Today is: loading ...
loading ...
- Source: loading ...
Line 5: Line 5:
 
Source:  https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/teen-invents-wristband-that-warns-against-touching-your-face/
 
Source:  https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/teen-invents-wristband-that-warns-against-touching-your-face/
  
 +
For clarity, fluidity: '''15-year-old teen Max Melia created a wristband that alerts users when they are about to touch their face.'''
 +
Just try not to use any extra words — get to the point!
 +
 +
For fluidity: '''He had the idea two years ago for people who had a cold and the flu; when Max's parents got the coronavirus, he shifted his energy into creating the prototype of the wristband.'''
 +
 +
For clarity: '''Max called his product VybPro; it is now retailed at $112.'''
 +
The second half of the sentence is not necessary as you stated that idea in your introduction sentence — therefore, I added some of the following sentence.
 +
 +
For fluidity: '''VybPro uses position-sending technology algorithms to determine between predicted face-touching and other hand motions.'''
 +
 +
For clarity: '''The gadget vibrates to warn the user that their hands are dangerously near the face.'''
 +
Use active voice: the subject should be "doing" the verb
 +
 +
For fluidity: '''Finally, the VybPro is available two colors; it is rechargeable, splash-resistant, and made from waterproof silicon. It can be turned off quickly and easily when eating or drinking.'''
 +
Try and come up with a better conclusion!
 +
 +
Fully Edited Summary: 15-year-old teen Max Melia created a wristband that alerts users when they are about to touch their face. He had the idea two years ago for people who had a cold and the flu; when Max's parents got the coronavirus, he shifted his energy into creating the prototype of the wristband. Max called his product VybPro; it is now retailed at $112. VybPro uses position-sending technology algorithms to determine between predicted face-touching and other hand motions. The gadget vibrates to warn the user that their hands are dangerously near the face. Finally, the VybPro is available two colors; it is rechargeable, splash-resistant, and made from waterproof silicon. It can be turned off quickly and easily when eating or drinking.
  
  

Revision as of 20:44, 25 June 2020

A Teen Made a Wristband That Helps make You Avoid Touching Your Face

This 15 year old teen named Max Melia made a wristband that alerts people when they are going to touch their face. He came up with the idea two years ago for people with the cold and flu, until Max's parents got corona virus, which Max threw all his effort into making a prototype. Max created the product called VybPro, which warns the person whenever they are going to subconsciously touch their face. The device/product is retailed at $112 and It uses position-sending technology algorithms to determine between predicted face touching and other hand motions. A vibration on the gadget warns the person to hand gestures that are dangerously near the face. Finally, it is available two colors, also the VybPro is rechargeable, splash-resistant, and made from waterproof silicon. It can be turned off quickly and easily when eating or drinking.

Source: https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/teen-invents-wristband-that-warns-against-touching-your-face/

For clarity, fluidity: 15-year-old teen Max Melia created a wristband that alerts users when they are about to touch their face. Just try not to use any extra words — get to the point!

For fluidity: He had the idea two years ago for people who had a cold and the flu; when Max's parents got the coronavirus, he shifted his energy into creating the prototype of the wristband.

For clarity: Max called his product VybPro; it is now retailed at $112. The second half of the sentence is not necessary as you stated that idea in your introduction sentence — therefore, I added some of the following sentence.

For fluidity: VybPro uses position-sending technology algorithms to determine between predicted face-touching and other hand motions.

For clarity: The gadget vibrates to warn the user that their hands are dangerously near the face. Use active voice: the subject should be "doing" the verb

For fluidity: Finally, the VybPro is available two colors; it is rechargeable, splash-resistant, and made from waterproof silicon. It can be turned off quickly and easily when eating or drinking. Try and come up with a better conclusion!

Fully Edited Summary: 15-year-old teen Max Melia created a wristband that alerts users when they are about to touch their face. He had the idea two years ago for people who had a cold and the flu; when Max's parents got the coronavirus, he shifted his energy into creating the prototype of the wristband. Max called his product VybPro; it is now retailed at $112. VybPro uses position-sending technology algorithms to determine between predicted face-touching and other hand motions. The gadget vibrates to warn the user that their hands are dangerously near the face. Finally, the VybPro is available two colors; it is rechargeable, splash-resistant, and made from waterproof silicon. It can be turned off quickly and easily when eating or drinking.


A Man Catches A 8-Foot Shark With Nothing But His Bare Hands

If a person saw a shark the first thought in their head would be to swim away, but this man from Delaware just caught it with his bare hands. It shows in the video of him holding the shark and holding its mouth open for the people to take photos of. However, fishing for sharks is not prohibited in Delaware some shore-fishing of approved species is allowed. A spokeswoman from the Delaware Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Control said that shark fishing is not allowed and harassment of wildlife is not to, but prohibited sharks should be released and anglers should stop handling them to increase their chances of survival. The text states, "A spokeswoman for the Delaware Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Control said Tuesday the department is reviewing the video.

"While shore-based shark fishing is allowed in Delaware, harassment of wildlife is not," the spokeswoman said. "Prohibited shark species must be immediately released and anglers should minimize handling them to increase their chances of survival." " Which, shows that people should try to avoid sharks and not catch them as much.

Source: https://www.phillyvoice.com/delaware-shark-man-catches-video-beach-cape-henlopen-state-park/



COVID-19 Is Making More People Think Before Going To Public Transport


During these times many places have had people going on public transportation like buses and trains with them being empty or packed with people. Like Los Angles has dropped from about 1.2 million to around 400,000 a weekday. While, Detroit’s number 17 bus route and various lines in New York City have had a very big amount of people on the public transportation. In the text it states," During the ongoing COVID-19 crisis, some city buses and trains have run empty, while others have been packed. In Los Angeles, for instance, ridership on the LA Metro has dropped from about 1.2 million to around 400,000 a weekday. Meanwhile, Detroit’s number 17 bus route and various lines in New York City have run at a potentially dangerous capacity." This shows that some places public transportation vehicles are either empty or packed. Since in some places it is packed in public transportation vehicles so some people are putting markings for six feet and even giving out masks. It also states,"Some transit systems, for instance, are using low-tech approaches to curb the disease. TransLink in Vancouver began drawing six-foot marks at bus stops to show the recommended distance between passengers. Others are amping up cleaning schedules, or giving masks to passengers. And digital modeling performed by Allen and colleagues suggests that the viral load in a car could be significantly reduced by cracking the window a few inches. But combining tactics, including regular hand-washing, and universal mask usage, is more effective, he said." This shows that they are trying to make it more safer in the public transportation vehicles.

Source: https://www.popsci.com/story/technology/coronavirus-public-transit-technology/

For clarity, fluidity: During the coronavirus pandemic, public transportation has been running without too many people as passengers. Compact your sentences you are not using excess words!

For spelling, clarity, fluidity: For instance, Los Angeles has dropped its passenger number from about 1.2 million to around 400,000 each weekday. Make sure you articulate what exactly you are talking about, and try not to use the word "like".

For clarity, grammar, fluidity: However, Detroit's number 17 bus route and various bus lines in New York City have been packed with people. Try and use synonyms for what you are trying to say, instead of using three or four words to explain it. For instance justed say "packed" instead of "a very big amount of people". (That phrase should actually be a l"large number of people" because you are able to count the number of passengers!)

For structure: In the text, it states, "During the ongoing COVID-19 crisis, some city buses and trains have run empty, while others have been packed. In Los Angeles, for instance, ridership on the LA Metro has dropped from about 1.2 million to around 400,000 a weekday. Meanwhile, Detroit's number 17 bus route and various lines in New York City have run at potentially dangerous capacity." This quote is not necessary. You had already written all of this information earlier in the summary. Next time, pick a better quote.

For structure, clarity: Since some public transportation vehicles are crowded, people are putting markings for six feet and even giving out masks. I deleted the sentence preceding this one because there was no new information or inferences made. Make sure each of your sentences has a purpose that had not previously been accomplished in the summary. I rearranged this sentence because you had too many excess words. A good exercise for you would be to try and get your point across in the fewest words possible.

For structure: The text also states, "Some transit systems, for instance, are using low-tech approaches to curb the disease. TransLink in Vancouver began drawing six-foot marks at bus stops to show the recommended distance between passengers. Others are amping up cleaning schedules, or giving masks to passengers. And digital modeling performed by Allen and colleagues suggests that the viral load in a car could be significantly reduced by cracking the window a few inches. But combining tactics, including regular hand-washing, and universal mask usage, is more effective." I edited the beginning and end of this part so it made more sense.

For clarity, fluidity: This shows that the government is trying to make public transportation vehicles safer. Use the names of the nouns instead of "it" and "they".

Fully Edited Summary: During the coronavirus pandemic, public transportation has been running without too many people as passengers. For instance, Los Angeles has dropped its passenger number from about 1.2 million to around 400,000 each weekday. However, Detroit's number 17 bus route and various bus lines in New York City have been packed with people. In the text, it states, "During the ongoing COVID-19 crisis, some city buses and trains have run empty, while others have been packed. In Los Angeles, for instance, ridership on the LA Metro has dropped from about 1.2 million to around 400,000 a weekday. Meanwhile, Detroit's number 17 bus route and various lines in New York City have run at potentially dangerous capacity." Since some public transportation vehicles are crowded, people are putting markings for six feet and even giving out masks. The text also states, "Some transit systems, for instance, are using low-tech approaches to curb the disease. TransLink in Vancouver began drawing six-foot marks at bus stops to show the recommended distance between passengers. Others are amping up cleaning schedules, or giving masks to passengers. And digital modeling performed by Allen and colleagues suggests that the viral load in a car could be significantly reduced by cracking the window a few inches. But combining tactics, including regular hand-washing, and universal mask usage, is more effective." This shows that the government is trying to make public transportation vehicles safer.

Keep up the good work.

  • Edited by Hailey







Bug Bite Thing

Mosquito's and other bug's in the summer are very annoying and they are not fun to be around with too. However, this product called Bug Bite Thing will help turn your frown upside down. This product sucks out the saliva of a mosquito or poison from a bee or any other animal, which makes your skin become itchy, puffy, and irritable to bear. The product is very simple and easy to use all you have to do is put the product on the bite and take the handles and lift it up and leave it like that for 10-20 seconds. Does the product work or is it a fake like many other gadgets you bought like this, there has been some evidence showing that suction can help heal cuts and burns and other injuries like that. It works because it could stimulate increased blood circulation, which is close to the cupping treatment which many people seek. While Rachel Nazarian, M.D., a New York-based dermatologist and a fellow of the American Academy of Dermatology (FAAD) does find the product to be very "interesting" she does argue that the concept of sucking out the saliva or venom from your skin is a teeny bit "outrageous." It states, "However, she has an alternate theory on why it might relieve symptoms: Your body reacts to the bug bite nearly instantaneously, and while the suction might not remove the saliva, the increased blood flow to the area—thanks to the suction mechanism—can help relieve symptoms of inflammation. It's not actually the saliva that's the problem (your body knows how to clear and destroy the saliva from the skin—the skin itself has an immune system for that), but rather your immune system's reaction that causes itching and discomfort, Dr. Nazarian points out. Finally, many people have went on amazon and bought Bug Bite Thing like crazy and many reviews have said it helped to relieve the itchiness and the discomfort of the bites of the insects.

Source: https://www.shape.com/lifestyle/mind-and-body/shark-tank-bug-bite-thing-amazon

For fluidity, grammar: Mosquitos and other bugs are not too fun to be around! No apostrophe is needed as the nouns are plural, not possessive. Also, once again, not all of these words are necessary! I shortened the sentence.

For fluidity, clarity: However, this product called Bug Bite Thing will make the insect visitors a bit more bearable.

For fluidity, clarity: This product can suck out a mosquito's saliva, bee's sting, or the like, from your skin, therefore saving it from becoming itchy, puffy, and irritating.

For clarity: All you must do is put Bug Bite Thing on the bite, lift up the handles, and wait for 10-20 seconds — it's so easy and simple to use! Once again, make your sentences more clear by being less "wordy".

For clarity, structure: This product works, unlike many of its marketed peers, because it could stimulate more blood circulation, which is similar to the cupping treatment many people seek. I tried to combine the two similar sentences together. You should not be asking questions in the middle of your summaries — you should be answering them!

For structure, clarity: While Rachel Nazarian, M.D., a New York-based dermatologist and a fellow of the American Academy of Dermatology (FAAD) finds the product to be very "interesting", she argues that the concept of sucking out the saliva or venom from your skin is a bit "outrageous." In the text, Dr. Nazarian points out: "an alternate theory on why it might relieve symptoms: Your body reacts to the bug bite nearly instantaneously, and while the suction might not remove the saliva, the increased blood flow to the area—thanks to the suction mechanism—can help relieve symptoms of inflammation. It's not actually the saliva that's the problem (your body knows how to clear and destroy the saliva from the skin—the skin itself has an immune system for that), but rather your immune system's reaction that causes itching and discomfort." Take a look at how I structured the introduction to the quote, and the quote itself. You never put an ending quotation mark — be sure to do this.

For fluidity, grammar, structure: Regardless, people have bought Bug Bite Thing like crazy; many customer reviews said it helped to relieve the itchiness and the discomfort of the insect bites.

Fully Edited Summary: Mosquitos and other bugs are not too fun to be around! However, this product called Bug Bite Thing will make the insect visitors a bit more bearable. This product can suck out a mosquito's saliva, bee's sting, or the like, from your skin, therefore saving it from becoming itchy, puffy, and irritating. All you must do is put Bug Bite Thing on the bite, lift up the handles, and wait for 10-20 seconds — it's so easy and simple to use! This product works, unlike many of its marketed peers, because it could stimulate more blood circulation, which is similar to the cupping treatment many people seek. While Rachel Nazarian, M.D., a New York-based dermatologist and a fellow of the American Academy of Dermatology (FAAD) finds the product to be very "interesting", she argues that the concept of sucking out the saliva or venom from your skin is a bit "outrageous." In the text, Dr. Nazarian points out: "an alternate theory on why it might relieve symptoms: Your body reacts to the bug bite nearly instantaneously, and while the suction might not remove the saliva, the increased blood flow to the area—thanks to the suction mechanism—can help relieve symptoms of inflammation. It's not actually the saliva that's the problem (your body knows how to clear and destroy the saliva from the skin—the skin itself has an immune system for that), but rather your immune system's reaction that causes itching and discomfort." Regardless, people have bought Bug Bite Thing like crazy; many customer reviews said it helped to relieve the itchiness and the discomfort of the insect bites.

Nice work on this.

  • Edited by Hailey



Is Police Brutality A Thing In The U.S.?

Police BItalic textrutality is not a thing. Many people did die under police hands. However, some of the deaths could have been by accident. And once one person dies under police hands everyone starts going crazy. However, there are some bias cops between the races because the most race of people in jail are black. Which I believe makes the cops become very cautious. Also, just because a black man or any man in that nature died should make riots happen everywhere. Some police make mistakes sometimes and they shouldn't be heavily criticized for that. Because they helped us so much and just because one cop is messed up or made a mistake doesn't mean every other cop is like that one cop. So is Police Brutality a thing I say yes, so now you decide. Is it or is it not?

For clarity: Police Brutality does not exist. My edits make your wording more advanced!

For fluidity, clarity: Many people die by police hands; however, some of the deaths could have been an accident. I used a semi-colon to connect the sentences so there is a better flow. When two sentences are tied to each other, a semi-colon can make them one sentence instead!

For clarity:Once one person died by police hands, everyone starts going crazy. Don't start a sentence with "and"!

For clarity, structure, fluidity: However, there are some biased cops. This is evident because most people in jail are black. I restructured your sentences so they make more sense!

For clarity: I believe that this makes the cops very cautious.

For structure: Also, the death of a black man, or any man in nature, should not cause riots.

For grammar, fluidity: Sometimes police officers make mistakes, and these mistakes should not be so heavily criticized.

For fluidity: Cops have helped us so much. Just because one cop made a mistake does not mean all cops are bad cops.

For structure, fluidity: Therefore, because of these biases and mistakes, I would conclude that police brutality exists, however.

Fully Edited Summary: Police Brutality does not exist. Many people die by police hands; however, some of the deaths could have been an accident. Once one person died by police hands, everyone starts going crazy. However, there are some biased cops. This is evident because most people in jail are black. I believe that this makes the cops very cautious. Also, the death of a black man, or any man in nature, should not cause riots. Sometimes police officers make mistakes, and these mistakes should not be so heavily criticized. Cops have helped us so much. Just because one cop made a mistake does not mean all cops are bad cops. Therefore, because of these biases and mistakes, I would conclude that police brutality does not exist, however.

Good work on this! Yet, it seems you have a complicated position. Therefore, you should not start or end with such a strong statement that is contradictory. You should work to find a more "middle ground" position.

  • Edited by Hailey






Smart Tech For Food Shortages


The result of the COVID-19 is significant because it is causing the shipping industry to slow down, which results in a huge problem for our food growth and transportation, as well as many other products. Many of the farmers are struggling because their workforce is diminishing due by the limits and due to COVID-19, since the transportation networks are limited it causes farmers to throw away or make good and fresh vegetables into mulch. In the text, it states, "The amount of disruption under way is difficult to fathom. Some growers and providers face struggles as they find their workforces limited as a consequence of COVID-19. Others have plenty of supply, but transportation networks are more limited, so they end up having to get rid of perfectly good food—even turning fresh vegetables into mulch." This explains that COVID-19 is messing up the transportation and the workforce. This is where Cognitive automation comes into play because pretend someone is out missing than someone else takes their place, and the Cognitive automation comes in to lead the others into place and helps them to be organized and better. The text, it states, "Think of it like an orchestra. Some of the people who usually play certain instruments are suddenly unavailable, but there are others standing by who can take their place. Cognitive automation can act like a conductor, getting everyone into place instantly, with the same sheet music, making sure they can play together harmoniously." This shows that Cognitive automation can help very much and can prevent food and many other products into a crisis.


Source: https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/observations/how-cognitive-tech-can-prevent-a-food-crisis/

For fluidity: COVID-19 is significant because it is causing the shipping industry to slow down; this results in a huge problem for food growth and transportation.

For clarity: Many of the farmers are struggling because COVID-19 has caused their workforce to diminish and their transportation networks to be limited. These limits cause farmers to throw away or make good, fresh vegetables into mulch.

In the text, it states, "The amount of disruption under way is difficult to fathom. Some growers and providers face struggles as they find their workforces limited as a consequence of COVID-19. Others have plenty of supply, but transportation networks are more limited, so they end up having to get rid of perfectly good food—even turning fresh vegetables into mulch."

For clarity: This explains how COVID-19 is messing up the transportation and the workforce.

For clarity, fluidity: This is where Cognitive automation comes into play; pretending someone is missing, then someone else takes their place. Cognitive automation leads the others into place and helps them to be organized and better. "Than" is a comparison of items. "Then" reflects a sequence of time.

For structure: The text states, "Think of it like an orchestra. Some of the people who usually play certain instruments are suddenly unavailable, but there are others standing by who can take their place. Cognitive automation can act like a conductor, getting everyone into place instantly, with the same sheet music, making sure they can play together harmoniously."

For fluidity: Clearly, cognitive automation can help prevent food and many other products from falling into a crisis.

Fully Edited Summary: COVID-19 is significant because it is causing the shipping industry to slow down; this results in a huge problem for food growth and transportation. Many of the farmers are struggling because COVID-19 has caused their workforce to diminish and their transportation networks to be limited. These limits cause farmers to throw away or make good, fresh vegetables into mulch. In the text, it states, "The amount of disruption under way is difficult to fathom. Some growers and providers face struggles as they find their workforces limited as a consequence of COVID-19. Others have plenty of supply, but transportation networks are more limited, so they end up having to get rid of perfectly good food—even turning fresh vegetables into mulch." This explains how COVID-19 is messing up the transportation and the workforce. This is where Cognitive automation comes into play; pretending someone is missing, then someone else takes their place. Cognitive automation leads the others into place and helps them to be organized and better. The text states, "Think of it like an orchestra. Some of the people who usually play certain instruments are suddenly unavailable, but there are others standing by who can take their place. Cognitive automation can act like a conductor, getting everyone into place instantly, with the same sheet music, making sure they can play together harmoniously." Clearly, cognitive automation can help prevent food and many other products from falling into a crisis.

Very in-depth! Nice work.

  • Edited by Hailey










Hydroxychloroquine Is Coming Back For A Second Round For COVID-19

Hydroxychloroquine was first proposed as a treatment for COVID-19. However, without much experience to go on, researchers and doctors jumped into testings of it hoping that the medicine that helped cure malaria would also be able to do the same to COVID-19. However, there were many concerns over the safety of the drug, France, Italy, and Belgium banned its use as a treatment for COVID-19, and the World Health Organization stopped large international testing, studying its effects. Hydroxychloroquine and its close cousin chloroquine are antimalarial medications that mostly treat and stop the mosquito-borne infection by killing the microorganism (a plasmodium parasite) that causes it. However, these drugs also influence the immune system in a few strange ways, which has proven useful in treating certain autoimmune conditions like lupus and rheumatoid arthritis. Though this drug may have said to be useful has to be furthermore tested before confidently using the drug to treat COVID-19 patients.

Source: https://www.popsci.com/story/health/hydroxychloroquine-covid-19-treatment/

Hydydroxychloroquine was first proposed as a treatment for COVID-19.

For clarity, fluidity: However, without much experience or information to base the proposal, researches and doctors jumped into testings. They hoped that this chemical that helped cure malaria would do the same to COVID-19. If a sentence is too long, don't hesitate to break it into two sentences!

For structure: However, there were many concerns over the safety of the drug; France, Italy, and Belgium banned its use as a treatment for COVID-19. The World Health Organization even stopped large international testing studying its effects.

For grammar, fluidity: Hydroxychloroquine and its close-cousin chloroquine are antimalarial medications that mostly treat and stop the mosquito-borne infection by killing the microorganism (a plasmodium parasite) that causes the illness. I changed the last "it" to "illness" for clarity as well. Sometimes using too many pronouns does not make sense.

For structure: However, these drugs also influence the immune system in some strange ways — ways that have been proven useful in treating certain autoimmune conditions like lupus and rheumatoid arthritis. I added an "em-dash" for emphasis and to break up such a complex sentence!

For clarity: Though this drug may potentially be useful, it must be further tested before it can be confidently used to treat COVID-19 patients. Sometimes your sentences are a bit wordy, so try for concision.

Fully Edited Summary: Hydydroxychloroquine was first proposed as a treatment for COVID-19. However, without much experience or information to base the proposal, researches and doctors jumped into testings. They hoped that this chemical that helped cure malaria would do the same to COVID-19. However, there were many concerns over the safety of the drug; France, Italy, and Belgium banned its use as a treatment for COVID-19. The World Health Organization even stopped large international testing studying its effects. Hydroxychloroquine and its close-cousin chloroquine are antimalarial medications that mostly treat and stop the mosquito-borne infection by killing the microorganism (a plasmodium parasite) that causes the illness. However, these drugs also influence the immune system in some strange ways — ways that have been proven useful in treating certain autoimmune conditions like lupus and rheumatoid arthritis. Though this drug may potentially be useful, it must be further tested before it can be confidently used to treat COVID-19 patients.

Good work on this!

  • Edited by Hailey



NASA and SpaceX Jointly Launched

This mission will mark two historic milestones by the chances of favorable weather, which hover around 50%. The space veterans Bob Behnken and Doug Hurley will become the first NASA astronauts to launch from American soil, since the final Space Shuttle flight in 2011. They will also be the first human beings ever to fly to orbit on hardware designed, built, and operated by a private company known as SpaceX. NASA’s astronaut program has also continued since 2011, and the agency has kept the ISS staffed by buying more than 70 rides on the Soyuz spacecraft from the Russian space program—very expensive tickets that have cost the agency a total of around four billion dollars. But over the last decade or so, NASA has also invested at least three billion dollars in SpaceX and worked closely with the company to help it develop a vehicle—the Crew Dragon—capable of bringing astronauts to the space station. Which lead them here to be launching together making it a historical moment.

Source: https://www.popsci.com/story/science/nasa-spacex-crewed-launch/

For clarity: The NASA and SpaceX jointly launched mission will mark two historic milestones held in the balance by the chances of favorable weather, the likelihood which hovers around 50%. I just added some extra words that makes your point a little more clear.

For fluidity: Space veterans Bob Behnken and Doug Hurley will become the first NASA astronauts to launch from American soil since the final Space Shuttle flight in 2011. You dont need the comma after soil! I also deleted the beginning "the" because it did not seem necessary.

For fluidity: The pair will also be the first humans to ever fly to orbit on hardware designed, built, and operated by a private company known as SpaceX. The beginning was a little wordy so I edited it! Make sure you read these sentences aloud to yourself before submission.

For structure: NASA's astronaut program has continued since 2011; the agency has kept the ISS staffed by buying more than 70 rides on the Soyuz spacecraft from the Russian space program—very expensive tickets that have cost the agency a total of around four billion dollars. Awesome work on this sentence.

For structure, fluidity: But over the last decade, NASA has also invested at least three billion dollars in SpaceX and worked closely with the company to help it develop a vehicle—the Crew Dragon—capable of bringing astronauts to the space station. This investment led them here, launching together, making it a historical moment.

