China.


The virus is a public health emergency.


*** This is okay.


Several international carriers have stopped flying to China.


*** Since this comes from a person’s statement, I would include the name of the person who said this.


Edited sentence: According to the Allied Pilots Association President, Eric Ferguson, several international carriers have stopped flying to China.


The U.S. has not canceled any U.S.-China flights.


*** Specifically, American Airlines has not canceled any U.S.-China flights, not the whole U.S.


Edited sentence: American Airlines has not canceled any U.S.-China flights.


*** Remember that the article summary should have six sentences.


Fully edited article:


American Airlines pilots sue to stop flights to China


Ever since the coronavirus outbreak, U.S. pilots are suing the airline and most pilots refuse to fly to China. The virus is a public health emergency. According to the Allied Pilots Association President, Eric Ferguson, several international carriers have stopped flying to China. American Airlines has not canceled any U.S.-China flights. Source: https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2020/jan/30/american-airlines-pilots-sue-over-china-flights/
Edited by Penny Yagake






Simple Blood Tests Could Revolutionize Cancer Treatment

        Dolbier was surprised to learn that the medical center was part of a research trial that would analyze tiny fragments of cancer DNA that the tumor had shed in her blood. Partially thanks to therapies, the American Cancer Society announced earlier this year the biggest single-year drop in cancer mortality, between 2016 and 2017. Sequencing machines could analyze fetal DNA in the mother’s blood and detect a baby’s risk of Down syndrome in addition to several other genetic disorders as early as nine weeks into a pregnancy. 

Source: https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/how-simple-blood-tests-could-revolutionize-cancer-treatment-180974140/

Simple Blood Tests Could Revolutionize Cancer Treatment

      • This title is almost the same as the source article, except that “How” has been removed. More than that has to be changed. Please create your own title.
      Dolbier was surprised to learn that the medical center was part of a research trial that would analyze tiny fragments of cancer DNA that the tumor had shed in her blood.

      • This sentence is copied exactly from the source article. Rewrite this sentence with your own words.
Partially thanks to therapies, the American Cancer Society announced earlier this year the biggest single-year drop in cancer mortality, between 2016 and 2017.

      • This sentence is nearly the same as the source article, except that “such drug” before “therapies” has been removed. Rewrite this sentence with your own words.
Sequencing machines could analyze fetal DNA in the mother’s blood and detect a baby’s risk of Down syndrome in addition to several other genetic disorders as early as nine weeks into a pregnancy. 

      • This sentence is copied exactly from the source article. Rewrite this sentence with your own words.
      • As stated before, you must write these sentences with your own words to improve your own writing. You cannot just change a few words from the source article. Also remember to follow the six sentence structure.

Edited by Penny Yagake






Megalodons!

      Researchers say that the 60-80 feet shark was extinct even before humans were born. The largest megalodon tooth measures around 7 inches (17.8 centimeters) in length, which is almost three times longer than those of great white sharks. That giant size led ancient peoples to theorize about the creatures' origins. "Original calculations greatly overestimated the size of megalodon," Marty Becker, a William Paterson University Professor of environmental science who studies shark paleontology said. Megalodon teeth have been found on every continent except Antarctica. Megalodon may have gone extinct when these seas dried up, the ice age began and water was locked up at the poles, according to Discovery. The shark either starved or was frozen into extinction. It may have even eaten other sharks, according to Discovery.

https://www.livescience.com/63361-megalodon-facts.html

Megalodons!

    Researchers say that the 60-80 feet shark was extinct even before humans were born.

      • To say “before humans evolved” would be more accurate. There should be a hyphen after “80,” but writing “60-80-feet shark” might look confusing, so I reworded this part.

Edited sentence: Researchers say that the megalodon, measuring 60-80 feet long, was extinct even before humans evolved.

The largest megalodon tooth measures around 7 inches (17.8 centimeters) in length, which is almost three times longer than those of great white sharks.

      • This sentence is copied from the source. Rewrite this sentence.
That giant size led ancient peoples to theorize about the creatures' origins.

      • This sentence is also copied from the source. Rewrite this sentence. You could even combine this sentence with the previous sentence.
"Original calculations greatly overestimated the size of megalodon," Marty Becker, a William Paterson University Professor of environmental science who studies shark paleontology said.

