Today is: loading ...
loading ...
- Source: loading ...
Line 1: Line 1:
 
[http://www.example.com link title]Adsh's Writing Page  (𝓐𝓭𝓱𝔂𝓪𝓷'𝓼 𝔀𝓻𝓲𝓽𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓹𝓪𝓰𝓮! ) ]
 
[http://www.example.com link title]Adsh's Writing Page  (𝓐𝓭𝓱𝔂𝓪𝓷'𝓼 𝔀𝓻𝓲𝓽𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓹𝓪𝓰𝓮! ) ]
  
 +
'''Original Draft'''
 
Not all saber-toothed animals were predators, which is what fossils reveal.
 
Not all saber-toothed animals were predators, which is what fossils reveal.
 
The text states, "Massive fangs weren't just for delivering ferocious blows. They were also used for courtship and other displays—even among herbivores". This shows that not all we're predators. According to the text,"The extinct mammal Uintatherium, depicted here in a postage stamp from Cambodia, lived about 56 million years ago and resembled a rhino with six stubby horns—and long fangs."
 
The text states, "Massive fangs weren't just for delivering ferocious blows. They were also used for courtship and other displays—even among herbivores". This shows that not all we're predators. According to the text,"The extinct mammal Uintatherium, depicted here in a postage stamp from Cambodia, lived about 56 million years ago and resembled a rhino with six stubby horns—and long fangs."
 +
 +
'''Corrections'''
 +
Not all saber-toothed animals were predators, which is what fossils reveal.
 +
<br> ****"'This sentence is a bit clunky and awkward; to fix this, I moved the part about fossils to the front of the sentence. This gives it a better flow and makes it easier to read."'
 +
<br> Fossils have revealed that not all saber-toothed animals were predators.
 +
 +
The text states, "Massive fangs weren't just for delivering ferocious blows. They were also used for courtship and other displays—even among herbivores".
 +
<br> ****"'All I did here was move the period inside of the quotation marks."'
 +
<br> The text states, "Massive fangs weren't just for delivering ferocious blows. They were also used for courtship and other displays—even among herbivores."
 +
 +
This shows that not all we're predators.
 +
<br> ****"'A couple things here: first, 'we're' is a contraction of the words 'we' and 'are'. So you would use that in a sentence like 'We're going to the beach today.' Instead, this should've been 'were', which is the past tense of 'are'. You would use that in a sentence like 'We were going to the beach, but it started raining.' This sentence is really short though, and we can definitely elaborate a bit more on what you just said. I changed the sentence to explain how even though many animals had fangs, they weren't all predators. This shows that you really read the article and understood it."'
 +
<br> This shows that even though many animals had fangs, some of them were used for things other than hunting.
 +
 +
According to the text,"The extinct mammal Uintatherium, depicted here in a postage stamp from Cambodia, lived about 56 million years ago and resembled a rhino with six stubby horns—and long fangs."
 +
<br> ****"'The only thing I did here was add a space between 'According to the text,' and the quotation marks."'
 +
<br> According to the text, "The extinct mammal Uintatherium, depicted here in a postage stamp from Cambodia, lived about 56 million years ago and resembled a rhino with six stubby horns—and long fangs."
 +
 +
<br> ****"'I don't usually like to write in things for you that you're missing, but I decided to give you a conclusion sentence to show you an example of what you could've said. To wrap up, I mention how rhinos only eat plants and how it's interesting that they once had fangs even though they didn't use them to hunt other animals for food."'
 +
<br> We know that rhinos are herbivores, meaning they eat plants, so it's very interesting that they once had long fangs even though they didn't use them to kill and eat other animals.
  
  
 +
'''Final Draft'''
 +
Fossils have revealed that not all saber-toothed animals were predators. The text states, "Massive fangs weren't just for delivering ferocious blows. They were also used for courtship and other displays—even among herbivores." This shows that even though many animals had fangs, some of them were used for things other than hunting. According to the text, "The extinct mammal Uintatherium, depicted here in a postage stamp from Cambodia, lived about 56 million years ago and resembled a rhino with six stubby horns—and long fangs." We know that rhinos are herbivores, meaning they eat plants, so it's very interesting that they once had long fangs even though they didn't use them to kill and eat other animals.
  
 +
This was a really short paragraph and the quotes you used were from the title and a caption underneath a picture, so it doesn't seem like you really read this article. Next time, be sure you're reading the whole thing and that you understand it so that you can write the best article you can. Other than that, read my corrections for more specific things to work on. You got this!
 +
Edited by Lainey Morris
 +
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  
  
Line 55: Line 81:
  
  
 
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
  
  

Revision as of 15:27, 29 July 2020

link titleAdsh's Writing Page (𝓐𝓭𝓱𝔂𝓪𝓷'𝓼 𝔀𝓻𝓲𝓽𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓹𝓪𝓰𝓮! ) ]

Original Draft Not all saber-toothed animals were predators, which is what fossils reveal. The text states, "Massive fangs weren't just for delivering ferocious blows. They were also used for courtship and other displays—even among herbivores". This shows that not all we're predators. According to the text,"The extinct mammal Uintatherium, depicted here in a postage stamp from Cambodia, lived about 56 million years ago and resembled a rhino with six stubby horns—and long fangs."

Corrections Not all saber-toothed animals were predators, which is what fossils reveal.
****"'This sentence is a bit clunky and awkward; to fix this, I moved the part about fossils to the front of the sentence. This gives it a better flow and makes it easier to read."'
Fossils have revealed that not all saber-toothed animals were predators.

The text states, "Massive fangs weren't just for delivering ferocious blows. They were also used for courtship and other displays—even among herbivores".
****"'All I did here was move the period inside of the quotation marks."'
The text states, "Massive fangs weren't just for delivering ferocious blows. They were also used for courtship and other displays—even among herbivores."

This shows that not all we're predators.
****"'A couple things here: first, 'we're' is a contraction of the words 'we' and 'are'. So you would use that in a sentence like 'We're going to the beach today.' Instead, this should've been 'were', which is the past tense of 'are'. You would use that in a sentence like 'We were going to the beach, but it started raining.' This sentence is really short though, and we can definitely elaborate a bit more on what you just said. I changed the sentence to explain how even though many animals had fangs, they weren't all predators. This shows that you really read the article and understood it."'
This shows that even though many animals had fangs, some of them were used for things other than hunting.

According to the text,"The extinct mammal Uintatherium, depicted here in a postage stamp from Cambodia, lived about 56 million years ago and resembled a rhino with six stubby horns—and long fangs."
****"'The only thing I did here was add a space between 'According to the text,' and the quotation marks."'
According to the text, "The extinct mammal Uintatherium, depicted here in a postage stamp from Cambodia, lived about 56 million years ago and resembled a rhino with six stubby horns—and long fangs."


****"'I don't usually like to write in things for you that you're missing, but I decided to give you a conclusion sentence to show you an example of what you could've said. To wrap up, I mention how rhinos only eat plants and how it's interesting that they once had fangs even though they didn't use them to hunt other animals for food."'
We know that rhinos are herbivores, meaning they eat plants, so it's very interesting that they once had long fangs even though they didn't use them to kill and eat other animals.


Final Draft Fossils have revealed that not all saber-toothed animals were predators. The text states, "Massive fangs weren't just for delivering ferocious blows. They were also used for courtship and other displays—even among herbivores." This shows that even though many animals had fangs, some of them were used for things other than hunting. According to the text, "The extinct mammal Uintatherium, depicted here in a postage stamp from Cambodia, lived about 56 million years ago and resembled a rhino with six stubby horns—and long fangs." We know that rhinos are herbivores, meaning they eat plants, so it's very interesting that they once had long fangs even though they didn't use them to kill and eat other animals.

This was a really short paragraph and the quotes you used were from the title and a caption underneath a picture, so it doesn't seem like you really read this article. Next time, be sure you're reading the whole thing and that you understand it so that you can write the best article you can. Other than that, read my corrections for more specific things to work on. You got this! Edited by Lainey Morris




Original Draft Our thanksgiving is different from the story because we celebrate it one time every year. However, the Iroquois celebrate it in spring and summer. The text states,"During the spring and summer, the Iroquois give several thanksgiving feasts. The first is early in the spring, at maple-sugar time. As soon as the sap begins to flow, the Maple Feast is called." According to the text,"These sisters lived together on a hill and were very happy. But one day Ona tah wandered away in search of dews for her kernels. The Evil Spirit was watching. He seized Ona tah, the Spirit of the Corn, and sent one of his monsters to blight her fields. The killing winds swept over the hill, and the spirits of the squash and bean fled before them. Ona tah was held for some time a prisoner in the darkness under the earth, by the Evil Spirit. This is how they celebrate thanksgiving!


Corrections Our thanksgiving is different from the story because we celebrate it one time every year.
****"'Since our Thanksgiving is a proper noun and also capitalized in the story, I capitalized it here. I also added 'the thanksgiving' after 'different from' and changed 'we celebrate it one time every year' to 'we celebrate it only once every year'."'
Our Thanksgiving is different from the thanksgiving in the story because we celebrate it only once every year.

However, the Iroquois celebrate it in spring and summer.
****"'Here all I did was change 'it' to 'their thanksgiving'."'
However, the Iroquois celebrate their thanksgiving in the spring and summer.

The text states,"During the spring and summer, the Iroquois give several thanksgiving feasts. The first is early in the spring, at maple-sugar time. As soon as the sap begins to flow, the Maple Feast is called."
****"'The only change I made here was putting a space between 'The text states,' and the quote."'
The text states, "During the spring and summer, the Iroquois give several thanksgiving feasts. The first is early in the spring, at maple-sugar time. As soon as the sap begins to flow, the Maple Feast is called."

According to the text,"These sisters lived together on a hill and were very happy. But one day Ona tah wandered away in search of dews for her kernels. The Evil Spirit was watching. He seized Ona tah, the Spirit of the Corn, and sent one of his monsters to blight her fields. The killing winds swept over the hill, and the spirits of the squash and bean fled before them. Ona tah was held for some time a prisoner in the darkness under the earth, by the Evil Spirit.
****"'Mentioning this part feels kind of random because it doesn't say how it relates to celebrating thanksgiving or being thankful. I took it out because of this."'

This is how they celebrate thanksgiving!
****"'Since they celebrate in more than one way but we only mentioned this particular way, I changed this sentence to say 'This is one of he ways' instead of just 'this is how'."'
This is one of the ways they celebrate thanksgiving!


Final Draft Our Thanksgiving is different from the thanksgiving in the story because we celebrate it only once every year. However, the Iroquois celebrate their thanksgiving in the spring and summer. The text states, "During the spring and summer, the Iroquois give several thanksgiving feasts. The first is early in the spring, at maple-sugar time. As soon as the sap begins to flow, the Maple Feast is called." This is one of the ways they celebrate thanksgiving!

Really make sure you're writing enough to fully answer the prompt in the RACE format. Adding other details is also great, but make sure that they're relevant to what you're saying and that the reader knows why you're adding those things. Other than that, just read my corrections. Keep up the good work! Edited by Lainey Morris



Ivan got advice from the farmer who said," Honesty is the best policy " and Ivan used that advice and was blessed with luck and wealth. According to the text, "Here's a purse of gold that I've found; it has no name, but sure it belongs to the town lord. I was just thinking about what to do when you came." So when Ivan got the purse of gold he went to the Lord's castle the lord was not there so he gave the golden purse to the lord's servant. The text states, "Then Ivan thought of the third counsel, and he said, "Let us go and give it to the great lord." So they went up to the castle, but the great lord was not in it, so they left the purse with the servant that minded the gate, and then they went home again and lived in quiet for a time. " Then after a few days the lord went to his house to get some water and Ivan's wife said to him: "I hope your lordship found your lordship's purse quite safe with all its money in it." But the lord didn't know what purse they were talking about and Ivan said," Sure, it's your lordship's purse that I left at the castle,". Then he went to the castle, and Ivan pointed to who he gave the purse too. According to the text,"So Ivan and his wife went up to the castle, and there they pointed out the man to whom they had given the purse, and he had to give it up and was sent away from the castle. And the lord was so pleased with Ivan that he made him his servant instead of the thief. "Honesty's the best policy!" said Ivan, as he skipped about in his new quarters. "How joyful I am!"





Original Draft The young man caught the cat king. According to the text,At midnight, when the full moon appeared above the top of the mountain, the cats again filled the chapel and shrieked and yelled and danced as before. But this time they had in their midst a huge black cat who seemed to be their king, and whom the young man guessed to be the Spirit of the Mountain. The cats were dancing and there was a king cat the young man caught the king cat with a rope. The text states,"e monster looked eagerly about him, and his eyes sparkled with joy when he saw the cask. He bounded high into the air with delight and uttered cries of pleasure; then he drew near and undid the bolts. But instead of finding the maiden, Schippeitaro’s teeth were fastened in HIM, and the youth ran up and captured the Cat King with rope. The other cats were so astonished at the turn things had taken that they forgot to run away, and the young man and Schippeitaro between them captured several more before they thought of escaping." This is how he caught the king cat.

Corrections The young man caught the cat king.
****"'Again, you should be adding more introduction to the beginning of your paragraphs. I explained at the end of the previous paragraph how to do this."'
In the story "Schippeitaro", the young man caught the Cat King.

According to the text,At midnight, when the full moon appeared above the top of the mountain, the cats again filled the chapel and shrieked and yelled and danced as before. But this time they had in their midst a huge black cat who seemed to be their king, and whom the young man guessed to be the Spirit of the Mountain.
****"'Two things here: you need to be adding space between 'According to the text,' and the quote, which I have mentioned before. Please scroll down to the previous paragraph to see the explanation. Second, you didn't have quotation marks around this quote at all, which is something you don't want to do! When you do that, you can either get in trouble for copying the writer's words, or you can confuse the reader because they won't know where the quote ends and your own words begin. I fixed these two things."'
According to the text, "At midnight, when the full moon appeared above the top of the mountain, the cats again filled the chapel and shrieked and yelled and danced as before. But this time they had in their midst a huge black cat who seemed to be their king, and whom the young man guessed to be the Spirit of the Mountain."

The cats were dancing and there was a king cat the young man caught the king cat with a rope.
****"'I rearranged this sentence just a bit and added the context 'At night,' to help the reader feel less confused and more informed. I also added some commas to make the sentence read a bit slower, so that way the reader doesn't feel rushed reading the sentence. I'll explain this at the bottom. I also made 'king cat' say 'Cat King'."'
At night, the cats were dancing and yelling with the Cat King, and the young man caught him with a rope.

The text states,"e monster looked eagerly about him, and his eyes sparkled with joy when he saw the cask. He bounded high into the air with delight and uttered cries of pleasure; then he drew near and undid the bolts. But instead of finding the maiden, Schippeitaro’s teeth were fastened in HIM, and the youth ran up and captured the Cat King with rope. The other cats were so astonished at the turn things had taken that they forgot to run away, and the young man and Schippeitaro between them captured several more before they thought of escaping."
****"'Here, I changed '"e' to '"He'. I also separated 'The text states,' from the quote."'
The text states, "The monster looked eagerly about him, and his eyes sparkled with joy when he saw the cask. He bounded high into the air with delight and uttered cries of pleasure; then he drew near and undid the bolts. But instead of finding the maiden, Schippeitaro’s teeth were fastened in HIM, and the youth ran up and captured the Cat King with rope. The other cats were so astonished at the turn things had taken that they forgot to run away, and the young man and Schippeitaro between them captured several more before they thought of escaping."

This is how he caught the king cat.
****"'This sentence is a great opportunity to use your own words to sort of summarize or explain the quote you just inserted. So instead of just saying 'this is how it happened', you can recap what happened in your own words (which is what I did)."'
The young man caught the Cat King by hiding the dog, Schippeitaro, inside the cask, and then catching him with a rope.


Final Draft In the story "Schippeitaro", the young man caught the Cat King. According to the text, "At midnight, when the full moon appeared above the top of the mountain, the cats again filled the chapel and shrieked and yelled and danced as before. But this time they had in their midst a huge black cat who seemed to be their king, and whom the young man guessed to be the Spirit of the Mountain." At night, the cats were dancing and yelling with the Cat King, and the young man caught him with a rope. The text states, "The monster looked eagerly about him, and his eyes sparkled with joy when he saw the cask. He bounded high into the air with delight and uttered cries of pleasure; then he drew near and undid the bolts. But instead of finding the maiden, Schippeitaro’s teeth were fastened in HIM, and the youth ran up and captured the Cat King with rope. The other cats were so astonished at the turn things had taken that they forgot to run away, and the young man and Schippeitaro between them captured several more before they thought of escaping." The young man caught the Cat King by hiding the dog, Schippeitaro, inside the cask, and then catching him with a rope.

commas in sentences

Commas are really important in sentences because they make them feel smoother and less rushed. For example, I could say this:

I like bananas, books, music, and cats.

With the commas, the sentence has a nice flow that feels a little bit slow. This gives the reader the chance to understand that I'm talking about three separate things that I enjoy. Now let's try it without commas:

I like bananas books music and cats.

That feels awkward and rushed! When you read that sentence out loud, it sounds all smushed together, like 'bananasbooksmusicandcats'. But when you use commas, it separates each individual item out well and makes the sentence clearer and easier to read.