Fully Edited Summary: The NASA and SpaceX jointly launched mission will mark two historic milestones held in the balance by the chances of favorable weather, the likelihood which hovers around 50%. Space veterans Bob Behnken and Doug Hurley will become the first NASA astronauts to launch from American soil since the final Space Shuttle flight in 2011. The pair will also be the first humans to ever fly to orbit on hardware designed, built, and operated by a private company known as SpaceX. NASA's astronaut program has continued since 2011; the agency has kept the ISS staffed by buying more than 70 rides on the Soyuz spacecraft from the Russian space program—very expensive tickets that have cost the agency a total of around four billion dollars. But over the last decade, NASA has also invested at least three billion dollars in SpaceX and worked closely with the company to help it develop a vehicle—the Crew Dragon—capable of bringing astronauts to the space station. This investment led them here, launching together, making it a historical moment.

Great writing!

  • Edited by Hailey





Amazon Rivals Are Still Thriving During The Pandemic

Amazon is stealing all of the business, which is why Amazon's fast shipping was forced to shut down. However, other businesses are going down there is one business called Bookshop and it succeeded very fast. This shows that other businesses have a chance such as the business Bookshop. Also, there is a big demand for grocery deliveries. Not only that, but they are also many retail sites that are spiking like Best Buy who's online sales are growing 250%. Lastly, amazon still has a win because, despite their inventory shortages, Amazon still grew its net sales 26% year-over-year in the first quarter.

Source: https://www.msn.com/en-us/money/news/amazon-rivals-thrive-during-the-pandemic-as-shipping-delays-level-the-playing-field/ar-BB1454Ro?ocid=spartanntp

For clarity, fluidity: Amazon's fast shipping was slowed down because the company was controlling a lot of the business, and had a hard time keeping up with the demand. I would argue that Amazon is not "stealing" business, but instead "controlling" it because the company is so large and powerful. I also rearranged the sentence so it makes more sense. I am also not sure if this sentence is exactly true—Amazon's fast shipping still occurs, it is the demand that has lessened it.

For clarity, structure: However, other businesses are succeeding in this time as well, such as the business Bookshop. I combined two sentences so there was no more repetition.

For clarity: There is also a large demand for grocery deliveries.

For structure, fluidity: In addition, there are many retail sites whose sales are spiking; Best Buy's sales have grown 250% for instance. Your sentences could use better transitions from one into another in this summary.

For fluidity, structure: Yet, Amazon is still coming out on top because — despite their inventory shortages — Amazon still grew its net sales 26% year-over-year in the first quarter. I changed the transition word so the final sentence sounds more like a conclusion. I also added dashes for emphasis and easier reading.

Fully Edited Summary: Amazon's fast shipping was slowed down because the company was controlling a lot of the business, and had a hard time keeping up with the demand. However, other businesses are succeeding in this time as well, such as the business Bookshop. There is also a large demand for grocery deliveries. In addition, there are many retail sites whose sales are spiking; Best Buy's sales have grown 250% for instance. Yet, Amazon is still coming out on top because — despite their inventory shortages — Amazon still grew its net sales 26% year-over-year in the first quarter.

Take a look at my edits!

  • Edited by Hailey



Boeing's New Autonomous Fighter Jet

The new fighter jet from the company Boeing's is very fascinating because it has so many different characteristics that are very fascinating. The fighter jet costed the Air Force $82 million per fighter jet. The newest prototype comes from Boeing and is a 38 foot airplane with twin tails and no room for any humans. The airplane can do many dynamic movements and it will have a range of about 2,300 miles. It was designed to fight and fly along other manned air power platforms.

Source: https://www.popsci.com/story/technology/boeing-loyal-wingman-fighter-jet-drone-prototype/

For fluidity: Boeing's new fighter jet has many different fascinating characteristics. By using a possessive noun, the sentence flows much better.

For clarity: Each fighter jet cost the Air Force $82 million. Using the word "each" makes your sentence much clearer.

For fluidity, clarity: The latest prototype from Boeing is a 38-foot airplane that has twin tails and no room for people!

For concision: This airplane can move dynamically with a range of around 2,300 miles. You can use the same words, but the placement makes all the difference concerning clarity!

For structure: This amazing jet was clearly designed to fight and fly! I edited this sentence so it acted more as a conclusion sentence.

Fully Edited Summary: Boeing's new fighter jet has many different fascinating characteristics. Each fighter jet cost the Air Force $82 million. The latest prototype from Boeing is a 38-foot airplane that has twin tails and no room for people! This airplane can move dynamically with a range of around 2,300 miles. This amazing jet was clearly designed to fight and fly!

You should add a little more depth to these summaries, but overall, good job!

  • Edited by Hailey




Why GoodToKnow Is Really Good During The Corona virus

GoodToKnow is very good for everybody because, while you are sitting on your coach playing games, doing nothing you might as well become smarter and improve your writing daily. It will also help you all the way so when you write, you can write better than before. Not only that, it can improve your grammar as well. Students can improve their grammar and writing skills because college editors edit the articles for grammar, spelling, sentence structure, and fluidity. Finally, students copy the corrected paragraphs and learn from their mistakes. All in all students will become better writers and when they go back to school they will be the top of their class.

For clarity, fluidity: GoodToKnow is very useful because, while you are sitting on your couch playing games and doing nothing, you will have the daily opportunity to become smarter and a stronger writer.

For clarity: GoodToKnow will also help the way you write, so you can be better than before. As I have written before, clarity is all about the placement of words. Work on this!

For clarity: Included in your writing improvement will be your grammar skills. Grammar and writing are not separate: they are the same!

For clarity: Students make this improvement because college editors edit the students' articles for grammar, spelling, sentence structure, and fluidity. That's me! :)

Finally, students copy the corrected paragraphs and learn from their mistakes.

For structure, clarity: All in all, students will become better writers through these edits. When they go back to school, the students will be at the top of their class.

Fully Edited Summary: GoodToKnow is very useful because, while you are sitting on your couch playing games and doing nothing, you will have the daily opportunity to become smarter and a stronger writer. GoodToKnow will also help the way you write, so you can be better than before. Included in your writing improvement will be your grammar skills. Students make this improvement because college editors edit the students' articles for grammar, spelling, sentence structure, and fluidity. Finally, students copy the corrected paragraphs and learn from their mistakes. All in all, students will become better writers through these edits. When they go back to school, the students will be at the top of their class.

I really like this one! Good work!

  • Edited by Hailey



Hero Shrew

This animal has such a strong backbone in so many ways. This small animal weighs 80 grams and if a adult man stands on its back it is okay. It states, “No big deal, it’s a shrew that weighs like 80 grams, and a 160-pound dude standing on it, and it’s totally fine,”. The hero shrews density and closeness, the vertebrae form a super close-knit unit, which is used as a solid hunk of a bony shell. The scientists saw that the internal structure of the two hero shrews’ bone had unusually thick trabecular beams that all face in a similar direction along the spine.

Source: https://www.popsci.com/story/animals/hero-shrew-backbone/

For clarity: The shrew has such a strong backbone. The "in so many ways" is unnecessary.

For structure, clarity: This small animal weighs 80 grams; yet, if an adult man stands on the shrew's back, it is okay. This is a complex sentence, so I used a semi-colon to tie it all together. You should also use more nouns instead of "it"

For structure: It states, “No big deal, it’s a shrew that weighs like 80 grams, and a 160-pound dude standing on it, and it’s totally fine”. You don't need that comma at the end of the quote!

For structure, grammar, fluidity: The hero shrew's density and closeness (the vertebrae form a super close-knit unit) is used as a bony, solid hunk of the shell. Don't forget about possessive nouns! Use parentheses if you need to add extra information, also!

For fluidity: Scientists saw that the internal structure of the two hero shrews’ bone had unusually thick trabecular beams that all face in a similar direction along the spine. The introduction "the" is not necessary.

Fully Edited Summary: The shrew has such a strong backbone. This small animal weighs 80 grams; yet, if an adult man stands on the shrew's back, it is okay. It states, “No big deal, it’s a shrew that weighs like 80 grams, and a 160-pound dude standing on it, and it’s totally fine”. The hero shrew's density and closeness (the vertebrae form a super close-knit unit) is used as a bony, solid hunk of the shell. Scientists saw that the internal structure of the two hero shrews’ bone had unusually thick trabecular beams that all face in a similar direction along the spine.

Make sure you add something more of a conclusion sentence!

  • Edited by Hailey




The Sun Is Very Lazy

Researchers compared our sun to 369 other stars, which the were similar to our sun. What the researchers found out was that other stars are more active than our own sun. They also saw that other stars revealed that they are around five times the brightness variability showed by the sun during the same time period. The magnetic fields caused by the star’s electrically charged gases are very strong. And so to cross and interact in ways that cause solar flares. When our sun lets out these intense bursts of radiation They can collide with Earth’s own magnetic field that makes an aurora.

For fluidity: Researchers compared our Sun to 369 other stars, all of which are similar to our Sun. The researchers found out that many of these other stars are more active than our own Sun. I just changed a few of the words so the sentences would read easier!

For clarity: They also saw that these stars have around five times the brightness variability showed by the Sun in the same time period. Make sure the clearest part of your sentences are right in the beginning.

For grammar: The magnetic fields caused by the stars' electrically charged gases are very strong. Keep an eye on your possessive nouns!!

For structure, fluidity: When these gases cross and interact, solar flares occur. Use nouns more often!

For fluidity, clarity: When our Sun releases these intense bursts of radiation, they can collide with Earth's own magnetic field to make an aurora. Try and write a better conclusion.

Fully Edited Summary: Researchers compared our Sun to 369 other stars, all of which are similar to our Sun. The researchers found out that many of these other stars are more active than our own Sun. They also saw that these stars have around five times the brightness variability showed by the Sun in the same time period. The magnetic fields caused by the stars' electrically charged gases are very strong. When these gases cross and interact, solar flares occur. When our Sun releases these intense bursts of radiation, they can collide with Earth's own magnetic field to make an aurora.

Good work! Take a look at my edits.



Source: https://www.popsci.com/story/space/sun-low-activity-star/



Teaching a Robot Dog Some New Tricks

Researchers from Google and the University of California, Berkeley looked at the data of a real dog movements to train the robotic dog to act or be the same as the real dog. What the researchers from Google and the University of California, Berkeley think is that the robot can learn the skills faster by the movements or examples of a real dog. They used motion-capture data of the real dog, although they couldn't just put the data into the brain of the robot they had to take a different approach. So they did a simulation so the robot can learn to mimic the real dog, so after the simulation they transferred the knowledge into the robot. Then the robot dog carried out the actions of the real dogs motions .

Source: https://www.popsci.com/story/technology/google-dog-robot/

For clarity: Researchers from Google and the University of California, Berkeley looked at data of the movement of a real dog in order to train a robotic dog to act similarly to its living counterpart. Read your sentences aloud and make sure that what you are writing is making sense!

For clarity, fluidity: The researchers believe that the robot can learn the skills faster by looking at the movements of a real dog. There is no need to repeat where the researchers were from!

For clarity, structure: They used motion-capture data of the real dog; however, the researchers couldn't just put the data directly into the robot — they had to take a different approach. Change up your sentence style with dashes and semi-colons!

For fluidity, clarity: The robot had to learn to mimic the real dog in a simulation. After this, the researchers transferred knowledge into the robot. Then, finally, the robot dog carried out the motions and movements of a real dog. Break apart your sentences if they are too long and confusing, please!

Fully Edited Summary: Researchers from Google and the University of California, Berkeley looked at data of the movement of a real dog in order to train a robotic dog to act similarly to its living counterpart. The researchers believe that the robot can learn the skills faster by looking at the movements of a real dog. They used motion-capture data of the real dog; however, the researchers couldn't just put the data directly into the robot — they had to take a different approach. The robot had to learn to mimic the real dog in a simulation. After this, the researchers transferred knowledge into the robot. Then, finally, the robot dog carried out the motions and movements of a real dog.

Good work! Take a good look at my edits, though.

  • Edited by Hailey






Unedited Paragraph:

Thousands Are Applying To Become Astronauts

In March NASA requested for more astronauts to apply and almost over 12,000 signed up. In 1960 about 350 men and woman were chosen to be in NASA, while now there is only 48 astronauts. 12,000 people applied for NASA which is very close to the record of 18,000 which was in 2017. The hardest part for what they must do is pick 12 people out of 12,000 to become astronauts. To become a astronaut you have to have a college degree of STEM and you must have many experiences such as like flying jet airplanes. Also you have to be near physical perfection and you have to be good at teamwork. When accepted into NASA you have to learn many challenging parts of becoming a astronaut like learning how to be in space and learning Russian as well.

Source: https://newsforkids.net/articles/2020/04/08/thousands-apply-to-become-nasa-astronauts/


Edits:

Thousands Are Applying To Become Astronauts***

    This is very close to the original headline. Let's try something different. My suggestion:

NASA Applicants Flood In

In March NASA requested for more astronauts to apply and almost over 12,000 signed up.***

    'more astronauts' isn't technically correct because these are people who want to be astronauts but, aren't yet. So, let's change it to 'aspiring astronauts'. Remove 'almost'. According to the article, over 12,000 signed up. Almost over 12,000 means under 12,000. 

In March NASA requested aspiring astronauts to apply and over 12,000 signed up.

In 1960 about 350 men and woman were chosen to be in NASA, while now there is only 48 astronauts.***

    Read the article carefully! It says, "Since the 1960s, only 350 men and women have been chosen for NASA’s astronaut training". Switching 'since' for 'in' changes the meaning. Also, this will need to be rephrased carefully to avoid plagiarism as it is very close to the original. 'is' should agree with 'astronauts' which is plural so, change to 'are'. Take a look at how I rephrased below:

350 men and women have been chosen for the NASA space program since it began in the 1960s, while today there are 48.

12,000 people applied for NASA which is very close to the record of 18,000 which was in 2017.***

    I'm going to argue here that this sentence is a little misleading. In comparison, 12,000 isn't close to 18,000. Take note of how I have rephrased it. I have added 'astronaut' to be more specific and changed 'which was in 2017' to 'from 2017'. This is a good example of a place where you are using longer phrases or extra words that can be replaced with one word. I've also added 'Currently' which helps the transition from the previous sentence to this one.  

Currently, 12,000 people have applied to be NASA astronauts which although high, still doesn't beat the record of 18,000 from 2017.

The hardest part for what they must do is pick 12 people out of 12,000 to become astronauts.***

    The area in bold is unclear. Who is 'they'? NASA? The astronauts? For clarity let's use their name (NASA). 'for what' sounds very formal and a bit awkward here so, I recommend 'is that' instead and I've changed 'pick' to 'choose' because 'choose' sounds more elegant, more professional. 'Pick' is casual and used often for things that don't take a lot of thought. For example, you pick a game to play, or pick a shirt to wear. For 'choose', you choose a college or choose a prom outfit. So, 'choose' is a better choice here.   

The hardest part is that NASA must choose only 12 people from the 12,000 to become astronauts.

To become a astronaut you have to have a college degree of STEM and you must have many experiences such as like flying jet airplanes.***

    Let's use this information and the facts from the sentence below to make a list in this sentence. You have one too many sentences. Also, using 'and' too many times in sentences beside each other can harm the flow of a paragraph. We repeat 'astronaut' a lot so far in the paragraph, so, I've rephrased the beginning. 'college' should be 'master's' because they are two different things.  

To be accepted you need a master's degree in STEM, have experience flying jet airplanes, be in near physical perfection, and have good teamwork skills.

Also you have to be near physical perfection and you have to be good at teamwork.***

    Too many sentences, delete this one as we have including this information in the above sentence. 

When accepted into NASA you have to learn many challenging parts of becoming a astronaut like learning how to be in space and learning Russian as well.***

   This is your concluding sentence, the one that ties things together, or in some way feels like an ending. This has too much new information. We can still use some of this new information for a concluding sentence as long as we wrap it up in some way. Remember, 'astronaut' starts with a vowel so you need to use 'an' before. I've tried to keep your main points but, rephrased the weaker areas and added the last part to try and tie things in together and let the reader know that this is the ending.  

Once accepted, the team begins a challenging two-year journey learning everything from Russian to spacewalking in hopes that they get to be the next ones to reach space.


Edited Paragraph:


NASA Applicants Flood In

In March NASA requested aspiring astronauts to apply and over 12,000 signed up. 350 men and women have been chosen for the NASA space program since it began in the 1960s, while today there are 48. Currently, 12,000 people have applied to be NASA astronauts which although high, still doesn't beat the record of 18,000 from 2017. The hardest part is that NASA must choose only 12 people from the 12,000 to become astronauts. To be accepted you need a master's degree in STEM, have experience flying jet airplanes, be in near physical perfection, and have good teamwork skills. Once accepted, the team begins a challenging two-year journey learning everything from Russian to spacewalking in hopes that they get to be the next ones to reach space.
Source: https://newsforkids.net/articles/2020/04/08/thousands-apply-to-become-nasa-astronauts/

Edited by Kira Carson






Unedited Paragraph:

Start a Survival Garden Today

Since this pandemic of the corona virus is very threatening, for some people food might be hard to come by. Back when World War I and II was happening people would make gardens to make enough crops to help the people fighting the war. There are similarities between both times and it both leads to making gardens to feed people. Not only that, people must be patient with their crops because if you try to rush it or do something you're not supposed to, you could mess up all the crops. Finally, you need a spot for the crops to have a lot of sunlight because water and sunlight are the most important things a plant needs to survive, so you should have the crop in the sun for 8 to 12 hours a day in a well lit spot. This is why we should make ourselves a little surviving garden to help us a lot. https://www.popsci.com/story/diy/survival-garden/

      • Hello, I'm sorry to have changed your words in this one so much! I haven't bolded any specific areas in your sentences in the edits area because for the most part, I have rephrased the entire sentence. In your next paragraphs, I'll keep more of your original words. I just wanted to show you how your writing could look with cleaner sentences and more mature language. You are using multiple small words and phrases that can often be condensed to one or two words. I hope my rephrasing of your sentences below helps. -Kira


Edits:

Start a Survival Garden Today

Since this pandemic of the corona virus is very threatening, for some people food might be hard to come by.***

    Coronavirus is one word. The transition from 'is very threatening' to 'for some people' is throwing off the direction of this sentence and isn't necessary. 'for some people' should be inside commas but, omit 'people' it sounds stronger without it. To add strength I have also swapped 'might be' to 'has been'. 

Since this pandemic of the coronavirus, for some, food has been hard to come by.

Back when World War I and II was happening people would make gardens to make enough crops to help the people fighting the war.***

    The opening can be shortened using "During". 'people' is overused a bit and this article refers to the USA so, I replaced with 'American citizens'. I snuck in a ' fruit and vegetable garden' instead of just 'garden' to clarify to the reader that this purpose of growing gardens is to have extra food. I rephrased the ending for clarity and used 'those' instead of 'people'. 

During World War l and ll, American citizens began making fruit and vegetable gardens, allowing the large food crops to be used by those fighting the war.

There are similarities between both times and it both leads to making gardens to feed people.***

    I changed the beginning to use 'then and now' instead. This is because 'both times' could be referring to World War l and ll. The second half of your sentence is a little unclear because 'it' appears to refer to 'similarities'. You should change 'and it both leads' to 'and both lead'. However, this sentence still reads a little weak. I can't quite put my finger on it but, I believe it is because of the use of the verbs back to back to back (leads, making, and feed). I have written something more direct and clear. 

There are similarities from then and now, suggesting we too can benefit from making a garden.

Not only that, people must be patient with their crops because if you try to rush it or do something you're not supposed to, you could mess up all the crops.***

    Let's switch places with this sentence and your sentence below. This will be your last fact sentence before the concluding sentence so, I have started it with "Finally,". This is a good example of how a sentence with many words can be condensed and still mean the same things.  'Not only that, people must be patient with their crops' is now 'Finally, remember to be patient'. 'because if you try to rush it or do something you're not supposed to' is now 'because rushing can result in mistakes' and 'you could mess up all the crops' is now 'damaging your garden'. These changes make it much easier to read. You'll notice that most of the 'you' and 'you're' 's are gone.  

Finally, remember to be patient because rushing can result in mistakes, damaging your garden.

Finally, you need a spot for the crops to have a lot of sunlight because water and sunlight are the most important things a plant needs to survive, so you should have the crop in the sun for 8 to 12 hours a day in a well lit spot.***

   Again, this is switching places with the above sentence. Take a good look at your original sentence and mine below. This is the same as the sentence above. You are repeating yourself and using extra words. 

To begin, you need a spot with lots of sunlight, as you should have your crop in the sun for 8 to 12 hours a day.

This is why we should make ourselves a little surviving garden to help us a lot.***

    The transition from the last fact sentence and this is abrupt. It also appears that you are saying: the reason why to make a garden is that it needs lots of sunlight. This also doesn't work because most of this paragraph is about how to make a garden, not why. I've written a new conclusion that summarizes the article and comes back full circle (reminding us about COVID-19).  

These vegetable gardens are important because they feed us, limiting our trips to the store, and better fight the COVID-19 spread.

https://www.popsci.com/story/diy/survival-garden/***

    What are you missing here? (you should know)

Source: https://www.popsci.com/story/diy/survival-garden/


Edited Paragraph:

Start a Survival Garden Today

Since this pandemic of the coronavirus, for some, food has been hard to come by. During World War l and ll, American citizens began making fruit and vegetable gardens, allowing the large food crops to be used by those fighting the war. There are similarities from then and now, suggesting we too can benefit from making a garden. To begin, you need a spot with lots of sunlight, as you should have your crop in the sun for 8 to 12 hours a day. Finally, remember to be patient because rushing can result in mistakes, damaging your garden. These vegetable gardens are important because they feed us, limiting our trips to the store, and better fight the COVID-19 spread.
Source: https://www.popsci.com/story/diy/survival-garden/

Edited by Kira Carson






Unedited Paragraph:

Saving Harmed Koalas In Australia

The Australian bush fires killed and harmed many animals especially koalas they were burnt and then after were starving, so scientists are going to the forest to save these koalas. Koalas that survived the bush fires in Australia are now dying from the harsh conditions such as, starvation, dehydration, smoke inhalation, and so many other conditions that have to survive through. Over the past time the rescue team found koalas crushed under trees that were on fire. The koalas with burnt paws after going down to the festered ground after the fire had passed, hoping to change trees and find food. One of the many recent rescues was an orphaned, scrawny koala with all of its four paws burnt. The koalas are keep dying because of the conditions in the forest like infections because of the burns and the smoke and them inhaling that smoke and others can't find food. So these koalas need help immediately because of the conditions their going through in the forest.

Source: https://www.popsci.com/story/animals/koalas-dying-after-bushfires/


Edits

Saving Harmed Koalas In Australia

The Australian bush fires killed and harmed many animals especially koalas they were burnt and then after were starving, so scientists are going to the forest to save these koalas.***

   The part in bold creates a run-on sentence. There should be a period after koalas. There is also a lot going on in this intro sentence so, I've removed most of the part in bold. The end has been rephrased to remove 'koalas' because it's repetitive and to use 'try' to clarity. Also, note where I have put the commas.  

The Australian bush fires have killed and harmed many animals, especially koalas, so scientists are going to the forest to try and save them.

Koalas that survived the bush fires in Australia are now dying from the harsh conditions such as, starvation, dehydration, smoke inhalation, and so many other conditions that have to survive through.***

    This is a bit unclear. I've changed up this sentence quite a bit. Things like starvation, dehydration, and smoke inhalation are not the harsh conditions but they are the result of being in harsh conditions. I've rephrased it to convey that meaning instead. The ending about surviving confuses the sentence more as well because it talks about these conditions being the reason they are dying, but also being the conditions they are surviving. It's unclear so I've removed it. 

Koalas that have survived the bush fires in Australia are now dying from things such as, starvation, dehydration, smoke inhalation, and many other issues due to the harsh condition of their environment.

Over the past time the rescue team found koalas crushed under trees that were on fire.***

    Need a comma after 'time' because it is an introductory phrase for this sentence. The intro is technically grammatically correct but, is an odd use of words. When you are trying to use synonyms for words and phrases from the article make sure they make sense and still fit into your new sentence nicely. I suggest just 'Over time'. Same goes for the last part in bold. In your sentence, it sounds like these trees are still burning (which they may be) but, using 'burnt' instead cleans up the confusion.   

Over time, the rescue teams have found koalas crushed under burnt trees.

The koalas with burnt paws after going down to the festered ground after the fire had passed, hoping to change trees and find food.***

    This sentence beginning with 'The koalas' sounds like you're missing something. I've added "They've also discovered" to remedy that problem, adding flow and tying it into the previous sentence.  

They've also discovered koalas with burnt paws as a result of them going down to the festered ground after the fire had passed, hoping to change trees and find food.

One of the many recent rescues was an orphaned, scrawny koala with all of its four paws burnt.***

  Much, much too similar to a sentence in the article. The use of 'scrawny' is good, however, it is the only difference. You have seven sentences anyway, so, let's delete this one. 

The koalas are keep dying because of the conditions in the forest like infections because of the burns and the smoke and them inhaling that smoke and others can't find food.***

    This sentence is another good example of what I mean when I say that it takes more than just rewording sentences and using a thesaurus. Make sure you read your sentences carefully to check that they still make sense. This is a run-on sentence. We can use a list here. I have rephrased most of this sentence. Take careful note on the differences.  

Koalas can also die after due to prolonged effects of smoke inhalation, no availability to food, and infections from their burns.