      • This is very close to the original sentence in the source, except that “told Live Science” has been changed to “said.”
Megalodon teeth have been found on every continent except Antarctica. 

      • This sentence is copied from the source. Rewrite this sentence.

Megalodon may have gone extinct when these seas dried up, the ice age began and water was locked up at the poles, according to Discovery.

      • This sentence is also copied from the source. Rewrite this sentence.
The shark either starved or was frozen into extinction.

      • This sentence, like the previous two sentences, is copied from and written in the same sequence as the source. Rewrite this sentence.
It may have even eaten other sharks, according to Discovery.

      • This sentence is also copied from the source. Rewrite this sentence.
      • Only the first sentence of this article is acceptable. The rest of this article is either copied directly from the source or has only one or two words changed — both of these are still considered plagiarism. Some sentences in this article follow the same sequence as the source. You must write your own sentences to improve your own writing. Read the source article and summarize the information without copying the source.


Edited article:

Megalodons!

Researchers say that the megalodon, measuring 60-80 feet long, was extinct even before humans evolved. Source: https://www.livescience.com/63361-megalodon-facts.html

Original article:

Megalodons!

    Researchers say that the 60-80 feet shark was extinct even before humans were born. The largest megalodon tooth measures around 7 inches (17.8 centimeters) in length, which is almost three times longer than those of great white sharks. That giant size led ancient peoples to theorize about the creatures' origins. "Original calculations greatly overestimated the size of megalodon," Marty Becker, a William Paterson University Professor of environmental science who studies shark paleontology said. Megalodon teeth have been found on every continent except Antarctica. Megalodon may have gone extinct when these seas dried up, the ice age began and water was locked up at the poles, according to Discovery. The shark either starv

ed or was frozen into extinction. It may have even eaten other sharks, according to Discovery.

https://www.livescience.com/63361-megalodon-facts.html

Edited by Penny Yagake






Married Off-Duty Police Officers Cut Date Night Short to Stop Armed Robber at Restaurant

      There were two police officers who were on a date. When they were about to finish eating, a thief came and was about to steal money. They chased after the thief and the thief cornered himself. Since they first shared dinner at Raising Cane’s on their wedding night, Chase and Nicole McKeown say they have been going out on weekly date nights at the recommendation of their local church—although this most recent evening was apparently the most interesting by far. 

https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/married-cops-having-date-night-stop-armed-restaurant-robber/

Married Off-Duty Police Officers Cut Date Night Short to Stop Armed Robber at Restaurant

    There were two police officers who were on a date.

      • I suggest mentioning “Chase and Nicole McKeown” here since this sentence identifies them as police officers. I added the police department’s name and the restaurant's name to give the reader more background. “There were” is not needed.

Edited sentence: Two police officers, Chase and Nicole McKeown from the Elizabethtown Police Department, were on a date at Raising Cane’s Chicken Fingers.

When they were about to finish eating, a thief came and was about to steal money. 

      • I do not see a section in the source article that mentions this occurred specifically when “they were about to finish eating.” If this happens to be a quote from another source, you must credit the source. Since you use “robber” in the title, I changed “thief” to “robber” so that the use of the word would be consistent through this article.

Edited sentence: While they were eating, a robber came in and was about to steal money from the restaurant.

They chased after the thief and the thief cornered himself.

      • This sentence would be good except the source does not state that the robber cornered himself — rather, the police officers cornered him.

Edited sentence: The police officers chased after the robber and cornered him.

Since they first shared dinner at Raising Cane’s on their wedding night, Chase and Nicole McKeown say they have been going out on weekly date nights at the recommendation of their local church—although this most recent evening was apparently the most interesting by far. 

      • Remember that your article needs six sentences. This article is an improvement from the previous ones I have seen, but the last sentence indicates plagiarism and should be rewritten. You must either write the information in your own words or quote the source and credit them properly, otherwise it is considered plagiarism.

Edited article:

Married Off-Duty Police Officers Cut Date Night Short to Stop Armed Robber at Restaurant

Two police officers, Chase and Nicole McKeown from the Elizabethtown Police Department, were on a date at Raising Cane’s Chicken Fingers. While they were eating, a robber came in and was about to steal money from the restaurant. The police officers chased after the robber and cornered him.