You don't seem to be reading my comments or the extra help I've left in your previous paragraphs. I want to help you, but I can't do that if you aren't reading the help that I'm giving you and putting it into action. Again, work on introduction sentences and your quotes. Your writing would also benefit from adding more of your own thoughts; you put a lot of words from the quotes into your paragraphs, but not so much of what you think or your own explanations. I don't want to write them for you, because that doesn't help you become a better writer, but if you put just a little bit of effort and add a little extra, I will be able to help you. You've got this! Edited by Lainey Morris




Original Draft Crewe and Sara show their affection (love) for each other. The text states,"Sara stayed with her father at his hotel for several days; in fact, she remained with him until he sailed away again to India." This shows that they love each other because sara plays with her father." According to the text, ""Heigh-ho, little Sara!" he said to himself "I don't believe you know how much your daddy will miss you." He is saying he will miss sara that shows he cares for sara. The text states,"Then he went with Sara into her little sitting room and they bade each other good-by. Sara sat on her father's knee and held the lapels of his coat in her small hands, and looked long and hard at his face. "Are you learning me by heart, little Sara?" he said, stroking her hair. "No," she answered. "I know you by heart. You are inside my heart." And they put their arms around each other and hugged as if they would never let each other go. That is how Captain Crewe and sara show their love for each other.

Corrections Crewe and Sara show their affection (love) for each other.
****"'Like I've said a few times now, you need to include some context in your introduction sentences so that the reader isn't confused with what you're talking about. To accomplish this, I added 'in part three of "A Little Princess".' I'll explain more about this at the bottom (number 1). I also added 'Captain' before 'Crewe' and I removed '(love)' because we can assume that the reader knows what affection is."'
Captain Crewe and Sara showed their affection for each other in part three of "A Little Princess".

The text states,"Sara stayed with her father at his hotel for several days; in fact, she remained with him until he sailed away again to India."
****"'All I did here was add a space between 'The text states,' and the quote. I'll also explain this some more at the bottom (number 2)."'
The text states, "Sara stayed with her father at his hotel for several days; in fact, she remained with him until he sailed away again to India."

This shows that they love each other because sara plays with her father." 


****"'In this part, Sara wasn't playing with her father, she was just spending a lot of time with him before he left for India. I corrected this in the sentence and also added some more onto that by saying 'before he went home'. I also capitalized Sara's name since it's a proper noun."'
This shows that they love each other because Sara stayed with her father as long as she could before he went home.

According to the text, ""Heigh-ho, little Sara!" he said to himself "I don't believe you know how much your daddy will miss you."
****"'Like I said last time, we shouldn't say 'According to the text' when a quote is coming right after. I'll explain this more at the bottom (number 4). I changed this to 'Next, the text says,' Finally, I corrected the quotation marks around Captain Crewe speaking from double quotes (" ") to single quotes (' '). I'll explain this at the bottom, too (number 5)."'
Next, the text says, ""Heigh-ho, little Sara!" he said to himself 'I don't believe you know how much your daddy will miss you.'"

He is saying he will miss sara that shows he cares for sara.
****"'Here, I changed the first 'He' to 'Captain Crewe' so that the reader knows who we're talking about. I also capitalized Sara's name again here, and then I changed the second 'sara' to 'her'. I'll explain more about this at the bottom as well (number 3)."'
Captain Crewe is saying that he will miss Sara, and that shows that he cares for her.

The text states,"Then he went with Sara into her little sitting room and they bade each other good-by. Sara sat on her father's knee and held the lapels of his coat in her small hands, and looked long and hard at his face. "Are you learning me by heart, little Sara?" he said, stroking her hair. "No," she answered. "I know you by heart. You are inside my heart." And they put their arms around each other and hugged as if they would never let each other go.
****"'All I did here was add space between 'The text states,' and the quote, correct the quotation marks around characters speaking, and then I added double quotation marks after the last sentence to signify that the quote was over."'
The text states, "Then he went with Sara into her little sitting room and they bade each other good-by. Sara sat on her father's knee and held the lapels of his coat in her small hands, and looked long and hard at his face. 'Are you learning me by heart, little Sara?' he said, stroking her hair. 'No,' she answered. 'I know you by heart. You are inside my heart.' And they put their arms around each other and hugged as if they would never let each other go."

That is how Captain Crewe and sara show their love for each other.
****"'All I did here was capitalize Sara's name."'
That is how Captain Crewe and Sara showed their love for each other.


Final Draft Captain Crewe and Sara showed their affection for each other in part three of "A Little Princess". The text states, "Sara stayed with her father at his hotel for several days; in fact, she remained with him until he sailed away again to India." This shows that they love each other because Sara stayed with her father as long as she could before he went home. Next, the text says, ""Heigh-ho, little Sara!" he said to himself 'I don't believe you know how much your daddy will miss you.'" Captain Crewe is saying that he will miss Sara, and that shows that he cares for her. The text states, "Then he went with Sara into her little sitting room and they bade each other good-by. Sara sat on her father's knee and held the lapels of his coat in her small hands, and looked long and hard at his face. 'Are you learning me by heart, little Sara?' he said, stroking her hair. 'No,' she answered. 'I know you by heart. You are inside my heart.' And they put their arms around each other and hugged as if they would never let each other go." That is how Captain Crewe and Sara showed their love for each other.

1. introduction sentences

Like I've said, it's important to include context in your introduction sentence so the reader doesn't feel confused. When the reader is reading your paragraph, they shouldn't be questioning what story you're talking about or what characters you're talking about. An easy pattern to follow when writing introduction sentences is something like this:

In (title of story), (character name) (answer to prompt OR words from prompt).

An example of this would be: In "A Little Princess", Captain Crewe and Sara show affection for each other.

You can see that I included the title of the story first, then inserted the characters' names, and then the words from the prompt. If the prompt were to ask you something about how you think a character felt or something along those lines, you could write something like this: In "Sleeping Beauty", Aurora feels frightened when she first meets Prince Philip.

You can see here that I included the title first again, then the character's name, and then the answer to the prompt (Aurora felt scared).

2. room between intro and quote

When you insert a quote, you have to leave room between where you say 'The text says,'/'The text states,'/'According to the text'. It's the same as leaving room between words when you write or type. So instead of doing something like this:

The text says,"Maleficent appeared at Princess Aurora's birthday party."

You would write like this instead:

The text says, "Maleficent appeared at Princess Aurora's birthday party."


3. pronouns

Pronouns are the parts of speech that replace the name of a person or thing. If you were to talk about me without using my name, you would say 'she' or 'her'. When writing and speaking, it's important to use pronouns so it isn't repetitive. You wouldn't want to say something like this:

Lainey was hungry, so Lainey went to Lainey's favorite restaurant to get food.

Instead, you would say this:

Lainey was hungry, so she went to her favorite restaurant to get food.

When I was in fifth grade, my English teacher showed us this video about pronouns that I think might be helpful to better explain this to you, so I'm going to give you the link here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koZFca8AkT0 I suggest you watch it!

4. according to the text

Okay, so saying 'According to the text' before a quote is good if it states a fact like "The grass is green." However, it shouldn't be used before a quote that includes a character speaking.

So you could say something like this:

According to the text, "The three good fairies took Aurora to the woods to keep her safe."

But you should not say something like this:

According to the text, "'Make it pink!' said Flora. 'Make it blue!' said Merryweather."


5. quotes

When you add a quote from the story, you add double quotes (" ") around it like this:

"On Aurora's 16th birthday, she went out to pick berries."

And when you add a quote from the story that has a character speaking in it, you keep the double quotes (" ") around the entire thing and then change the quotes around what the character is saying to single quotes (' ') like this:

"Aurora said to the forest animals, 'I have met someone, once upon a dream,' and sighed."


Let me know if any of that doesn't make sense! Keep working hard! Edited by Lainey Morris


Original Draft Sara reads the grown-up books great, big, fat ones French and German as well as English history and biography and poets and many more. The text states he is always sitting with her little nose burrowing into books. She doesn't read them, Miss Minchin; she gobbles them up as if she were a little wolf instead of a little girl. She is always starving for new books to gobble, and she wants grown-up books—great, big, fat ones—French and German as well as English—history and biography and poets, and all sorts of things. Drag her away from her books when she reads too much. But she likes playing with dolls and other things too, according to the text Make her ride her pony in the Row or go out and buy a new doll. She ought to play more with dolls." That is about the books she reads.

Corrections Sara reads the grown-up books great, big, fat ones French and German as well as English history and biography and poets and many more.
****"'Again, we need to add some context at the beginning of the paragraph, so I added the title of the story. Also, what you said here is almost the exact quote from the story, but you didn't put it in quotations, and that's something you could get in serious trouble for later on. I changed that part to put it in my own words."'
In the story "A Little Princess", Sara reads big grown-up books, like French, German, and English ones. She also reads history, biography, and poetry books.

The text states he is always sitting with her little nose burrowing into books. She doesn't read them, Miss Minchin; she gobbles them up as if she were a little wolf instead of a little girl. She is always starving for new books to gobble, and she wants grown-up books—great, big, fat ones—French and German as well as English—history and biography and poets, and all sorts of things. Drag her away from her books when she reads too much. But she likes playing with dolls and other things too, according to the text Make her ride her pony in the Row or go out and buy a new doll. She ought to play more with dolls."
****"'Instead of saying 'The text states' I said 'In the story, her father says,' to clarify that Sara's father is speaking here. You also left quotation marks off the beginning of the quote, so I added those, as well as single quotation marks (' ') inside of the double quotation marks (" ") since a character is speaking here."'
In the story, her father says, "'She is always sitting with her little nose burrowing into books. She doesn't read them, Miss Minchin; she gobbles them up as if she were a little wolf instead of a little girl. She is always starving for new books to gobble, and she wants grown-up books—great, big, fat ones—French and German as well as English—history and biography and poets, and all sorts of things. Drag her away from her books when she reads too much. Make her ride her pony in the Row or go out and buy a new doll. She ought to play more with dolls.'"

That is about the books she reads.
****"'We know that this quote is about the books she reads, so we don't need to say that again. Instead, I said that this is when Sara's dad was telling Miss Minchin about how much she likes to read."'
Sara's dad was telling Miss Minchin, the woman who runs the house where Sara will live, about how much she likes to read.


Final Draft In the story "A Little Princess", Sara reads big grown-up books, like French, German, and English ones. She also reads history, biography, and poetry books. In the story, her father says, "'She is always sitting with her little nose burrowing into books. She doesn't read them, Miss Minchin; she gobbles them up as if she were a little wolf instead of a little girl. She is always starving for new books to gobble, and she wants grown-up books—great, big, fat ones—French and German as well as English—history and biography and poets, and all sorts of things. Drag her away from her books when she reads too much. Make her ride her pony in the Row or go out and buy a new doll. She ought to play more with dolls.'" Sara's dad was telling Miss Minchin, the woman who runs the house where Sara will live, about how much she likes to read.

A few things to work on: Introduction sentences, conclusion sentences, and writing quotes that have a character speaking in them. You need to start adding more context to the beginning of your paragraphs in your introduction sentence and you need to have a conclusion sentence that wraps up the paragraph. You also need to start putting single quotation marks (' ') around parts in quotes where a character is speaking. In general, this paragraph could've used some more evidence; you only used one quote and only two sentences were yours, the rest was the quote. You can do this! Let me know if you need any help! Edited by Lainey Morris


Original Draft

The thing that worried Sara was, "the place" she was to be taken to someday. The text states, "During her short life, only one thing had troubled her, and that thing was "the place" she was to be taken to someday. " The place she was going to be taken to was India, its climate was very bad for children. In India, she was going to stay at a house with little girls like herself. According to the text,"But you will not have to stay for a very long time, little Sara," he had always said. "You will go to a nice house where there will be a lot of little girls, and you will play together, and I will send you plenty of books, and you will grow so fast that it will seem scarce a year before you are big enough and clever enough to come back and take care of papa." This is what worried Sara.

Corrections The thing that worried Sara was, "the place" she was to be taken to someday.
****"'You really need to add context at the beginning of your paragraphs so that the reader doesn't feel lost or confused. I didn't want to write too much for you, so all I did was add the title of the story."'
The thing that worried Sara in "A Little Princess" was "the place" where she was going to be taken.

The text states, "During her short life, only one thing had troubled her, and that thing was "the place" she was to be taken to someday. "
****"'All I changed here was I removed the space between the end of the quote and the quotation marks (")."'
The text states, "During her short life, only one thing had troubled her, and that thing was "the place" she was to be taken to someday."

The place she was going to be taken to was India, its climate was very bad for children.
****"'Sara actually lives in India, so that's not where she's being taken. She's being taken to England because India's climate is bad for children. I reworded this sentence to match up with what I just explained."'
The place she was going was England because the climate in India - where she lived - was very bad for children.

In India, she was going to stay at a house with little girls like herself.
****"'I changed 'India' to 'England' here."'
In England, she was going to stay at a house with little girls like herself.

According to the text,"But you will not have to stay for a very long time, little Sara," he had always said. "You will go to a nice house where there will be a lot of little girls, and you will play together, and I will send you plenty of books, and you will grow so fast that it will seem scarce a year before you are big enough and clever enough to come back and take care of papa."
****"'Usually, you would say 'According to the text' when you're quoting part of the story where a character isn't speaking. I'll explain this at the end some more. I changed this to 'The story says'. I also made sure that the speaking parts within the quote are surrounded by single quotation marks (' ') not double quotation marks (" "). I have explained to you how to write your quotes and I am continually pointing out that you need to fix them. Please start fixing them and tell me if you need help."'
The story says, "'But you will not have to stay for a very long time, little Sara,' he had always said. 'You will go to a nice house where there will be a lot of little girls, and you will play together, and I will send you plenty of books, and you will grow so fast that it will seem scarce a year before you are big enough and clever enough to come back and take care of papa.'"

This is what worried Sara.
****"'I elaborated on this a bit so it sounded more like a conclusion sentence."'
Sara was worried about going to this place in England and being away from her father.



Final Draft The thing that worried Sara in "A Little Princess" was "the place" where she was going to be taken. The text states, "During her short life, only one thing had troubled her, and that thing was "the place" she was to be taken to someday." The place she was going was England because the climate in India - where she lived - was very bad for children. In England, she was going to stay at a house with little girls like herself. The story says, "'But you will not have to stay for a very long time, little Sara,' he had always said. 'You will go to a nice house where there will be a lot of little girls, and you will play together, and I will send you plenty of books, and you will grow so fast that it will seem scarce a year before you are big enough and clever enough to come back and take care of papa.'" Sara was worried about going to this place in England and being away from her father.

I feel like you might have been confused here with some of the context of the story and what was going on. The story says that Sara is from India, but her father is sending her to school in England. The story mentions that India's climate is bad, and that is the reason why Sara is going to England for school. It's very important that you understand what you're reading so that you can answer the prompts as well as you can. As for saying 'According to the text', I would use that only when you're quoting part of a story that doesn't have a character speaking. For example: According to the story, "The next day, Lily woke up early to go to the farmer's market." That makes more sense than saying something like: According to the story, "'I don't want to go to school today!' Lily cried. 'Too bad, it's the first day, you have to go.' said her mom." See how that's awkward? Try to remember that in the future. You also really need to work on your quotes, your introduction sentences, and your conclusion sentences. You can do it! Edited by Lainey Morris



The bangs of the door we're happening because a boy came to ask for food for their family of six and they were starving. The text states,"Another bang of the street door sent the basket under the sofa, and the girls to the table, eager for breakfast.

"Merry Christmas, Marmee! Many of them! Thank you for our books. We read some, and mean to every day," they all cried in chorus.

"Merry Christmas, little daughters! I'm glad you began at once, and I hope you will keep on. But I want to say one word before we sit down. Not far away from here lies a poor woman with a little newborn baby. Six children are huddled into one bed to keep from freezing, for they have no fire. There is nothing to eat over there, and the oldest boy came to tell me they were suffering hunger and cold. My girls, will you give them your breakfast as a Christmas present?" this shows what the bangs on the door were for.

There isn't enough here for me to edit, and I don't want to write your paragraph for you, but the bangs on the door were from their mother. It's true that there was a poor family who needed food, but you need to write more than that. Most of this paragraph is a quote from the story instead of what you've written. Make sure that you're really trying your best with these so that you can improve your writing. You can do it! - Lainey Morris


Original Draft

In the evening, everyone sat near the fire. The text states, "They all drew to the fire, Mother in the big chair with Beth at her feet, Meg and Amy perched on either arm of the chair, and Jo leaning on the back, where no one would see any sign of emotion if the letter should happen to be touching." Then after a while at 9 they stopped working. According to the text, " At nine they stopped work, and sang, as usual, before they went to bed. No one but Beth could get much music out of the old piano, but she had a way of softly touching the yellow keys and making a pleasant accompaniment to the simple songs they sang. Meg had a voice like a flute, and she and her mother led the little choir. Amy chirped like a cricket, and Jo wandered through the airs at her own sweet will, always coming out at the wrong place with a croak or a quaver that spoiled the most pensive tune." This is what they did in the evening and at night.

Corrections In the evening, everyone sat near the fire.
****"'For this part, I added that this is about "Little Women" so that we have context at the beginning. I also put 'in the evening' at the end of the sentence instead of at the beginning so that it would be able to be read more smoothly."'
In the story "Little Women", everyone sat near the fire in the evening.

The text states, "They all drew to the fire, Mother in the big chair with Beth at her feet, Meg and Amy perched on either arm of the chair, and Jo leaning on the back, where no one would see any sign of emotion if the letter should happen to be touching."
****"'I kept this the same."'

Then after a while at 9 they stopped working.
****"'I changed '9' to 'nine' since it's a number smaller than 10. I also removed 'Then' and put a comma after 'while'. I put 'at nine' at the end of the sentence to make it flow better."'
After a while, they stopped working at nine.

According to the text, " At nine they stopped work, and sang, as usual, before they went to bed. No one but Beth could get much music out of the old piano, but she had a way of softly touching the yellow keys and making a pleasant accompaniment to the simple songs they sang. Meg had a voice like a flute, and she and her mother led the little choir. Amy chirped like a cricket, and Jo wandered through the airs at her own sweet will, always coming out at the wrong place with a croak or a quaver that spoiled the most pensive tune."
****"'All I changed here was I put the quote on the same line as 'According to the text,'."'
According to the text, "At nine they stopped work, and sang, as usual, before they went to bed. No one but Beth could get much music out of the old piano, but she had a way of softly touching the yellow keys and making a pleasant accompaniment to the simple songs they sang. Meg had a voice like a flute, and she and her mother led the little choir. Amy chirped like a cricket, and Jo wandered through the airs at her own sweet will, always coming out at the wrong place with a croak or a quaver that spoiled the most pensive tune."