So these koalas need help immediately because of the conditions their going through in the forest.***

    Comma after 'So', 'their' should be 'they're'. The part in bold isn't necessary. The reader already understands why help is needed. Your use of 'condition' isn't quite correct. It would make more sense to say "because of the condition their forest is in" or "because of the condition of their health". This ending is also ubrupt so, I've added some for information to give more context. 

So, these animals need help immediately and representatives are asking for the public's help in the form of donations.

Source: https://www.popsci.com/story/animals/koalas-dying-after-bushfires/***

     Yes! you added 'Source', thank you. 
      • Hello, I can tell you are putting more thought into your summaries now, which is great! You have definitely improved, good job. However, with this summary, you didn't use the entire article. It seems you stopped after the parts about the injured koalas when the other half was very important too (using dogs to find the animals and about the fundraising efforts by Detection Dogs for Conservation). Read and understand the entire article before writing. Otherwise, I suggest shorter articles. Thanks! -Kira


Edited Paragraph:


Saving Harmed Koalas In Australia

The Australian bush fires have killed and harmed many animals, especially koalas, so scientists are going to the forest to try and save them. Koalas that have survived the bush fires in Australia are now dying from things such as, starvation, dehydration, smoke inhalation, and many other issues due to the harsh condition of their environment. Over time, the rescue teams have found koalas crushed under burnt trees. They've also discovered koalas with burnt paws as a result of them going down to the festered ground after the fire had passed, hoping to change trees and find food. Koalas can also die after due to prolonged effects of smoke inhalation, no availability to food, and infections from their burns. So, these animals need help immediately and representatives are asking for the public's help in the form of donations.
Source: https://www.popsci.com/story/animals/koalas-dying-after-bushfires/

Edited by Kira Carson






Unedited Paragraph:

How Not To Touch Your Face

The CDC and many other health organizations are promoting everybody to always wash your hands at all times. Also the corona-virus can live within metal and plastic substances which if you touch you better watch out and wash your hands. Many people touch their face such as biting your nails, rubbing your eyes, and touching your nose, these actions are very dangerous around these times doing that can cost you your life. Even though it is tempting to touch your face because it's itchy don't do it and just save your self some trouble even after a little thing like your nose. https://www.popsci.com/story/health/stop-touching-your-face/


Edits:

      • Where are the rest of your sentences? This summary only has 4. I feel you only read the first half of this article as well. In this summary, you never summarize the actual ways to not touch your face! (Which is the point of the article).


How Not To Touch Your Face

The CDC and many other health organizations are promoting everybody to always wash your hands at all times.***

  The use of 'always' and 'at all times' reads awkwardly and is confusing to the reader. This literally translates to mean 'wash your hands at every moment'. 'frequently' or 'habitually' or 'often' works better. The possessive pronoun 'your' needs to change to 'their'. I've added a new intro to the sentence because it adds clarity and helps tie in the next sentence.     

Due to Convid-19, the CDC and many other health organizations are promoting everybody to frequently wash their hands.

Also the corona-virus can live within metal and plastic substances which if you touch you better watch out and wash your hands.***

    Delete 'Also' because here it feels to soon to have it and this sentence doesn't have information about the CDC again so, it's unclear what 'Also' is referring to. 'within' should be 'on'. The article states the virus is on surfaces not inside. The part in bold could be removed because it sounds too casual. The sentence is stronger without it. In this case, I've replaced it with 'so, be aware' to keep your theme going but cleaned up. Your previous sentence ends with 'wash their hands' so, to avoid too much repetition I've changed it to 'of what you touch'.   

The coronavirus can live on metal and plastic substances so, be aware of what you touch.

Many people touch their face such as biting your nails, rubbing your eyes, and touching your nose, these actions are very dangerous around these times doing that can cost you your life.***

    The possessive pronouns (in bold) need to match. Change the 'yours to 'their'. Changing 'around these times' to 'during this time' is less vague and more direct. The last part of the sentence sounds like a run-on sentence. I suggest changing 'doing that can' to 'and could'. 

Many people touch their face such as biting their nails, rubbing their eyes, and touching their nose, these actions are dangerous during this time and could cost you your life.

      • Missing TWO fact sentences. We're missing the information on habit reversal training. Here are my suggestions to complete your summary:

It's suggested that we practice habit reversal training to limit our face touching. This includes self-monitoring ourselves and replacing the behaviour with another like clenching our fists, squeezing a stress ball or sitting on our hands.

Even though it is tempting to touch your face because it's itchy don't do it and just save your self some trouble even after a little thing like your nose.***

    There's a lot of use of the phrase 'touch your face' or similar in this text (for obvious reasons) so, I recommend we break it up by finding new words for this like 'scratch your nose'. This way we can remove the end part of your sentence because it doesn't add any value and it's a bit confusing to read. I've also switched the ordering around a bit so that we end on 'don't do it' which is a stronger ending.  

Even though it's tempting to scratch your nose because it's itchy save yourself some trouble and don't do it.

https://www.popsci.com/story/health/stop-touching-your-face/***

    Needs 'Source:'

Source: https://www.popsci.com/story/health/stop-touching-your-face/


Edited Paragraph:

How Not To Touch Your Face

Due to Covid-19, the CDC and many other health organizations are promoting everybody to frequently wash their hands. The coronavirus can live on metal and plastic substances so, be aware of what you touch. Many people touch their face such as biting their nails, rubbing their eyes, and touching their nose, these actions are dangerous during this time and could cost you your life. It's suggested that we practice habit reversal training to limit our face touching. This includes self-monitoring ourselves and replacing the behaviour with another like clenching our fists, squeezing a stress ball or sitting on our hands. Even though it's tempting to scratch your nose because it's itchy save yourself some trouble and don't do it.
Source: https://www.popsci.com/story/health/stop-touching-your-face/

Edited by Kira Carson






Unedited Paragraph:

Confirmed COVID-19 Cases Over 50,000

Covid-19 is a very deadly virus, which causes symptoms like fever shortness of breath, and dry coughing and it can harm people over 60 and with medical/health problems. If you do not want to catch the coronavirus than it is best to stay indoors where you aren't around anyone except for your family. The coronavirus is a very serious virus in so many ways, at least 177 countries have at least more than 10 cases in that country. In the whole world, there are about 400,000 cases and killed 18,000 people. For preventing the coronavirus we should wash our hands all the time for as long it takes to sing the alphabet, and we should not touch our face and also should not go outside often we should follow these rules strictly to be safe. https://www.popsci.com/story/health/covid-19-coronavirus-outbreak-update/


Edits:

      • Chris, you've had so much improvement on not plagiarizing. Good job! However, your summaries need to be 6 sentences and before your link, you should have 'Source:'. I've reminded you many times, stick to the format! For a refresher read again the beginning of this page: http://www.goodtoknow.com/Article_Tutorial


Confirmed COVID-19 Cases Over 50,000

Covid-19 is a very deadly virus, which causes symptoms like fever shortness of breath, and dry coughing and it can harm people over 60 and with medical/health problems.***

    Sometimes sentences with lists, many commas, and multiples 'and's' can come off sounding weak. For a stronger sentence, I recommend removing the last 'and' and rephrasing with 'often'. Also, you're missing a comma after 'fever'. 

Covid-19 is a very deadly virus, which causes symptoms like fever, shortness of breath, and dry coughing, often harming people over 60 with medical/health problems.

If you do not want to catch the coronavirus than it is best to stay indoors where you aren't around anyone except for your family.***

    This is a little wordy and too casual sounding. Note how the parts in bold I have shortened, making the sentence more specific and easier to read. I've changed 'family' to 'household' because 'family' is too broad and the reader may not know what you mean (which is family that you live with).  

To avoid catching the coronavirus it is best to stay indoors away from people except those in your household.

The coronavirus is a very serious virus in so many ways, at least 177 countries have at least more than 10 cases in that country.***

    I can't find these facts in the article but, it's been updated a few times so, I'm going to assume that's why. Anyways, let's clean up the first part in bold. To sharpen your writing I suggest a synonym for 'very serious' or for 'so many' or both. This is because these are all descriptors that are used a lot in writing and if we can find one word to substitute two words it sounds more professional. Your comma should be a semicolon because either side of it is an independent clause. The last half of this sentence reads a little difficult because of the wordiness and repetition (in bold). Some of it is redundant and we can remove. See below:   

The coronavirus is a severe virus in numerous ways; currently, 177 countries have at least 10 cases each.

In the whole world, there are about 400,000 cases and killed 18,000 people.***

 The placement and verb 'killed' doesn't quite work here. It appears a word is missing too. You could put 'it's' before killed or change to '400,000 cases, killing 18,000 people." or: 

In the whole world, there are about 400,000 cases and 18,000 people have died.

For preventing the coronavirus we should wash our hands all the time for as long it takes to sing the alphabet, and we should not touch our face and also should not go outside often we should follow these rules strictly to be safe.***

    Since you're missing a sentence let's break this up into two sentences. Let's include information on social distancing as well since it is also an important preventative which hasn't been mentioned in your summary. The parts in bold are areas that are unclear and need to be reworded. "should' and 'we should' is repeated many times as well and can be cut back.  

To prevent the coronavirus we should wash our hands frequently to the length of time it takes to sing the alphabet and attempt to not touch our faces. We also must limit our outside outings, practice social distancing, and continue to follow these rules strictly to be safe.

https://www.popsci.com/story/health/covid-19-coronavirus-outbreak-update/***

   Put 'Source:' before the link.

Source: https://www.popsci.com/story/health/covid-19-coronavirus-outbreak-update/


Edited Paragraph:

Confirmed COVID-19 Cases Over 50,000

Covid-19 is a very deadly virus, which causes symptoms like fever, shortness of breath, and dry coughing, often harming people over 60 with medical/health problems. To avoid catching the coronavirus it is best to stay indoors away from people except those in your household. The coronavirus is a severe virus in numerous ways; currently, 177 countries have at least 10 cases each. In the whole world, there are about 400,000 cases and 18,000 people have died. To prevent the coronavirus we should wash our hands frequently to the length of time it takes to sing the alphabet and attempt to not touch our faces. We also must limit our outside outings, practice social distancing, and continue to follow these rules strictly to be safe.
Source: https://www.popsci.com/story/health/covid-19-coronavirus-outbreak-update/

Edited by Kira Carson






Unedited Paragraph:

Covid-19 Cautions

The corona-virus is very dangerous and we should be safe here are some tips. Since the corona-virus is highly contagious you should wear masks and also, since there are no vaccines you should be careful by what you do. If there is someone sick stay away and avert from touching your face most importantly your nose, eyes, and mouth. Not only that, if you cough or sneeze on a tissue dispose of that tissue very swiftly and just in cause wear a mask cause there could be someone effected by corona-virus next to you. Finally, wash your hands very often everyday for 20 seconds and if you have the symptoms of the corona-virus which is a fever, cough, and difficult breathing seek help quickly. https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/news/politics-and-nation/coronavirus-in-india-10-ways-to-make-sure-you-dont-catch-the-disease/articleshow/74488435.cms


Edits:

Covid-19 Cautions

The corona-virus is very dangerous and we should be safe here are some tips.***

    Let's spell 'corona-virus' as 'coronavirus' because that is the way your news story spells it. This shows improvement from your other intro sentences. Keep it up, stay away from the first person perspective and your own opinions! Having no conjunction between 'safe' and 'here' makes it sound like a run-on sentence. I added, 'so,'. 

The coronavirus is very dangerous and we should be safe so, here are some tips.

Since the corona-virus is highly contagious you should wear masks and also, since there are no vaccines you should be careful by what you do.***

    Remove the hyphen in 'corona-virus'. Add a comma after 'contagious'. The last part in bold is a little repetitive and vague, we could remove it altogether, however, I like the mention of having no vaccine so, I reworded it a bit below and combined it below in anothe sentence.  I took the part from your other sentence about masks and added it to this one. It makes it clearer having the matching facts together.  

Since the coronavirus is highly contagious, you should wear masks cause there could be someone effected next to you.

If there is someone sick stay away and avert from touching your face most importantly your nose, eyes, and mouth.***

    Add a comma after 'most importantly'.  

If there is someone sick stay away and avert from touching your face most importantly, your nose, eyes, and mouth.

Not only that, if you cough or sneeze on a tissue dispose of that tissue very swiftly and just in cause wear a mask cause there could be someone effected by corona-virus next to you.***

    Again, note how part of this sentence and your above one have been reworked. Remove 'very' before 'swiftly'. It reads easier and still has the same effect. 

Not only that, if you cough or sneeze on a tissue dispose of that tissue swiftly and since there are no vaccines you should take all necessary precautions.

Finally, wash your hands very often everyday for 20 seconds and if you have the symptoms of the corona-virus which is a fever, cough, and difficult breathing seek help quickly.***

   This sentence just needs a little cleaning up. Remove 'very'. Here, 'everyday' should be 'every day'. As a rule, if you can replace it with 'each day' and it still means the same thing, then use 'every day': https://writingexplained.org/everyday-vs-every-day-difference. To reduce unnecessary words and repetition, the part in bold can lose 'the' and 'corona-' and a comma is needed after 'virus'.   

Finally, wash your hands often every day for 20 seconds and if you have symptoms of the virus, which is a fever, cough, and difficultly breathing, seek help quickly.

        • You are missing a sentence. I suggest keeping the above sentence as a fact sentence and writing a new concluding sentence. In my suggestion I use the article's heading and the subhead under it for inspiration:

As we still have no vaccine, these preventative measures remain our best defence against this pandemic.

https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/news/politics-and-nation/coronavirus-in-india-10-ways-to-make-sure-you-dont-catch-the-disease/articleshow/74488435.cms***

   Must label as 'Source:'

Source: https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/news/politics-and-nation/coronavirus-in-india-10-ways-to-make-sure-you-dont-catch-the-disease/articleshow/74488435.cms


Edited Paragraph:

Covid-19 Cautions

The coronavirus is very dangerous and we should be safe so, here are some tips. Since the coronavirus is highly contagious, you should wear masks cause there could be someone effected next to you. If there is someone sick stay away and avert from touching your face most importantly, your nose, eyes, and mouth. Not only that, if you cough or sneeze on a tissue dispose of that tissue swiftly and since there are no vaccines you should take all necessary precautions. Finally, wash your hands often every day for 20 seconds and if you have symptoms of the virus, which is a fever, cough, and difficultly breathing, seek help quickly. As we still have no vaccine, these preventative measures remain our best defence against this pandemic.
Source: https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/news/politics-and-nation/coronavirus-in-india-10-ways-to-make-sure-you-dont-catch-the-disease/articleshow/74488435.cms


Edited by Kira Carson






Unedited Paragraph:

All Alone Solo Anaerobic Animal

Parasites that don't need oxygen to survive sounds fascinating to me. Researchers found out about a animal which doesn't need oxygen to live. The parasite is linked to a part of a group of jellyfish called Myxozoa. The scientists found the first multicellular animal that doesn't have the necessities of a DNA that has the genes of respiration. The cause of living without oxygen is because of H. salminicola, which dwells within the fish and makes the organism to live without any oxygen. https://www.livescience.com/first-non-breathing-animal.html


Edits:

All Alone Solo Anaerobic Animal***

    Remove 'All Alone Solo' because those words imply that this animal is by itself which is not what the story is trying to say. 

Anaerobic Animal

Parasites that don't need oxygen to survive sounds fascinating to me.***

    We have a theme here on how you like to have your intro and concluding sentences refer to yourself. This is supposed to be a summary of the article you read which does not include any of your opinions. Keep it in the third person point of view. Below I have copied and pasted the first few sentences of the article. Notice how I used those sentences as inspiration for an intro sentence: 

News story intro: Scientists discover first known animal that doesn't breathe This is the first animal on Earth proven to have no mitochondrial genome and no way to breathe. When the parasitic blob known as Henneguya salminicola sinks its spores into the flesh of a tasty fish, it does not hold its breath. That's because H. salminicola is the only known animal on Earth that does not breathe.

Intro sentence for summary: A parasite has been discovered called Henneguya salminicola which appears to not breathe.

Researchers found out about a animal which doesn't need oxygen to live.***

    This sentence could have also worked great as an intro sentence! Let's change 'found' (past tense) to 'have found' (present perfect) because using this tense indicates something happened in the past but is still related to the present (like this is). Using the present perfect tense instead of the past tense usually works better for most news summaries because most of this news is still ongoing and anything that had happened is still related to the present moment. I changed some of the wording like 'a animal' to 'this animal' because it makes better sense with the new sentence above. 

Researchers have found this animal to not need oxygen to live.

The parasite is linked to a part of a group of jellyfish called Myxozoa.***

    'A part of a group of jellyfish' is a little wordy. Omit 'a part of'.

The parasite is linked to a group of jellyfish called Myxozoa.

The scientists found the first multicellular animal that doesn't have the necessities of a DNA that has the genes of respiration.***

     You're on the right track with this sentence but, I think you are forgetting to check the sentences after using your thesaurus just to check and make sure it is easily readable and clear. 'The scientists found' is past tense and this tense doesn't match the changes above so, note how 'This is the first discovered' flows better. I also changed a few words around at the end for clarity.   

This is the first discovered multicellular animal that doesn't have the necessary DNA which contains the genes of respiration.

The cause of living without oxygen is because of H. salminicola, which dwells within the fish and makes the organism to live without any oxygen.***

    This is not a clear sentence. It's stating (in my own simpler words) that it lives without oxygen because it lives inside the fish which forces it to live without oxygen. It's still not clear what causes the animal to live without oxygen. This question is never answered in the article either. I believe you are using this sentence from the article as inspiration: "If you spent your entire life infecting the dense muscle tissues of fish and underwater worms, like H. salminicola does, you probably wouldn't have much opportunity to turn oxygen into energy, either." If so, this is my suggestion instead: 

This makes sense, seeing as this parasite lives deep inside the muscle of underwater creatures, therefore making it hard to breathe.

      • Missing a concluding sentence. Don't forget to use the entire article. There were a few main points that you could have also touched on (genetic downsizing, a threat to fish). My suggestion:

Research finds that the H. salminicola has actually evolved over time to lose its breathing along with many other things like its muscles and nerve cells, further confusing scientists.

https://www.livescience.com/first-non-breathing-animal.html***

   Add 'Source:' before the website

Source:https://www.livescience.com/first-non-breathing-animal.html

Edited Paragraph:

Anaerobic Animal

A parasite has been discovered called Henneguya salminicola which appears to not breathe. Researchers have found this animal to not need oxygen to live. The parasite is linked to a group of jellyfish called Myxozoa. This is the first discovered multicellular animal that doesn't have the necessary DNA which contains the genes of respiration. This makes sense, seeing as this parasite lives deep inside the muscle of underwater creatures, therefore making it hard to breathe. Research finds that the H. salminicola has actually evolved over time to lose its breathing along with many other things like its muscles and nerve cells, further confusing scientists.
Source:https://www.livescience.com/first-non-breathing-animal.html

Edited by Kira Carson






Unedited Paragraph:

The Duck-billed Dinosaurs Disease

This disease that the duck-billed dinosaur had could we have inherited it. Researchers have classified the dinosaur age type of cancer within the duck-billed dinosaur's tailbones. The irregularity sustained within the archaic reptile’s bones that equate those seen in people who are affected with this unusual disease. Diagnosing illnesses in dinosaurs is very complicated because most of their soft tissue perished away millions of years ago and the skeletons of these dinosaurs either went missing or were lacking some bones. https://www.popsci.com/story/animals/duck-billed-dinosaur-cancer/


Edits:


The Duck-billed Dinosaurs Disease***

 Good. Nice use of alliteration. Capitalize 'billed'. In most cases in a title, the second part of a hyphenated word is also capitalized.

The Duck-Billed Dinosaurs Disease


      • You have four fact sentences, but are missing an intro and a concluding sentence. My suggestion for an intro sentence:

Surprising finds in a species of dinosaur is aiding scientists to look at how diseases change over time.


This disease that the duck-billed dinosaur had could we have inherited it.***

    It appears the words 'we' and 'could' are mixed up. Also, let's removed 'inherited'. The news story states that the disease is the same as in humans, but we do not inherit it from dinosaurs. I suggest adding in the full name of this disease here as well for clarity.  

This disease that the duck-billed dinosaur had looks exactly the same as Langerhans Cell Histiocytosis found in humans.


Researchers have classified the dinosaur age type of cancer within the duck-billed dinosaur's tailbones.***

    The part that is in bold makes it unclear what you are trying to say in this sentence. I'm guessing you are trying to reiterate this sentence from the original story: "Scientists have identified the oldest-known case of a unique kind of cancer in the tailbones of a duck-billed dinosaur." If that's the case, you almost have it, but after you find your synonyms you must make sure the sentence still makes sense to the reader. Notice how I switched the middle and end part of the sentence around for easier reading and changed 'the dinosaur age type of cancer' to 'this cancer...the oldest found yet'.

Researchers have classified this cancer within the duck-billed dinosaur's tailbones to be the oldest found yet.


The irregularity sustained within the archaic reptile’s bones that equate those seen in people who are affected with this unusual disease.***

    My only edit here is to change 'that equate' to 'is equal to' and 'with' (at the end) with 'by'.  

The irregularity sustained within the archaic reptile’s bones is equal to those seen in people who are affected by this unusual disease.


Diagnosing illnesses in dinosaurs is very complicated because most of their soft tissue perished away millions of years ago and the skeletons of these dinosaurs either went missing or were lacking some bones.***

   No edit. Although this sentence is long it still flows nice. Good job. 


      • Missing a concluding sentence. My suggestion:

By researching how these dinosaurs coped and survived with these tumors it gives us insight into how it may continue to affect humans as well.


https://www.popsci.com/story/animals/duck-billed-dinosaur-cancer/***

    Add 'Source' before the link. Also, remember to press enter 5 times, followed by (-----) and press enter 5 more times to give a nice space between each new summary you write. I did this to many of the assignments below so you can see what it looks like. 

Source: https://www.popsci.com/story/animals/duck-billed-dinosaur-cancer/

  Overall, there's so much improvement here! Good job.

-Kira


Edited Paragraph:

The Duck-Billed Dinosaurs Disease

Surprising finds in a species of dinosaur is aiding scientists to look at how diseases change over time. This disease that the duck-billed dinosaur had looks exactly the same as Langerhans Cell Histiocytosis found in humans. Researchers have classified this cancer within the duck-billed dinosaur's tailbones to be the oldest found yet. The irregularity sustained within the archaic reptile’s bones is equal to those seen in people who are affected by this unusual disease. Diagnosing illnesses in dinosaurs is very complicated because most of their soft tissue perished away millions of years ago and the skeletons of these dinosaurs either went missing or were lacking some bones. By researching how these dinosaurs coped and survived with these tumors it gives us insight into how it may continue to affect humans as well.
Source: https://www.popsci.com/story/animals/duck-billed-dinosaur-cancer/


Edited by Kira Carson






My corrections for Shooting Jellyfish:

your suggestions: 1.)...the mucus that is let out of the jellyfish, is filled with tiny cell masses that let them shoot a stinging substance.

My correction #1: ...a liquid that is discharged of the jellyfish contains tiny cell masses that project a stinging matter.

your suggestions: 2.) ...the jellyfish get their nutrition from Symbiotic Photosynthetic Algae that's living inside their cells.

My correction #2: ...the jellyfish get their nutrients necessary for life from Symbiotic Photosynthetic Algae that exists within their cells.


My corrections for Humans Need Bumble Bees:

your suggestions: 1.)In one human generation the bumble bees survival have decreased by 30 or more percent.

My correction #1: In just only one generation the bumblebee's survival rates had declined by about 30 or more percent.

your suggestions: 2.)As global warming rises and precipitation rates grow more and more, bumble bees are going to have a big problem and trouble to getting used to the new environment.

My correction #2: As global warming continues and precipitation rates increase more, bumblebees are going to have difficulty trying to adapt to a new environment.

your suggestions: 3.)...heatwaves and droughts have created super dry environments, which could harm the plants that insects

My correction #3: ...heatwaves and droughts formed dry environments, which could damage the plants that insects

your suggestions: 4.)...the European bumblebees average of living is 17 percent from 1975 and 2000

My corrections #4: ...The European bumblebees equate 17 percent of living between 1975 and 2000.




Unedited Paragraph:

Shooting Jellyfish

The upside-down jellyfish are very fascinating in so many ways. The scientists researched the jellyfish and found out that the mucus that is let out of the jellyfish, is filled with tiny cell masses that let them shoot a stinging substance. The jellyfish normally stay on the ground and they have help with their body to catch prey. Also the jellyfish get their nutrition from Symbiotic Photosynthetic Algae that's living inside their cells. This is why the upside-down jellyfish are very important in many ways.*** https://www.popsci.com/story/animals/upside-down-jellyfish-stinging-water/

    Okay, we have improved. The bold is still plagiarism and I need to ask you to rewrite. Your sentence in italics is properly done though! Good job. Do you see how that sentence still reiterates information from the article but, you did it using your own words? You still need to rethink your plagiarized sentences and make sure you are including 6 sentences in your summary. Please see the tips I wrote below and good luck! 

-Kira






Unedited Paragraph:

Humans Need Bumble Bees

In one human generation the bumble bees survival have decreased by 30 or more percent. As global warming rises and precipitation rates grow more and more, bumble bees are going to have a big problem and trouble to getting used to the new environment. Not only that, heatwaves and droughts have created super dry environments, which could harm the plants that insects need to survive. Finally, the European bumble bees average of living is 17 percent from 1975 and 2000 this happened, while North American bumble bees went drastically down by 46 percent at the same period of time. https://www.popsci.com/story/science/bumble-bees-climate-change-threat/

    Hi Chris, everything in bold is plagiarized. You have almost completely copied and pasted and have not followed any of the assignment rules. Please rewrite. 