Source: https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/married-cops-having-date-night-stop-armed-restaurant-robber/

Original article:

Married Off-Duty Police Officers Cut Date Night Short to Stop Armed Robber at Restaurant

    There were two police officers who were on a date. When they were about to finish eating, a thief came and was about to steal money. They chased after the thief and the thief cornered himself. Since they first shared dinner at Raising Cane’s on their wedding night, Chase and Nicole McKeown say they have been going out on weekly date nights at the recommendation of their local church—although this most recent evening was apparently the most interesting by far. 

https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/married-cops-having-date-night-stop-armed-restaurant-robber/

Edited by Penny Yagake






A heartwarming story

      A 2-year-old boy’s simple gesture of love towards a pizza delivery driver has generated a ripple effect of kindness for the man and his family. Last week, Lindsey Sheely was receiving a pizza delivery order at her home in West Warwick, Rhode Island, when her son Cohen felt compelled to run out to the driver on the porch and offer him a hug as a thank you for their dinner.  Catterson’s GoFundMe campaign to raise money for his daughter’s funeral expenses has surged past its original goal, garnering more than $28,000 in donations. 

https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/2-year-old-hugs-grieving-delivery-driver-who-just-lost-his-daughter/

A heartwarming story

      • Remember to capitalize all the words in the title unless there are particles such as “the” or “of. There are many stories that can be considered heartwarming, so this title should include details more specific to the source.

Edited title: Two-Year-Old’s Hug Warms a Pizza Delivery Man's Heart

    A 2-year-old boy’s simple gesture of love towards a pizza delivery driver has generated a ripple effect of kindness for the man and his family. 
      • This sentence is exactly the same as the source. This is plagiarism, meaning taking someone else's words and ideas as your own. Plagiarizing does not improve writing. You must use your own words to write your article.


Last week, Lindsey Sheely was receiving a pizza delivery order at her home in West Warwick, Rhode Island, when her son Cohen felt compelled to run out to the driver on the porch and offer him a hug as a thank you for their dinner.

      • Again, this is plagiarism because this sentence is an exact copy of the sentence in the source. The only difference is that “and kiss on the cheek” has been removed. Do not copy exact sentences from the article. You must write this information in your own words.


Catterson’s GoFundMe campaign to raise money for his daughter’s funeral expenses has surged past its original goal, garnering more than $28,000 in donations.

      • Again, this is plagiarism. You must use your own words.



Edited article:

Two-Year-Old's Hug Warms a Pizza Delivery Man's Heart

    A 2-year-old boy’s simple gesture of love towards a pizza delivery driver has generated a ripple effect of kindness for the man and his family. Last week, Lindsey Sheely was receiving a pizza delivery order at her home in West Warwick, Rhode Island, when her son Cohen felt compelled to run out to the driver on the porch and offer him a hug as a thank you for their dinner.  Catterson’s GoFundMe campaign to raise money for his daughter’s funeral expenses has surged past its original goal, garnering more than $28,000 in donations. 

Source: https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/2-year-old-hugs-grieving-delivery-driver-who-just-lost-his-daughter/

Edited by Penny Yagake






Whales help against climate change

      Great blue whales—and their poo—have on climate change. It is all due to the control of whale fecal matter in the diets of the tiny ocean residents called phytoplankton. The top ocean layer “fecal plumes” provide a key food source for phytoplankton which feeds on non-organic nutrients like nitrates, phosphates, and sulfur.“At a minimum, even a 1% increase in phytoplankton productivity thanks to whale activity would capture hundreds of millions of tons of additional CO2 a year, equivalent to the sudden appearance of 2 billion mature trees,” writes Chiami. Dr.Chiami suggests that since phytoplankton populations expand wherever whales are, a significant effort should be made to combat climate change by encouraging the growth and protection of whale populations.

Whales help against climate change

      • Remember to capitalize all the words in the title unless there are particles such as “the” or “of.”