This is what they did in the evening and at night.
****"'Instead of saying 'This is what they did' I stated what it was they did."'
In the evening and at night, the family finished working and sang together.


Final Draft In the story "Little Women", everyone sat near the fire in the evening. The text states, "They all drew to the fire, Mother in the big chair with Beth at her feet, Meg and Amy perched on either arm of the chair, and Jo leaning on the back, where no one would see any sign of emotion if the letter should happen to be touching." After a while, they stopped working at nine. According to the text, "At nine they stopped work, and sang, as usual, before they went to bed. No one but Beth could get much music out of the old piano, but she had a way of softly touching the yellow keys and making a pleasant accompaniment to the simple songs they sang. Meg had a voice like a flute, and she and her mother led the little choir. Amy chirped like a cricket, and Jo wandered through the airs at her own sweet will, always coming out at the wrong place with a croak or a quaver that spoiled the most pensive tune." In the evening and at night, the family finished working and sang together.

This was pretty good, not very long though. Maybe aim to talk some more about different pieces of evidence from the story you add in your paragraph. Remember to add some context at the beginning and also write out numbers less than 10 (like this: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine). You got this! Edited by Lainey Morris


When Everyone went to the table and ate made everyone happy. According to the text it states,

As they gathered about the table, Mrs. March said, with a particularly happy face, "I've got a treat for you after supper."

A quick, bright smile went round like a streak of sunshine. Beth clapped her hands, regardless of the biscuit she held, and Jo tossed up her napkin, crying, "A letter! A letter! Three cheers for Father!"

That is what made everyone happy.

Eating at the table isn't what made everyone happy - they were happy because they got a letter from their father. This entry isn't long enough for me to edit, and I think you may have gotten confused. Make sure you're really reading the stories so that you understand what to write about. You also still need to work on context, quotes, and you need to stop saying 'According to the text it states'. Scroll down to see where I explained those things. - Lainey Morris


Original Draft Beth was frightened

To start, Beth was scared when it was her turn to sit in the chair with the crown on and see everyone come marching round to give me the presents, with a kiss. According to the text it states, "I used to be so frightened when it was my turn to sit in the chair with the crown on and see you all come marching round to give the presents, with a kiss. I liked the things and the kisses, but it was dreadful to have you sit looking at me while I opened the bundles," This shows that she didn't like to sit on the chair with the crown on, but liked the presents and kisses.

This is what beth was frightened about.

Corrections Beth was frightened
****"'Since this is your title, each word has to be capitalized."'
Beth Was Frightened

To start, Beth was scared when it was her turn to sit in the chair with the crown on and see everyone come marching round to give me the presents, with a kiss. 


****"'You only cite one thing that Beth is scared of, so we don't need to say 'To start,'. It also looks like you sort of quoted the story here (where you said 'sit in the chair with the crown on and see everyone come marching round to give me the presents, with a kiss') without putting quotation marks around it, so instead I rewrote that part in my own words to explain what Beth was afraid of without directly using the words from the story."'
Beth was scared when it was her turn to sit in the chair on her birthday with the crown on and see her family come march around her to give her presents and kisses.

According to the text it states, "I used to be so frightened when it was my turn to sit in the chair with the crown on and see you all come marching round to give the presents, with a kiss. I liked the things and the kisses, but it was dreadful to have you sit looking at me while I opened the bundles,"
****"'I've told you many times now that you should not use 'According to the text it states,'. You asked if you should say that and I said no and even wrote out an explanation about why you shouldn't say that, but you continue to say it anyway. Please stop saying 'According to the text it states'. It is incorrect and repetitive. I also have explained to you how to insert quotes that have a character speaking in them, and you still haven't corrected that. I'm not going to explain it again, scroll down to read what I said."'
In the text Beth says, "'I used to be so frightened when it was my turn to sit in the chair with the crown on and see you all come marching round to give the presents, with a kiss. I liked the things and the kisses, but it was dreadful to have you sit looking at me while I opened the bundles,'"

This shows that she didn't like to sit on the chair with the crown on, but liked the presents and kisses.
****"'Here I changed 'that she' to 'how Beth' to make the sentence sound more smooth."'
This shows how Beth didn't like to sit in the chair with the crown on, but she liked the presents and kisses.

This is what beth was frightened about.
****"'Since I said Beth's name in the last sentence, I took it out here. But if you are going to use someone's name, make sure you remember to capitalize it because it is a proper noun."'
This is what she was frightened by.


Final Draft Beth Was Frightened Beth was scared when it was her turn to sit in the chair on her birthday with the crown on and see her family come march around her to give her presents and kisses. In the text Beth says, "'I used to be so frightened when it was my turn to sit in the chair with the crown on and see you all come marching round to give the presents, with a kiss. I liked the things and the kisses, but it was dreadful to have you sit looking at me while I opened the bundles,'" This shows how Beth didn't like to sit in the chair with the crown on, but she liked the presents and kisses. This is what she was frightened by.

Adhyan, I've told you many times now not to say 'According to the text it states'. I explained to you why and told you what you can use in place of that. I also need you to start adding context, which I have also been asking you to start doing. I need you to work on your quotes as well, which is something else I have been asking you to do. I've explained all of these things but you seem to be ignoring what it is I have told you. I can't help you improve if you aren't reading my comments and explanations. Please scroll down to read them. Edited by Lainey Morris


Original Draft Three Girls verbalized that his or her life was hard. To commence off, Jo states, "You don't have half such an arduous time as I do," verbalized Jo. "How would you relish to be shut up for hours with a nervous, fussy old lady, who keeps you trotting, is never satiated, and worries you till you're yare to fly out the window or cry?" Then Beth doesn't accede that he has a more arduous time than her. According to the text, it verbally expresses, "It's naughty to fret, but I do celebrate washing dishes and keeping things orderly is the worst work in the world. It makes me cross, and my hands get so stiff, I can't practice well at all." And Beth visually examined her rough hands with a sigh that any one could aurally perceive that time. Lastly, Amy verbally expressed she suffers more than both of the other girls. The text states "I don't believe any of you suffer as I do," cried Amy, "for you don't have to peregrinate to school with impertinent girls, who plague you if you don't ken your edifications, and laugh at your dresses, and label your father if he isn't affluent, and insult you when your nasal discerner isn't nice."That is how Three Girls verbally expressed that his or her life was hard.


Corrections Three Girls verbalized that his or her life was hard.
****"'First, you don't need to capitalize 'girls' because it isn't a proper noun. Second, since you're telling the reader that the people talking about how their lives are hard are girls, you don't need to say 'his or her'. I changed 'his or her' to 'their' since 'three girls' is plural and I made 'girls' lowercase. Since three girls talked about how their lives are hard, you should put 'were hard' instead of 'was hard', so I changed 'was' to 'were'. You should also give the reader some context at the beginning of your paragraph, but I'll explain that more at the end."'
Three girls verbalized that their lives were hard.


To commence off, Jo states, "You don't have half such an arduous time as I do," verbalized Jo. "How would you relish to be shut up for hours with a nervous, fussy old lady, who keeps you trotting, is never satiated, and worries you till you're yare to fly out the window or cry?"
****"'It's good to have a large vocabulary, but sometimes more basic words work just as well and using the bigger, more advanced-sounding words can make your writing stuffy. I completely scrapped 'To commence off' because just having 'Jo states' is good enough and gets the point across to the reader. However, since we are beginning with that, it would sound awkward to have 'said Jo' in the quote itself, so in place of that part, I just put an ellipsis (...) to keep what Jo's saying like one complete sentence. Also, I fixed the quotes. Please scroll down if you still have not read my directions for correcting those."'
Jo states, "'You don't have half such a hard time as I do,...How would you like to be shut up for hours with a nervous, fussy old lady, who keeps you trotting, is never satiated, and worries you till you're ready to fly out the window or cry?'"

Then Beth doesn't accede that he has a more arduous time than her.
****"'First, Jo is a girl, so you would say 'she' and not 'he'. The definition of 'accede' is 'assent or agree to a demand, request, or treaty'. Since that doesn't fit the context here, I took it out and replaced it with 'Beth disagrees'."'
Then her sister Beth disagrees and says that she has a more arduous time than Jo does.

According to the text, it verbally expresses, "It's naughty to fret, but I do celebrate washing dishes and keeping things orderly is the worst work in the world. It makes me cross, and my hands get so stiff, I can't practice well at all." And Beth visually examined her rough hands with a sigh that any one could aurally perceive that time.
****"According to the text, it verbally expresses' is the same as 'According to the text, it states', so I took that out and added, 'Next, Beth says' instead. Also, I fixed the quotes here like above; additionally, the second sentence here is still part of the quote and needs to have quotation marks around it."'
Next, Beth says, "'It's naughty to fret, but I do think washing dishes and keeping things tidy is the worst work in the world. It makes me cross, and my hands get so stiff, I can't practice well at all.' And Beth looked at her rough hands with a sigh that any one could hear that time."

Lastly, Amy verbally expressed she suffers more than both of the other girls. The text states "I don't believe any of you suffer as I do," cried Amy, "for you don't have to peregrinate to school with impertinent girls, who plague you if you don't ken your edifications, and laugh at your dresses, and label your father if he isn't affluent, and insult you when your nose isn't nice."
****"'I took out 'verbally' because the reader knows that Amy is probably speaking here already. I fixed the quotations here too."'
Then Amy expresses that she suffers more than both of her sisters. The text states, "'I don't believe any of you suffer as I do,' cried Amy, 'for you don't have to go to school with impertinent girls, who plague you if you don't know your lessons, and laugh at your dresses, and label your father if he isn't rich, and insult you when your nose isn't nice.'"

That is how Three Girls verbally expressed that his or her life was hard.
****"'Again, I made 'three girls' lowercase and changed 'his or her life' to 'their lives'."'
This is how three girls expressed that their lives were hard.


Final Draft Three girls verbalized that their lives were hard. To start, Jo states, "'You don't have half such an arduous time as I do,...How would you relish to be shut up for hours with a nervous, fussy old lady, who keeps you trotting, is never satiated, and worries you till you're ready to fly out the window or cry?'" Then her sister Beth disagrees and says that she has a more arduous time than Jo does. Next, Beth says, "'It's naughty to fret, but I do think washing dishes and keeping things tidy is the worst work in the world. It makes me cross, and my hands get so stiff, I can't practice well at all.' And Beth looked at her rough hands with a sigh that any one could hear that time." Then Amy expresses that she suffers more than both of her sisters. The text states, "'I don't believe any of you suffer as I do,' cried Amy, 'for you don't have to go to school with impertinent girls, who plague you if you don't know your lessons, and laugh at your dresses, and label your father if he isn't rich, and insult you when your nose isn't nice.'" This is how three girls expressed that their lives were hard.


I'm not sure if you went in and changed the actual quote from the story itself or if your version was just different than mine, but if you changed the quotes, don't do that again. You can't just change what the author has written and put in fancy-sounding words (or any words, for that matter). What the author is written is what you have to quote, you can't change it. Also, when it comes to using big, fancy words in your writing, think to yourself, 'Do I talk like this to my friends? Is this a word I would normally use in conversation?' If the answer is 'no', you should probably avoid that word and go with something simpler. I'm 20 and I don't even use words like 'accede' or 'peregrinate' in my day-to-day conversation.

I would really like you to work on your quotes. I've given you an explanation about how to do those once before please go back and read that and use it in your next paragraphs. I also would like you to stop saying 'according to the text, it states' and anything that sounds like it. You asked me about using it and I explained why not to use it, and you have continued to use it anyway.


context:

When beginning a paragraph, you have to imagine that the reader has never read the story you're about to talk about, so you have to give some context before you really get into your paragraph. For this story, a good introduction would've been 'In the story "Little Women" there are four sisters and three of them think their lives are hard.' Then the reader knows which girls/sisters you're talking about and won't be so confused.


Edited by Lainey Morris



Demi was one of the children who show plainly the effect of intelligent love and care, for soul and bodywork harmoniously together. According to the text, it states So Demi was transplanted to Plumfield, and took so kindly to the life there, that Meg and John and Grandpa felt satisfied that they had done well. Mixing with other boys brought out the practical side of him, roused his spirit, and brushed away the pretty cobwebs he was so fond of spinning in that little brain of his. This shows Demi was one of the children who show plainly the effect of intelligent love and care, for soul and bodywork harmoniously together.

Everything in this paragraph except for 'According to the text, it states,' and 'This shows,' is directly from the reading. I have the reading too, so I can see that your first and closing sentences are from the story even though you didn't put them in quotation marks. I'm not going to write your paragraph for you, but I also can't correct anything if there's nothing there for me to correct. I have also explained twice now about why you should not say 'according to the text, it states,' after you asked about it, but you're still using it. I can't help you if you don't take my advice and I really can't help you if you don't even write anything for me to correct. - Lainey Morris



Original Draft Nat might have thought that the school he was in was very nice. According to the text it states, “Oh dear, no! We always allow one pillow-fight Saturday night. The cases are changed to-morrow; and it gets up a glow after the boys' baths; so I rather like it myself,” said Mrs. Bhaer, busy again among her dozen pairs of socks. “What a very nice school this is!” observed Nat, in a burst of admiration. Nat even said, “What a very nice school this is!”. The text states,“ So he lay enjoying the spectacle". This also shows he likes school. It says "enjoying the spectacle".That is how Nat might have thought that the school he was in was very nice.

Corrections Nat might have thought that the school he was in was very nice.
****"'So we already know that Nat does think the school is nice, so we don't have to say that he might think the school is nice. The prompt is asking us why he might have thought the school was nice. Because of this, I added at the end of your original sentence 'for a couple reasons' to clarify that we already know that Nat thinks this school is very nice and we're just going to give evidence for that."'
Nat might have thought that the school he was in was very nice for a couple reasons.

According to the text it states, “Oh dear, no! We always allow one pillow-fight Saturday night. The cases are changed to-morrow; and it gets up a glow after the boys' baths; so I rather like it myself,” said Mrs. Bhaer, busy again among her dozen pairs of socks. “What a very nice school this is!” observed Nat, in a burst of admiration.
****"'Earlier I answered your question about 'according to the text it states' where I told you it would be best to use one or the other, and you said you understood. I changed this to just 'the text states'. I also changed the quotations like I've done in the last two paragraphs. I'm not sure if you're still confused on that, but just in case you are, I will explain it again at the bottom of this."'
The text states, “'Oh dear, no! We always allow one pillow-fight Saturday night. The cases are changed to-morrow; and it gets up a glow after the boys' baths; so I rather like it myself,' said Mrs. Bhaer, busy again among her dozen pairs of socks. 'What a very nice school this is!' observed Nat, in a burst of admiration."

Nat even said, “What a very nice school this is!”.
****"'Since we already have that word-for-word quote from the story in this paragraph, we can just sort of put into our own words to explain what he said without having to directly quote the story again. After we do that, we have to explain why he's saying the school is very nice. Since Mrs. Bhaer just explained to him that they get to have pillow-fights every Saturday, we know that he called the school very nice because they get to have pillow-fights. So, I put into my own words what he said and then explained that we know he likes how the school gets to have pillow-fights."'
Nat said himself that the school was very nice, so we know he liked that the school got to have pillow-fights.

The text states,“ So he lay enjoying the spectacle". This also shows he likes school. It says "enjoying the spectacle".
****"'Here, I took out the third sentence where you quoted him again and then expanded on when you said 'This shows he likes the school.' That way I was able to quote him and explain how that quote tells us that Nat thinks the school is nice."'
The text also states, "So he lay enjoying the spectacle,". This shows that Nat thinks the pillow-fight is really exciting and that he likes the school.

That is how Nat might have thought that the school he was in was very nice.
****"'For this part, instead of 'That is how' I said 'These are a couple reasons why' since we gave two pieces of evidence."'
These are a couple reasons why Nat might have thought that the school he was in was very nice.


Final Draft Nat might have thought that the school he was in was very nice for a couple reasons. The text states, “'Oh dear, no! We always allow one pillow-fight Saturday night. The cases are changed to-morrow; and it gets up a glow after the boys' baths; so I rather like it myself,' said Mrs. Bhaer, busy again among her dozen pairs of socks. 'What a very nice school this is!' observed Nat, in a burst of admiration." Nat said himself that the school was very nice, so we know he liked that the school got to have pillow-fights. The text also states, "So he lay enjoying the spectacle,". This shows that Nat thinks the pillow-fight is really exciting and that he likes the school. These are a couple reasons why Nat might have thought that the school he was in was very nice.

I hope I did a good job explaining my corrections, but let me know if at any point I was confusing you. Just like last time, I would just like you to focus on what I've already pointed out, which are writing introduction sentences (you wrote a good conclusion sentence this time) and correctly quoting the story when a character is speaking in it. I'm going to explain how to do that and the use of 'according to the text it states' again here:

1. quotes - When you quote a passage from a story or article, you put double quotes (" ") around the whole thing like this:

"Lily woke up bright and early to go to the farmer's market."

And if I want to add a part where a character is speaking, I have to put double quotes around the whole thing like normal, but I also have to put single quotes (' ') around where the character is speaking like this:

"Lily walked up to the man selling apples. 'How much for six apples?' she asked."

As you can see, the entire section is quoted from the story, but since a character was also speaking in this part, I had to put single quotes around what she said.