-Kira

Tips: 1. Read the entire article and read it until you understand it. 
        2. Write down the main points from the article or alternatively you can take each paragraph and try to summarize it into one sentence. Whichever way you decide, you will find that you have some great sentences to use for your summary. Choose the best four for your fact sentences. When finding intro and concluding sentences you can still use inspiration from the article. 
        3. No copy and pasting! Use your own words. 
        4. Try to verbally tell someone else about the news story. Have them ask questions. This may help you realize what areas of the story you need clarification on and where to go back and read. 
       5. Please try! You will find reading the news summaries again and rewriting will go much faster the second time around. 
       6. If some of these original news stories seem too daunting try to find shorter ones to summarize and choose topics that you already have some knowledge about or are interested in. 

Please also check out these links. Not everything applies but the info on preparation could be useful. I also suggest you look up and ask your teachers about paraphrasing. Ignore the information about citing, in this assignment it doesn't apply.
https://edubirdie.com/blog/summarize-article-without-plagiarizing
http://en.writecheck.com/blog/2013/10/16/3-ways-to-avoid-plagiarism-summary-paraphrase-and-quote-video
https://www.summarizing.biz/how-to-summarise-without-plagiarising/






Unedited Paragraph:

Freezing Snow Animals?

Freezing snow animals that's something I never heard before. Beneath the snow lies the subnivium, a busy micro climate where plants thrive and animals scurry to and from. The snow was known only for making food scarce for above-ground animals, forcing many into hibernation, and turning into life-sustaining water after melting. Animals took the sheltered subnivium. The constant climate can be much warmer than conditions above, protecting animals and plants insulated within. This is why snow animals freezing is very weird in many ways. https://www.popsci.com/story/environment/why-animals-need-snow-subnivium/

   Hi Chris, everything I put in bold is plagiarized from the original text. Please rewrite. I've given you some tips in previous summaries below and your teachers would be happy to help! 

-Kira






Unedited Paragraph:

WALKING SHARKS!

Walking sharks are one of the most fascinating animals I have heard of. They live in waters around Australia, Indonesia, and Papua New Guinea. The nine species of the genus Hemiscyllium crawl on the seafloor. What they would do is wiggle and walk instead of swimming. They can only be in the open air for a short amount of time. This shows why walking sharks are very fascinating. https://www.popsci.com/story/science/walking-sharks-evolution/

Hey Chris, I'm going to ask you to rewrite this. Sentences two and three are directly from the article. You must use your own words. For example, your sentence "They can only be in the open air for a short amount of time." is not plagiarized but still accurate. Also, try to use an intro and concluding sentence which relates more to the article. Do not use first person POV or your own opinions. Use third person POV. Remember, this is supposed to be a summary of the article and there is a lot of great information in this popsci news story. Try to make the most of your fact sentences. Good luck! 

-Kira






Cuttlefish Watching 3D movies

Cuttlefish watching with 3D glasses I think that is cool and fascinating. As the cuttlefish was put on 3Dglasses they placed a screen of a 3D movie of a shrimp going across the screen. The cuttlefish tried to catch it with its tentacles. Binocular visions the brain using images to create a perception of depth. Other creatures have it as well. Even with the cuttlefish's eyes not "yoked" which yoked means looking at the same thing at the same time. They were still able to hunt. The scientists do need more information about how the cuttlefish use cues and spacial information to capture their prey. This is why I believe that cuttlefish are very cool and fascinating. https://www.popsci.com/story/animals/cuttlefish-depth-perception-3d-glasses/



Cuttlefish Watching 3D movies***

   Nice, just need "movies" capitalized. Also, nice choice of a news story! I enjoyed reading about these cuttlefish.

Cuttlefish Watching 3D Movies


Cuttlefish watching with 3D glasses I think that is cool and fascinating.***

    Let's avoid using first person point of view and keep to the third person. You also seem to rely on using the words "cool" and fascinating" in your intro and concluding sentences. These sentences should be about the article and stay away from your own opinions. I have added in "Scientists" to the beginning because it helps to clarify to the reader that this is probably a study or test and swapped the last half with "proving that they can perceive depth." because this is important information to the story.  

Scientists have cuttlefish watching with 3D glasses, proving that they can perceive depth.


As the cuttlefish was put on 3Dglasses they placed a screen of a 3D movie of a shrimp going across the screen.***

    "As the cuttlefish was put on 3Dglasses" is in passive voice. It's typically better for the reader if we use active voice. To do this, the noun(cuttlefish) must perform the action(put) on the object(glasses). For clarity, I changed the action to "wore". "3dglasses" should be two words. This is also a run-on sentence. Adding a comma after "3D glasses" fixes that. 


The cuttlefish tried to catch it with its tentacles.***

    Combine your above two sentences. You have too many sentences, but the above information is all important to the story so let's keep it. I did this by using "in which" to combine them.  

As the cuttlefish wore 3D glasses, they placed a screen of a 3D movie of a shrimp going across the screen in which the fish tried to catch it with its tentacles.


Binocular visions the brain using images to create a perception of depth.***

    This is almost an exact sentence from the article. If you are struggling, try to maybe verbalize what you think the sentence from the article means. Also, read carefully and ask your self questions until you feel you understand better. You must use your own words. For example, I would say this sentence like: 

This shows us that these fish are similar to humans in the way they also have "binocular vision" which is a term used to describe using both eyes to determine depth.


Other creatures have it as well.***

    Too many sentences. This should be added to the above sentence or omitted. Above I've already mentioned humans so, we will omit it. 


Even with the cuttlefish's eyes not "yoked" which yoked means looking at the same thing at the same time.***

    This and the below sentence should be together to make sense. This sentence and the one below are also plagiarized. 


They were still able to hunt.***

    Here's an example of how to write this using new words but still keeping the same meaning:

Yoked eyes, commonly found in animals who also have "binocular vision", is when the eyes move together. Interestingly enough, cuttlefish do not have this feature and instead their eyes move separately.


The scientists do need more information about how the cuttlefish use cues and spacial information to capture their prey.***

  The only edits this needs is a conjoining word or words to add flow from the previous sentence. I used "For now". I also just trimmed it down by removing a few unnecessary words like "do" and "about".

For now, scientists need more information on how cuttlefish use cues and spacial information to capture their prey.


This is why I believe that cuttlefish are very cool and fascinating.*** Omit this. Your sentence above actually works great for a concluding sentence and you have too many sentences. Remember: topic sentence, 4 fact sentences, and a concluding sentence. for a total of 6 sentences. This does not include your headline and source.

https://www.popsci.com/story/animals/cuttlefish-depth-perception-3d-glasses/***

    Add "Source:"

Source:https://www.popsci.com/story/animals/cuttlefish-depth-perception-3d-glasses/

This one shows improvement from the last summary! Good job on that but you are still relying on the other author's words too much (using phrases and sentences from the original article). I know you've had a discussion about plagiarism in class now so I look forward to reading more of your summaries. 

-Kira


Edited Paragraph:

Cuttlefish Watching 3D Movies

Scientists have cuttlefish watching with 3D glasses, proving that they can perceive depth. As the cuttlefish wore 3D glasses, they placed a screen of a 3D movie of a shrimp going across the screen in which the fish tried to catch it with its tentacles. This shows us that these fish are similar to humans in the way they also have "binocular vision" which is a term used to describe using both eyes to determine depth. Yoked eyes, commonly found in animals who also have "binocular vision", is when the eyes move together. Interestingly enough, cuttlefish do not have this feature and instead their eyes move separately. For now, scientists need more information on how cuttlefish use cues and spacial information to capture their prey.
Source:https://www.popsci.com/story/animals/cuttlefish-depth-perception-3d-glasses/

Edited by Kira Carson







Boeing Stops the 737 Max Production

Boeing is stopping the 737 Max production for many reasons. Boeing made tens of thousands of parts to create a plane, which cost hundreds of millions they did not pay the money yet because the airplane did not come in yet. Boeing says that they are not reaching the limit of reducing the comings of 12000 strong workforces at the Renton factory. The Wall Street Journal told Boeing settled with Southwest Airlines alone to date for about $830 million. This is why Boeing is stopping the 737 Max production. https://www.popsci.com/story/aviation/boeing-737-max-halted/

   Hi there! sorry for the delay, I've actually edited this one already but must have not saved it properly. Sorry about that. While I am here though, this summary is almost completely plagiarized. I feel you also need to go back and read this article again. I suggest reading the article slowly and then try to verbally tell someone else about it. This will help you practice using your own words to summarize. 
Just an update: I won't edit this one yet. Please rewrite it. Thanks, Chris.

-Kira


The Tongue's Taste Bud's

Our tongue has many dots, which are papillae. The dots contain groups of taste buds. There ae three types of taste, sensing papillae, fungiform papillae, Foliate Papillae. Taste buds have a collection of 50 to 150 taste receptors and supporting cells for each of the tastebuds. This shows why the tongue is a very important part of the body. https://www.popsci.com/story/health/tastebuds-tongue-eating-flavor/

The Tongue's Taste Bud's***

    Good, to the point and clear. "Bud's" shouldn't be possessive though because in this headline the buds don't 'own' anything here. It should be just a regular plural.

The Tongue's Taste Buds

Our tongue has many dots, which are papillae.***

    This article, for the most part, is introducing new information to the reader. So, we should add "called" before "papillae" because then it sounds more like you understand that your reader probably doesn't know what a "papillae" is as well. 

Our tongue has many dots, which are called papillae.

The dots contain groups of taste buds.***

    To keep to the learning theme, let's use the new word "papillae" instead of "dots". This sentence is very short and sweet but, so is the previous sentence. To keep the reader interested I suggest adding some more descriptive language: 

Inside the papillae contains the taste buds.

There ae three types of taste, sensing papillae, fungiform papillae, Foliate Papillae.***

    Make sure to proofread to catch any typos. The last listed papilla does not need to be capitalized and it needs the word 'and' after the last comma. Read the article carefully. The different papillae aren't 'taste' but 'taste receptors'. The forth papilla is different because it doesn't pick up taste and instead acts as a touch receptor. You are missing a fact sentence so we will use this information to add another sentence.

There are three types of taste recepting papillae called, sensing papillae, fungiform papillae, and foliate papillae. A forth papilla, named filiform papillae, doesn't have any taste buds and instead contains small hairs so we can better feel the food on our tongue.

Taste buds have a collection of 50 to 150 taste receptors and supporting cells for each of the tastebuds.***

    Plagarized. Be careful! Although this isn't an exact sentence from the article, it uses much of the same vocabulary. Use your own words. Take a look at how I keep the same meaning but use different words:

Each taste bud has its own cells to help it as well as anywhere from 50 to 150 taste receptors.

This shows why the tongue is a very important part of the body.***

    To better align with the original article I suggest rewriting this sentence. We already know that our tongue is important but, what is the article trying to teach us? I wrote a sentence below that touches on the bigger picture: 

This information further proves that taste is complicated and varies for every person.

https://www.popsci.com/story/health/tastebuds-tongue-eating-flavor/***

    Missing 'source'. 

Source: https://www.popsci.com/story/health/tastebuds-tongue-eating-flavor/

Edited Paragraph:

The Tongue's Taste Buds

Our tongue has many dots, which are called papillae. Inside the papillae contains the taste buds. There are three types of taste recepting papillae called, sensing papillae, fungiform papillae, and foliate papillae. A forth papilla, named filiform papillae, doesn't have any taste buds and instead contains small hairs so we can better feel the food on our tongue. Each taste bud has its own cells to help it as well as anywhere from 50 to 150 taste receptors. This information further proves that taste is complicated and varies for every person.
Source: https://www.popsci.com/story/health/tastebuds-tongue-eating-flavor/

Edited by Kira Carson







The Real Batmobile

This electric version of a pickup truck is very fascinating in many ways. Elon Musk said that at least 200,000 orders of the futuristic vehicle are in for, just three days after it was unveiled. For the car, at least 41% of the orders were for the triple motor all-wheel drive starts at 69,900 and the single motor real wheeled drive starts at 39,900. Pre-orders only cost $100 to secure, it's a lot cheaper today for someone to express interest in the cybertruck versus fully financing one. This is why electric pickup trucks are very fascinating in many ways. https://www.cnn.com/2019/11/23/cars/cybertruck-tesla-preorders/index.html

      • Before we begin there are a few overall things for your summary to note. Please take more time reading the article and making sure you stick to the format. Remember, Headline, topic sentence, 4 different fact sentences, then a concluding sentence (for a total of 6 sentences). Make the most of these sentences! They should accurately summarize the article using your own words. Watch your plagiarism. It takes more than just removing one word from a sentence to not be considered plagiarized. I hope you get some inspiration on how to properly summarize from my rewritten sentences. Before writing ask yourself: What are the main points of this article? What is the most important?


The Real Batmobile***

    I do like this headline however, the article focuses on things like its presales, the exterior, and the internet jokes so, I suggest something more like: 

Futuristic Truck Gets Impressive Presale Numbers

This electric version of a pickup truck is very fascinating in many ways.***

    True, but doesn't convey the true topic of the article. Take a look at the first paragraph. I suggest mentioning how the truck is causing commotion before being built or about how there are mixed responses from the internet. Note how my edited sentence below introduces the topic and uses new vocabulary to depict the same meaning from the article. I've also moved the mention of Elon Musk from your second sentence to this one instead of "This" because 'this' sounds too vague for a beginning sentence. 

Elon Musk's new electric version of a pickup truck is already gaining popularity and memes.

Elon Musk said that at least 200,000 orders of the futuristic vehicle are in for, just three days after it was unveiled.***

    This is completely plagiarized. This is almost an exact sentence from the article except for the word 'for'.  Please rewrite. Note how my sentence still stays true to the same meaning without being copied from the article.  

There have been 200,000 orders for the vehicle even though the production doesn't begin for at least another year.

For the car, at least 41% of the orders were for the triple motor all-wheel drive starts at 69,900 and the single motor real wheeled drive starts at 39,900.***

    Again, this is plagiarised and remember to read carefully. 41% of the orders are just for the expensive version not the $39,900 version. There should be '$' before the amount. This is the kind of fact sentence that is important so, note how I write it without copying from the original text:  

Surprisingly, 41% of these presales are for the most expensive version selling at $69,900.

Pre-orders only cost $100 to secure, it's a lot cheaper today for someone to express interest in the cybertruck versus fully financing one.***

    Plagiarized. Please don't copy and paste the sentences, that is not the assignment. Again, this fact is important so take a look at my unplagiarized version: 

The low cost to preorder being only $100 may be why there were so many, as this is more cost-effective than to finance the cybertruck.

    Below I have added an extra sentence. You are missing a fact sentence which should be used to either summarize how the internet is making fun of its appearance or about the truck's strength. Since I mentioned memes in the topic sentence we will go with that.

Despite its popularity, nothing is safe from the internet which has exploded in memes making fun of its boxy exterior.

This is why electric pickup trucks are very fascinating in many ways.***

     Like your topic sentence, this is true, but we need something that stays true to the article's conclusion. The article ends talking about the durability of the exterior. Since we haven't mentioned that yet, this would be a good time to include it while concluding the summary. Below I have ended with a quote from Musk, which you should not rely on but, can use as long as you quote it correctly.   

The humorous exterior is constructed of a steel alloy which according to Musk, makes it "literally bulletproof".

https://www.cnn.com/2019/11/23/cars/cybertruck-tesla-preorders/index.html***

    Make sure to add 'Source:' in front of the website.

Source: https://www.cnn.com/2019/11/23/cars/cybertruck-tesla-preorders/index.html

   Also, note that in your tutorial it asks that after your article, create space by hitting 'enter' 5 times, followed by '-----' and then 'enter' 5 more times. 

Edited Paragraph:

Futuristic Truck Gets Impressive Presale Numbers

Elon Musk's new electric version of a pickup truck is already gaining popularity and memes. There have been 200,000 orders for the vehicle even though the production doesn't begin for at least another year. Surprisingly, 41% of these presales are for the most expensive version selling at $69,900. The low cost to preorder being only $100 may be why there were so many, as this is more cost-effective than to finance the cybertruck. Despite its popularity, nothing is safe from the internet which has exploded in memes making fun of its boxy exterior. The humorous exterior is constructed of a steel alloy which according to Musk, makes it "literally bulletproof".
Source: https://www.cnn.com/2019/11/23/cars/cybertruck-tesla-preorders/index.html

Edited by Kira Carson






Dangerous Fossil Fuels***
Fossil fuels are very interesting and dangerous in my way.***

   
-This is the topic sentence. It should lead the reader to know what this summary is going to be about. -The use of 'in my way' makes this sentence unclear. The word 'interesting' also doesn't accurately describe this article's topic. 'Dangerous' is accurate but is used in your heading so, let's leave it out as well. -A good topic sentence can be found from the article by paraphrasing the article's headline and subheading.;

Alarmingly, fossil fuel outputs are predicted to rise.

The global government are planning to produce/make 120 percent more fossil fuels by 2030.***

   
-'are' is referring to 'global government'. 'Are' is plural so to agree 'global government' should be 'global governments'. -'produce/make' is not necessary. Both words mean the same thing. Choose just 'produce'.; -This is almost and exact quote and could be considered plagiarism. Must rewrite. Try to summarize using your own words and sentence structure.;

By 2030, we can expect a rise in fossil fuels of about 120 percent.

With the odds of 2.7 degrees Farenheit (1.5 degrees Celsius) and the warming limit thay they all agreed to under the 2015 PAris Climate Agreement.***

    
-Again, could be considered plagiarism. Must summarize using your own words. -Proofread to find your spelling and typing errors. -Let's delete this sentence to keep to the 6 sentence structure.;
Many countries ae all trying to increase production of fossil fuels.***
   
-Typing error. -Omit "all". It's not needed for clarity.;

Many countries are trying to increase production of fossil fuels.

Carbon emissions from fossil fuelall totaled up to 27.1 billion tonne in2018.***

    
-Typing and spelling errors. ex, "fuelall totaled".;

Carbon emissions from fossil fuels totaled up to 27.1 billion tonnes in 2018.


The countries plans are to increase the production of coal,oil, and gas for the country up to 120 percent more in 2030.***

   
-Please omit, this has already been stated in your topic sentence.;

This is why fossil fuels are very in teresting and dangerous in many ways.***

   
-Watch for typing errors. -let's use a sentence instead with more detail. There should be something that explains why the rise is fossil fuels is dangerous. -please reread the original article;

This rise could negatively effect the climate, humans, and wildlife more than it already has.

Fossil fuels are very interesting and dangerous in many ways***

    
-please reread the original article -Although this matches your original topic sentence, it is too similar. Let's rewrite so it compliments the new topic sentence and let's use the original article. It should summarize the meaning of the original article. Please see the last paragraph in original article;

Stockholm Environment Institute’s Executive Director, Måns Nilsson, tells us that if our governments keep going the way they are, things will only get worse.

    
-Also, after every sentence there must be a period followed by one space to start a new sentence.

Complete paragraph:


Dangerous Fossil Fuels

Alarmingly, fossil fuel outputs are predicted to rise. By 2030, we can expect a rise in fossil fuels of about 120 percent. Many countries are trying to increase production of fossil fuels. Carbon emissions from fossil fuels totaled up to 27.1 billion tonnes in 2018. This rise could negatively effect the climate, humans, and wildlife more than it already has. Stockholm Environment Institute’s Executive Director, Måns Nilsson, tells us that if our governments keep going the way they are, things will only get worse.

//www.nationalgeographic.com/science/2019/11/world-fossil-fuel-production-rise-guarantees-missing-paris-climate-goals/

Edited by Kira Carson


Peace Maker

Mahatma Gandhi has helped so many people with his protesting for freedom and peace to end British rule over Indians.
-Split this sentence up because it was too long and confusing. I kept in Gandhi's protesting against British rule because that is the main focus of your paragraph; Mahatma Gandhi has helped so many people with his protesting to have freedom and peace in Natal,London for the Indians and to end the British rule over Indians.

Mohandas Gandhi was born in Gujarat, India in 1869 to a rich and powerful family.
-Fixed the spelling of "Mohandas."

He went to London to study law, but had to promise his mom to keep the strict Hindu morals.
-Combined the next two sentences; Then left home to study law in London. He went to London, but had to promise his mom to keep the strict Hindu Morals.

In 1893, at the age of 24 he went to the British colony Natal in southeastern Africa where many Indians lived.
-Added context about Natal; In 1893, at the age of 24 he went to Natal where many Indians lived.

He was thrown out of train cars, pushed on public walkways, and stripped of the ability to vote.
-Combined the next sentence with this one; He was thrown out of train cars, pushed on public walkways. Also was stripped of the ability to vote.

Gandhi was surprised and started an Indian resistance movement to protest against Britain, focusing on nonviolence.
-Added "movement." This makes it more clear that Gandhi's protest including a lot of other people.
-Combined this sentence with part of the next; So Gandhi was suprised and started a Indian resistance to protest against Britain.

The Indian people did everything to break away from Britain, including boycotting British shops and having a 241-mile-long march.
-Rephrased and re-structured this sentence to be more cohesive. It includes the highlights of the resistance movement, and also uses the people as the subject of the sentence (not just Gandhi)
-Combined a couple of sentences for cohesion; He thebn focused on no-violence/peace, but was soon sent to jail for protesting, but they did everything to break awway from Britain they boyctted the British shops and had more mass protests. Also he made a 241-mile-long march and for peace and freedom.

This shows that Gandhi had risked everything starting from his reputation to his life.
-Cut the last sentence because it is unnecessary; This shows that Gandhi had risked everything starting from his reputation to his life. He did all this stuff for peace and freedom from Britain.

Peace Maker (completely edited article)
Mahatma Gandhi has helped so many people with his protesting for freedom and peace to end British rule over Indians. Mohandas Gandhi was born in Gujarat, India in 1869 to a rich and powerful family. He went to London to study law, but had to promise his mom to keep the strict Hindu morals. In 1893, at the age of 24 he went to the British colony Natal in southeastern Africa where many Indians lived. He was thrown out of train cars, pushed on public walkways, and stripped of the ability to vote. Gandhi was surprised and started an Indian resistance movement to protest against Britain, focusing on nonviolence. The Indian people did everything to break away from Britain, including they boycotting British shops and having a 241-mile-long march. This shows that Gandhi had risked everything starting from his reputation to his life.

Peace Maker (unedited article)
Mahatma Gandhi has helped so many people with his protesting to have freedom and peace in Natal,London for the Indians and to end the British rule over Indians. Mahondas Gandhi was born in Gujarat,India in 1869 he was born in a rich and powerful family. Then left home to study law in London. He went to London, but had to promise his mom to keep the strict Hindu Morals. In 1893, at the age of 24 he went to Natal where many Indians lived. He was thrown out of train cars, pushed on public walkways. Also was stripped of the ability to vote. So Gandhi was suprised and started a Indian resistance to protest against Britain. He thebn focused on no-violence/peace, but was soon sent to jail for protesting, but they did everything to break awway from Britain they boyctted the British shops and had more mass protests. Also he made a 241-mile-long march and for peace and freedom. This shows that Gandhi had risked everything starting from his reputation to his life. He did all this stuff for peace and freedom from Britain.

Source: https://www.nationalgeographic.com/culture/people/reference/mahatma-gandhi-changed-political-protest/


Editor, please send me an email at contact@goodtoknow.com - Doing a great job! -Steve.

Facebooks Portal VIdeo Chat

Everyday technology is advancing and we humans make something better each day.
-Split this sentence into two because it was a run-on sentence; Everyday technology is advancing and we humans make something better each day, but for facebook they made a new portal video chat, which is smaller and cheaper than other ones from other companies.

For Facebook, this new technology is a Portal video chat, which is smaller and cheaper than other ones from other companies.
-Rephrased the sentence to better connect your ideas. Now, the sentence connects Facebook's new Portal video devices with the technology you mention in the first sentence.
-Capitalized "Portal" because it is a pronoun; Everyday technology is advancing and we humans make something better each day, but for facebook they made a new portal video chat, which is smaller and cheaper than other ones from other companies.

Last year, the standard model was $199, while the luxurious portal was $349.
-Added "last year" to give the reader a sense of the price timeline of the Portals. The Portals aren't these prices anymore, but they were last year; The standard model is $199, while the luxurious portal is $349.

Now the official price is $279 for a 15.6 inch Portal, while the 10 inch Portal is $179—$20 cheaper.
-Rephrased the phrase about the price of the 10 in Portal. Putting $20 after makes it more clear that you are referring to it being $20 cheaper than the previous model; Now the official price is $279 for a 15.6 inch portal, while the 10 inch portal is $20-179.

The Portal Mini model has an 8 inch screen and is $129, while the portal TV is $149.
-Added "the Portal Mini model" to make it clear what device you are talking about.
-Rephrased the second half of the sentence to make it more clear. The price should come after Portal TV so the reader is clear about what you're referring to; Now the 8 inch screen is $129 and the $149 portal TV.

This shows how technology is advancing everyday.
-Replaced "increasing" with "advancing." "Advancing" is a better and more precise word to use here; So this shows how technology is incresing everyday.