Edited title: Whales Help Against Climate Change

    Great blue whales—and their poo—have on climate change.
      • This sentence is taken directly from this source: https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/whales-feces-could-significantly-combat-climate-change/. If you are quoting directly from the source, include quotation marks before and after the quote. Otherwise, paraphrase and write this information out in your own words. Do not take direct phrases from a source without crediting the source — this is plagiarism. This sentence is also incomplete. What do great blue whales and their feces have on climate change? A more formal term to use for “poo” would be “feces.”

Edited sentence: Great blue whales — and their feces — have an effect on climate change.

It is all due to the control of whale fecal matter in the diets of the tiny ocean residents called phytoplankton.
      • Again, this sentence is plagiarized. You have to change more than a few words — you have to paraphrase or use all your own words to explain this information. Define “it.” Is “it” the effect that whales’ fecal matter has on climate change? I edited this sentence for better flow. “It is all due to” can be shortened to “This is because.”

Edited sentence: This is because the whales’ fecal matter is controlled in the diet of tiny ocean residents called phytoplankton.

The top ocean layer “fecal plumes” provide a key food source for phytoplankton which feeds on non-organic nutrients like nitrates, phosphates, and sulfur.
      • Again, this is plagiarism. More than one phytoplankton is being talked about here, so “feeds” does not need an “s.”

Edited sentence: The “fecal plumes” at the top ocean layer provide a key food source for the phytoplankton which feed on non-organic nutrients like nitrates, phosphates, and sulfur.

“At a minimum, even a 1% increase in phytoplankton productivity thanks to whale activity would capture hundreds of millions of tons of additional CO2 a year, equivalent to the sudden appearance of 2 billion mature trees,” writes Chiami.

      • You should inform the reader who “Chiami” is. Is Chiami a scientist or do they have another occupation? I also noticed that “Dr. Chiami” is written in the next sentence, so make sure that the name is consistent throughout the article. If a person uses a title such as “Dr.” always be sure to include it.

Edited sentence: “At a minimum, even a 1% increase in phytoplankton productivity thanks to whale activity would capture hundreds of millions of tons of additional CO2 a year, equivalent to the sudden appearance of 2 billion mature trees,” writes Dr. Chiami.

Dr.Chiami suggests that since phytoplankton populations expand wherever whales are, a significant effort should be made to combat climate change by encouraging the growth and protection of whale populations.
      • Include a space after “Dr.” Again, most of this sentence is plagiarized from the same source.

Edited sentence: According to Dr. Chiami, “since phytoplankton populations expand wherever whales are, a significant effort should be made to combat climate change by encouraging the growth and protection of whale populations.”

      • These sentences copy from the source, almost all word for word. Do not plagiarize the words of others — you must use your own words. Credit the source properly. Also, provide the source of the article otherwise the reader will not know where the information is from. I also need to check the source. Make sure that your article has six sentences.

Fully edited article:

Whales Help Against Climate Change

Great blue whales — and their feces — have an effect on climate change. This is because the whales’ fecal matter is controlled in the diet of tiny ocean residents called phytoplankton. The “fecal plumes” at the top ocean layer provide a key food source for the phytoplankton which feed on non-organic nutrients like nitrates, phosphates, and sulfur. “At a minimum, even a 1% increase in phytoplankton productivity thanks to whale activity would capture hundreds of millions of tons of additional CO2 a year, equivalent to the sudden appearance of 2 billion mature trees,” writes Dr. Chiami. According to Dr. Chiami, “since phytoplankton populations expand wherever whales are, a significant effort should be made to combat climate change by encouraging the growth and protection of whale populations.”

Original article:

Whales help against climate change

    Great blue whales—and their poo—have on climate change. It is all due to the control of whale fecal matter in the diets of the tiny ocean residents called phytoplankton. The top ocean layer “fecal plumes” provide a key food source for phytoplankton which feeds on non-organic nutrients like nitrates, phosphates, and sulfur.“At a minimum, even a 1% increase in phytoplankton productivity thanks to whale activity would capture hundreds of millions of tons of additional CO2 a year, equivalent to the sudden appearance of 2 billion mature trees,” writes Chiami. Dr.Chiami suggests that since phytoplankton populations expand wherever whales are, a significant effort should be made to combat climate change by encouraging the growth and protection of whale populations.

Edited by Penny Yagake