2. 'according to the text it states' - When you say 'according to the text it states', that is sort of repetitive. You wouldn't say 'According to my mom, she said she needed to buy cereal' because simply saying 'according to my mom' lets us know that what you're about to tell us is something that your mom said, so you don't need to say 'she said' after it. It would be like if you said 'unexpected surprise' - the point of surprising someone is that they don't expect it, so saying 'unexpected' before 'surprise' is not necessary. I hope that makes sense. Anyway, you could say 'According to the text, "Lily went to the grocery store to buy apples." and you could also say 'The text states, "Lily went to the grocery store to buy apples." but not 'According to the text, it states, "Lily went to the grocery store to buy apples."

Let me know if any of that is confusing! Edited by Lainey Morris



Original Text Mrs. Bhaer said, “Teddy is right: there's something in the child.” This means there is something different about this child. The text states,"This poor lad is an orphan now, sick and friendless. He has been a street-musician; and I found him in a cellar, mourning for his dead father, and his lost violin. I think there is something in him, and have a fancy that between us we may give this little man a lift. You cure his overtasked body, Fritz helps his neglected mind, and when he is ready I'll see if he is a genius or only a boy with a talent that may earn his bread for him. Give him a trial, for the sake of your own boy, “TEDDY.”According to the text it states, “My child, you have got a father and a mother now, and this is home. Don't think of those sad times anymore, but get well and happy; and be sure you shall never suffer again if we can help it. This place is made for all sorts of boys to have a good time in, and to learn how to help themselves and be useful men, I hope. You shall have as much music as you want, only you must get strong first. Now come up to Nursey and have a bath, and then go to bed, and to-morrow we will lay some nice little plans together.” This is what Mrs. Bhaer said, “Teddy is right: there's something in the child.


Corrections Mrs. Bhaer said, “Teddy is right: there's something in the child.”
****"' Just like with the paragraph before this one, I changed the quotes (scroll down to the last paragraph to see). I also made sure that I separated the comma after 'said' from the quote so that they aren't touching. Usually, I would write an introduction sentence here since you don't have one, but I would like you to start working on those yourself, and then I can help."'
Mrs. Bhaer said, "'Teddy is right: there's something in the child.'"

This means there is something different about this child.
****"' I just slightly changed this sentence to clarify that the child here is Nat."'
This means that there is something special about Nat.

The text states, "This poor lad is an orphan now, sick and friendless. He has been a street-musician; and I found him in a cellar, mourning for his dead father, and his lost violin. I think there is something in him, and have a fancy that between us we may give this little man a lift. You cure his overtasked body, Fritz helps his neglected mind, and when he is ready I'll see if he is a genius or only a boy with a talent that may earn his bread for him. Give him a trial, for the sake of your own boy, “TEDDY.”
****"'For this part, I removed "TEDDY" because that was just the signature to the letter. I wrote an extra sentence in order to show the reader that this was Uncle Laurence's (Teddy) letter to Mrs. Bhaer. I also did the same thing I did in the above sentence with the quotes since the letter is also quoted in the text."'
The text states, "'This poor lad is an orphan now, sick and friendless. He has been a street-musician; and I found him in a cellar, mourning for his dead father, and his lost violin. I think there is something in him, and have a fancy that between us we may give this little man a lift. You cure his overtasked body, Fritz helps his neglected mind, and when he is ready I'll see if he is a genius or only a boy with a talent which may earn his bread for him. Give him a trial, for the sake of your own boy,'" This is Uncle Laurence's letter to Mrs. Bhaer talking about how Nat was a street musician with a talent for playing the violin.

According to the text it states, “My child, you have got a father and a mother now, and this is home. Don't think of those sad times anymore, but get well and happy; and be sure you shall never suffer again if we can help it. This place is made for all sorts of boys to have a good time in, and to learn how to help themselves and be useful men, I hope. You shall have as much music as you want, only you must get strong first. Now come up to Nursey and have a bath, and then go to bed, and to-morrow we will lay some nice little plans together.”
****"' Before this quote, I added some extra context so that it didn't seem so random. I also edited the quotes the same way as before."'
After they all listened to Nat play his violin, he was emotional from how supportive his new family was of him and Mrs. Bhaer comforted him. The text states, "'My child, you have got a father and a mother now, and this is home. Don't think of those sad times anymore, but get well and happy; and be sure you shall never suffer again if we can help it. This place is made for all sorts of boys to have a good time in, and to learn how to help themselves and be useful men, I hope. You shall have as much music as you want, only you must get strong first. Now come up to Nursey and have a bath, and then go to bed, and to-morrow we will lay some nice little plans together.'"

This is what Mrs. Bhaer said, “Teddy is right: there's something in the child.
****"'I added the context of how this is what Mrs. Bhaer said to her husband and I added context after about how everyone was impressed with Nat's playing. I didn't write a conclusion sentence again for the same reasons as last time."'
Mrs. Bhaer even told her husband, "'Teddy is right: there's something in the child.'" Everyone was very impressed with Nat's talent and Mrs. Bhaer agreed with what Uncle Laurence said in his letter.

Final Draft Mrs. Bhaer said, "'Teddy is right: there's something in the child.'" This means that there is something special about Nat. The text states, "'This poor lad is an orphan now, sick and friendless. He has been a street-musician; and I found him in a cellar, mourning for his dead father, and his lost violin. I think there is something in him, and have a fancy that between us we may give this little man a lift. You cure his overtasked body, Fritz help his neglected mind, and when he is ready I'll see if he is a genius or only a boy with a talent which may earn his bread for him. Give him a trial, for the sake of your own boy,'" This is Uncle Laurence's letter to Mrs. Bhaer talking about how Nat was a street musician with a talent for playing the violin. After they all listened to Nat play his violin, he was emotional from how supportive his new family was of him and Mrs. Bhaer comforted him. The text states, "'My child, you have got a father and a mother now, and this is home. Don't think of those sad times anymore, but get well and happy; and be sure you shall never suffer again, if we can help it. This place is made for all sorts of boys to have a good time in, and to learn how to help themselves and be useful men, I hope. You shall have as much music as you want, only you must get strong first. Now come up to Nursey and have a bath, and then go to bed, and to-morrow we will lay some nice little plans together.'" Mrs. Bhaer even told her husband, "'Teddy is right: there's something in the child.'" Everyone was very impressed with Nat's talent and Mrs. Bhaer agreed with what Uncle Laurence said in his letter.

I mainly want you to focus on the same things that I mentioned last time (scroll down to see) and then we can work on other things from there. You've got this!


Original Draft

Mrs. Bhaer is a thoughtful person.

According to the text it states,"“There are Tommy Bangs' slippers; but he never will remember to put them on in the house; so he shall not have them. They are too big; but that's all the better; you can't run away from us so fast as if they fitted.” This shows that she is thoughtful because, she gave slippers to the boy. The text states,“Wet? So they are! My dear, off with your shoes this minute, and I'll have some dry things ready for you in a jiffy,". That shows she is thoughtful because she will get him something.


Corrections Mrs. Bhaer is a thoughtful person.
****"'I kept this title but I changed the capitalization since it's a title."'
Mrs. Bhaer is a Thoughtful Person

According to the text it states,"“There are Tommy Bangs' slippers; but he never will remember to put them on in the house; so he shall not have them. They are too big; but that's all the better; you can't run away from us so fast as if they fitted.”
****"'At the beginning of a paragraph, it's good to put some sort of introduction so that the reader knows what you're talking about. When you're beginning a new paragraph, act like the person who will read your paragraph is from Mars - chances are they would have no idea what you're talking about! They would have all kinds of questions: Who's Mrs. Bhaer? What text is this quote from? Who is getting these slippers? These are the kind of questions to answer in your introduction sentence(s). In order to answer those questions, I wrote two short sentences so clue the reader in on what the story is about and who is in it. Another thing: usually when you quote the text, you put double quotations (" ") around it like normal (for example: The text states, "Lily went to the store to buy some apples."), but when you quote the text and it also includes a character talking, you have to put single quotations (' ') around what they say (for example: The text states, "Lily couldn't find any apples at the store. 'Excuse me, where are the apples?' she asked a cashier."). That way, the reader knows that you're including the text and they also know that a character is speaking in the text (I hope that makes sense)."'
In the story, "Little Men", a woman named Mrs. Bhaer is a very thoughtful person who owns a large home and adopts and cares for many children. A new boy named Nat had just arrived at Mrs. Bhaer's home and she is very kind to him. The text states, "'There are Tommy Bangs' slippers; but he never will remember to put them on in the house; so he shall not have them. They are too big; but that's all the better; you can't run away from us so fast as if they fitted.'"
****"'You can see in my two introduction sentences that I told the reader what the story is, who Mrs. Bhaer is and what she does, and who Nat is. Then, in the quote, I put double quotation marks (" ") around the entire quote to show that I pulled it from the text and I also put single quotations (' ') inside of the double quotation marks to show that I was quoting a part where a character is speaking."'

This shows that she is thoughtful because, she gave slippers to the boy.
****"'Instead of just saying that this shows how Mrs. Bhaer was thoughtful, I first summarized what she did in the quote that makes her thoughtful (giving Nat the slippers)."'
Mrs. Bhaer gave slippers to Nat, who was new, which was very thoughtful of her.

The text states,“Wet? So they are! My dear, off with your shoes this minute, and I'll have some dry things ready for you in a jiffy,".
****"'I did the same thing with the quotes here as I did above. I also added 'also' after 'The text' to emphasize how this quote is also proof of how Mrs. Bhaer is thoughtful."'
The text also states, "'Wet? So they are! My dear, off with your shoes this minute, and I'll have some dry things ready for you in a jiffy,'"

That shows she is thoughtful because she will get him something.
****"'I expanded on this sentence so that I could really explain to the reader why she was thoughtful."'
When Mrs. Bhaer noticed that Nat's shoes and feet were all wet, she immediately went to get him something dry to put on instead, which was also very kind and thoughtful of her.


Final Draft Mrs. Bhaer is a Thoughtful Person In the story, "Little Men", a woman named Mrs. Bhaer is a very thoughtful person who owns a large home and adopts and cares for many children. A new boy named Nat had just arrived at Mrs. Bhaer's home and she is very kind to him. The text states, "'There are Tommy Bangs' slippers; but he never will remember to put them on in the house; so he shall not have them. They are too big; but that's all the better; you can't run away from us so fast as if they fitted.'" Mrs. Bhaer gave slippers to Nat, who was new, which was very thoughtful of her. The text also states, "'Wet? So they are! My dear, off with your shoes this minute, and I'll have some dry things ready for you in a jiffy,'" When Mrs. Bhaer noticed that Nat's shoes and feet were all wet, she immediately went to get him something dry to put on instead, which was also very kind and thoughtful of her.

Hi Adhyan! My name is Lainey, and I'm going to be editing your paragraphs now. A few things I would like for you to work on are writing introduction sentences and also conclusion sentences. I wrote an introduction for you, but not a conclusion because I don't want to end up writing too much of your paragraph for you. I also would like for you to work on things I mentioned above in the corrections about how to write quotes when there's a character speaking. You've got this!

I saw that earlier you had a question, so I'm going to do my best to answer it now:

- can I write according to the text it states, every time there's a quote? -Adhyan I recommend either using one or the other. When you say 'according to the text it states', that is sort of repetitive. You wouldn't say 'According to my mom, she said she needed to buy cereal' because simply saying 'according to my mom' lets us know that what you're about to tell us is something that your mom said, so you don't need to say 'she said' after it. It would be like if you said 'unexpected surprise' - the point of surprising someone is that they don't expect it, so saying 'unexpected' before 'surprise' is not necessary. I hope that makes sense. Anyway, you could say 'According to the text, "Lily went to the grocery store to buy apples." and you could also say 'The text states, "Lily went to the grocery store to buy apples." but not 'According to the text, it states, "Lily went to the grocery store to buy apples." Let me know if this doesn't make sense. - Oh ok, I understand thank you! - Adhyan Edited by Lainey Morris



 The story within what is in the excerpt

“Please, sir, is this Plumfield?” asked a ragged boy of the man who opened the great gate at which the omnibus left him. “Yes. Who sent you?” “Mr. Laurence. I have got a letter for the lady.” “All right; go up to the house, and give it to her; she'll see to you, little chap.” The man spoke pleasantly, and the boy went on, feeling much cheered by the words. Through the soft spring rain that fell on sprouting grass and budding trees, Nat saw a large square house before him, a hospitable-looking house, with an old-fashioned porch, wide steps, and lights shining in many windows. Neither curtains nor shutters hid the cheerful glimmer; and, pausing a moment before he rang, Nat saw many little shadows dancing on the walls, heard the pleasant hum of young voices, and felt that it was hardly possible that the light and warmth and comfort within could be for a homeless “little chap” like him. According to the text it states,"“Please, sir, is this Plumfield?” asked a ragged boy of the man who opened the great gate at which the omnibus left him. “Yes. Who sent you?” “Mr. Laurence. I have got a letter for the lady.” “All right; go up to the house, and give it to her; she'll see to you, little chap.” The man spoke pleasantly, and the boy went on, feeling much cheered by the words. Through the soft spring rain that fell on sprouting grass and budding trees, Nat saw a large square house before him, a hospitable-looking house, with an old-fashioned porch, wide steps, and lights shining in many windows. Neither curtains nor shutters hid the cheerful glimmer; and, pausing a moment before he rang, Nat saw many little shadows dancing on the walls, heard the pleasant hum of young voices, and felt that it was hardly possible that the light and warmth and comfort within could be for a homeless “little chap” like him. That his how the story within what is in the excerpt.






The peddler got his revenge on the Baron. According to the text it states, "rom a narrow lane one day sounded the clang of horns and the trampling of horses. The little girl who kept the geese hastened to drive them away from the bridge before the hunting party came galloping up to it. They came, however, with such haste that the girl was obliged to climb up and seat herself on the parapet of the bridge, lest they should ride over her. She was scarcely more than a child, with a pretty, delicate figure, a gentle expression of face, and two bright blue eyes—all of which the baron took no note of; but as he galloped past, he reversed the whip held in his hand, and in rough play gave the little goose-watcher such a push with the butt end that she fell backward into the ditch.

"Everything in its right place," cried he. "Into the puddle with you!" and then he laughed aloud at what he called his own wit, and the rest joined with him. The whole party shouted and screamed, and the dogs barked loudly" That s why he needed to get his revenge on baron. The text states, ""Everything in its right place," he said, imitating the noble baron, as he drew the little maiden up on dry ground. He would have restored the bough to the place from which it had been broken off, but "everything in its right place" is not always so easy to arrange, so he stuck the bough in the soft earth. "Grow and prosper as much as you can," said he, "till you produce a good flute for some of them over there. With the permission of the noble baron and his family, I should like them to hear my challenge." That is how he got his revenge.





Ali baba had to hide his findings.

Ali Baba had to hide the gold he found. According to the text it states, "One day, when Ali Baba was in the forest, and had just cut wood enough to load his asses, he saw at a distance a great cloud of dust, which seemed to approach him. He observed it with attention, and distinguished soon after a body of horsemen, who he suspected might be robbers. He determined to leave his asses to save himself. He climbed up a large tree, planted on a high rock, whose branches were thick enough to conceal him, and yet enabled him to see all that passed without being discovered.The troop, who were to the number of forty, all well mounted and armed, came to the foot of the rock on which the tree stood, and there dismounted Every man unbridled his horse, tied him to some shrub, and hung about his neck a bag of corn which they brought behind them. Then each of them took off his saddle-bag, which seemed to Ali Baba to be full of gold and silver from its weight. One, whom he took to be their captain, came under the tree in which Ali Baba was concealed; and making his way through some shrubs, pronounced these words: "Open, Sesame!" [1] As soon as the captain of the robbers had thus spoken, a door opened in the rock; and after he had made all his troop enter before him, he followed them, when the door shut again of itself." Which SHows that the robbers stole gold then,Ali Baba, who expected a dark, dismal cavern, was surprised to see a well-lighted and spacious chamber, which received the light from an opening at the top of the rock, and in which were all sorts of provisions, rich bales of silk, stuff, brocade, and valuable carpeting, piled upon one another; gold and silver ingots in great heaps, and money in bags. The sight of all these riches made him suppose that this cave must have been occupied for ages by robbers, who had succeeded one another. He had to hide theese findings because if the robbers found out they would kill him.







The author is using 'personification. due to the fact when the Author wrote this this story, he made dwelling matters that could not talk, discuss in the story discuss in the story. According to the textual content it states, "People say that I seem tremendously well," stated the flax, "and that I am so first-class and lengthy that I shall make a stunning piece of linen. How lucky I am! It makes me so completely satisfied to be aware of that some thing can be made of me. How the sunshine cheers me, and how candy and refreshing[4] is the rain! My happiness overpowers me; no one in the world can experience happier than I." this show that the writer made residing matters speak due to the fact a flax is a kind of plant. Another piece of proof is,,"Ah, yes, no doubt," stated the fern, "but you do no longer be aware of the world but as nicely as I do, for my sticks are knotty"; and then it sang pretty mournfully:" This indicates a dwelling aspect speaking due to the fact a fern is a plant. Those are two fees on ho the writer made residing matters talk.

sorry this was kind of late. -Adhyan

- there isn't an edit for both of these paragraphs. I also used some vivid synonyms.






𝒯𝐻𝐸 𝒞𝒪𝒩𝒞𝐸𝐼𝒯𝐸𝒟 𝒜𝒫𝒫𝐿𝐸 𝐵𝑅𝒜𝒩𝒞𝐻



The main idea was about The Conceited Apple Branch thinks and talks about others. According to the text it states, "The branch well knew how beautiful it was; this knowledge exists as much in the leaf as in the blood. I was therefore not surprised when a nobleman's carriage, in which sat the young countess, stopped in the road just by. The apple branch, she said, was a most lovely object, an emblem of spring in its most charming aspect. The branch was broken off for her, and she held it in her delicate hand and sheltered it with her silk parasol." This quote shows the Apple Branch thinks about others because, in the quote it states,"The branch well knew how beautiful it was." which means he was thinking about others. Furthermore, the text states,By and by an old woman came into the field and, with a blunt knife without a handle, began to dig around the roots of some of the dandelion plants and pull them up. With some she intended to make tea for herself, but the rest she was going to sell to the chemist and obtain money. "But beauty is of higher value than all this," said the apple-tree branch; "only the chosen ones can be admitted into the realms of the beautiful. There is a difference between plants, just as there is a difference between men." Which shows the Apple Tree Branch talks about others. That is how the main idea was about The Conceited Apple Branch thinks and talks about others.