Facebook's Portal Video Chat (completely edited article)
Everyday technology is advancing and we humans make something better each day. For Facebook, this new technology is a portal video chat, which is smaller and cheaper than other ones from other companies. Last year, the standard model was $199, while the luxurious portal was $349. Now the official price is $279 for a 15.6 inch Portal, while the 10 inch Portal is $179—$20 cheaper. The Portal Mini model has an 8 inch screen and is $129, while the Portal TV is $149. This shows how technology is advancing everyday.

Facebooks Portal VIdeo Chat (unedited article)
Everyday technology is advancing and we humans make something better each day, but for facebook they made a new portal video chat, which is smaller and cheaper than other ones from other companies. The standard model is $199, while the luxurious portal is $349. Now the official price is $279 for a 15.6 inch portal, while the 10 inch portal is $20-179. Now the 8 inch screen is $129 and the $149 portal TV.So this shows how technology is incresing everyday.

Source: https://www.popsci.com/facebook-portal-tv-video-chat/

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Cargo Drones

The APT 70 drone is a sophisticated drone that will help our military by delivering cargo to the U.S. Army.
-Added "APT 70" to provide context for the reader and to be more specific.
-Rephrased part of the sentence. Changed "giving cargo for" to "delivering cargo to." "Delivering" implies that the drone is bringing cargo from one place to another, which is what is happening here. Also capitalized "U.S. Army" because it is a proper noun; This drone is a very sophisticated drone and it will help our military by giving cargo for the U.S. army.

This drone will not be an average UPS worker; it will help the army by providing cargo like military gear, medical supplies, industrial components, and tools.
-Rephrased the sentence to make it more concise. Also added a semicolon to separate the two parts of the sentence.
-Changed "giving" to "providing." "Providing" is a more active verb and is more representative of what the drone's functions are; This drone will also not be an average UPS worker it will only help the army by giving cargo like military gear, medical supplies, industrial components, and tools.

The drone flies parallel to the ground while its four propellers pull it through the air supported by two wide surfaces as wings.
-Changed "when flying has its positions" to "flies." "Flies" is an active verb, and is much more concise to the previous passive form.
-Changed "the" to "while its." "While its" acts as transition words and makes your sentence more cohesive and easier to read.
-Changed "pull the drone to the air with" to "pull it through the air supported by." "Supported by" gives the reader a better understanding of how the drone actually functions, and makes the sentence feel less choppy; The drone when flying has its positions parallel to the ground the four propellers pull the drone to the air with two wide surfaces as wings.

The drone flies at a speed of 100 mph and does it by shifting its entire position in space.

The APT 70 is why we should have more drones all over the world to help all of us people.
-Changed "this" to "the APT 70" to be more specific; This is why we should have more drones all over the world to help all of us people.

Cargo Drones (completely edited article)
The APT 70 drone is a sophisticated drone that will help our military by delivering cargo to the U.S. Army. This drone will not be an average UPS worker; it will help the army by providing cargo like military gear, medical supplies, industrial components, and tools. The drone flies parallel to the ground while its four propellers pull it through the air supported by two wide surfaces as wings. The drone flies at a speed of 100 mph and does it by shifting its entire position in space. The APT 70 is why we should have more drones all over the world to help all of us people.

Cargo Drones (unedited article)
This drone is a very sophisticated drone and it will help our military by giving cargo for the U.S. army. This drone will also not be an average UPS worker it will only help the army by giving cargo like military gear, medical supplies, industrial components, and tools. The drone when flying has its positions parallel to the ground the four propellers pull the drone to the air with two wide surfaces as wings. The drone flies at a speed of 100 mph and does it by shifting its entire position in space. This is why we should have more drones all over the world to help all of us people.

Source: https://www.popsci.com/bell-drone-apt70-biplane-autonomous-flight/

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————— Lord Of The Rings TV Show

The new TV show based on The Lord Of the Rings will be an intriguing and exciting show to watch.
-Added "based on" to indicate to the readers that the show is a different story than the original Lord of the Rings series.
-Changed "very interesting and very fun" to "intriguing and exciting." "Very interesting and very fun" are generic and vague phrases. Replacing it with more descriptive words such as "intriguing and exciting" adds more depth to your sentence; The new TV show The Lord Of the Rings will be very interesting and a very fun TV show to watch.

The TV show will be available on Amazon Prime, will be 5 seasons, and is set to be released in 2021.
-Changed "available" to "happening." "Available" indicates that it will be open for streaming to audiences on this site.
-Added "Amazon Prime" for specificity.
-Changed "heard" to "set." "Set" is a more accurate way to describe the release date (which hasn't been confirmed yet); The TV show will be happening in Amazon and will be 5 seasons and is heard to be released in 2021.

The show will be about a story in Middle Earth that is 3,441 years before The Fellowship Of The Ring.
-Deleted "furthermore." You are starting to talk about a different point now, and aren't expanding on your previous sentence; Furthermore, the TV show will be about a story in Middle Earth that is 3,441 years before The Fellowship Of The Ring.

Although The Lord Of The Rings was set in The Third Age, the TV show will be based on The Second Age.

Meanwhile, Amazon invested an unbelievable amount of money for the TV show, amounting to around a billion or more.

The new Lord of the Rings show will be entertaining and compelling to watch.
-Deleted the "I" statement. This should be strictly a paraphrase of the news article, and should mimic a news article. Please don't include personal statements.
-Changed "interesting and fun" to "entertaining and compelling." "Entertaining and compelling" are more descriptive adjectives than "interesting and fun."
-Please don't address the reader/use second person; I believe that this is why the new TV show coming out will be interesting and fun to watch in various ways, so I hope you watch it and enjoy it.

Lord of the Rings TV Show (completely edited article)
The new TV show based on The Lord Of the Rings will be an intriguing and exciting show to watch. The TV show will be available on Amazon Prime, will be 5 seasons, and is set to be released in 2021. The show will be about a story in Middle Earth that is 3,441 years before The Fellowship Of The Ring. Although The Lord Of The RIngs was set in The Third Age, the TV show will be based on The Second Age. Meanwhile, Amazon invested an unbelievable amount of money for the TV show, amounting to around a billion or more. The new Lord of the Rings show will be entertaining and compelling to watch.

Lord of the Rings TV Show (unedited article)
The new TV show The Lord Of the Rings will be very interesting and a very fun TV show to watch. The TV show will be happening in Amazon and will be 5 seasons and is heard to be released in 2021. Furthermore, the TV show will be about a story in Middle Earth that is 3,441 years before The Fellowship Of The Ring. Although The Lord Of The RIngs was set in The Third Age, now the TV show will be based on The Second Age. Meanwhile, Amazon invested an unbelievable amount of money for the TV show, amounting to around a billion or more. I believe that this is why the new TV show coming out will be interesting and fun to watch in various ways, so I hope you watch it and enjoy it.

Source: https://www.cordcuttersnews.com/heres-what-we-know-about-amazons-new-lord-of-the-rings-series/ —————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————— Basking Sharks

Basking Sharks can measure up to 30 feet and over 10,000 pounds and are even larger than other sharks.
-Rephrased "feared predators" to "other sharks" for clarity.
-Split this sentence into two to avoid confusion; Basking Sharks can measure up to 30 feet and over 10,000 pounds and are even larger than that of the feared predators, which are harmless to us humans.

They are also harmless to us humans.
-Split from the previous sentence; Basking Sharks can measure up to 30 feet and over 10,000 pounds and are even larger than that of the feared predators, which are harmless to us humans.

Basking Sharks are just like blue whales, who capture krill and plankton with their mouth wide open.
-Pluralized "Basking Sharks" because you are talking about the species as a whole.
-Deleted "such as the blue whale they" because it is a confusing phrase and can be condensed; The Basking Shark are just like whales, such as the blue whale they capture krill and plankton with their mouth wide open.

In California, Basking Sharks disappeared for decades because people captured and killed them for their fins, meat, liver, and oil.
-Rearranged the sentence to be less confusing and to avoid being a run on sentence. Also fixed a couple of typos; Basking Sharks dissaperes for decades because in California they has great numbers, but people captured and killed them for their fi,meat,liver,and its oil.

They were being killed because they interrupted salmon fishing operations.
-Truncated the sentence for cohesion and clarity.
-Rephrased "being known as" to "interrupted." The first phrase is a little confusing and doesn't reflect the source article's point about the salmon operations. I reworded to better reflect that
-Split the sentence into two to avoid a run on sentence. Try to not pack too much information into one sentence; The Basking Shark were being killed because they were being known as salmon fishing operations and they were then listed as vulnerable endangered species.

They were then listed as vulnerable endangered species.
-Split from the previous sentence; The Basking Shark were being killed because they were being known as salmon fishing operations and they were then listed as vulnerable endangered species.

These are some reasons we should help save Basking Sharks.
-Rephrased the sentence for conciseness. "These are some reasons" is just a more concise way of stating what you previously wrote.
-Deleted "this is why Basking Sharks are cool and interesting to me in many ways." This is a generic phrase that doesn't add anything to your sentence, and doesn't reflect the content of your article; This is why we should help save Basking Sharks and also this is why Basking Sharks are cool and interesting to me in many ways.

Basking Sharks (completely edited article)
Basking Sharks can measure up to 30 feet and over 10,000 pounds and are even larger than other sharks. They are also harmless to us humans. Basking Sharks are just like blue whales, who capture krill and plankton with their mouth wide open. In California, Basking Sharks disappeared for decades because people captured and killed them for their fins, meat, liver, and oil. They were being killed because they interrupted salmon fishing operations. They were then listed as vulnerable endangered species. These are some reasons we should help save Basking Sharks.

Basking Sharks (unedited article)
Basking Sharks can measure up to 30 feet and over 10,000 pounds and are even larger than that of the feared predators, which are harmless to us humans. The Basking Shark are just like whales, such as the blue whale they capture krill and plankton with their mouth wide open. Basking Sharks dissaperes for decades because in California they has great numbers, but people captured and killed them for their fi,meat,liver,and its oil. The Basking Shark were being killed because they were being known as salmon fishing operations and they were then listed as vulnerable endangered species. This is why we should help save Basking Sharks and also this is why Basking Sharks are cool and interesting to me in many ways.

Source: https://www.dogonews.com/2019/6/25/basking-sharks-return-to-california-waters-after-several-decades

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————— Albino Panda

Albino pandas are both fascinating and rare.
-Rephrased. "Very interesting and rare" is vague and there are better alternatives to "interesting." "Fascinating" is one that I put here. I also deleted "in many ways" because it doesn't add anything to the sentence; Albino pandas are very interesting and rare in many ways.

There are 2,000 giant pandas that are left in the wild and they are found wandering around different bamboo forests.
-Rephrased. The remaining pandas in the wild aren't all in the same bamboo forest, so I pluralized "bamboo forests." I also added "different"; There are 2,000 giant pandas that are left in the wild and they are found wandering around in the bamboo forest.

Wolong National Nature Reserve officials announced the discovery of a white panda bear on May 25, 2019.
-Added "Wolong National Nature Reserve" to provide more context for the reader.
-"Discovered" is misused here. The proper term for the present tense is "discovery."
-Rephrased "ghost-like" to "white." This is to avoid sounding too similar to the source article. I also split the sentence into two; Wolong officials announced the discovered of a ghost-like panda bear on May 25, 2019, they found it in China's first giant panda breeding and research center.

They found it in China's first giant panda breeding and research center.
-Split this sentence from the previous one. It can act as an independent clause, and it has a subject and a verb. When this happens, a sentence can be split (also in order to avoid a run on sentence); Wolong officials announced the discovered of a ghost-like panda bear on May 25, 2019, they found it in China's first giant panda breeding and research center.

Albino animals are very rare and all-white pandas are even more rare: albinism mutation can only be inherited if both parents carry the gene.
-Added a colon. This is to put emphasis on the following phrase, but also to improve the sentence's readability; Albino animals are very rare and all-white pandas are even more albinism mutation can only be inherited if both parents carry the gene.

Albino pandas are interesting and extraordinary in many ways.
-Rephrased "rare" to "extraordinary." "Extraordinary can act as a synonym for "rare", and in this context it works well. This is also to avoid writing the same sentence as the first one.
-Try to limit your use of "very." It is a filler word that often has better and more descriptive alternatives. Also deleted "this shows that" because it is not necessary; This shows that albino pandas are very interesting and rare in many ways.

Albino Panda (completely edited article)
Albino pandas are both fascinating and rare. There are 2,000 giant pandas that are left in the wild and they are found wandering around different bamboo forest. Wolong National Nature Reserve officials announced the discovery of a white panda bear on May 25, 2019. They found it in China's first giant panda breeding and research center. Albino animals are very rare and all-white pandas are even more rare: albinism mutation can only be inherited if both parents carry the gene. Albino pandas are interesting and extraordinary in many ways.

Albino Panda (unedited article)
Albino pandas are very interesting and rare in many ways. There are 2,000 giant pandas that are left in the wild and they are found wandering around in the bamboo forest. Wolong officials announced the discovered of a ghost-like panda bear on May 25, 2019, they found it in China's first giant panda breeding and research center. Albino animals are very rare and all-white pandas are even more albinism mutation can only be inherited if both parents carry the gene. This shows that albino pandas are very interesting and rare in many ways.

Source: https://www.dogonews.com/2019/5/30/all-white-giant-panda-caught-on-camera-for-the-first-time

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————— Trash Eating Sharks

Technology is advancing every day, being used to get rid of pollution each step of the way---starting with the trash eating shark.
-Deleted "we are helping the world..." It is a vague statement, and it is unclear who "we" is supposed to be.
-Added an em dash to emphasize the subject of the article (the trash eating sharks); Technology is advancing every day and we are helping the world by getting rid of pollution each step of the way starting with the trash eating shark.

The shark's mouth takes in garbage or waste from up to a foot below the surface of the water.
-Deleted "between two parallel hulls." It is a bit confusing in the context of this sentence, and is not necessary information to understand the sentence; The shark's mouth is found between two parallel hulls it takes in garbage or waste from up to a foot below the surface of the water.

It can work up to eight hours on one charge and collect up to 1,120 pounds of waste.

'The sharks are equipped with sensors to collect data such as "pH levels, salinity, and temperature".
-Please do not directly quote from the source article. You are meant to paraphrase, which means that you communicate the basic tone and meaning of the article, but you use your own words. Please fix this sentence by paraphrasing.

"The portable device emits no carbon, produces no noise or light pollution, and causes no harm to marine life".
-Read what I wrote above. Please fix this sentence by paraphrasing.

As technology advances, it can be used to help the world out even more than it currently is.
-Rephrased "we can sooner or later" to "it can be used to." The subject of the sentence is really "technology", so I rephrased to keep the focus on that. Again, "we" is vague and is not the real subject of this sentence; As technology advances, we can sooner or later help the world out even more than it is.

Trash Eating Sharks (completely edited article)
Technology is advancing every day, being used to get rid of pollution each step of the way---starting with the trash eating shark. The shark's mouth takes in garbage or waste from up to a foot below the surface of the water. It can work up to eight hours on one charge and collect up to 1,120 pounds of waste. The sharks are equipped with sensors to collect data such as "pH levels, salinity, and temperature". As technology advances, it can be used to help the world out even more than it currently is.

Trash Eating Sharks (unedited article)
Technology is advancing every day and we are helping the world by getting rid of pollution each step of the way starting with the trash eating shark. The shark's mouth is found between two parallel hulls it takes in garbage or waste from up to a foot below the surface of the water. It can work up to eight hours on one charge and collect up to 1,120 pounds of waste. The sharks are equipped with sensors to collect data such as "pH levels, salinity, and temperature". " The portable device emits no carbon, produces no noise or light pollution, and causes no harm to marine life". As technology advances, we can sooner or later help the world out even more than it is.

Source: https://www.dogonews.com/2019/4/8/trash-eating-sharks-are-taking-over-harbors-worldwide —————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————— Encountering Bison

Bison are dangerous and fascinating animals.
-Rephrased this sentence. "Important and interesting" are both vague terms that don't really tell the reader much about your subject. "Fascinating" isa synonym for interesting that is more descriptive and less vague. Try to also avoid the term "very." It doesn't add to your sentence, and in most cases can be replaced by a more descriptive adjective (example: very important--->essential); Bison are very dangerous, but are important and interesting in many ways.

Bison/Buffalo are all over the U.S., but the largest populations of bison are found in Wyoming, Montana, and Colorado, while some roam up to Kentucky.
-Made "population" plural because the Bison are spread out across several different states.
-"While" is a useful term to use when you are describing something that is different than something else. So, most Bison go to Wyoming, Montana, and Colorado but a smaller population goes to Kentucky; Bison/Buffalo are all over the U.S., but the largest population of bison are found in Wyoming, Montana, and Colorado, and some roam up to Kentucky.

They are the size of a car and live with many other bison.
-Changed the subject of the sentence to "they." This is to avoid using "bison" twice in the same sentence; Bison are the size of a car and bison live with many other bison.

In 2018, there were more than 4.1 million bison in Yellowstone.
-Added "In 2018." This contextualizes the rest of the sentence for the reader.
-Changed some of the phrasing. This is so the sentence ends with a preposition ("in"), which helps describe where something happened. In this case, it happened in Yellowstone; In Yellow stone more than 4.1 million bison came.

Bison normally injure more people than other animals within the park.
-Changed "within 3,500 square mile area" to "within the park." It is not clear from the original sentence that you are referring to Yellowstone. I simplified it a little bit to make this more clear; Bison normally injure more people than animals within 3,500 square mile area.

They weigh 2,000 pounds and can run up to 35 mph, and can jump over objects up to 5 feet tall.

These are some reasons why bison are both dangerous and interesting.
-Rephrased the sentence. Try to avoid repeating sentences too closely. The phrase "these are some reasons why" is another good way to summarize and wrap up your paragraph. I also combined your two adjectives ("dangerous" and "interesting") to make the sentence more concise and less vague; This is why bison are very dangerous, but are important and interesting in many ways.

Encountering Bison (completely edited article)
Bison are dangerous and fascinating animals. Bison/Buffalo are all over the U.S., but the largest populations of bison are found in Wyoming, Montana, and Colorado, while some roam up to Kentucky. They are the size of a car and live with many other bison. In 2018, there were more than 4.1 million bison in Yellowstone. Bison normally injure more people than other animals within the park. They weigh 2,000 pounds and can run up to 35 mph, and can jump over objects up to 5 feet tall. These are some reasons why bison are both dangerous and interesting.

Encountering Bison (unedited article)
Bison are very dangerous, but are important and interesting in many ways. Bison/Buffalo are all over the U.S. , but the largest population of bison are found in Wyoming, Montana, and Colorado , and some roam up to Kentucky. Bison are the size of a car and bison live with many other bison. In Yellow stone more than 4.1 million bison came. Bison normally injure more people than animals within 3,500 square mile area. They weigh 2,000 pounds and can run up to 35 mph, and can jump over objects up to 5 feet tall. This is why bison are very dangerous, but are important and interesting in many ways.

Source: https://www.popsci.com/bison-encounter-buffalo/ —————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————— Fish Walking On Land
-Placed the subject ("fish") first, followed by a verb ("walking"); Walking Fish On Land.

Snakeheads/Frankenfish are interesting and dangerous in several different ways.
-"Several" is a more descriptive word to use than "many." I also deleted "very" because does not enhance the sentence or add detail; Snakeheads/Frankenfish are very interesting and dangerous in many ways.

Snakeheads were first discovered in a pond in Maryland in 2002.

-I made this its own sentence in order to avoid a run on sentence.

Snakeheads established themselves in the Potomac River, with about 21,000 individuals over 120 river miles.
-The phrase "estimated from" is a little confusing, so I replaced it with "with."
-"Over" is a good way to describe the distance that "120 river miles" represents, which emphasizes just how widespread the snakeheads are; Snakeheads were first discovered in a pond in Maryland in 2002 snakeheads established themselves in the Potomac River estimated from 21,000 individuals going from 120 river miles.

At 18 pounds and three feet, the "frankenfish" have kept spreading and can now be found above Great Falls in the C&O.
-"At" is a more concise and little less confusing way of describing the size and weight of the fish.
-Put "frankenfish" in quotes because it is a nickname and an informal term.
-Changed "keep" to "have kept." "Have kept" describes that the spread of the snakeheads was an event that has largely already occurred, but it still has a present day impact; It can group up to 18 pounds and three feet the frankenfish keep spreading and now found above Great Falls in the C&O.

The species were imported legally from Asia to the aquarium and seafood trades until 2004.
-I split this sentence from the next one because it was a run on sentence.

The "frankenfish" have an organ that allows them to get oxygen out of the air, allowing them to stay alive for many days out of the water.
-I split the first half of this sentence off from the previous one and combined it with part of the next sentence. This construction better links and organizes your thoughts, so the reader is better able to follow the flow of the paragraph.
-Deleted "only if they are cool and moist" for conciseness; Frankenfish can stay alive for many days out of the water only if they are cool and moist since they could travel short distances on land, which they were then called by some (walking fish).

They can also travel short distances on land, called "walking fish" by some.
-Because I broke up the previous sentence, this one needed to have a transition phrase. "They can also" is a way to link your previous sentence with your next one.
-Added quotations around "walking fish" because it is an informal name. Also removed some words for conciseness and moved the "walking fish" to be more integrated within the sentence; Frankenfish can stay alive for many days out of the water only if they are cool and moist since they could travel short distances on land, which they were then called by some (walking fish).

This is why Snakeheads/"Frankenfish" are both interesting and dangerous.
-Deleted "in many ways" because it is repetitive and doesn't add to your sentence; This explains why Snakeheads/Frankenfish are interesting and dangerous in many ways.

Fish Walking On Land (completely edited article)
Snakeheads/Frankenfish are interesting and dangerous in several different ways. Snakeheads were first discovered in a pond in Maryland in 2002. Snakeheads established themselves in the Potomac River, with about 21,000 individuals over 120 river miles. At 18 pounds and three feet, the "frankenfish" have kept spreading and can now be found above Great Falls in the C&O. The species were imported legally from Asia to the aquarium and seafood trades until 2004. The "frankenfish" have an organ that allows them to get oxygen out of the air, letting them to stay alive for many days out of the water. They can also travel short distances on land, which they were then called "walking fish" by some. This is why Snakeheads/"Frankenfish" are both interesting and dangerous.

Walking Fish On Land (unedited article)
Snakeheads/Frankenfish are very interesting and dangerous in many ways. Snakeheads were first discovered in a pond in Maryland in 2002 snakeheads established themselves in the Potomac River estimated from 21,000 individuals going from 120 river miles. It can group up to 18 pounds and three feet the frankenfish keep spreading and now found above Great Falls in the C&O. The species were imported legally from Asia to the aquarium and seafood trades until 2004, the frankenfish have an organ that allows them to get oxygen out of the air. Frankenfish can stay alive for many days out of the water only if they are cool and moist since they could travel short distances on land, which they were then called by some (walking fish). This explains why Snakeheads/Frankenfish are interesting and dangerous in many ways.

Source: https://news.nationalgeographic.com/2016/03/160317-snakeheads-potomac-river-chesapeake-bay-invasive-species-fish/ —————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————— Planting Trees

Planting trees are very important in many ways to save and help the world.

The International Panel on Climate Change said that at least 1 billion hectares of trees must be planted to help stop the planet from warming up to 1.5-Celsius degrees.
-Combined these two sentence to form a complete thought. I also rearranged some of the first sentence to help make it flow better; The International Panel on Climate Change said that we need to plant at least 1 billion hectares.

Many programs were created to help countries plant forests.
-"Got brought up" is a confusing phrase to use here. I put in an active verb to better illustrate how these programs were made and implemented by different groups.
-The purpose of the programs are to give countries the funds to plant trees and build forests. I changed some of the wording here to reflect that; Many programs got brought up to make countries to help forests.

For example, China has restored 108,000 square miles of forests.
-I moved this sentence to earlier in your paragraph. It is a good way to build upon your previous sentence and use it as an example. It felt a little disjointed before.

Under the Bonn Challenge, 10 percent of countries have planned to plant more trees, but 43 percent aren't pulling their weight.
-Added Bonn Challenge to specify what exactly you are referring to. This clarifies that you are talking about a specific program.
-Added "but" to emphasize the contrast between the countries who are participating and the countries who aren't; 10 percent of countries have p[lanned to plant more trees, and 43 percent aren't pulling their weight.

Because of this, 3.5 hectares of trees by 2030 are at risk of not being planted.
-Added a transition phrase here. Try and incorporate transition words and phrases that can help link your ideas and make them more cohesive. By adding "because of this", it sets up the sentence as a direct result of what you wrote about in the previous one
-Added "of not being planted" to provide more context (what are they at risk for?). It is important to make your ideas as fleshed out as possible to give the reader a clear picture of what you mean to write about; 3.5 hectares of trees by 2030 at risk.

-Deleted the sentence "45 percent of commitments are under the Bonn Challenge." It did not provide any important information that wasn't already in other sentences.

This is why planting trees are very important in helping to save the world and humanity.
-Deleted "many ways" to avoid too closely repeating your topic sentence.
-Changed "help" to a verb and placed it earlier in the sentence. This avoids repeating "help" twice in the same sentence; This is why planting trees are very important in many ways to save and help the world and also help humanity.

Planting Trees (completely edited article)
Planting trees are very important in many ways to save and help the world. The International Panel on Climate Change said that 1 billion hectares of trees must be planted to help stop the planet from warming up to 1.5-Celsius degrees. Many programs were created to help countries plant forests. For example, China has restored 108,000 square miles of forests. Under the Bonn Challenge, 10 percent of countries have planned to plant more trees, but 43 percent aren't pulling their weight. Because of this, 3.5 hectares of trees by 2030 at risk. This is why planting trees are very important in helping to save the world and humanity.

Planting Trees (unedited article)
Planting trees are very important in many ways to save and help the world. The International Panel on Climate Change said that we need to plant at least 1 billion hectares. Stopping the planet from warming up to 1.5-Celsius degrees. Many programs got brought up to make countries to help forests. 10 percent of countries have p[lanned to plant more trees, and 43 percent aren't pulling their weight. 3.5 hectares of trees by 2030 at risk. China restored 108,000 square miles of forests. 45 percent of commitments are under the Bonn Challenge. This is why planting trees are very important in many ways to save and help the world and also help humanity.

Source: https://www.popsci.com/planting-trees-save-planet/ —————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————— Uranium

Uranium can be very interesting, but dangerous in many ways.

A German chemist identified uranium in 1789, called atomic number 92.
-Added "a" to specify that it was a particular German chemist.
-"In" can be used here because you are referring to something happening in a specific year.
-Split this sentence into two; German chemist identified uranium at 1789, an atomic number92 it is a very troubling substance on the planet.

It is a very troubling substance and is naturally radioactive.
-Deleted "on the planet" because it is not necessary to state.
-Combined the next sentence with this one to improve cohesion; German chemist identified uranium at 1789, an atomic number92 it is a very troubling substance on the planet. It's naturally radioactive.

In 1938, Nazi nuclear chemists did what seemed to be impossible and split a uranium nucleus into two.
-Made "Nazi nuclear chemist" plural because it was multiple chemists who did this.
-Deleted "they" because it is already clear that the subject of your sentence is plural and they are the ones performing the action; In 1938 a Nazi nuclear chemist in 1938 and did what was seemed to be impossible and they split uranium nucleus into two.

Then American physicists discovered they could make uranium-238 decay to plutonium-239 to build weapons and power plants.
-Changed "forced" to "make" to avoid sounding too similar to the source. I deleted "to" because of this change.
-Made "American physicist" plural. Because you use the plural "they", your subject pronoun should agree.
-Changed "into" to "to build." "Into" is a little confusing here, and does not make it clear that plutonium is what is used to make weapons and build power plants. I changed it to an active verb that describes the uses of plutonium; Then an American physicist discovered they could force uranium-238 to decay to plutonium-239 into weapons and power plants.

This is why uranium is a very interesting substance, but dangerous.
-Removed "in many ways" and "very" to avoid repetition (same sentence as your topic sentence); This is why uranium is a very interesting substance, but dangerous in many ways.

Uranium (completely edited article) Uranium can be very interesting, but dangerous in many ways. A German chemist identified uranium in 1789, called atomic number 92. It is a very troubling substance and is naturally radioactive. In 1938, Nazi nuclear chemists did what seemed to be impossible and split a uranium nucleus into two. Then American physicists discovered they could make uranium-238 decay to plutonium-239 to build weapons and power plants. This is why uranium is an interesting substance, but dangerous.

Uranium (unedited article) Uranium can be very interesting, but dangerous in many ways. German chemist identified uranium at 1789, an atomic number92 it is a very troubling substance on the planet. It's naturally radioactive. In 1938 a Nazi nuclear chemist in 1938 and did what was seemed to be impossible and they split uranium nucleus into two. Then an American physicist discovered they could force uranium-238 to decay to plutonium-239 into weapons and power plants. This is why uranium is a very interesting substance, but dangerous in many ways.

Source: https://www.popsci.com/uranium-nuclear-energy-weapons/ —————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————— Arctic Foxes Using Warp Speed
-Deleted the period and capitalized all of the words, like a news article; Arctic Foxes using warp speed.

An Arctic fox went on a long journey from Norway to Canada, going 30 miles a day.
-"An" is a better word to use here because you are writing about one specific fox, not just Arctic foxes in general
-Split up the sentence into two; The Arctic fox went on a long journey from Norway to Canada going 30 miles a day, so the Arctic foxes got through 2,176 miles in 76 days.

It got through 2,176 miles in 76 days.
-Made this a separate sentence and changed the subject to the generic "it" to avoid repeating "Arctic fox"; The Arctic fox went on a long journey from Norway to Canada going 30 miles a day, so the Arctic foxes got through 2,176 miles in 76 days.

One female Arctic fox had been tracked, and in twenty-two days she got to Greenland in about 940 miles from her original point.
-Good sentence! I adjusted the wording of "starting point" so it didn't reflect the source too much; One female Arctic fox had been tracked, and in twenty-two days she got to Greenland in about 940 miles starting point.

She was then found 76 days later in Canada.
-Deleted "Norway" because Canada was her final destination. Norway was her starting point, but in this sentence you're describing where they eventually found her; She was then found 76 days later from Norway to Canada.

Arctic foxes have muzzles, ears, and legs, as well as thick, deep fur lets them walk on snow and ice.
-"Have" is a great way to signify possession. In this case, the Arctic fox has these physical attributes that make them better adapted to traveling on snow and ice.
-Replaced "as well as" with "with their." "As well as" is a good phrase to use when trying to list multiple things, like here in this sentence; The Arctic foxes and their muzzles, ears, and legs, with their thick, deep fur it lets them walk on snow and ice.

Arctic foxes are very fascinating in many ways to people and scientists.
-Deleted "the" to make the subject of the sentence more general (because you are talking about Arctic foxes as a species).

Arctic Foxes Using Warp Speed (completely edited article)
An Arctic fox went on a long journey from Norway to Canada, going 30 miles a day. It got through 2,176 miles in 76 days. One female Arctic fox had been tracked, and in twenty-two days she got to Greenland in about 940 miles from her original point. She was then found 76 days later in Canada. Arctic foxes have muzzles, ears, and legs, as well as thick, deep fur lets them walk on snow and ice. Arctic foxes are very fascinating in many ways to people and scientists.

Arctic Foxes using warp speed. (unedited article)
The Arctic fox went on a long journey from Norway to Canada going 30 miles a day, so the Arctic foxes got through 2,176 miles in 76 days. One female Arctic fox had been tracked, and in twenty-two days she got to Greenland in about 940 miles starting point. She was then found 76 days later from Norway to Canada. The Arctic foxes and their muzzles, ears, and legs, with their thick, deep fur it lets them walk on snow and ice. The Arctic foxes are very fascinating in many ways to people and scientists.

Source: https://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/ny-arctic-fox-norway-inuit-canada-epic-trek-20190702-mxur6otdxjep5pvavclyvppf3i-story.html

Chsz, Do this article: https://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/ny-arctic-fox-Norway-Inuit-Canada-epic-trek-20190702-mxur6otdxjep5pvavclyvppf3i-story.html —————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————— Child Labor for Chocolate

There are many hardships for the kids that are being forced to work for the chocolate industry.
-Changed "chocolate and for many other things" because the focus of your paragraph is only on chocolate; There are many hardships for the kids that are being forced to work for chocolate and for many other things.

In Ghana and Cote d'Ivoire, there are 2 million kids doing dangerous work for chocolate companies.
-Changed "or in" to "and." This labor is occurring in both countries, not just one or the other.
-I split up this sentence because it was a run on sentence and became a little difficult to follow.
-Changed "industry's" to "companies" to avoid repetition; In Ghana or in Cote d'Ivoire there are 2 million kids doing dangerous work for chocolate industry's in Ghana there are 92 % of kids doing dangerous work such as for an example spraying chemicals and igniting fires to burn fields.

In Ghana, 92 % of kids do dangerous work such as spraying chemicals and igniting fires to burn fields.
-Deleted "there are."
-Changed "doing" to "do." Because I split up the sentences, "do" is the more appropriate verb.
-Deleted for an example. "Such as" is good enough for introducing your next phrase; In Ghana or in Cote d'Ivoire there are 2 million kids doing dangerous work for chocolate industry's in Ghana there are 92 % of kids doing dangerous work such as for an example spraying chemicals and igniting fires to burn fields.

A study found that if the price of cocoa increased by 2.8 percent farmers could get adult laborers instead of little children.
-Changed some of the wording of this sentence because it didn't exactly reflect the content of the original article. The price hasn't actually been raised---that statistic was based on a study that looked at the hypothetical effects of that price change. So I added some context about the study; The people increased the price of cocoa by 2.8 percent so that the farmers could get adult laborers instead of little children; The people increased the price of cocoa by 2.8 percent so that the farmers could get adult laborers instead of little children.

The reason children have to do this labor is because of poverty and need.
-Changed "are in labor" to "have to do this labor." When "labor" is used to mean "work", it becomes a verb. So, someone performs labor or does labor. I changed the wording of this phrase to reflect that.
-Changed depression to need. I think you meant to paraphrase "desperation", the original word used in the article. I thought "need" was a good synonym for "desperation" in this context, and captures what you're trying to say; The reason children are in labor is because of poverty and depression.

This is why we should help the kids from having to perform labor.
-Deleted "and adults too" because the focus of your summary is on children; This is why we should help the kids from labor and adults too.

Child Labor for Chocolate (completely edited article)
There are many hardships for the kids that are being forced to work for the chocolate industry. In Ghana and Cote d'Ivoire, there are 2 million kids doing dangerous work for chocolate companies. In Ghana, 92 % of kids do dangerous work such as spraying chemicals and igniting fires to burn fields. A study found that if the price of cocoa increased by 2.8 percent farmers could get adult laborers instead of little children. The reason children have to do this labor is because of poverty and need. This is why we should help the kids from having to perform labor.

Child Labor for Chocolate (unedited article)
There are many hardships for the kids that are being forced to work for chocolate and for many other things. In Ghana or in Cote d'Ivoire there are 2 million kids doing dangerous work for chocolate industry's in Ghana there are 92 % of kids doing dangerous work such as for an example spraying chemicals and igniting fires to burn fields. The people increased the price of cocoa by 2.8 percent so that the farmers could get adult laborers instead of little children. The reason children are in labor is because of poverty and depression. This is why we should help the kids from labor and adults too.

Source: https://www.popsci.com/child-labor-chocolate-cocoa —————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————— Zooming Away

Car engineers are trying to make better and faster cars.
-Changed "the" to "car" to be more specific about who these engineers are.
-Deleted "or the people." It's a confusing phrase, and is very vague.
-Deleted "much more." These words are filler, and aren't needed here; The engineers or the people are trying to make much more better and faster cars.

One company making faster cars for people to enjoy is Ferrari.
-Changed the structure of this sentence because the previous wording was somewhat confusing. I wanted to make the focus of the sentence be on the company Ferrari, so I started it off referencing a car company. The sentence also introduces Ferrari as the topic of your paragraph. I tried to keep in a phrase about customers; Much faster cars for people who own Ferrari's and for them to enjoy them too.

Ferrari is trying to improve on the problems with their 488 GTB model.
-Changed "show the difficult problems" to "improve on the problems." The second phrase is more active and direct.
-I only removed the phrase "Pista, a track centric version of the company's..." because I couldn't find any reference to it in the source material. Please try to stick paraphrasing your source; Ferrari is trying to show the difficult problems with the Pista, a track centric version of the company's 488 GTB.

The company's 10,000 two-day program is made for Ferrari owners enjoy their cars.
-This sentence is fine but I couldn't find anything resembling it in the source. Please try to only use things from your source. I would rewrite and paraphrase something from the article.

The drivers may choose between the 488 GTB or the 812 Superfast.
-Changed "divers" to "drivers"---typo.
-Changed "the" to "between." Since you're describing a choice between two things, "between" is a great word to use here. However, I did not find anything in your source that really reflected the content of this sentence. 488 GTB is mentioned, but only in reference to its interior design. Again, please try to only paraphrase your source and rewrite this sentence; The divers may choose the 488 GTB or the 812 Superfast.

Overall, the 488 GTB is more appropriate for the track.
-Deleted "is from a foundation of the 488 GTB." The wording was a bit confusing, and the information could be condensed into one sentence. Again, this information is not reflected in the source material. Please rewrite; Although the Pista is more appropriate for the track. Is from a foundation of the 488 GTB.

In the future, Ferrari will surely make many more improved and faster cars.
-Changed the subject of the sentence from "we" to "Ferrari", since that is the focus of your paragraph.
-Added "In the future" to introduce the rest of your sentence.
-I condensed some of the phrases of the sentence so they are a bit easier to follow.
-Deleted "we should keep on making more things." It doesn't add any information to the sentence, and uses a vague "we" pronoun; We will make many more better cars and improve to make even faster cars we should keep on making more things.

Zooming Away (completely edited article)
Car engineers are trying to make better and faster cars. One company making faster cars for people to enjoy is Ferrari. Ferrari is trying to improve on the problems with their 488 GTB model. The company's 10,000 two-day program is made for Ferrari owners enjoy their cars. The drivers may choose between the 488 GTB or the 812 Superfast. Overall, the 488 GTB is more appropriate for the track. In the future, Ferrari will make many more better and faster cars.

Zooming Away (unedited article)
The engineers or the people are trying to make much more better and faster cars. Much faster cars for people who own Ferrari's and for them to enjoy them too. Ferrari is trying to show the difficult problems with the Pista, a track centric version of the company's 488 GTB. The company's 10,000 two-day program is made for Ferrari owners enjoy their cars. The divers may choose the 488 GTB or the 812 Superfast. Although the Pista is more appropriate for the track. Is from a foundation of the 488 GTB. We will make many more better cars and improve to make even faster cars we should keep on making more things.

Source: https://www.theverge.com/2017/3/7/14841400/ferrari-812-superfast-photos-price-speed-geneva-motor-show-2017 —————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————— Notre Dame Lost for Now

The most beautiful and delicate building burned down on a Monday evening it was said that about 400 firefighters were needed for the fire with it burning down it bruised the Parisians and led them week after weeks of violent protesting. The historic landmark Notre Dame its cathedral was visited almost 30,000 times a day and about 13 million people a year. Broken gargoyles and fallen balustrades had been replaced by plastic pipes and wooden planks. Flying buttresses had been darkened by pollution and eroded by rainwater. A foundation based in the United States estimated that the structure needed nearly $40 million for urgent repairs. The French state, which owns the cathedral, already devotes up to 2 million euros a year in upkeep, or about $2.4 million. This is why the world is getting more worse and worse every day starting with the burning of Notre Dame.
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/15/world/europe/notre-dame-fire.html


‘’’Chris, your headline is creative, but “hunchback” is not very relevant here. I suggest something like, ”France Weeps Over Burning of Notre-Dame Cathedral”’’’
‘’’Remember to avoid run-on sentences. If a sentence is too long, you can separate it with either a period or a semicolon. I added “One of” at the beginning because you were stating an opinion by writing “the most beautiful and delicate”. I also placed a period after “evening” and switched “delicate” for “treasured”. I also changed “burned down” to “damaged by a fire” since it did not, in fact, burn down. Additionally, I removed the bit about protesting, because the article stated that the protesting had occurred prior to the fire. Remember to carefully read the original article and fact-check. The article said that about 500 firefighters were needed, not 400; One of the most beautiful and treasured buildings in France, the Notre-Dame cathedral, was damaged by a fire on a Monday evening. About 500 firefighters were needed to control, and eventually put out the fire.’’’
‘’’I removed “its” because it was unnecessary. I also placed “Notre-Dame” at the beginning of the sentence. I don’t know where you got the “30,000 times a day” fact because I was unable to find it in the original article, so I omitted it; The Notre-Dame cathedral is a historic landmark which is visited by 13 million people each year.’’’
‘’’Chris, you absolutely CANNOT continue plagiarizing; you need to come up you’re your own original ideas. Plagiarism is a form of theft, because you are taking someone else’s words and claiming them as your own. The cause of the fire has not yet been determined; however, it is known that the fired began in the interior network of wooden beams.’’’
‘’’Chris, you absolutely CANNOT continue plagiarizing; you need to come up you’re your own original ideas. Plagiarism is a form of theft, because you are taking someone else’s words and claiming them as your own. According to officials, the fire broke out at approximately 6:30 p.m. and blazed on for almost four hours, until around 11 p.m.’’’
‘’’Chris, you absolutely CANNOT continue plagiarizing; you need to come up you’re your own original ideas. Plagiarism is a form of theft, because you are taking someone else’s words and claiming them as your own. There were no fatalities, though a firefighter was seriously injured.’’’
‘’’Chris, you absolutely CANNOT continue plagiarizing; you need to come up you’re your own original ideas. Plagiarism is a form of theft, because you are taking someone else’s words and claiming them as your own. Before the fire occurred, it had already been estimated that the cathedral needed nearly $40 million for urgent repairs.’’’
‘’’Remember to avoid opinions; With the fire occurring at the very beginning of Holy Week, France’s Catholics, who make up two-thirds of the country’s population, will have to find another place to spend Easter.’’’


Hunchback of Notre Dame

The most beautiful and delicate building burned down on a Monday evening it was said that about 400 firefighters were needed for the fire with it burning down it bruised the Parisians and led them week after weeks of violent protesting. The historic landmark Notre Dame its cathedral was visited almost 30,000 times a day and about 13 million people a year. Broken gargoyles and fallen balustrades had been replaced by plastic pipes and wooden planks. Flying buttresses had been darkened by pollution and eroded by rainwater. A foundation based in the United States estimated that the structure needed nearly $40 million for urgent repairs. The French state, which owns the cathedral, already devotes up to 2 million euros a year in upkeep, or about $2.4 million. This is why the world is getting more worse and worse every day starting with the burning of Notre Dame. https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/15/world/europe/notre-dame-fire.html


‘’’France Weeps Over Burning of Notre-Dame Cathedral

One of the most beautiful and treasured buildings in France, the Notre-Dame cathedral, was damaged by a fire on a Monday evening. About 500 firefighters were needed to control, and eventually put out the fire. The Notre-Dame cathedral is a historic landmark which is visited by 13 million people each year. The cause of the fire has not yet been determined; however, it is known that the fired began in the interior network of wooden beams. According to officials, the fire broke out at approximately 6:30 p.m. and blazed on for almost four hours, until around 11 p.m. There were no fatalities, though a firefighter was seriously injured. Before the fire occurred, it had already been estimated that the cathedral needed nearly $40 million for urgent repairs. With the fire occurring at the very beginning of Holy Week, France’s Catholics, who make up two-thirds of the country’s population, will have to find another place to spend Easter.’’’ Source: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/15/world/europe/notre-dame-fire.html


Don't let the article suck you in.

The Black Hole is a very weird celestial it is so powerful that light can't even escape it. All of that is supposed to change in less than 24 hours, thanks to the Event Horizon Telescope (EHT)—an eight-telescope project turned on in April 2017. Its mission: was to go into space and take the first ever picture of the black hole. The massive black hole at the center of the Milky Way galaxy. The project has imaged the black hole’s event horizon, the “point of no return” boundary beyond which nothing and no one can escape the object’s enormous gravitational force. The observatories involved weren’t tasked with taking a convent photo of which has the mass of 4 million suns. Instead, they were operated to observe radiation produced by the event horizon’s bright ring of material, which could help illustrate the silhouette of the massive black hole itself. This is a pretty tall order when we’re talking about an object that’s more than 25,000 light-years in the distance, but EHT has a resolution that can, as MIT puts it, “count the stitches on a baseball 8,000 miles away.” Combined, the eight telescopes boast an optical power 1,000-times that of the Hubble Space Telescope. If our technology keeps developing we could years later go live in Mars, Mercury, Saturn, and etc. This is why we should keep advancing our technology every day. https://www.popsci.com/event-horizon-telescope-black-hole-watch


‘’’Very creative headline! Remember to capitalize vital words: Don't Let This Article Suck You In’’’
‘’’Make sure to avoid run-on sentences. Remember to read the original article carefully and make sure you understand everything, before creating your own sentences. To avoid a run-on, I added a semicolon. I also removed “weird” and changed “The” to “A” as well as “so powerful” to “powerful enough”; A Black Hole is a very celestial occurrence; it is powerful enough that even light can't escape it.’’’
‘’’Chris, remember to add context. What is supposed to change? Also, be very careful to avoid plagiarism; you can’t copy exactly what is written in the original article. You need to use your own words. I deleted “in less than 24 hours” because that is no longer true, since days have passed since the article was written. Not much is known about black holes. However, all of that is supposed to change, thanks to the Event Horizon Telescope (EHT). This is an eight-telescope project turned that began in April 2017.’’’
‘’’Again, make sure to use your own words. I changed “Its” to “EHT” and moved “mission” to the beginning of the sentence. I also changed “the black hole” to “a black hole”; The mission of the EHT was to go into space and take the first ever picture of a black hole’’’
‘’’Good job on this sentence, but make sure to check for errors; you forgot to write “is”. I also changed “the” to “this”; This massive black hole is at the center of the Milky Way galaxy.’’’
‘’’Chris, once more, you must be extremely careful to avoid plagiarism. Using your own words is essential. The black hole’s event horizon is what was imaged. This horizon marks the boundary beyond which nothing can escape the object’s enormous gravitational force.’’’
‘’’Chris, you need to avoid plagiarism. Instead of being tasked with taking a conventional photo, the observatories involved were asked to observe radiation, the result of the event horizon’s bright ring of material.’’’
‘’’Avoid plagiarism. I deleted the first part of the sentence since I had already mentioned that in the previous sentence; This would help illustrate the silhouette of the massive black hole itself.’’’
‘’’Again, it is imperative that you do not continue to plagiarize; The image can only be captured, thanks to the fact that the EHT has an extremely high resolution; in fact, it contains an optical power 1,000-times that of the Hubble Space Telescope.’’’
‘’’Combined, the eight telescopes boast an optical power 1,000-times that of the Hubble Space Telescope. I combined this sentence with the previous one. Again, avoid plagiarism.‘’’
‘’’Where did you get this information? Is it credible? Remember to avoid opinions and stick to facts. I deleted your sentence and took information out of the original article to create a new one; The image serves as proof of concept for technology which could push astronomy to new heights.’’’
‘’’Again, avoid opinions and writing in first person; With the successful capturing of this image, the EHT project can go on to capture a number of higher quality images.’’’


Don't let the article suck you in

The Black Hole is a very weird celestial it is so powerful that light can't even escape it. All of that is supposed to change in less than 24 hours, thanks to the Event Horizon Telescope (EHT)—an eight-telescope project turned on in April 2017. Its mission: was to go into space and take the first ever picture of the black hole. The massive black hole at the center of the Milky Way galaxy. The project has imaged the black hole’s event horizon, the “point of no return” boundary beyond which nothing and no one can escape the object’s enormous gravitational force. The observatories involved weren’t tasked with taking a convent photo of which has the mass of 4 million suns. Instead, they were operated to observe radiation produced by the event horizon’s bright ring of material, which could help illustrate the silhouette of the massive black hole itself. This is a pretty tall order when we’re talking about an object that’s more than 25,000 light-years in the distance, but EHT has a resolution that can, as MIT puts it, “count the stitches on a baseball 8,000 miles away.” Combined, the eight telescopes boast an optical power 1,000-times that of the Hubble Space Telescope. If our technology keeps developing we could years later go live in Mars, Mercury, Saturn, and etc. This is why we should keep advancing our technology every day. https://www.popsci.com/event-horizon-telescope-black-hole-watch


‘’’Don't Let This Article Suck You In

A Black Hole is a very celestial occurrence; it is powerful enough that even light can't escape it. Not much is known about black holes. However, all of that is supposed to change, thanks to the Event Horizon Telescope (EHT). This is an eight-telescope project turned that began in April 2017. The mission of the EHT was to go into space and take the first ever picture of a black hole. This massive black hole is at the center of the Milky Way galaxy. The black hole’s event horizon is what was imaged. This horizon marks the boundary beyond which nothing can escape the object’s enormous gravitational force. Instead of being tasked with taking a conventional photo, the observatories involved were asked to observe radiation, the result of the event horizon’s bright ring of material. This would help illustrate the silhouette of the massive black hole itself. The image can only be captured, thanks to the fact that the EHT has an extremely high resolution; in fact, it contains an optical power 1,000-times that of the Hubble Space Telescope. The image serves as proof of concept for technology which could push astronomy to new heights. With the successful capturing of this image, the EHT project can go on to capture a number of higher quality images.’’’ Source: https://www.popsci.com/event-horizon-telescope-black-hole-watch


Corn Pollution Everyone knows corn it is one of the most favorite crops in America, but it can be dangerous by the pollution it causes. The Nature team found that America's corn kernels contributed to thousands of deaths a year from their air pollution. Corn is widely spread and is the most produced feed grain in the U.S. taking 90 millions of acres of farms and farmers grew 14 billion bustles in last year 90 percent goes to livestock and producing ethanol. While a team assessed 2,000 corn producing companies in the U.S. it all linked together with air pollution deaths and that air pollution generated by corn production caused 4,300 deaths. The team also found out that agriculture is responsible for about 16,000 air pollution-related deaths a year in the U.S, and the most popular crop (corn) make up to 25% of the deaths. As discussed above corn can be tasty but deadly.https://www.popsci.com/air-pollution-corn-production-premature-deaths


‘’’Chris, remember to focus on positive news :)’’’
‘’’Your headline is good, but it is a bit vague. You might want to try something like “Lend an “Ear” to Learn About Corn Pollution”’’’
‘’’I omitted “Everyone knows” and added “easily”. I also rearranged your words for clarity but kept your main idea. Additionally, I changed “by the pollution” to “due to the pollution”; Corn is easily one of America’s favorite crops, but it can be dangerous due to the pollution it causes.’’’
‘’’I italicized “Nature” and changed “team” to “study”. I also changed “contributed” to “contribute”; A study published in Nature found of that America's corn may contribute to thousands of deaths a year from its air pollution.’’’
‘’’Chris, be careful to avoid run-on sentences. You can fix this issue by separating ideas with a period or a semicolon. Also, make sure to watch your spelling; I assume you were trying to write “spread”. Additionally, “bushels” is the correct spelling, not “bustles”; Corn is the most produced feed grain in the U.S. taking up more than 90 million acres of farmland. Last year, farmers grew over 14 billion bushels, most of which was consumed by livestock.’’’
‘’’Who is this team? Why are they credible? Jason Hill, an engineering professor at the University of Minnesota, and his team of scientists assessed 2,000 corn producing companies in the U.S. and found that their geographic distributing paths matched up with air pollution-related deaths; 4,300 deaths, to be exact.’’’
‘’’Chris, be careful to avoid plagiarism. You should read the original article, but then reiterate in your own words. Hill and his team also discovered that agriculture is responsible for about 16,000 air pollution related deaths a year and corn, specifically, makes up for more than 25% of the deaths.’’’
‘’’Chris, remember to avoid opinions; stick to the facts.; Hill’s study suggested finding ways to improve the way nitrogen is added to fertilizer, keeping ammonia in the soil and out of the air.’’’