- can I write according to the text it states, every time there's a quote? -Adhyan



𝓣𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝓼𝓸𝓶𝓮 𝓭𝓲𝓯𝓯𝓮𝓻𝓮𝓷𝓬𝓮𝓼 𝓫𝓮𝓽𝔀𝓮𝓮𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓰𝓻𝓪𝓼𝓼𝓱𝓸𝓹𝓹𝓮𝓻 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓵𝓮𝓪𝓹𝓯𝓻𝓸𝓰.

In the beginning the King said,"I will give a great treasure to him who shall jump highest," said the King; "it would be too bad for you to have the jumping, and for us to offer no prize. According to the text it states, "The Flea was the first to come forward. He had most exquisite manners, and bowed to the company on every side; for he was of noble blood, and, besides, was accustomed to the society of man, and that, of course, had been an advantage to him. " Therefore the grasshopper wasn't that nicely formed as the Flea. But unlike the flea he knew perfectly well how to conduct himself, and he wore the green uniform which belonged to him by right of birth. According to the text it states, He said, moreover, that he came of a very ancient Egyptian family, and that in the house where he then lived he was much thought of. Then it was the Leap frog's turn to jump but the Leap frog said not a word; but people said that perhaps he thought the more; and the housedog who snuffed at him with his nose allowed that he was of good family. The old councilor, who had had three orders given him in vain for keeping quiet, asserted that the Leapfrog was a prophet, for that one could see on his back whether the coming winter was to be severe or mild, which is more than one can see on the back of the man who writes the almanac.Then finally the match started. According to the text it says,"The Flea jumped so high that no one could see what had become of him; and so they insisted that he had not jumped at all—which was disgraceful after all the fuss he had made." Then after the Flea jumped, it was the grasshopper's turn. The Grasshopper jumped only half as high; but he leaped into the King's face, who was disgusted by his rudeness. Then when it was the Leap frog's turn the Leapfrog stood for a long time, as if lost in thought; people began to think he would not jump at all. Then a dog sniffed him and found out the leap frog was ill so he sniffed him one more time then he jumped side ways! Then finally the leap frog was the one who jumped the highest.In conclusion those are some differences about the grasshopper and the leap frog.


In the beginning the King said,"I will give a great treasure to him who shall jump highest," said the King; "it would be too bad for you to have the jumping, and for us to offer no prize.

*** Add a space before the first quotation mark. When a character speaks inside of a quote, add a single quotation mark (‘) around what they say. Add a double quotation mark (“) at the end of this sentence.

Edited sentence: In the beginning the King said, "’I will give a great treasure to him who shall jump highest,’ said the King; ‘it would be too bad for you to have the jumping, and for us to offer no prize.’”

According to the text it states, "The Flea was the first to come forward. He had most exquisite manners, and bowed to the company on every side; for he was of noble blood, and, besides, was accustomed to the society of man, and that, of course, had been an advantage to him. "

*** Remove the extra space before the last quotation mark at the end of this sentence.

Edited sentence: According to the text it states, "The Flea was the first to come forward. He had most exquisite manners, and bowed to the company on every side; for he was of noble blood, and, besides, was accustomed to the society of man, and that, of course, had been an advantage to him."

Therefore the grasshopper wasn't that nicely formed as the Flea.

*** Change “that” to “as.” If the flea’s name is capitalized, the grasshopper’s name should be capitalized too.

Edited sentence: Therefore the Grasshopper wasn't as nicely formed as the Flea.

But unlike the flea he knew perfectly well how to conduct himself, and he wore the green uniform which belonged to him by right of birth.

*** Since part of this sentence is from the text, add quotation marks as shown in the edited sentence below. Capitalize “flea.”

Edited sentence: But unlike the Flea “he knew perfectly well how to conduct himself, and he wore the green uniform which belonged to him by right of birth.”

According to the text it states, He said, moreover, that he came of a very ancient Egyptian family, and that in the house where he then lived he was much thought of.

*** Add quotation marks at the beginning of a quote from the text and at the end of the quote.

Edited sentence: According to the text it states, “He said, moreover, that he came of a very ancient Egyptian family, and that in the house where he then lived he was much thought of.”

Then it was the Leap frog's turn to jump but the Leap frog said not a word; but people said that perhaps he thought the more; and the housedog who snuffed at him with his nose allowed that he was of good family. The old councilor, who had had three orders given him in vain for keeping quiet, asserted that the Leapfrog was a prophet, for that one could see on his back whether the coming winter was to be severe or mild, which is more than one can see on the back of the man who writes the almanac.

*** Write “Leap frog” as one word. Add quotation marks at the beginning of a quote from the text and at the end of the quote. Do not just copy from the text.

Edited sentence: Then it was the Leapfrog's turn to jump but the “Leapfrog said not a word; but people said that perhaps he thought the more; and the housedog who snuffed at him with his nose allowed that he was of good family. The old councilor, who had had three orders given him in vain for keeping quiet, asserted that the Leapfrog was a prophet, for that one could see on his back whether the coming winter was to be severe or mild, which is more than one can see on the back of the man who writes the almanac.”

Then finally the match started.

*** Good.

According to the text it says,"The Flea jumped so high that no one could see what had become of him; and so they insisted that he had not jumped at all—which was disgraceful after all the fuss he had made."

*** Add a space before the first quotation mark.

Edited sentence: According to the text it says, "The Flea jumped so high that no one could see what had become of him; and so they insisted that he had not jumped at all—which was disgraceful after all the fuss he had made."

Then after the Flea jumped, it was the grasshopper's turn.

*** If the flea’s name is capitalized, the grasshopper’s name should be capitalized too.

Edited sentence: Then after the Flea jumped, it was the Grasshopper's turn.

The Grasshopper jumped only half as high; but he leaped into the King's face, who was disgusted by his rudeness.

*** Add “The text states” at the beginning of this sentence. Add quotation marks at the beginning and at the end of quotes.

Edited sentence: The text states, “The Grasshopper jumped only half as high; but he leaped into the King's face, who was disgusted by his rudeness.”

Then when it was the Leap frog's turn the Leapfrog stood for a long time, as if lost in thought; people began to think he would not jump at all.

*** Add quotation marks at the beginning of a quote from the text and at the end of the quote. Write “Leap frog” as one word.

Edited sentence: Then when it was the Leapfrog's turn the “Leapfrog stood for a long time, as if lost in thought; people began to think he would not jump at all.”

Then a dog sniffed him and found out the leap frog was ill so he sniffed him one more time then he jumped side ways!

*** Add a comma after “ill.” Write “leap frog” as “Leapfrog.” To make clear who sniffed who, change “he sniffed him” to “the dog sniffed him.” The last “he” could refer to either the Leapfrog or the dog, so to make clear who jumped, replace the last “he” with “the Leapfrog.” Add “and” after “time.” Write “side ways” as one word.

Edited sentence: Then a dog sniffed him and found out the Leapfrog was ill, so the dog sniffed him one more time and then the Leapfrog jumped sideways!

Then finally the leap frog was the one who jumped the highest.

*** Write “leap frog” as “Leapfrog.” Add a space after this sentence.

Edited sentence: Then finally the Leapfrog was the one who jumped the highest.

In conclusion those are some differences about the grasshopper and the leap frog.

*** Change “about” to “between.” Write “leap frog” as one word. Capitalize the names of the characters.

Edited sentence: In conclusion those are some differences between the Grasshopper and the Leapfrog.

*** Any full sentence or phrase taken exactly from the text needs to be quoted correctly. Add quotation marks around quotes from the text and use phrases like “According to the text” whenever quotes are used. Remember, there should only be a space before the first quotation mark at the beginning of a quote, not after. But there should be a space after the last quotation mark at the end of a quote. Make sure names are written consistently. Be careful when using pronouns like “he” in a sentence with two characters that could be referred to as “he.” The reader may be confused about which character is doing what action. Using the character’s names may make the sentence clearer.

Edited paragraph:

In the beginning the King said, "’I will give a great treasure to him who shall jump highest,’ said the King; ‘it would be too bad for you to have the jumping, and for us to offer no prize.’” According to the text it states, "The Flea was the first to come forward. He had most exquisite manners, and bowed to the company on every side; for he was of noble blood, and, besides, was accustomed to the society of man, and that, of course, had been an advantage to him." Therefore the Grasshopper wasn't as nicely formed as the Flea. But unlike the Flea “he knew perfectly well how to conduct himself, and he wore the green uniform which belonged to him by right of birth.” According to the text it states, “He said, moreover, that he came of a very ancient Egyptian family, and that in the house where he then lived he was much thought of.” Then it was the Leapfrog's turn to jump but the “Leapfrog said not a word; but people said that perhaps he thought the more; and the housedog who snuffed at him with his nose allowed that he was of good family. The old councilor, who had had three orders given him in vain for keeping quiet, asserted that the Leapfrog was a prophet, for that one could see on his back whether the coming winter was to be severe or mild, which is more than one can see on the back of the man who writes the almanac.” Then finally the match started. According to the text it says, "The Flea jumped so high that no one could see what had become of him; and so they insisted that he had not jumped at all—which was disgraceful after all the fuss he had made." Then after the Flea jumped, it was the Grasshopper's turn. The text states, “The Grasshopper jumped only half as high; but he leaped into the King's face, who was disgusted by his rudeness.” Then when it was the Leapfrog's turn the “Leapfrog stood for a long time, as if lost in thought; people began to think he would not jump at all.” Then a dog sniffed him and found out the Leapfrog was ill, so the dog sniffed him one more time and then the Leapfrog jumped sideways! Then finally the Leapfrog was the one who jumped the highest. In conclusion those are some differences between the Grasshopper and the Leapfrog.

Edited by Penny Yagake






𝕋𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕨𝕒𝕤 𝕒 𝕡𝕣𝕠𝕥𝕒𝕘𝕠𝕟𝕚𝕤𝕥 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕒𝕟 𝕒𝕟𝕥𝕒𝕘𝕠𝕟𝕚𝕤𝕥 𝕚𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕤𝕥𝕠𝕣𝕪.

The protagonist of this story is Gerda. According to the text it states,“The reindeer told her all about Gerda's story after having first told his own, which seemed to him the most important. "Therefore it means Gerda is the protagonist. The Antagonist of the story is, the Lapland Woman. This is true because, According to the text it states,"you have a long way to go yet. You must travel more than a hundred miles farther, to Finland. The Snow Queen lives there now, and she burns Bengal lights every evening.” This quote mean she is the antagonist because she assisted the protagonist find the Snow Queen and told her that the Snow Queen lives there now. To add on, the Lapland woman helped the protagonist, Greta to the Snow Queen. Little Gerda repeated the Lord's Prayer, and the cold was so great that she could see her own breath come out of her mouth like steam, as she uttered the words. The steam appeared to increase as she continued her prayer, till it took the shape of little angels, who grew larger the moment they touched the earth. They all wore helmets on their heads and carried spears and shields. Their number continued to increase more and more, and by the time Gerda had finished her prayers a whole legion stood round her. They thrust their spears into the terrible snowflakes so that they shivered into a hundred pieces, and little Gerda could go forward with courage and safety. The angels stroked her hands and feet, so that she felt the cold less as she hastened on to the Snow Queen's castle. That is the protagonist and the antagonist.


The protagonist of this story is Gerda.

*** Good.

According to the text it states,“The reindeer told her all about Gerda's story after having first told his own, which seemed to him the most important. "

*** Add a space before the first quotation mark. Remove the space before the quotation mark at the end of the sentence.

Edited sentence: According to the text it states, “The reindeer told her all about Gerda's story after having first told his own, which seemed to him the most important."

Therefore it means Gerda is the protagonist.

*** Good.

The Antagonist of the story is, the Lapland Woman. This is true because, According to the text it states,"you have a long way to go yet. You must travel more than a hundred miles farther, to Finland. The Snow Queen lives there now, and she burns Bengal lights every evening.”

*** “Antagonist” does not need to be capitalized. Remove the comma after “the story is.” Remove the comma after “because.” When used in the middle of a sentence, “According” does not need to be capitalized. Add a space after the comma that comes after “states.” Since “woman” is not capitalized in the story, the word does not need to be capitalized in this sentence. To make clear that the Lapland woman is speaking, change “it” to the Lapland woman.

Edited sentence: The antagonist of the story is the Lapland woman. This is true because according to the text the Lapland woman states, "you have a long way to go yet. You must travel more than a hundred miles farther, to Finland. The Snow Queen lives there now, and she burns Bengal lights every evening.”

This quote mean she is the antagonist because she assisted the protagonist find the Snow Queen and told her that the Snow Queen lives there now.

*** Add a “s” at the end of “mean.” Add “to help her” after “protagonist.” Change “there” to “in Finland.”

Edited sentence: This quote means she is the antagonist because she assisted the protagonist to help her find the Snow Queen and told her that the Snow Queen lives in Finland now.

To add on, the Lapland woman helped the protagonist, Greta to the Snow Queen.

*** Spell "Greta" as "Gerda." Add a comma after “Greta.” Add “get” before “to the.”

Edited sentence: To add on, the Lapland woman helped the protagonist, Gerda, get to the Snow Queen.

Little Gerda repeated the Lord's Prayer, and the cold was so great that she could see her own breath come out of her mouth like steam, as she uttered the words. The steam appeared to increase as she continued her prayer, till it took the shape of little angels, who grew larger the moment they touched the earth. They all wore helmets on their heads and carried spears and shields. Their number continued to increase more and more, and by the time Gerda had finished her prayers a whole legion stood round her. They thrust their spears into the terrible snowflakes so that they shivered into a hundred pieces, and little Gerda could go forward with courage and safety. The angels stroked her hands and feet, so that she felt the cold less as she hastened on to the Snow Queen's castle.

*** Add “The text states” before quoting from the text. Add quotation marks (“) around quotes from the text.

Edited sentence: The text states, “Then little Gerda repeated the Lord's Prayer, and the cold was so great that she could see her own breath come out of her mouth like steam, as she uttered the words. The steam appeared to increase as she continued her prayer, till it took the shape of little angels, who grew larger the moment they touched the earth. They all wore helmets on their heads and carried spears and shields. Their number continued to increase more and more, and by the time Gerda had finished her prayers a whole legion stood round her. They thrust their spears into the terrible snowflakes so that they shivered into a hundred pieces, and little Gerda could go forward with courage and safety. The angels stroked her hands and feet, so that she felt the cold less as she hastened on to the Snow Queen's castle.”

That is the protagonist and the antagonist.

*** Since this is referring to two characters, change “That is” to “Those are.”

Edited sentence: Those are the protagonist and the antagonist.

*** This paragraph shows improvement, but there is one section, as noted above, where quotation marks are needed around quotes from the text. Watch out for misplaced commas, which I have removed in the edited sentences. Make sure the subject and verb match. A sentence with a singular subject and verb would be written as “A quote is there.” A sentence with a plural subject and verb would be written as “Those quotes are there.”

Edited paragraph:

The protagonist of this story is Gerda. According to the text it states, “The reindeer told her all about Gerda's story after having first told his own, which seemed to him the most important." Therefore it means Gerda is the protagonist. The antagonist of the story is the Lapland woman. This is true because according to the text the Lapland woman states, "you have a long way to go yet. You must travel more than a hundred miles farther, to Finland. The Snow Queen lives there now, and she burns Bengal lights every evening.” This quote means she is the antagonist because she assisted the protagonist to help her find the Snow Queen and told her that the Snow Queen lives in Finland now. To add on, the Lapland woman helped the protagonist, Greta, get to the Snow Queen. The text states, “Then little Gerda repeated the Lord's Prayer, and the cold was so great that she could see her own breath come out of her mouth like steam, as she uttered the words. The steam appeared to increase as she continued her prayer, till it took the shape of little angels, who grew larger the moment they touched the earth. They all wore helmets on their heads and carried spears and shields. Their number continued to increase more and more, and by the time Gerda had finished her prayers a whole legion stood round her. They thrust their spears into the terrible snowflakes so that they shivered into a hundred pieces, and little Gerda could go forward with courage and safety. The angels stroked her hands and feet, so that she felt the cold less as she hastened on to the Snow Queen's castle.” Those are the protagonist and the antagonist.

Edited by Penny Yagake






W𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓶𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓶𝓮𝓪𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓸𝓯"𝓒𝓸𝓶𝓹𝓪𝓷𝔂"𝓫𝓮? 

Tom Somers felt that he was now a soldier indeed. While the company remained in Pinchbrook, he had slept every night in his own bed, and taken his meals in the kitchen of the little cottage. He fully realized that he had bade a long farewell to all the comforts and luxuries of home. That day, for the first time, he was to partake of soldiers’ fare, and that night, for the first time, he was to sleep upon a soldier’s bed. These thoughts did not make him repine, for before he signed the muster roll, he had carefully considered, with the best information he could obtain, what hardships and privations he would be called to endure. He had made up his mind to bear all things without a murmur for the blessed land of his birth, which now called upon her sons to defend her from the parricidal blow of the traitor. According to the text it says,Tom had not only made up his mind to bear all these things, but to bear them patiently and cheerfully. He had a little theory of his own, that rather more than half of the discomforts of this mortal life exist only in the imagination. If he only thought that every thing was all right, it went a great way towards making it all right—a very comforting and satisfactory philosophy, which reduced the thermometer from ninety down to seventy degrees on a hot day in summer, and raised it from ten to forty degrees on a cold day in winter; which filled his stomach when it was empty, alleviated the toothache or the headache, and changed snarling babies into new-fledged angels. I commend Tom’s philosophy to the attention and imitation of all my young friends, assured that nothing will keep them so happy and comfortable as a cheerful and contented disposition. To add on, out of nowhere one of Toms old friends Fred asked to join Captain Benson’s company. According to the text it says, “I’ll tell if you will keep quiet a moment. Is the company full?” “What company?”“Captain Benson’s, of course." then Tom asks many questions to Fred. For example “Is your father willing?”,“Are you willing to take the oath of allegiance, and swear to sustain the flag of your country?” And Etc. Therefore, Company might mean a sort of business.