Corn Pollution

Everyone knows corn it is one of the most favorite crop in America, but it can be dangerous by the pollution it causes. The Nature team found of that America's corn kernels contributed to thousands of deaths a year from their air pollution. Corn is widely speread and is the most produced feed grain in the U.S. taking 90 millions of acres of farms and farmers grew 14 billion bustles in last year 90 percent goes to livestock and producing producing ethanol. While a team assessed 2,000 corn producing companies in the U.S. it all linked together with air pollution deaths and that air pollution generated by corn production caused 4,300 deaths. The team also found out that agriculture is responsible for about 16,000 air pollution related deaths a year in the U.S, and the most popular crop (corn) make up to 25% of the deaths. As disscussed above corn can be tasty but deadly.https://www.popsci.com/air-pollution-corn-production-premature-deaths


‘’’Lend an “Ear” to Learn About Corn Pollution

Corn is easily one of America’s favorite crops, but it can be dangerous due to the pollution it causes. Corn is easily one of America’s favorite crops, but it can be dangerous due to the pollution it causes. A study published in Nature found of that America's corn may contribute to thousands of deaths a year from its air pollution. Corn is the most produced feed grain in the U.S. taking up more than 90 million acres of farmland. Last year, farmers grew over 14 billion bushels, most of which was consumed by livestock. Jason Hill, an engineering professor at the University of Minnesota, and his team of scientists assessed 2,000 corn producing companies in the U.S. and found that their geographic distributing paths matched up with air pollution-related deaths; 4,300 deaths, to be exact. Hill and his team also discovered that agriculture is responsible for about 16,000 air pollution related deaths a year and corn, specifically, makes up for more than 25% of the deaths. Hill’s study suggested finding ways to improve the way nitrogen is added to fertilizer, keeping ammonia in the soil and out of the air.’’’ Source: https://www.popsci.com/air-pollution-corn-production-premature-deaths


Measles Back Again The measles virus is going all over the U.S., although the 2019 cases aren't recorded we are turning toward the year full of sick people. In the middle of March, 15 states have reported with measles cases to the Centers for Disease Contral: Arizona, California, Colorado Conneticut, Georgia, Illinois, Kentucky, michigan, Missouri, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, Oregon, Texas, and Washington. The L.A. County Department of Public Health announced on March 21 that, for the second time in a month, somebody passed through the Los Angles International Airport while contagious with measles. Many measles cases were brought to the U.S., for instance the Philippines. There is outbreak there with more than 70 people dying in January out of total 14,300 cases. An epidemic in Madagascar has killed more than 900 people and sickened more than 68,000. This is very dangerous so us the people of the United States should get vaccinated and be care ful from other people too. https://www.popsci.com/current-measles-outbreaks-information-update


‘’’Chris, remember to focus on positive news’’’
‘’’Your headline is good, but I suggest something like: “Measles: A Resurfacing Epidemic”’’’
‘’’Chris, be careful to avoid run-on sentences. You can separate two, similar ideas by adding a semicolon or a period. Also, remember to write in past tense. I changed “is making” to “has made”. Additionally, I changed “going” to “making a reappearance” in order to provide more context. I also added a semicolon after “U.S.” and I subbed in “haven’t yet” for “aren’t”. The measles virus has made a reappearance across the U.S.; although the 2019 cases haven’t yet reached record numbers, it appears that the year will leave many indisposed.’’’
‘’’I switched the order of the first sentence, to differentiate a bit more from the original article’s sentence. Because I am starting the sentence off with a number, I have to spell it out, as opposed to using digits. Remember the check your spelling; I believe the word you were trying to spell was “Control”. Remember to capitalize and correctly spell all state names; Fifteen states have reported cases of measles to the Centers for Disease Control, as of March.’’’
‘’’Chris, be very careful to avoid plagiarism; this sentence was lifted almost word-for- word from the original article. During that same month, the L.A. County Department of Public Health made it public that, for the second time in a month, an individual passed through the Los Angeles International Airport while contagious with measles.’’’
‘’’Again, be careful to avoid plagiarism. I changed “Philippines” to “other countries” because the disease is not limited to the Philippines; Many measles cases that appear in the U.S. originate in other countries.’’’
‘’’I added “in the Philippines” to provide more context for your reader. I also changed “dying” to “resulted in the death” to further differentiate from the original article; In the Philippines, there is currently an outbreak that has resulted in the death of 70 children, out of a total 14,300 cases.’’’
‘’’Chris, you need to avoid plagiarizing. Remember to read the original article and then create your ideas. I added a semicolon to separate two, similar ideas. I also changed “sickened” to “infected”; Moreover, since September, an epidemic in Madagascar has killed more than 900 people; this epidemic has also infected more than 68,000 others.’’’
‘’’Chris, remember to avoid first person and writing your own opinions; stick to the facts. Also, remember that “careful” is one word; It is recommended that children receive both doses of the MMR (measles) vaccine, which could very well mean the difference between life and death.’’’


Measles Back Again

The measles virus is going all over the U.S., although the 2019 cases aren't recorded we are turning toward the year full of sick people. In the middle of March, 15 states have reported with measles cases to the Centers for Disease Contral: Arizona, California, Colorado Conneticut, Georgia, Illinois, Kentucky, michigan, Missouri, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, Oregon, Texas, and Washington. The L.A. County Department of Public Health announced on March 21 that, for the second time in a month, somebody passed through the Los Angles International Airport while contagious with measles. Many measles cases were brought to the U.S., for instance the Philippines. There is outbreak there with more than 70 people dying in January out of total 14,300 cases. An epidemic in Madagascar has killed more than 900 people and sickened more than 68,000. This is very dangerous so us the people of the United States should get vaccinated and be care ful from other people too. https://www.popsci.com/current-measles-outbreaks-information-update


‘’’Measles: A Resurfacing Epidemic

The measles virus has made a reappearance across the U.S.; although the 2019 cases haven’t yet reached record numbers, it appears that the year will leave many indisposed. Fifteen states have reported cases of measles to the Centers for Disease Control, as of March. During that same month, the L.A. County Department of Public Health made it public that, for the second time in a month, an individual passed through the Los Angeles International Airport while contagious with measles. Many measles cases that appear in the U.S. originate in other countries. In the Philippines, there is currently an outbreak that has resulted in the death of 70 children, out of a total 14,300 cases. Moreover, since September, an epidemic in Madagascar has killed more than 900 people; this epidemic has also infected more than 68,000 others. It is recommended that children receive both doses of the MMR (measles) vaccine, which could very well mean the difference between life and death.’’’ Source: https://www.popsci.com/current-measles-outbreaks-information-update



Planes Software Nowadays the future is coming faster and faster with new and better technology to help us, but some of the technology to help us, but some don't though. Before making improvements in the jet engines their reason their planes crashed was the same causes for Ethiopian Airlines Flight 302 and a 737 MAX 8. Before the Ethiopian crash people had already been working on a software updates for the aircrafts. When they finished the software update it has been confirmed it will take about 60 minutes to install per aircraft. This is very critical software that's why you don't want anybody hacking it. This is why the future will be better everyday in our lives, but you also have to have the chance of possible incomes of dangers like the one in the article hacking the aircrafts software. https://www.popsci.com/boeing-software-update



‘’’Your headline is a bit vague. You could try something like, “Boeing Planes Are Grounded - Literally”’’’
‘’’Chris, try to avoid run on sentences; an easy way to separate ideas is to use a period or a semicolon. I deleted “Nowadays” because it was redundant. The future is now, as evidenced by new technology; this technology, however, can sometimes fail.’’’
‘’’Chris, remember to ease your reader into your article; give them context before using words like “their”. Who are they? Two aviation accidents occurred that involved the same type of aircraft: a 737 MAX 8. These accidents were Lion Air Flight 610 and Ethiopian Airlines Flight 302.’’’
‘’’Again, remember to give context; which “people” are you talking about? Are they credible? I changed “people” to “Boeing” and “aircrafts” to “planes”, in order to differ from the original article. Even before the Ethiopian 302 crash occurred, Boeing had already been working on a software updates for their planes.’’’
‘’’Again, make sure to give the name of the person or representative so that your reader knows that the information is credible; don’t just use “they”; Once the software has been completed, Boeing confirmed that the update will take about 60 minutes to install, per aircraft.’’’
‘’’Chris, remember to avoid using first and second person; The software is very critical, and measures are being taken, so as not to leave it exposed to hacking.’’’
‘’’Chris, remember that you should focus on writing facts and omitting your opinion. Also, try to avoid writing in first person. Although the software is being expertly developed, the FAA has grounded all Boeing 737 MAX planes, for the time being.’’’

Planes Software

Nowadays the future is coming faster and faster with new and better technology to help us, but some of the technology to help us, but some don't though. Before making improvements in the jet engines their reason their planes crashed was the same causes for Ethiopian Airlines Flight 302 and a 737 MAX 8. Before the Ethiopian crash people had already been working on a software updates for the aircrafts. When they finished the software update it has been confirmed it will take about 60 minutes to install per aircraft. This is very critical software that's why you don't want anybody hacking it. This is why the future will be better every day in our lives, but you also have to have the chance of possible incomes of dangers like the one in the article hacking the aircrafts software. https://www.popsci.com/boeing-software-update

‘’’Boeing Planes Are Grounded – Literally

The future is now, as evidenced by new technology; this technology, however, can sometimes fail. Two aviation accidents occurred that involved the same type of aircraft: a 737 MAX 8. These accidents were Lion Air Flight 610 and Ethiopian Airlines Flight 302. Even before the Ethiopian 302 crash occurred, Boeing had already been working on a software updates for their planes. Once the software has been completed, Boeing confirmed that the update will take about 60 minutes to install, per aircraft. The software is very critical, and measures are being taken, so as not to leave it exposed to hacking. Although the software is being expertly developed, the FAA has grounded all Boeing 737 MAX planes, for the time being.’’’ Source: https://www.popsci.com/boeing-software-update


Robot Surgeons Having a robot surgeon will be helpful and dangerous in many ways. Robots can make precise cuts with a blade, insert threading needles, and can even tie knots, but the modern machines are still hindered by poor vision. In the crowded environment of soft-tissue surgery, but the struggle to keep track of where the organs are related to each other. Robots have been used for a third hand for scientists, but now STAR is bringing self-driving robot-surgery a step closer. Therefore, may we keep working on this we will help many people in the world. https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2016/05/video-robot-surgeons-make-big-advance


‘’’Chris, your headline was a little vague; remember you want to give your reader an idea of what the rest of your article will be about. I suggest something like “Robot Surgeons: Science Fiction Made Reality”’’’
‘’’I made “robot surgeon” plural and I changed “and” to “both”. I also used the synonym “several” instead of “many” and I added “in the medical field” to provide context for your reader; Using robot surgeons in the medical field can be both helpful and dangerous in several ways.’’’
‘’’Great job on this sentence! I removed the comma before “and can even tie knots” because it is not necessary. Your sentence was also too long, so I divided it by adding a semicolon and inserting “however”; Robots can make precise cuts with a blade, insert threading needles and can even tie knots; however, the modern machines are still hindered by poor vision.’’’
‘’’Chris, remember to re-read your sentences and make sure they make sense. I changed “crowded” to “crammed” because you should try to avoid using too many of the same words from the original article. I also removed “but the” because it did not make sense where you placed it. Additionally, I added “robots” so that the reader knows what you are talking about; In the crammed environment of soft-tissue surgery, robots struggle to keep track of where the organs are, related to each other.’’’
‘’’Chris, remember that your reader does not have all the information you have; you’ll want to spell out acronyms such as STAR. I also added “in the past” so that the reader can differentiate. Additionally, I divided the thought into two sections by using a semicolon; In the past, robots have been used as a sort of “third hand” for scientists; these days, a new system, the Smart Tissue Autonomous Robot (STAR), is bringing self-driving robot-surgery a step closer.’’’
‘’’Chris, be careful to avoid run-on sentences. Also, remember that you want to focus on writing facts, and not opinions. Additionally, try to avoid writing in the third person; If experts continue working on this project, the medical world may soon see robot surgeons at work, everywhere.’’’

Robot Surgeons

Having a robot surgeon will be helpful and dangerous in many ways. Robots can make precise cuts with a blade, insert threading needles, and can even tie knots, but the modern machines are still hindered by poor vision. In the crowded environment of soft-tissue surgery, but the struggle to keep track of where the organs are related to each other. Robots have been used for a third hand for scientists, but now STAR is bringing self-driving robot-surgery a step closer. Therefore, may we keep working on this we will help many people in the world.https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2016/05/video-robot-surgeons-make-big-advance


‘’’Robot Surgeons: Science Fiction Made Reality

Using robot surgeons in the medical field can be both helpful and dangerous in several ways. Robots can make precise cuts with a blade, insert threading needles and can even tie knots; however, the modern machines are still hindered by poor vision. In the crammed environment of soft-tissue surgery, robots struggle to keep track of where the organs are, related to each other. In the past, robots have been used as a sort of “third hand” for scientists; these days, a new system, the Smart Tissue Autonomous Robot (STAR), is bringing self-driving robot-surgery a step closer. If experts continue working on this project, the medical world may soon see robot surgeons at work, everywhere.’’’ Source: https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2016/05/video-robot-surgeons-make-big-advance


World's Largest Bee gone missing now found

The bee was discovered in 1858 by Alfred Russel Wallace he noted that the bee's large jaws, which looked like those from a stag beetle. In 1981 the bee went missing again, but the bee lived in the rain forest of Indonesia. The bee was four times larger than the typical honey bee, with giant jaws and a wingspan of 6 centimeters, is as long as the short side of a dollar bill. It has been found again after 5 days of searching, they located a single female in a termite's nest, while the bees build their own nests inside structures defending them with tree sap they collected. Therefore, if we keep looking it is possible we can find more important creatures and things. https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2019/02/world-s-largest-bee-vanished-decades-ago-now-scientists-have-spotted-it-again



Make sure to separate the ideas in your headline. I would recommend a headline such as “An UnBEElievable Discovery”
Chris, remember you can’t begin without giving any context about the bee. What bee? You want to begin your article by giving an idea of what the rest of it will be about; The world’s largest bee, Wallace’s giant bee, which was previously thought to be extinct, was recently spotted.
Be careful to avoid run on sentences. I added “during which” to unite your two ideas. I also removed “which” because it was not necessary. Additionally, I changed “from” to “of”; The bee was discovered in 1858 by Alfred Russel Wallace, during which he noted the bee's large jaws, which looked like those of a stag beetle.
Chris, the original article said that the bee lives in Indonesia currently; it makes no mention of where it lived in the past. Try not to repeat your words too often; instead of saying “the bee” twice, you can use “it” on the second reference; The bee, which lives in the rainforests of Indonesia, went missing for the second time since its discovery, in 1981.
I changed “was” to “is” because you are talking about the bee’s current characteristics. Chris, make sure to check your spelling; I changed “then” to “than”; The bee is four times larger than the typical honey bee, with giant jaws and a wingspan of 6 centimeters, making it as long as the short side of a dollar bill.
Chris, you began this sentence without giving any context, making it a bit confusing. Who is “they”? What is “it”? Recently, a group of entomologists was responsible for finding a single female in a termite's nest, after 5 days of searching.
Chris, remember to focus on the facts and try to avoid writing opinions. Also, try to avoid writing in first and second person; With further searching and investigating, more of earth’s mysteries can continue to be uncovered.

World's Largest Bee gone missing now found


The bee was discovered in 1858 by Alfred Russel Wallace he noted that the bee's large jaws, which looked like those from a stag beetle. In 1981 the bee went missing again, but the bee lived in the rain forest of Indonesia. The bee was four times larger then the typical honey bee, with giant jaws and a wingspan of 6 centimeters, is as long as the short side of a dollar bill. It has been found again after 5 days of searching, they located a single female in a termite's nest, while the bees build their own nests inside structures defending them with tree sap they collected. Therefore, if we keep looking it is a possible we can find more important creatures and things. https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2019/02/world-s-largest-bee-vanished-decades-ago-now-scientists-have-spotted-it-again


An UnBEElievable Discovery


The world’s largest bee, Wallace’s giant bee, which was previously thought to be extinct, was recently spotted. The bee was discovered in 1858 by Alfred Russel Wallace, during which he noted the bee's large jaws, which looked like those of a stag beetle. The bee, which lives in the rainforests of Indonesia, went missing for the second time since its discovery, in 1981. The bee is four times larger than the typical honey bee, with giant jaws and a wingspan of 6 centimeters, making it as long as the short side of a dollar bill. Recently, a group of entomologists was responsible for finding a single female in a termite's nest, after 5 days of searching. With further searching and investigating, more of earth’s mysteries can continue to be uncovered. Source: https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2019/02/world-s-largest-bee-vanished-decades-ago-now-scientists-have-spotted-it-again


Flying Taxis

There are new advancements happening every day and it will keep on advancing every day.Aurora Flight Sciences created a nearly 9-feet-wide, 30-feet-long prototype aircraft, but can only carry a few people a short distance. The Boeing test vehicle, which has a "cruise" propeller in the back for horizontal flight, and on addition eight rotors for vertical flight. Your flight with the aircraft across the ocean is powered by jet fuel, built a 10-to15- minute jaunt in a city could be battery-driven. One problem is getting battery tech to where it should be even if it got impotent. I think we will make better advancements and will make more cool tech every day if we work hard. https://www.popsci.com/flying-taxis-boeing-test-vehicle


‘’’Your headline is good but remember to give your reader an idea of what your article will be about. For example, I recommend something like, “Flying Taxis: Uber in the Sky”’’’
‘’’Chris, try not to use the same word more than once, per sentence. I changed “happening” to “occurring” and “advancing” to “changing”; New advancements are constantly occurring and changing the world we live in, each day.’’’
‘’’I added “for instance” to connect the idea from the previous sentence. I also separated the original sentence by adding a semicolon, so as to avoid a run-on sentence; For instance, Aurora Flight Sciences created a nearly 9-feet-wide, 30-feet-long prototype aircraft; so far, it can only carry a few people a short distance.’’’
‘’’Chris, be careful not to plagiarize; your sentence was too similar to the original one. I removed “which” because it was unnecessary, as well as “on addition” which, in any case, would be written “in addition”; The Boeing test machine has a "cruise" propeller in the back for horizontal flight and eight rotors for vertical flight.’’’
‘’’Again, make sure you’re not simply pulling sentences directly from the original article; Unlike a flight across the ocean, which is powered by jet fuel, the Boeing aircraft could offer a 10-to 15-minute flight in a city, which would be battery-driven.’’’
‘’’Again, you can’t take sentences directly from the original article; read it through and then make your own sentences. However, a significant issue is getting battery tech to where it should be, despite all the advancements that have been made.’’’
‘’’Chris, remember that you should focus on writing facts and omitting your opinion. Also, try to avoid writing in first person. Despite the challenges, aerospace engineers have shown great excitement towards what the future might hold.’’’

Flying Taxis

There are new advancements happening every day and it will keep on advancing every day. Aurora Flight Sciences created a nearly 9-feet-wide, 30-feet-long prototype aircraft, but can only carry a few people a short distance. The Boeing test vehicle, which has a "cruise" propeller in the back for horizontal flight, and on addition eight rotors for vertical flight. Your flight with the aircraft across the ocean is powered by jet fuel, built a 10-to15- minute jaunt in a city could be battery-driven. One problem is getting battery tech to where it should be even if it got impotent. I think we will make better advancements and will make more cool tech every day if we work hard.

‘’’Flying Taxis: Uber in the Sky

New advancements are constantly occurring and changing the world we live in, each day. For instance, Aurora Flight Sciences created a nearly 9-feet-wide, 30-feet-long prototype aircraft; so far, it can only carry a few people a short distance. The Boeing test machine has a "cruise" propeller in the back for horizontal flight and eight rotors for vertical flight. Unlike a flight across the ocean, which is powered by jet fuel, the Boeing aircraft could offer a 10-to 15-minute flight in a city, which would be battery-driven. However, a significant issue is getting battery tech to where it should be, despite all the advancements that have been made. Despite the challenges, aerospace engineers have shown great excitement towards what the future might hold.’’’ Source: https://www.popsci.com/flying-taxis-boeing-test-vehicle


Ghost apples are coming over to Kent County by freezing cold weather. The freezing rain coated rotting apples, creating a solid icy shell around them. Some of the apples the mush slipped out of the bottom of the ice casing. It was cold enough for the ice to remain, but warm enough to make the apples into mush. Since apples have a lower freezing point than water. Maybe more ghost apples will come if the tempature is colder. https://www.woodtv.com/news/kent-county/icy-rain-creates-ghost-apples-in-kent-county/1762758353


Headline is missing. A good example might be “An Apeeling Find” (a pun based on an apple’s peel)
Chris, remember that it’s usually best to write in the past tense. I also changed “by” to “due to”; Ghost apples appeared in Kent County due to freezing cold weather.
Chris, be careful to avoid plagiarism. This sentence is basically taken word for word from the original article; The freezing rain coated rotting apples, creating a solid shell made entirely of ice.
I added “In” at the beginning to give clarity and added “leaving only the shell” to differ from the original; In some of the apples, the fruit mush emptied out of the bottom of the ice casing, leaving only the shell.
I changed the word “make” into “turn” because it fits better in the sentence; It was cold enough for the ice to remain, but warm enough to turn the apples into mush.
Chris, this sentence is incomplete, so I added what was necessary to make it whole; This is due to the fact that apples have a lower freezing point than water.
Chris, be aware of correct spelling; “temperature” is the correct spelling. I also changed “maybe” to “perhaps”; Perhaps more ghost apples will appear if the temperature becomes that cold again.

An Apeeling Find Ghost apples are coming over to Kent County by freezing cold weather. The freezing rain coated rotting apples, creating a solid icy shell around them. Some of the apples the mush slipped out of the bottom of the ice casing. It was cold enough for the ice to remain, but warm enough to make the apples into mush. Since apples have a lower freezing point than water. Perhaps more ghost apples will come if the temperature is colder. Source: https://www.woodtv.com/news/kent-county/icy-rain-creates-ghost-apples-in-kent-county/1762758353


An Apeeling Find Ghost apples appeared in Kent County due to freezing cold weather. The freezing rain coated rotting apples, creating a solid shell made entirely of ice. In some of the apples, the fruit mush emptied out of the bottom of the ice casing, leaving only the shell. It was cold enough for the ice to remain, but warm enough to turn the apples into mush. This is due to the fact that apples have a lower freezing point than water. Perhaps more ghost apples will appear if the temperature becomes that cold again. Source: https://www.woodtv.com/news/kent-county/icy-rain-creates-ghost-apples-in-kent-county/1762758353


Star Trek-like replicators

New technology is advancing starting with the newly and advanced 3D printer. Most built objects are made from solidifying gels or plastics, but now we are building off of technology used to pinpoint delivery of radiation to cancer patients. How it works the researches use computer-controlled digital light projector to cast a series of 2D images from a rotating vial having photosensitive gel.While the vial rotates photons are coming in at every direction which the photons meet at selected spots in the gel. In their meeting place they combine energy which solidifies the gel, where the meetup doesn't happen, and the photons just pass through without messing with the photosensitive material. Looks like ideas that were created fifty years ago in Star Trek that are coming now. https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2019/01/star-trek-replicator-creates-entire-objects-minutes


Good title, but I would consider changing it to “The Star Trek-like Replicator”
Chris, writing “new” about “advancing” technology is a bit repetitive, so I am removing “new”. I also changed “newly” to “new” which is the correct term; Technology is advancing, as evidenced by the new and advanced 3D printer.
Chris, make sure to carefully read the original article so that you can fully understand the main idea. I added “printing technologies” so that the reader can have a better understanding of what you are talking about. Also, remember to avoid writing “we” because it is best to stay away from first and second person. To avoid a run-on sentence, I divided the ideas into two sentences; Most printing technologies build objects from solidifying gels or plastics, layer by layer. The new advance, however, creates formed objects by building on a technology for pinpoint delivery of radiation to patients that suffer from cancer.
Again, make sure you fully understand the original article before writing your take. I added “to explain” at the beginning of the sentence to allow the sentence to flow better; To explain how it works, researches use a computer-controlled digital light projector to cast a series of 2D images through a rotating vial which contains a photosensitive gel.
I removed your second use of “photons” because it was not necessary; While the vial rotates, photons entering from different directions meet at selected spots in the gel.
Chris, be careful to avoid “fluff” which are extra words that are not necessary to get your point across. Again, be careful to avoid run-on sentences; At the meeting place, their fused energy solidifies the gel. If the meetup doesn't take place, the photons just pass through without altering the photosensitive material.
I reworded your sentence so that it made more sense, but kept your original idea which was great; It appears that ideas which were created fifty years ago in the Star Trek movies are now coming to real life!