Tom Somers felt that he was now a soldier indeed. While the company remained in Pinchbrook, he had slept every night in his own bed, and taken his meals in the kitchen of the little cottage. He fully realized that he had bade a long farewell to all the comforts and luxuries of home. That day, for the first time, he was to partake of soldiers’ fare, and that night, for the first time, he was to sleep upon a soldier’s bed. These thoughts did not make him repine, for before he signed the muster roll, he had carefully considered, with the best information he could obtain, what hardships and privations he would be called to endure. He had made up his mind to bear all things without a murmur for the blessed land of his birth, which now called upon her sons to defend her from the parricidal blow of the traitor.

*** All the sentences above are taken from the text. Do not just copy sentences from the text. Add “According to the text” before the first sentence. Add quotation marks (“ “)before and after quotes from the text.

Edited sentence: According to the text, “Tom Somers felt that he was now a soldier indeed. While the company remained in Pinchbrook, he had slept every night in his own bed, and taken his meals in the kitchen of the little cottage. He fully realized that he had bade a long farewell to all the comforts and luxuries of home. That day, for the first time, he was to partake of soldiers’ fare, and that night, for the first time, he was to sleep upon a soldier’s bed. These thoughts did not make him repine, for before he signed the muster roll, he had carefully considered, with the best information he could obtain, what hardships and privations he would be called to endure. He had made up his mind to bear all things without a murmur for the blessed land of his birth, which now called upon her sons to defend her from the parricidal blow of the traitor.”

According to the text it says,Tom had not only made up his mind to bear all these things, but to bear them patiently and cheerfully. He had a little theory of his own, that rather more than half of the discomforts of this mortal life exist only in the imagination. If he only thought that every thing was all right, it went a great way towards making it all right—a very comforting and satisfactory philosophy, which reduced the thermometer from ninety down to seventy degrees on a hot day in summer, and raised it from ten to forty degrees on a cold day in winter; which filled his stomach when it was empty, alleviated the toothache or the headache, and changed snarling babies into new-fledged angels. I commend Tom’s philosophy to the attention and imitation of all my young friends, assured that nothing will keep them so happy and comfortable as a cheerful and contented disposition.

*** Add a space after the first comma in this sentence. Add quotation marks (“ “)before and after quotes from the text.

Edited sentence: According to the text it says, “Tom had not only made up his mind to bear all these things, but to bear them patiently and cheerfully. He had a little theory of his own, that rather more than half of the discomforts of this mortal life exist only in the imagination. If he only thought that every thing was all right, it went a great way towards making it all right—a very comforting and satisfactory philosophy, which reduced the thermometer from ninety down to seventy degrees on a hot day in summer, and raised it from ten to forty degrees on a cold day in winter; which filled his stomach when it was empty, alleviated the toothache or the headache, and changed snarling babies into new-fledged angels. I commend Tom’s philosophy to the attention and imitation of all my young friends, assured that nothing will keep them so happy and comfortable as a cheerful and contented disposition.”

To add on, out of nowhere one of Toms old friends Fred asked to join Captain Benson’s company.

*** Add an apostrophe (‘) before the “s” in “Toms.”

Edited sentence: To add on, out of nowhere one of Tom’s old friends Fred asked to join Captain Benson’s company.

According to the text it says, “I’ll tell if you will keep quiet a moment. Is the company full?” “What company?”“Captain Benson’s, of course."

*** Change “it says” to “Fred says.” Add “Tom replies” before he says “What company?” to make it easier to tell who is speaking. After that, add “Fred answers” before “Captain Benson’s, of course.”

Edited sentence: According to the text Fred says, “I’ll tell if you will keep quiet a moment. Is the company full?” Tom replies, “What company?” Fred answers, “Captain Benson’s, of course."

then Tom asks many questions to Fred.

*** Capitalize the first word in a sentence. Here, capitalize “then.”

Edited sentence: Then Tom asks many questions to Fred.

For example “Is your father willing?”,“Are you willing to take the oath of allegiance, and swear to sustain the flag of your country?” And Etc.

*** Add “he asks” after “example.” Remove “And Etc.” Replace the comma between the quotes with “and.”

Edited sentence: For example he asks “Is your father willing?” and “Are you willing to take the oath of allegiance, and swear to sustain the flag of your country?”

Therefore, Company might mean a sort of business.

*** “Company” does not need to be capitalized. Since the word “company” is pointed out, add quotation marks before and after the word to make it stand out.

Edited sentence: Therefore, “company” might mean a sort of business.

*** Add quotation marks at the beginning of a quote and at the end of a quote. Any sentence that is taken from the text needs to be inside quotation marks.

Edited paragraph:

According to the text, “Tom Somers felt that he was now a soldier indeed. While the company remained in Pinchbrook, he had slept every night in his own bed, and taken his meals in the kitchen of the little cottage. He fully realized that he had bade a long farewell to all the comforts and luxuries of home. That day, for the first time, he was to partake of soldiers’ fare, and that night, for the first time, he was to sleep upon a soldier’s bed. These thoughts did not make him repine, for before he signed the muster roll, he had carefully considered, with the best information he could obtain, what hardships and privations he would be called to endure. He had made up his mind to bear all things without a murmur for the blessed land of his birth, which now called upon her sons to defend her from the parricidal blow of the traitor.” According to the text it says, “Tom had not only made up his mind to bear all these things, but to bear them patiently and cheerfully. He had a little theory of his own, that rather more than half of the discomforts of this mortal life exist only in the imagination. If he only thought that every thing was all right, it went a great way towards making it all right—a very comforting and satisfactory philosophy, which reduced the thermometer from ninety down to seventy degrees on a hot day in summer, and raised it from ten to forty degrees on a cold day in winter; which filled his stomach when it was empty, alleviated the toothache or the headache, and changed snarling babies into new-fledged angels. I commend Tom’s philosophy to the attention and imitation of all my young friends, assured that nothing will keep them so happy and comfortable as a cheerful and contented disposition.” To add on, out of nowhere one of Tom’s old friends Fred asked to join Captain Benson’s company. According to the text Fred says, “I’ll tell if you will keep quiet a moment. Is the company full?” Tom replies, “What company?” Fred answers, “Captain Benson’s, of course." Then Tom asks many questions to Fred. For example he asks “Is your father willing?” and “Are you willing to take the oath of allegiance, and swear to sustain the flag of your country?” Therefore, “company” might mean a sort of business.

Edited by Penny Yagake






 There are two of the boys from the story.


"One of the boys, while playing by a ditch, took a lump of clay in his hand, then turned and[106] twisted it till it took shape and was like Jason, who went in search of the Golden Fleece and found it. "The second boy ran out upon the meadow, where stood the flowers—flowers of all imaginable colors. He gathered a handful and squeezed them so tightly that the juice flew into his eyes, and some of it wet the ring upon his hand. It cribbled and crawled in his brain and in his hands, and after many a day and many a year, people in the great city talked of the famous painter that he was. Both boys did many things.Those are the two boys and what they did in the stort.


There are two of the boys from the story.

*** “of the” is not needed.

Edited sentence: There are two boys from the story.

"One of the boys, while playing by a ditch, took a lump of clay in his hand, then turned and[106] twisted it till it took shape and was like Jason, who went in search of the Golden Fleece and found it. "

*** Remove “[106].” Add “According to the text” before the quote. Remove the space after the period.

Edited sentence: According to the text, "One of the boys, while playing by a ditch, took a lump of clay in his hand, then turned and twisted it till it took shape and was like Jason, who went in search of the Golden Fleece and found it."

The second boy ran out upon the meadow, where stood the flowers—flowers of all imaginable colors. He gathered a handful and squeezed them so tightly that the juice flew into his eyes, and some of it wet the ring upon his hand. It cribbled and crawled in his brain and in his hands, and after many a day and many a year, people in the great city talked of the famous painter that he was.

*** Place a quotation mark at the beginning of this sentence and place another quotation mark at the end of this sentence. Add “The text also states” before the quote.

Edited sentence: The text also states, “The second boy ran out upon the meadow, where stood the flowers—flowers of all imaginable colors. He gathered a handful and squeezed them so tightly that the juice flew into his eyes, and some of it wet the ring upon his hand. It cribbled and crawled in his brain and in his hands, and after many a day and many a year, people in the great city talked of the famous painter that he was.”

Both boys did many things.

*** Try not to use the word “thing.” Try to name the thing or describe it.

Edited sentence: Both boys did many tasks.

Those are the two boys and what they did in the stort.

*** Spell “stort” as “story.”

Edited sentence: Those are the two boys and what they did in the story.

*** When borrowing a quote from the text, place quotation marks at the beginning and at the end of the quote. Add a phrase like “According to the text” before the quote.

Edited paragraph:

There are two boys from the story. According to the text, "One of the boys, while playing by a ditch, took a lump of clay in his hand, then turned and twisted it till it took shape and was like Jason, who went in search of the Golden Fleece and found it." The text also states, “The second boy ran out upon the meadow, where stood the flowers—flowers of all imaginable colors. He gathered a handful and squeezed them so tightly that the juice flew into his eyes, and some of it wet the ring upon his hand. It cribbled and crawled in his brain and in his hands, and after many a day and many a year, people in the great city talked of the famous painter that he was.” Both boys did many tasks. Those are the two boys and what they did in the story.

Edited by Penny Yagake







The snails were acting like humans.

They were acting like humans because the great white snails, which grand people in old times used to have dished up as fricassees, and of which, when they had eaten, they would say, "H'm, how nice!" for they really fancied them delicious. These snails lived on burdock leaves, and that was why burdock was planted. According to the text, it says, and of which, when they had eaten, they would say, "H'm, how nice!" which is something a normal human would say. Just like normal people would do the old white snails had adopted a little common snail, and had brought it up as their own child. Furthermore, like people wouldn't be able to give in for for a certain reasoning, Neither the cockchafer, nor the toad, nor the earthworm, all of whom they questioned on the matter, could give them the least information, for none of them had ever been cooked and served upon silver dishes. That is how the snails were acting like humans.


The snails were acting like humans.

*** Good.

They were acting like humans because the great white snails, which grand people in old times used to have dished up as fricassees, and of which, when they had eaten, they would say, "H'm, how nice!" for they really fancied them delicious. These snails lived on burdock leaves, and that was why burdock was planted.

*** Add quotation marks at the beginning and end of sentences from the text. Make sure quotes are written exactly as they are in the text — “old” should be written as “olden.” When a character speaks inside of a quote, add single quotation marks (‘) around what they say.

Edited sentence: They were acting like humans because “the great white snails, which grand people in olden times used to have dished up as fricassees, and of which, when they had eaten, they would say, ‘H'm, how nice!’ for they really fancied them delicious. These snails lived on burdock leaves, and that was why burdock was planted.”

According to the text, it says, and of which, when they had eaten, they would say, "H'm, how nice!" which is something a normal human would say.

*** Add quotation marks at the beginning and end of sentences from the text. When a character speaks inside of a quote, add single quotation marks (‘) around what they say.

Edited sentence: According to the text, it says, “and of which, when they had eaten, they would say, ‘H'm, how nice!’” which is something a normal human would say.

Just like normal people would do the old white snails had adopted a little common snail, and had brought it up as their own child.

*** Add quotation marks at the beginning and end of sentences from the text. Add a comma after “do.”

Edited sentence: Just like normal people would do, the old white snails “had adopted a little common snail, and had brought it up as their own child.”

Furthermore, like people wouldn't be able to give in for for a certain reasoning, Neither the cockchafer, nor the toad, nor the earthworm, all of whom they questioned on the matter, could give them the least information, for none of them had ever been cooked and served upon silver dishes.

*** Add quotation marks at the beginning and end of sentences from the text. Write “in for” as “information.” Remove the “ing” at the end of “reasoning.”

Edited sentence: Furthermore, like people wouldn't be able to give information for a certain reason, “Neither the cockchafer, nor the toad, nor the earthworm, all of whom they questioned on the matter, could give them the least information, for none of them had ever been cooked and served upon silver dishes.”

That is how the snails were acting like humans.

*** Good.

*** Remember to add quotation marks at the beginning and end of sentences from the text. On your computer keyboard, press the “Shift” key and the “ key at the same time to type the quotation marks (“). When a character speaks inside of a quote, add single quotation marks (‘) around what they say. Make sure quotes are written exactly as they are in the text.

Edited paragraph:

The snails were acting like humans. They were acting like humans because “the great white snails, which grand people in olden times used to have dished up as fricassees, and of which, when they had eaten, they would say, ‘H'm, how nice!’ for they really fancied them delicious. These snails lived on burdock leaves, and that was why burdock was planted.” According to the text, it says, “and of which, when they had eaten, they would say, ‘H'm, how nice!’” which is something a normal human would say. Just like normal people would do, the old white snails “had adopted a little common snail, and had brought it up as their own child.” Furthermore, like people wouldn't be able to give information for a certain reason, “Neither the cockchafer, nor the toad, nor the earthworm, all of whom they questioned on the matter, could give them the least information, for none of them had ever been cooked and served upon silver dishes.” That is how the snails were acting like humans.

Edited by Penny Yagake


/I'm Improving :D\




There is a message that the writer is trying to make to the reader.

Very often, after a violent thunder-storm, a field of buckwheat appears blackened and singed, as if a flame of fire had passed over it. The country people say that this appearance is caused by lightning; but I will tell you what the sparrow says, and the sparrow heard it from an old willow-tree which grew near a field of buckwheat, and is there still. It is a large venerable tree, though a little crippled by age. The trunk has been split, and out of the crevice grass and brambles grow. The tree bends for-ward slightly, and the branches hang quite down to the ground just like green hair. Corn grows in the surrounding fields, not only rye and barley, but oats,-pretty oats that, when ripe, look like a number of little golden canary-birds sitting on a bough. The corn has a smiling look and the heaviest and richest ears bend their heads low as if in pious humility. Once there was also a field of buckwheat, and this field was exactly opposite to old willow-tree. The buckwheat did not bend like the other grain, but erected its head proudly and stiffly on the stem. "I am as valuable as any other corn," said he, "and I am much handsomer; my flowers are as beautiful as the bloom of the apple blossom, and it is a pleasure to look at us. Do you know of anything prettier than we are, you old willow-tree?"


Also the message the reader is telling is This is the story told me by the sparrows one evening when I begged them to relate some tale to me.

There is a message that the writer is trying to make to the reader.

*** Good.

Very often, after a violent thunder-storm, a field of buckwheat appears blackened and singed, as if a flame of fire had passed over it. The country people say that this appearance is caused by lightning; but I will tell you what the sparrow says, and the sparrow heard it from an old willow-tree which grew near a field of buckwheat, and is there still. It is a large venerable tree, though a little crippled by age. The trunk has been split, and out of the crevice grass and brambles grow. The tree bends for-ward slightly, and the branches hang quite down to the ground just like green hair. Corn grows in the surrounding fields, not only rye and barley, but oats,-pretty oats that, when ripe, look like a number of little golden canary-birds sitting on a bough. The corn has a smiling look and the heaviest and richest ears bend their heads low as if in pious humility. Once there was also a field of buckwheat, and this field was exactly opposite to old willow-tree. The buckwheat did not bend like the other grain, but erected its head proudly and stiffly on the stem. "I am as valuable as any other corn," said he, "and I am much handsomer; my flowers are as beautiful as the bloom of the apple blossom, and it is a pleasure to look at us. Do you know of anything prettier than we are, you old willow-tree?"

*** The whole section above is taken from the text. Do not just copy from the text. Write phrases like “According to the text” before quoting from the text. Use a few quotes. After each quote, write a sentence explaining what the quote means.

Edited sentence: According to the text, “Very often, after a violent thunder-storm, a field of buckwheat appears blackened and singed, as if a flame of fire had passed over it. The country people say that this appearance is caused by lightning; but I will tell you what the sparrow says, and the sparrow heard it from an old willow-tree which grew near a field of buckwheat, and is there still. It is a large venerable tree, though a little crippled by age. The trunk has been split, and out of the crevice grass and brambles grow. The tree bends for-ward slightly, and the branches hang quite down to the ground just like green hair. Corn grows in the surrounding fields, not only rye and barley, but oats,-pretty oats that, when ripe, look like a number of little golden canary-birds sitting on a bough. The corn has a smiling look and the heaviest and richest ears bend their heads low as if in pious humility. Once there was also a field of buckwheat, and this field was exactly opposite to old willow-tree. The buckwheat did not bend like the other grain, but erected its head proudly and stiffly on the stem. ‘I am as valuable as any other corn,’ said he, ‘and I am much handsomer; my flowers are as beautiful as the bloom of the apple blossom, and it is a pleasure to look at us. Do you know of anything prettier than we are, you old willow-tree?’”

Also the message the reader is telling is This is the story told me by the sparrows one evening when I begged them to relate some tale to me.

*** Place quotation marks around words or sentences from the article.

Edited sentence: Also the message the reader is telling is “This is the story told me by the sparrows one evening when I begged them to relate some tale to me.”

*** You need to include sentences using your own words to summarize the text. Do not just copy from the text. Write phrases like “According to the text” before quoting from the text. Place quotation marks (“) around words or sentences from the text.

Edited paragraph:

There is a message that the writer is trying to make to the reader. According to the text, “Very often, after a violent thunder-storm, a field of buckwheat appears blackened and singed, as if a flame of fire had passed over it. The country people say that this appearance is caused by lightning; but I will tell you what the sparrow says, and the sparrow heard it from an old willow-tree which grew near a field of buckwheat, and is there still. It is a large venerable tree, though a little crippled by age. The trunk has been split, and out of the crevice grass and brambles grow. The tree bends for-ward slightly, and the branches hang quite down to the ground just like green hair. Corn grows in the surrounding fields, not only rye and barley, but oats,-pretty oats that, when ripe, look like a number of little golden canary-birds sitting on a bough. The corn has a smiling look and the heaviest and richest ears bend their heads low as if in pious humility. Once there was also a field of buckwheat, and this field was exactly opposite to old willow-tree. The buckwheat did not bend like the other grain, but erected its head proudly and stiffly on the stem. ‘I am as valuable as any other corn,’ said he, ‘and I am much handsomer; my flowers are as beautiful as the bloom of the apple blossom, and it is a pleasure to look at us. Do you know of anything prettier than we are, you old willow-tree?’” Also the message the reader is telling is “This is the story told me by the sparrows one evening when I begged them to relate some tale to me.”

Edited by Penny Yagake







The Little Mermaid


The princesses were different from each other. Far out at sea the water is as blue as the bluest cornflower, and as clear as the clearest crystal; but it is very deep, too deep for any cable to fathom, and if many steeples were piled on the top of one another they would not reach from the bed of the sea to the surface of the water. It is down there that the Mermen live. They Were different because,each little princess had her own little plot of garden, where she could dig and plant just as she liked. Each had Many ways to make her flower bed. One made her flower-bed in the shape of a whale; another thought it nice to have hers like a little mermaid; but the youngest made hers quite round like the sun, and she would only have flowers of a rosy hue like its beams. The youngest one was a curious child, quiet and thoughtful, and while the other sisters decked out their gardens with all kinds of extraordinary objects which they got from wrecks, she would have nothing besides the rosy flowers like the sun up above, except a statue of a beautiful boy. Nothing gave her greater pleasure than to hear about the world of human beings up above; she made her old grandmother tell her all that she knew about ships and towns, people and animals. That is how the princesses were different from each other.


The princesses were different from each other.

*** Good.

Far out at sea the water is as blue as the bluest cornflower, and as clear as the clearest crystal; but it is very deep, too deep for any cable to fathom, and if many steeples were piled on the top of one another they would not reach from the bed of the sea to the surface of the water. It is down there that the Mermen live.

*** Credit the source by adding “According to the text” at the beginning of this sentence. Place quotation marks (“) around phrases from the text.

Edited sentence: According to the text, “Far out at sea the water is as blue as the bluest cornflower, and as clear as the clearest crystal; but it is very deep, too deep for any cable to fathom, and if many steeples were piled on the top of one another they would not reach from the bed of the sea to the surface of the water. It is down there that the Mermen live.”

They Were different because,each little princess had her own little plot of garden, where she could dig and plant just as she liked.

*** “Were” does not need to be capitalized. Add a space after the first comma. Place quotation marks (“) around phrases from the text.

Edited sentence: They were different because, “Each little princess had her own little plot of garden, where she could dig and plant just as she liked.”

Each had Many ways to make her flower bed.

*** Since each princess uses one way to make her flower-bed, “many ways” can be changed to “a different way.”

Edited sentence: Each had a different way to make her flower-bed.

One made her flower-bed in the shape of a whale; another thought it nice to have hers like a little mermaid; but the youngest made hers quite round like the sun, and she would only have flowers of a rosy hue like its beams.

*** Credit the source by adding “The text states” at the beginning of this sentence. Place quotation marks (“) around phrases from the text.

Edited sentence: The text states, “One made her flower-bed in the shape of a whale; another thought it nice to have hers like a little mermaid; but the youngest made hers quite round like the sun, and she would only have flowers of a rosy hue like its beams.”

The youngest one was a curious child, quiet and thoughtful, and while the other sisters decked out their gardens with all kinds of extraordinary objects which they got from wrecks, she would have nothing besides the rosy flowers like the sun up above, except a statue of a beautiful boy.

*** Place quotation marks (“) around phrases from the text.

Edited sentence: The youngest one “was a curious child, quiet and thoughtful, and while the other sisters decked out their gardens with all kinds of extraordinary objects which they got from wrecks, she would have nothing besides the rosy flowers like the sun up above, except a statue of a beautiful boy.”

Nothing gave her greater pleasure than to hear about the world of human beings up above; she made her old grandmother tell her all that she knew about ships and towns, people and animals.

*** Credit the source by adding “The text adds” at the beginning of this sentence. Place quotation marks (“) around phrases from the text.

Edited sentence: The text adds, “Nothing gave her greater pleasure than to hear about the world of human beings up above; she made her old grandmother tell her all that she knew about ships and towns, people and animals.”

That is how the princesses were different from each other.

*** Good.

*** This paragraph shows improvement, but you need to add phrases like “According to the text” before using phrases from the text. Place quotation marks before and after exact phrases from the text to quote the text.

Edited paragraph:

The princesses were different from each other. According to the text, “Far out at sea the water is as blue as the bluest cornflower, and as clear as the clearest crystal; but it is very deep, too deep for any cable to fathom, and if many steeples were piled on the top of one another they would not reach from the bed of the sea to the surface of the water. It is down there that the Mermen live.” They were different because, “Each little princess had her own little plot of garden, where she could dig and plant just as she liked.” Each had a different way to make her flower-bed. The text states, “One made her flower-bed in the shape of a whale; another thought it nice to have hers like a little mermaid; but the youngest made hers quite round like the sun, and she would only have flowers of a rosy hue like its beams.” The youngest one “was a curious child, quiet and thoughtful, and while the other sisters decked out their gardens with all kinds of extraordinary objects which they got from wrecks, she would have nothing besides the rosy flowers like the sun up above, except a statue of a beautiful boy.” The text adds, “Nothing gave her greater pleasure than to hear about the world of human beings up above; she made her old grandmother tell her all that she knew about ships and towns, people and animals.” That is how the princesses were different from each other.

Edited by Penny Yagake


-did I do better? Or did I do worse??






The Boston Dynamics robot


The Boston Dynamics' robot is assisting during the COVID-19 Pandemic. While the novel coronavirus is dangerous for everyone, it is particularly so for the first responders who are being exposed to the illness daily. In the US alone, almost 5,500 nurses, doctors, and other healthcare professionals have been infected with COVID-19. Of these, dozens have succumbed to the disease. Now, hospital workers worldwide may get some reprieve thanks to Spot, a semi-autonomous four-legged robot developed by Waltham, Massachusetts-based robotics company, Boston Dynamics. “With current protocols at local hospitals, patients suspected to have COVID-19 are asked to line up in tents outside to answer questions and get initial assessments for temperature. This process requires up to five medical staff, placing those individuals at high risk of contracting the virus,” Boston Dynamics explains. “With the use of a mobile robot, hospitals are able to reduce the number of necessary medical staff at the scene and conserve their limited PPE [personal protective equipment] supply.” The company says the doctors can even use Spot to talk to patients from the safety of their own homes. “By attaching a UV-C light to the robot’s back, Spot could use the device to kill virus particles and disinfect surfaces in any unstructured space that needs support in decontamination — be it hospital tents or metro stations,” the company says. (the UV lights kill virus particles)To add on, Though this is Spot's first healthcare assignment, Boston Dynamics has been beta-testing the customizable robot for several other hazardous tasks since late 2019. These include helping Boston police detect bombs and assisting miners in troubleshooting problems from a safe distance. that is how the Boston Dynamics' robot is assisting during the COVID-19 Pandemic.


ツThe Boston Dynamics robot

*** Remove the "ツ" and capitalize "robot."

Edited title: The Boston Dynamics Robot

The Boston Dynamics' robot is assisting during the COVID-19 Pandemic.

*** “Pandemic” does not need to be capitalized. Add “doctors” after “assisting.”

Edited sentence: The Boston Dynamics' robot is assisting doctors during the COVID-19 pandemic.

While the novel coronavirus is dangerous for everyone, it is particularly so for the first responders who are being exposed to the illness daily. In the US alone, almost 5,500 nurses, doctors, and other healthcare professionals have been infected with COVID-19. Of these, dozens have succumbed to the disease. Now, hospital workers worldwide may get some reprieve thanks to Spot, a semi-autonomous four-legged robot developed by Waltham, Massachusetts-based robotics company, Boston Dynamics.

*** Do not just copy from the article. Credit the article by adding “According to the article” before quoting phrases from the article. Place quotation marks around phrases from the article.

Edited sentence: According to the article, “While the novel coronavirus is dangerous for everyone, it is particularly so for the first responders who are being exposed to the illness daily. In the US alone, almost 5,500 nurses, doctors, and other healthcare professionals have been infected with COVID-19. Of these, dozens have succumbed to the disease. Now, hospital workers worldwide may get some reprieve thanks to Spot, a semi-autonomous four-legged robot developed by Waltham, Massachusetts-based robotics company, Boston Dynamics.”

“With current protocols at local hospitals, patients suspected to have COVID-19 are asked to line up in tents outside to answer questions and get initial assessments for temperature. This process requires up to five medical staff, placing those individuals at high risk of contracting the virus,” Boston Dynamics explains. “With the use of a mobile robot, hospitals are able to reduce the number of necessary medical staff at the scene and conserve their limited PPE [personal protective equipment] supply.” The company says the doctors can even use Spot to talk to patients from the safety of their own homes.

*** Do not just copy from the article. Credit the article by adding “The article adds” before quoting phrases from the article. Place quotation marks around phrases from the article. When there is another quote inside a quote, place single quotation marks (‘) around the inside quote.

Edited sentence: The article adds, “‘With current protocols at local hospitals, patients suspected to have COVID-19 are asked to line up in tents outside to answer questions and get initial assessments for temperature. This process requires up to five medical staff, placing those individuals at high risk of contracting the virus,’ Boston Dynamics explains. ‘With the use of a mobile robot, hospitals are able to reduce the number of necessary medical staff at the scene and conserve their limited PPE [personal protective equipment] supply.’ The company says the doctors can even use Spot to talk to patients from the safety of their own homes.”

“By attaching a UV-C light to the robot’s back, Spot could use the device to kill virus particles and disinfect surfaces in any unstructured space that needs support in decontamination — be it hospital tents or metro stations,” the company says. (the UV lights kill virus particles)

**** Remove the parentheses and adjust it as shown in the edited sentence below. Do not just copy from the article. Credit the article by adding “The article also states” before quoting phrases from the article. Place quotation marks around phrases from the article. When there is another quote inside a quote, place single quotation marks (‘) around the inside quote.

Edited sentence: The article also states, “‘By attaching a UV-C light to the robot’s back, Spot could use the device to kill virus particles and disinfect surfaces in any unstructured space that needs support in decontamination — be it hospital tents or metro stations,’ the company says.” The UV lights kill virus particles.

To add on, Though this is Spot's first healthcare assignment, Boston Dynamics has been beta-testing the customizable robot for several other hazardous tasks since late 2019. These include helping Boston police detect bombs and assisting miners in troubleshooting problems from a safe distance.

*** Do not just copy from the article. Credit the article by adding “The article also states” before quoting phrases from the article.

Edited sentence: To add on, “Though this is Spot's first healthcare assignment, Boston Dynamics has been beta-testing the customizable robot for several other hazardous tasks since late 2019. These include helping Boston police detect bombs and assisting miners in troubleshooting problems from a safe distance.”

that is how the Boston Dynamics' robot is assisting during the COVID-19 Pandemic.

*** Capitalize the first word in this sentence. “Pandemic” does not need to be capitalized. Add “doctors” after “assisting.”

Edited sentence: That is how the Boston Dynamics' robot is assisting doctors during the COVID-19 pandemic.

*** Remember, do not just copy from the article. Credit the article by adding “According to the article” before quoting phrases from the article. Place quotation marks around phrases from the article. When there is another quote inside a quote, place single quotation marks (‘) around the inside quote. Explain the information in the quotes using your own words.

Edited paragraph:

The Boston Dynamics' Robot

The Boston Dynamics' robot is assisting doctors during the COVID-19 pandemic. According to the article, “While the novel coronavirus is dangerous for everyone, it is particularly so for the first responders who are being exposed to the illness daily. In the US alone, almost 5,500 nurses, doctors, and other healthcare professionals have been infected with COVID-19. Of these, dozens have succumbed to the disease. Now, hospital workers worldwide may get some reprieve thanks to Spot, a semi-autonomous four-legged robot developed by Waltham, Massachusetts-based robotics company, Boston Dynamics.” The article adds, “‘With current protocols at local hospitals, patients suspected to have COVID-19 are asked to line up in tents outside to answer questions and get initial assessments for temperature. This process requires up to five medical staff, placing those individuals at high risk of contracting the virus,’ Boston Dynamics explains. ‘With the use of a mobile robot, hospitals are able to reduce the number of necessary medical staff at the scene and conserve their limited PPE [personal protective equipment] supply.’ The company says the doctors can even use Spot to talk to patients from the safety of their own homes.” The article also states, “‘By attaching a UV-C light to the robot’s back, Spot could use the device to kill virus particles and disinfect surfaces in any unstructured space that needs support in decontamination — be it hospital tents or metro stations,’ the company says.” The UV lights kill virus particles. To add on, “Though this is Spot's first healthcare assignment, Boston Dynamics has been beta-testing the customizable robot for several other hazardous tasks since late 2019. These include helping Boston police detect bombs and assisting miners in troubleshooting problems from a safe distance.” That is how the Boston Dynamics' robot is assisting doctors during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Edited by Penny Yagake






Things happened to the r Though considered a wast some, sleep i health and wellbes, researchers have found sleeping allows the body to repair and rf irrelevant memories, and even help kids grow taller and obtain better grades. Now, it appears that snoozing for an average of 8 holeanse itself and get rid of harmful toxins. The latest research follows up on a 2013 study, which found a dramatic increase in the flow of cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) in the brains of rats and baboons during sleep. Also,A team of scientists led by Dr. Laura Lewis, an assistant professor of biomedical engineering at Boston University, recently set out to do just that. To observe the brain during sleep, the researchers asked the study's 13 participants to avoid their comfortable beds and instead spend the night sleeping inside an MRI machine. Each person was also required to wear an EEG (electroencephalography) cap.


Things happened to the r

*** This sentence is incomplete. What is the last word? Avoid using the word “thing” — try to name or describe it.

Edited sentence: These events happened to the research participants.

Though considered a wast some, sleep i health and wellbes, researchers have found sleeping allows the body to repair and rf irrelevant memories, and even help kids grow taller and obtain better grades.

*** This appears to be a sentence from this article: https://www.dogonews.com/2020/4/22/wish-to-cleanse-your-brain-of-toxins-get-your-zzzs. If you are using quotes from the article, make sure to write them out fully. Add phrases like “According to the article” before quotes. Also add quotation marks around phrases from the article. Spell “wast” as “waste.” Spell “wellbes” as “wellbeing.”

Edited sentence: According to the article, “Though considered a waste of time by some, sleep is essential for the health and wellbeing of humans” and “researchers have found sleeping allows the body to repair and restore cells, get rid of irrelevant memories, and even help kids grow taller and obtain better grades.”

Now, it appears that snoozing for an average of 8 holeanse itself and get rid of harmful toxins.

*** Make sure quotes are written exactly according to the text. To indicate that these words are from the article, add “The article adds” at the beginning of this sentence. Also add quotation marks around phrases from the article.

Edited sentence: The article adds, “Now, it appears that snoozing for an average of 8 hours daily enables the brain to cleanse itself and get rid of harmful toxins.

The latest research follows up on a 2013 study, which found a dramatic increase in the flow of cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) in the brains of rats and baboons during sleep.

*** To indicate that these words are from the article, add “Additionally” at the beginning of this sentence. Also add quotation marks around phrases from the article.

Edited sentence: Additionally, “The latest research follows up on a 2013 study, which found a dramatic increase in the flow of cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) in the brains of rats and baboons during sleep.”

Also,A team of scientists led by Dr. Laura Lewis, an assistant professor of biomedical engineering at Boston University, recently set out to do just that. To observe the brain during sleep, the researchers asked the study's 13 participants to avoid their comfortable beds and instead spend the night sleeping inside an MRI machine. Each person was also required to wear an EEG (electroencephalography) cap.

*** Also add quotation marks around phrases from the article. Make sure quotes are written exactly according to the text.

Edited sentence: Also, “A team of scientists led by Dr. Laura Lewis, an assistant professor of biomedical engineering at Boston University, recently set out to do just that. To observe the brain during sleep, the researchers asked the study's 13 participants to eschew their comfortable beds and instead spend the night sleeping inside an MRI machine. Each person was also required to wear an EEG (electroencephalography) cap.”

*** Add quotation marks around phrases from the article. Make sure quotes are written exactly according to the text. Add phrases like “According to the article” before quotes. After each quote, explain the quote in a sentence using your own words.

Edited paragraph:

These events happened to the research participants. According to the article, “Though considered a waste of time by some, sleep is essential for the health and wellbeing of humans” and “researchers have found sleeping allows the body to repair and restore cells, get rid of irrelevant memories, and even help kids grow taller and obtain better grades.” The article adds, “Now, it appears that snoozing for an average of 8 hours daily enables the brain to cleanse itself and get rid of harmful toxins. Additionally, “The latest research follows up on a 2013 study, which found a dramatic increase in the flow of cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) in the brains of rats and baboons during sleep.” Also, “A team of scientists led by Dr. Laura Lewis, an assistant professor of biomedical engineering at Boston University, recently set out to do just that. To observe the brain during sleep, the researchers asked the study's 13 participants to eschew their comfortable beds and instead spend the night sleeping inside an MRI machine. Each person was also required to wear an EEG (electroencephalography) cap.”