Star Trek-like replicators New technology is advancing starting with the newly and advanced 3D printer. Most built objects are made from solidifying gels or plastics, but now we are building off of technology used to pinpoint delivery of radiation to cancer patients. How it works the researches use computer-controlled digital light projector to cast a series of 2D images from a rotating vial having photosensitive gel. While the vial rotates photons are coming in at every direction which the photons meet at selected spots in the gel. In their meeting place they combine energy which solidifies the gel, where the meetup doesn't happen, and the photons just pass through without messing with the photosensitive material. Looks like ideas that were created fifty years ago in Star Trek that are coming now. https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2019/01/star-trek-replicator-creates-entire-objects-minutes

The Star Trek-like Replicator Technology is advancing, as evidenced by the new and advanced 3D printer. Most printing technologies build objects from solidifying gels or plastics, layer by layer. The new advance, however, creates formed objects by building on a technology for pinpoint delivery of radiation to patients that suffer from cancer. To explain how it works, researches use a computer-controlled digital light projector to cast a series of 2D images through a rotating vial which contains a photosensitive gel. While the vial rotates, photons entering from different directions meet at selected spots in the gel. At the meeting place, their fused energy solidifies the gel. If the meetup doesn't take place, the photons just pass through without altering the photosensitive material. It appears that ideas which were created fifty years ago in the Star Trek movies are now coming to real life! Source: https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2019/01/star-trek-replicator-creates-entire-objects-minutes


Dead-lifting

Dead-lifts have been passed on for centuries, until this one we are now changing history as we go through each day.They started with competitions of dead-lifting huge wagon wheels connected to a wooden post, but nowadays we use carefully engineered barbells.This barbell is built to endure half ton lifts without bending or breaking.The barbell is a 14-foot bar and has tires, but much taller than the typical weight plates.They needed strong material that was between 190,000 and 220,000 psi tensile strength, but the company decided to land on 200,000 psi stainless steel.If more technology keeps on advancing we certainly will have much more durable and better dead-lifts for the future. https://www.popsci.com/rogue-elephant-bar-deadlift-barbell


Good headline, but it is a bit vague; you could try something like “The Evolution of the Deadlift”
Chris, the article talks about deadlifts dating back to 1987, so “centuries” would not be the right word. Instead, I used “decades”. I reworded the sentence so that the reader can follow along easier but kept your idea; Deadlifts have been an iconic part of strength competition for decades, but have undergone different transformations over the years.
Chris, who is “they”? Try to avoid ambiguous words that leave the reader with questions. Also, remember to avoid using first and second person. Additionally, don’t be afraid to separate ideas with periods or semicolons, to avoid run-on sentences; In the beginning, competitions consisted of participants deadlifting huge wagon wheels connected to a wooden post; nowadays competitors use carefully engineered barbells.
Chris, try to avoid starting sentences with the word “this” because it too ambiguous. Also, make sure to read the original article carefully; the article states that the barbell should, in fact, bend, though not permanently; The kind of barbells that are used today are built to endure half ton lifts without permanently bending or breaking.
Again, make sure to very carefully read your original article. The description that you are giving in this sentence pertains to an older version of a barbell, not the one used nowadays; The barbell, from which the evolved version comes from, was a 14-foot bar and had tires, much taller than the weight plates used today.
Chris, who is “they”? Make sure to specify so that your reader does not get confused; Also, remember to use semicolons or periods to avoid run-on sentences; In order to create the perfect bar, the fitness equipment manufacturer, Rogue Fitness, needed strong material that was between 190,000 and 220,000 psi tensile strength; the company eventually landed on 200,000 psi stainless steel.
Again, try to avoid using first and second person when writing; As technology continues advancing, people can expect more durable and all-around better deadlifts for the future.

Dead-lifting


Dead-lifts have been passed on for centuries, until this one we are now changing history as we go through each day. They started with competitions of dead-lifting huge wagon wheels connected to a wooden post, but nowadays we use carefully engineered barbells. This barbell is built to endure half ton lifts without bending or breaking. The barbell is a 14-foot bar and has tires, but much taller than the typical weight plates. They needed strong material that was between 190,000 and 220,000 psi tensile strength, but the company decided to land on 200,000 psi stainless steel. If more technology keeps on advancing we certainly will have much more durable and better dead-lifts for the future. https://www.popsci.com/rogue-elephant-bar-deadlift-barbell


The Evolution of the Deadlift


Deadlifts have been an iconic part of strength competition for decades, but have undergone different transformations over the years. In the beginning, competitions consisted of participants deadlifting huge wagon wheels connected to a wooden post; nowadays competitors use carefully engineered barbells. The kind of barbells that are used today are built to endure half ton lifts without permanently bending or breaking. The barbell, from which the evolved version comes from, was a 14-foot bar and had tires, much taller than the weight plates used today. In order to create the perfect bar, the fitness equipment manufacturer, Rogue Fitness, needed strong material that was between 190,000 and 220,000 psi tensile strength; the company eventually landed on 200,000 psi stainless steel. As technology continues advancing, people can expect more durable and all-around better deadlifts for the future. Source: https://www.popsci.com/rogue-elephant-bar-deadlift-barbell


Robot Dogs

These days,technology is developing better each day of our lives, starting with the robot dog. Teaching the robot dog through a computer simulation is 1000-times faster than teaching it in real-life.If you would have thrown the robot dog in the air, it would supposedly figure out how to stand back up.The robot dog is 2 feet tall, has 12 joints, and is electrically-powered.The robot dog also if commanded to walk 1.1 mph it could do it better than before,also if it gets up from a fall it can run faster than before too.With more advancements with technology, more developments will be created. https://www.popsci.com/robotic-dog-artificial-intelligence


Chris< I reworded “these days” to “In today’s world” because I find it is a better way to introduce the idea. Instead of using “better”, which is a but vague, I used “further and further”; In today’s world, technology is developing further and further, evidenced, for example, by the robot dog.
Chris, it is important to let your reader know where you are acquiring your information so that they know it is valid. Also, you don’t need a hyphen between “real” and “life”; According to a study in the Science Robotics journal, teaching the robot dog through a computer simulation is 1000-times faster than teaching it physically, in real life.
Chris, remember to avoid writing in first and second person. I also added information on how experts figured this fact out; If someone were to throw the robot dog in the air, it would supposedly figure out how to stand back up, thanks to a computer-generated simulation that was run first.
Great job with this sentence; I removed the last comma because it was not necessary; The robot dog is 2 feet tall, has 12 joints and is electrically-powered.
Chris, I changed the word “better to “accurately” because it is more descriptive. I also removed the last part about the robot getting up, because you already talked about that in a previous sentence; Thanks to time with the simulator, the robot dog can follow more precise instructions; if commanded to walk 1.1 mph, the robot could do it more accurately than before.
I reworded your sentence, so that it is easier for the reader to follow, but kept your original idea which was great; As further advancements in technology are made, more developments will be incorporated.

Robot Dogs

These days,technology is developing better each day of our lives, starting with the robot dog. Teaching the robot dog through a computer simulation is 1000-times faster than teaching it in real-life.If you would have thrown the robot dog in the air, it would supposedly figure out how to stand back up. The robot dog is 2 feet tall, has 12 joints, and is electrically-powered. The robot dog also if commanded to walk 1.1 mph it could do it better than before,also if it gets up from a fall it can run faster than before too. With more advancements with technology, more developments will be created. https://www.popsci.com/robotic-dog-artificial-intelligence

Robot Dogs

In today’s world, technology is developing further and further, evidenced, for example, by the robot dog. According to a study in the Science Robotics journal, teaching the robot dog through a computer simulation is 1000-times faster than teaching it physically, in real life. If someone were to throw the robot dog in the air, it would supposedly figure out how to stand back up, thanks to a computer-generated simulation that was run first. The robot dog is 2 feet tall, has 12 joints and is electrically-powered. Thanks to time with the simulator, the robot dog can follow more precise instructions; if commanded to walk 1.1 mph, the robot could do it more accurately than before. As further advancements in technology are made, more developments will be incorporated. Source: https://www.popsci.com/robotic-dog-artificial-intelligence


Myrrh and Frankincense

Frankincense and Myrrh are very helpful herbs and are very interesting. The first Myrrh tree was secured 3,500 years ago in Egypt by a pharaoh named Hatshepsut. Also in the bible in Matthews it said 3 magi's followed a star to Bethlehem to see baby Jesus and gave gold, frankincense, and myrrh.Frankencence looks golden, but meanwhile, myrrh is brown.In ancient times gold, frankincense, and myrrh cost the same.This is the origin about myrrh and frankincense. https://www.popsci.com/what-are-frankincense-and-myrrh


I liked your headline, but I would recommend something like “The Genesis of Myrrh and Frankincense” This is another way to say“ The beginning of Myrrh and Frankincense” and it flows well, because you mention the Bible in your article.
I used “beneficial” instead of helpful because it is a more descriptive word. Remember that you don’t capitalize the names of the herbs unless they are at the beginning of a sentence; Frankincense and myrrh are both very interesting and beneficial herbs.
I clarified that, according to the article, myrrh is the name given to the sap, not the actual tree; The first Commiphora tree, from which myrrh is extracted, was secured 3,500 years ago in Egypt by a pharaoh named Hatshepsut and her explorers.
Chris, remember to capitalize “Bible”. Also, generally speaking, you should always spell out numbers one through nine. I also clarified what “magi” are, so that your reader can understand what you are talking about; The Bible says, in the book of Matthew, that three Magi, or wise men, followed a star to Bethlehem to see baby Jesus and gifted gold, frankincense and myrrh.
Chris, you can either use “but” or “meanwhile” but not both, because that makes your sentence redundant; Frankincense has a golden color, while myrrh has a brown hue.
I added a comma after “times” and removed the unnecessary one before “and”; In ancient times, gold, frankincense and myrrh cost the same amount.
Chris, try to avoid using “this” at the beginning of your sentences because it is a bit vague; The aforementioned facts explain the origin of myrrh and frankincense.

Myrrh and Frankincense

Frankincense and Myrrh are very helpful herbs and are very interesting. The first Myrrh tree was secured 3,500 years ago in Egypt by a pharaoh named Hatshepsut. Also in the bible in Matthews it said 3 magi's followed a star to Bethlehem to see baby Jesus and gave gold, frankincense, and myrrh.Frankencence looks golden, but meanwhile, myrrh is brown.In ancient times gold, frankincense, and myrrh cost the same.This is the origin about myrrh and frankincense. https://www.popsci.com/what-are-frankincense-and-myrrh

The Genesis of Myrrh and Frankincense

Frankincense and myrrh are both very interesting and beneficial herbs. The first Commiphora tree, from which myrrh is extracted, was secured 3,500 years ago in Egypt by a pharaoh named Hatshepsut and her explorers. The Bible says, in the book of Matthew, that three Magi, or wise men, followed a star to Bethlehem to see baby Jesus and gifted gold, frankincense and myrrh. Frankincense has a golden color, while myrrh has a brown hue. In ancient times, gold, frankincense and myrrh cost the same amount. The aforementioned facts explain the origin of myrrh and frankincense. Source: https://www.popsci.com/what-are-frankincense-and-myrrh


"Ion Drive" Plane

The Ion Drive plane doesn't need any battery or gas it just needs an Ion drive and an electrode.The planes weight is a little over 5 pounds, the wingspan is 16 feet, and it went 230 feet up on its longest flight, its speed is 11 mph.An electrode is like a wire, and it can be charged with 20,00 volts of electricity.The two electrodes can help the plane fly because, the first one, spurs nearby nitrogen molecules to lose an electron and be positively charged.The positive nitrogen ions are then attracted to the second electrode, which has a negative charge. While a nitrogen ion is traveling between the electrodes, because it bumps into regular air molecules, and on each collision, it transfers energies to those molecules and creates a wind of neutral air.Now scientists and engineers are now figuring out how to put passengers in a plane like that and enlargen the plane more. https://www.popsci.com/ion-drive-airplane



I would recommend a more descriptive headline, like “The Ion Drive Plane: A New Kind of Aircraft”
Chris, take care to make sure you thoroughly read and understand the original article. I focused on the electrodes which is what the article mostly talks about. Also, remember to avoid contractions like “don’t”; The ion drive plane does not run on a battery or gas; it just needs a pair of key components: electrodes.
The article indeed states that the plane flew 230 feet, but it did not fly 230 feet up into the sky; instead, it flew straight for those 200 feet. Be careful to avoid run-on sentences and use semicolons or periods to separate ideas; The plane’s weight is a little over 5 pounds, the wingspan is 16 feet, and it can reach a speed of 11 mph; on its longest flight, it flew 230 feet.
Great job with this sentence. I placed it right after you mention that the plane runs on electrodes so that the reader can be informed; An electrode is like a wire and can be charged with 20,000 volts of electricity.
I removed excess wordiness that was not necessary but kept your original idea; To help the plane fly, the first electrode spurs nearby nitrogen molecules to lose an electron and becomes positively charged.
Chris, be careful to avoid plagiarism; this sentence was taken word for word from the original article; Consequently, the positive nitrogen ions are attracted to the second electrode, which has a negative charge.
Again, make sure you are understanding the original article, and not just copying what you read; While a nitrogen ion is traveling between the electrodes, it bumps into regular air molecules, transferring energies to the molecules, which creates a wind of neutral air.
Make sure to watch your spelling. I reorganized the order of your sentence, but kept your idea; Scientists and engineers are in the process of figuring out how to enlarge the plane, in order to put passengers on it.

"Ion Drive" Plane


The Ion Drive plane doesn't need any battery or gas it just needs an Ion drive and an electrode.The planes weight is a little over 5 pounds, the wingspan is 16 feet, and it went 230 feet up on its longest flight, its speed is 11 mph.An electrode is like a wire, and it can be charged with 20,00 volts of electricity.The two electrodes can help the plane fly because, the first one, spurs nearby nitrogen molecules to lose an electron and be positively charged.The positive nitrogen ions are then attracted to the second electrode, which has a negative charge. While a nitrogen ion is traveling between the electrodes, because it bumps into regular air molecules, and on each collision, it transfers energies to those molecules and creates a wind of neutral air.Now scientists and engineers are now figuring out how to put passengers in a plane like that and enlargen the plane more. https://www.popsci.com/ion-drive-airplane


The Ion Drive Plane: A New Kind of Aircraft


The ion drive plane does not run on a battery or gas; it just needs a pair of key components: electrodes. An electrode is like a wire and can be charged with 20,000 volts of electricity. To help the plane fly, the first electrode spurs nearby nitrogen molecules to lose an electron and becomes positively charged. Consequently, the positive nitrogen ions are attracted to the second electrode, which has a negative charge. While a nitrogen ion is traveling between the electrodes, it bumps into regular air molecules, transferring energies to the molecules, which creates a wind of neutral air. The plane’s weight is a little over 5 pounds, the wingspan is 16 feet, and it can reach a speed of 11 mph; on its longest flight, it flew 230 feet. Scientists and engineers are in the process of figuring out how to enlarge the plane, in order to put passengers on it. Source: https://www.popsci.com/ion-drive-airplane


Sleeping

Getting sleep for more than 9 or ten hours can be unhealthy.Studies say that if you have 9 or more hours of sleep it could lead to mortality (death).Sleeping more than 10 hours can also cause you to have serious illnesses you could get infections, pneumonia, and immune-activating cancers.The director of the sleep and neuroimaging lab talked about how many diseases and ailments might encourage someone to sleep more but put them in a higher risk.It is not clear how 9.5 hours versus 8 hours of sleep would negatively impact somebody.Now you know to get at least 7 to 8 hours of sleep a day.


The missing hyperlink prevented me from checking the facts.
headline is a bit too vague; you might want to try something like “Sleeping: Less is More”
I removed excess wordiness but kept your original idea; Getting more than nine or 10 hours of sleep can be unhealthy.
Again, I reworded your sentence a bit, but kept your idea. When talking about studies, it usually best to use the word “show” instead of “say”; Studies show that sleeping for over eight hours can lead to mortality (death).
Remember to avoid using first and second person; Sleeping more than 10 hours can also cause serious illnesses, such as infections, pneumonia, and immune-activating cancers.
Chris, who is this director? A name would give more validity to your words. I reworded your sentence, for clarity, but maintained your idea; The director of the sleep and neuroimaging lab explained that many diseases and ailments may encourage a person to sleep more, but excessive sleeping might put them at a higher risk.
Remember, generally speaking, you should spell out numerals from one through nine; It is not clear how getting nine and a half hours of sleep versus eight hours could negatively impact somebody.
Again, remember to avoid first and second person and to spell out your numerals; However, it is recommended to get between seven and eight hours of sleep a night.
Chris, remember to always add the hyperlink from the original article.

Sleeping


Getting sleep for more than 9 or ten hours can be unhealthy.Studies say that if you have 9 or more hours of sleep it could lead to mortality (death).Sleeping more than 10 hours can also cause you to have serious illnesses you could get infections, pneumonia, and immune-activating cancers.The director of the sleep and neuroimaging lab talked about how many diseases and ailments might encourage someone to sleep more but put them in a higher risk.It is not clear how 9.5 hours versus 8 hours of sleep would negatively impact somebody.Now you know to get at least 7 to 8 hours of sleep a day.

Sleeping: Less is More


Getting more than nine or 10 hours of sleep can be unhealthy. Studies show that sleeping for over eight hours can lead to mortality (death). Sleeping more than 10 hours can also cause serious illnesses, such as infections, pneumonia, and immune-activating cancers. The director of the sleep and neuroimaging lab explained that many diseases and ailments may encourage a person to sleep more, but excessive sleeping might put them at a higher risk. It is not clear how getting nine and a half hours of sleep versus eight hours could negatively impact somebody. However, it is recommended to get between seven and eight hours of sleep a night. Missing Source


Helmets Save Lives

A innovative helmet can save an accident victim almost instantaneously by reporting the accident to emergency officials.The helmet helps you by seeing if the accelerometer and gyroscope detect a fall, maybe from a car or tripping on something.The helmet is also connected on your phone with Bluetooth. To initiate an alarm if you're hurt.The helmet can also contact your emergency contacts and tells the location of where you are too.If you don't respond. The helmet can also capture three kinds of events, one is a straightforward and linear impact, another is involving linear forces and rotational ones too, the last is a whiplash of a crash. This helmet can now lessen the amounts of death for cyclists. https://www.popsci.com/bike-helmet-crash-detection


Chris, remember to carefully read the article and make sure you understand it; the helmet cannot instantaneously save a crash victim on it own, but it can serve as an aid; An innovative bike helmet can help save a crash victim by almost instantaneously reporting the accident to emergency officials.
Try to avoid using first and second person whenever possible. Also, try to avoid the words “or something” because it is too ambiguous; The helmet has an accelerometer and a gyroscope that, when detecting a fall, initiates an alarm via a Bluetooth connection to the user’s phone.
I combined this sentence with the previous one, because they had correlating ideas; The helmet is also connected to the user’s phone by Bluetooth.
This sentence is only a fragment; make sure to use correct punctuation; To initiate an alarm if you're hurt.
I reworded your sentence to provide clarity, but I kept your original idea which was great; Additionally, if the user does not respond, the helmet can notify emergency contacts and can communicate the individual’s location.
Again, his sentence is only a fragment; make sure to use correct punctuation; If you don't respond.
I used semicolons to separate the items on the list you wrote, because the original sentence was a run-on; Furthermore, the helmet has the ability to capture three kinds of events that can happen to a user’s head: a straightforward and linear impact; an impact involving linear and rotational forces; and the whiplash of a crash.
I added “innovation” to explain ‘what’ about the helmet helps it save lives; Thanks to its innovation, the helmet can aid in reducing the amount of deaths in cyclists.

Helmets Save Lives

A innovative helmet can save an accident victim almost instantaneously by reporting the accident to emergency officials.The helmet helps you by seeing if the accelerometer and gyroscope detect a fall, maybe from a car or tripping on something.The helmet is also connected on your phone with Bluetooth. To initiate an alarm if you're hurt.The helmet can also contact your emergency contacts and tells the location of where you are too.If you don't respond. The helmet can also capture three kinds of events, one is a straightforward and linear impact, another is involving linear forces and rotational ones too, the last is a whiplash of a crash. This helmet can now lessen the amounts of death for cyclists.https://www.popsci.com/bike-helmet-crash-detection


Helmets Save Lives

An innovative bike helmet can help save a crash victim by almost instantaneously reporting the accident to emergency officials. The helmet has an accelerometer and a gyroscope that, when detecting a fall, initiates an alarm via a Bluetooth connection to the user’s phone. The helmet is also connected to the user’s phone by Bluetooth. Additionally, if the user does not respond, the helmet can notify emergency contacts and can communicate the individual’s location. Furthermore, the helmet has the ability to capture three kinds of events that can happen to a user’s head: a straightforward and linear impact; an impact involving linear and rotational forces; and the whiplash of a crash. Thanks to its innovation, the helmet can aid in reducing the amount of deaths in cyclists. Source: https://www.popsci.com/bike-helmet-crash-detection


Comets VS Asteroids

Most people have heard of comets and asteroids, but don't really know the differences between them. Asteroids could be different kinds they can be metallic, stony, or composed of rocks, while comets are frozen of ice while traveling through the solar system. Asteroids orbit close to the sun and comets tend to try to stay away, but the orbit sometimes brings them close. According to NASA, the largest asteroid is 329 miles around and the smallest 6 feet around. Comets are small and may melt away very quick while being next to the sun. Though comets and asteroids seem alike they are very many differences between them. Source: https://www.popsci.com/what-is-a-comet-asteroid#page-2


According to the AP style guide, “versus” should have a period after it, when abbreviated.
Chris, I excluded the word “really” because it is not necessary and added “few know” because it allows the sentence to flow better; Most people have heard of comets and asteroids, but few know the differences between them.
Christ, “stony” and “made of rocks” is basically the same description so I would suggest you only choose one. Remember to carefully read the article; the whole comet is not frozen; just the center part or nucleus. Also, be careful of run-on sentences; make sure to separate your ideas; Asteroids come in different forms: metallic or stony; contrarily, comets have a nucleus made of ice that remains frozen while traveling through the solar system.
I changed “and” to “while” and I added a little more information. Because there was too uch information for one sentence, I placed a semicolon to separate similar ideas; Asteroids orbit close to the sun, while comets tend to stay away, due to high temperatures; however, their orbit sometimes brings them close.
I only added “is only” but great job on the rest; According to NASA, the largest asteroid is 329 miles around and the smallest is only 6 feet around


I reworded “while being next to” to “when they get within close range” because it flows better; Comets are small and may melt away very quickly when they get within close range of the sun.
Again, be careful with spelling. I changed the word “they” to “there” and I removed “them” because it was not necessary;


Comets VS Asteroids Most people have heard of comets and asteroids, but don't really know the differences between them. Asteroids could be different kinds they can be metallic, stony, or composed of rocks, while comets are frozen of ice while traveling through the solar system. Asteroids orbit close to the sun and comets tend to try to stay away, but the orbit sometimes brings them close. According to NASA, the largest asteroid is 329 miles around and the smallest 6 feet around. Comets are small and may melt away very quick while being next to the sun. Though comets and asteroids seem alike they are very many differences between them. Source: https://www.popsci.com/what-is-a-comet-asteroid#page-2

Comets vs. Asteroids Most people have heard of comets and asteroids, but few know the differences between them. Asteroids come in different forms: metallic or stony; contrarily, comets have a nucleus made of ice that remains frozen while traveling through the solar system. Asteroids orbit close to the sun, while comets tend to stay away, due to high temperatures; however, their orbit sometimes brings them close. According to NASA, the largest asteroid is 329 miles around and the smallest is only 6 feet around. Comets are small and may melt away very quickly when they get within close range of the sun. Though comets and asteroids seem alike, there are many differences between the two. Source: https://www.popsci.com/what-is-a-comet-asteroid#page-2






Chris's article page
Hey Chris! Do this article, it's a good and easy one for starters.

Do it like this:
https://www.theguardian.com/science/2018/sep/24/10-minutes-of-exercise-a-day-improves-memory
Do it like this: Follow the following steps to write articles on www.goodtoknow.com

You must condense your article to:
1. Headline

2. Topic sentence
3. Fact 1 sentence
4. Fact 2 sentence
5. Fact 3 sentence
6. Fact 4 sentence
7.Concluding sentence
8. Source: (The URL - the website that you got the news articles from. Like this: Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/long-sleeves-on-doctors-white-coats-may-spread-germs/ )