Edited by Penny Yagake






There are some ways that you can help improve the earth.The first Earth Day was celebrated in 1970, when a United States senator from Wisconsin organized a national demonstration to raise awareness about environmental issues. Rallies took place across the country and, by the end of the year, the U.S. government had created the Environmental Protection Agency. By 1990, Earth Day was an event celebrated by more than 140 countries around the globe. Things you can do With a parent’s permission to help the earth is, volunteer to pick up trash at a nearby park, start a collection drive for recyclable items, or organng of an environmentally-themed movie. By getting involved and working with others, you’re not just helping the Earth—you’re making new friends too! Also,talk to your friends and family members about what you’re doing and ask them to help. Those are some ways people can help the earth.


There are some ways that you can help improve the earth.

*** Add a space after the period. Capitalize “earth” since it’s the name of a planet. Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only. Here, “you” can be replaced with “people.”

Edited sentence: There are some ways that people can help improve the Earth.

The first Earth Day was celebrated in 1970, when a United States senator from Wisconsin organized a national demonstration to raise awareness about environmental issues.

*** Add “According to the article” at the beginning of this sentence. Put quotation marks around phrases from the article.

Edited sentence: According to the article, “The first Earth Day was celebrated in 1970, when a United States senator from Wisconsin organized a national demonstration to raise awareness about environmental issues. Rallies took place across the country and, by the end of the year, the U.S. government had created the Environmental Protection Agency. By 1990, Earth Day was an event celebrated by more than 140 countries around the globe.”

Things you can do With a parent’s permission to help the earth is, volunteer to pick up trash at a nearby park, start a collection drive for recyclable items, or organng of an environmentally-themed movie.

*** Add “The article adds” at the beginning of this sentence. “organng” should be written as “organize a screening.” Avoid the word “thing” — name or describe it. Capitalize “earth” since it’s the name of a planet. Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only. Put quotation marks around phrases from the article.

Edited sentence: Activities that kids can do to help the Earth, with a parent’s permission, include “volunteer to pick up trash at a nearby park, start a collection drive for recyclable items, or organize a screening of an environmentally themed movie. By getting involved and working with others, you’re not just helping the Earth—you’re making new friends too!”

Also,talk to your friends and family members about what you’re doing and ask them to help.

*** Add a space after the comma. Put quotation marks around phrases from the article.

Edited sentence: Also, “Talk to your friends and family members about what you’re doing and ask them to help.”

Those are some ways people can help the earth.

*** Capitalize “earth” since it’s the name of a planet.

Edited sentence: Those are some ways people can help the Earth.

*** Remember to capitalize names, like the name of a planet. Add phrases like “According to the article” before phrases from the article. Also put quotation marks around phrases from the article. Then write a sentence explaining each quote in your own words. Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only.

Edited paragraph:

There are some ways that people can help improve the Earth. According to the article, “The first Earth Day was celebrated in 1970, when a United States senator from Wisconsin organized a national demonstration to raise awareness about environmental issues. Rallies took place across the country and, by the end of the year, the U.S. government had created the Environmental Protection Agency. By 1990, Earth Day was an event celebrated by more than 140 countries around the globe.” Activities that kids can do to help the Earth, with a parent’s permission, include “volunteer to pick up trash at a nearby park, start a collection drive for recyclable items, or organize a screening of an environmentally themed movie. By getting involved and working with others, you’re not just helping the Earth—you’re making new friends too!” Also, “Talk to your friends and family members about what you’re doing and ask them to help.” Those are some ways people can help the Earth.

Edited by Penny Yagake






The boys helping the Seniors.The two sophomores from Montgomery Blair High School in Silver Spring, Maryland have devised a way for Marylanders to get together and protect their grandparents and loved ones who have health conditions, by delivering the groceries and necessary supplies they need. Kraft was yearning for some fresh food to be delivered, and he found Teens Helping Seniors. Further more,In the service project, teen volunteers maintain the proper social distance from the people they serve, and show meticulous care while shopping and delivering. They wear gloves while shopping, wipe down bags they are delivering, and offer curbside pickup when possible. That was about the boys helping the seniors.


The boys helping the Seniors.

*** Add a space after the period. “Seniors” does not need to be capitalized. Add “are” before “helping.”

Edited sentence: The boys are helping the seniors.

The two sophomores from Montgomery Blair High School in Silver Spring, Maryland have devised a way for Marylanders to get together and protect their grandparents and loved ones who have health conditions, by delivering the groceries and necessary supplies they need.

*** Add “According to the article” at the beginning of the sentence. Put quotation marks around phrases from the article.

Edited sentence: According to the article, “The two sophomores from Montgomery Blair High School in Silver Spring, Maryland have devised a way for Marylanders to get together and protect their grandparents and loved ones who have health conditions, by delivering the groceries and necessary supplies they need.”
>Kraft was yearning for some fresh food to be delivered, and he found Teens Helping Seniors.

      • Since the paragraph does not yet explain who Kraft is, describe him. Put quotation marks around phrases from the article.


Edited sentence: A retired grandfather named Kraft “was yearning for some fresh food to be delivered, and he found Teens Helping Seniors.”

Further more,In the service project, teen volunteers maintain the proper social distance from the people they serve, and show meticulous care while shopping and delivering. They wear gloves while shopping, wipe down bags they are delivering, and offer curbside pickup when possible.

*** “Further more” should be spelled as one word, as in “Furthermore.” Put quotation marks around phrases from the article.

Edited sentence: Furthermore, “In the service project, teen volunteers maintain the proper social distance from the people they serve, and show meticulous care while shopping and delivering. They wear gloves while shopping, wipe down bags they are delivering, and offer curbside pickup when possible.”

That was about the boys helping the seniors.

*** Add “article” after “That.”

Edited sentence: That article was about the boys helping the seniors.

*** Put quotation marks around phrases that are from the article. After quoting from the article, explain what each quote means in a sentence using your own words. Words like “Furthermore” should be written as one word. A word like “seniors” does not need to be capitalized unless it is at the beginning of a sentence.

Edited paragraph:

The boys are helping the seniors. According to the article, “The two sophomores from Montgomery Blair High School in Silver Spring, Maryland have devised a way for Marylanders to get together and protect their grandparents and loved ones who have health conditions, by delivering the groceries and necessary supplies they need.” A retired grandfather named Kraft “was yearning for some fresh food to be delivered, and he found Teens Helping Seniors.” Furthermore, “In the service project, teen volunteers maintain the proper social distance from the people they serve, and show meticulous care while shopping and delivering. They wear gloves while shopping, wipe down bags they are delivering, and offer curbside pickup when possible.” That article was about the boys helping the seniors.

Edited by Penny Yagake






There are two ways the story reports that Earth Day is being celebrated. Earth day is celebrated tomorrow on April 22.It usually has many outdoor activities that helps our Earth. Some activities are, planting trees, collecting roadside or beach trash, and conducting, or participating in, recycling and conservation programs. Ingmar Rentzhog, the founder and CEO of We Don't Have Time, said, "The current pandemic of coronavirus has harmed lives, livelihoods, and economies. It has also triggered the postponement of the crucial UK-hosted, UN climate conference, where climate action was meant to rise to the next level towards meeting the landmark Paris Agreement. The world must clearly lift the threat of the current pandemic, but we cannot lose sight of the even bigger crisis facing our planet and its people." He hopes the online conference will "inspire everyone to get the climate job done at speed and at scale." Further more,people seeking Earth Day digital events closer to home can check out the interactive map on the Earth Day Network site. Updated regularly, the comprehensive list, neatly classified in categories ranging from conservation to artists for Earth Day to citizen science, has something to suit every environmentalist's interest. The non-profit organization has also put together a 22-day challenge that families can undertake to protect the planet. Those are two ways the story reports that Earth Day is being celebrated.


There are two ways the story reports that Earth Day is being celebrated.

*** This sentence can start with “The story reports two ways…”

Edited sentence: The story reports two ways that Earth Day is being celebrated.

Earth day is celebrated tomorrow on April 22.

*** Capitalize “day.”

Edited sentence: Earth Day is celebrated tomorrow on April 22.

It usually has many outdoor activities that helps our Earth.

*** Change “It” to “There are.” Remove the “s” at the end of “help.” Avoid first person point of view (“our”) and use third person point of view only.

Edited sentence: There are usually many outdoor activities that help the Earth.

Some activities are, planting trees, collecting roadside or beach trash, and conducting, or participating in, recycling and conservation programs.

*** Change “are” to “include.” Use quotation marks around phrases from the article.

Edited sentence: Some activities include “planting trees, collecting roadside or beach trash, and conducting, or participating in, recycling and conservation programs.”

Ingmar Rentzhog, the founder and CEO of We Don't Have Time, said, "The current pandemic of coronavirus has harmed lives, livelihoods, and economies. It has also triggered the postponement of the crucial UK-hosted, UN climate conference, where climate action was meant to rise to the next level towards meeting the landmark Paris Agreement. The world must clearly lift the threat of the current pandemic, but we cannot lose sight of the even bigger crisis facing our planet and its people." He hopes the online conference will "inspire everyone to get the climate job done at speed and at scale."

*** Add “According to the article” at the beginning of this sentence.

Edited sentence: According to the article, Ingmar Rentzhog, the founder and CEO of We Don't Have Time, said, "The current pandemic of coronavirus has harmed lives, livelihoods, and economies. It has also triggered the postponement of the crucial UK-hosted, UN climate conference, where climate action was meant to rise to the next level towards meeting the landmark Paris Agreement. The world must clearly lift the threat of the current pandemic, but we cannot lose sight of the even bigger crisis facing our planet and its people." He hopes the online conference will "inspire everyone to get the climate job done at speed and at scale."

Further more,people seeking Earth Day digital events closer to home can check out the interactive map on the Earth Day Network site.

*** Add a space after the comma. “Further more” should be spelled as one word, as in “Furthermore.” Use quotation marks around phrases from the article.

Edited sentence: Furthermore, people “seeking Earth Day digital events closer to home can check out the interactive map on the Earth Day Network site.”

Updated regularly, the comprehensive list, neatly classified in categories ranging from conservation to artists for Earth Day to citizen science, has something to suit every environmentalist's interest.

*** Add “According to the article” at the beginning of this sentence. Use quotation marks around phrases from the article.

Edited sentence: According to the article, “Updated regularly, the comprehensive list, neatly classified in categories ranging from conservation to artists for Earth Day to citizen science, has something to suit every environmentalist's interest.”

The non-profit organization has also put together a 22-day challenge that families can undertake to protect the planet.

*** Add “The article adds” at the beginning of this sentence. Use quotation marks around phrases from the article.

Edited sentence: The article adds, “The non-profit organization has also put together a 22-day challenge that families can undertake to protect the planet.”

Those are two ways the story reports that Earth Day is being celebrated.

*** You can move “that Earth Day is being celebrated” after “Those are the two ways.”

Edited sentence: Those are the two ways that Earth Day is being celebrated, as reported in the story.

*** After quoting from the article, explain what each quote means in your own words. Put quotation marks around phrases that are from the article. Avoid first person point of view (“our”) and use third person point of view only.

Edited paragraph:

The story reports two ways that Earth Day is being celebrated. Earth Day is celebrated tomorrow on April 22. There are usually many outdoor activities that help the Earth. Some activities include “planting trees, collecting roadside or beach trash, and conducting, or participating in, recycling and conservation programs.” According to the article, Ingmar Rentzhog, the founder and CEO of We Don't Have Time, said, "The current pandemic of coronavirus has harmed lives, livelihoods, and economies. It has also triggered the postponement of the crucial UK-hosted, UN climate conference, where climate action was meant to rise to the next level towards meeting the landmark Paris Agreement. The world must clearly lift the threat of the current pandemic, but we cannot lose sight of the even bigger crisis facing our planet and its people." He hopes the online conference will "inspire everyone to get the climate job done at speed and at scale." Furthermore, people “seeking Earth Day digital events closer to home can check out the interactive map on the Earth Day Network site.” According to the article, “Updated regularly, the comprehensive list, neatly classified in categories ranging from conservation to artists for Earth Day to citizen science, has something to suit every environmentalist's interest.” The article adds, “The non-profit organization has also put together a 22-day challenge that families can undertake to protect the planet.” Those are the two ways that Earth Day is being celebrated, as reported in the story.

Edited by Penny Yagake






There are some accomplishments that William has achieved. One accomplishment he has made is, He asked his mom to drive him to a local Food Lion. And there he talked shoppers into buying food worth1,400 pounds to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break. And then Seven years later, he collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and has been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree. To add on, His mom didn't think William would be 14 and still doing this. Many people other than William still do this and help make Food Drive Kids’ food drive a success. Also More than 100 kids from the boys’ school and Scout groups turn out in April to hand out food lists to shoppers, collect purchased boxed and canned items and load them into trucks. Those are some achievements William has achieved.


There are some accomplishments that William has achieved.

*** Good.

One accomplishment he has made is, He asked his mom to drive him to a local Food Lion. And there he talked shoppers into buying food worth1,400 pounds to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break.

*** Use quotation marks around phrases from the article. To write this information in your own words, more than a few words need to be changed.

Edited sentence: One accomplishment he has made is he asked “his mom to drive him to a local Food Lion.” And “There, he talked shoppers into buying food—1,400 pounds worth—to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break.”

And then Seven years later, he collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and has been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree.

*** Use quotation marks around phrases from the article.

Edited sentence: And then “Seven years later, he’s collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000, and been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree.”

To add on, His mom didn't think William would be 14 and still doing this.

*** This is better, but use quotation marks around phrases from the article.

Edited sentence: To add on, his mom didn’t think “William would be 14 and still doing this.”

Many people other than William still do this and help make Food Drive Kids’ food drive a success.

*** Use quotation marks around phrases from the article.

Edited sentence: Many people other than William still do this and “help make Food Drive Kids’ food drive a success.”

Also More than 100 kids from the boys’ school and Scout groups turn out in April to hand out food lists to shoppers, collect purchased boxed and canned items and load them into trucks.

*** Use quotation marks around phrases from the article.

Edited sentence: Also “More than 100 kids from the boys’ school and Scout groups turn out in April to hand out food lists to shoppers, collect purchased boxed and canned items and load them into trucks.”

Those are some achievements William has achieved.

*** Good.

*** After quoting from the article, explain what each quote means in your own words. Put quotation marks around phrases that are from the article.

Edited paragraph:

There are some accomplishments that William has achieved. One accomplishment he has made is he asked “his mom to drive him to a local Food Lion.” And “There, he talked shoppers into buying food—1,400 pounds worth—to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break.” And then “Seven years later, he’s collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000, and been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree.” To add on, his mom didn’t think “William would be 14 and still doing this.” Many people other than William still do this and “help make Food Drive Kids’ food drive a success.” Also “More than 100 kids from the boys’ school and Scout groups turn out in April to hand out food lists to shoppers, collect purchased boxed and canned items and load them into trucks.” Those are some achievements William has achieved.

Edited by Penny Yagake






There are two events in this article. One of the events was at Tokyo's Hotel Grand Palace on March 28, 2020,which started when university president Kenichi Omae delivering an uplifting commencement speech to the students attending via video-conferencing platform Zoom. Then he began the virtual graduation ceremony. And every time a pupils name was called by a moderator, one of the two remotely operated "New "me"" avatar robots, dressed in graduation caps and gowns, motored to the podium to accept the diploma from the president., A graduate of BBT University who graduated via New "me" also said, "When I enrolled, I never thought I would operate my avatar and attend the graduation ceremony. However, receiving a diploma in public is a novel experience." Once the COVID-19 pandemic is over, the New"me" creator ANA Holdings has plans to deploy the thin 4.9-foot (1.5-meter) tall machine to "travel" to destinations worldwide on behalf of humans. To add on, Japan has always been at the forefront of robotic technology. Those are the two events in this article


There are two events in this article.

*** Good.

One of the events was at Tokyo's Hotel Grand Palace on March 28, 2020,which started when university president Kenichi Omae delivering an uplifting commencement speech to the students attending via video-conferencing platform Zoom.

*** Add a space after commas. Change “when” to “with.” Use quotation marks around quoted phrases from the article.

Edited sentence: One of the events was at Tokyo’s Hotel Grand Palace on March 28, 2020, which started with “university president Kenichi Omae delivering an uplifting commencement speech to the students attending via video-conferencing platform Zoom.”

Then he began the virtual graduation ceremony.

*** This is pretty close to the original article, except that “he” has been added. This can be included in the above quote.

Edited sentence: One of the events was at Tokyo’s Hotel Grand Palace on March 28, 2020, which started with “university president Kenichi Omae delivering an uplifting commencement speech to the students attending via video-conferencing platform Zoom. Then began the virtual graduation ceremony.”

And every time a pupils name was called by a moderator, one of the two remotely operated "New "me"" avatar robots, dressed in graduation caps and gowns, motored to the podium to accept the diploma from the president.

*** Add an apostrophe before the “s” in “pupils.” Use quotation marks around quoted phrases from the article. When there is another quote inside a quote from the article, use single quotation marks (‘) around the inside quote, shown in the edited sentence below.

Edited sentence: And every time a pupil’s name was called by a moderator, “one of the two remotely operated ‘Newme’ avatar robots, dressed in graduation caps and gowns, motored to the podium to accept the diploma from the president.”

, A graduate of BBT University who graduated via New "me" also said, "When I enrolled, I never thought I would operate my avatar and attend the graduation ceremony. However, receiving a diploma in public is a novel experience."

*** Remove the comma at the beginning of this sentence. Since “BBT” is not explained earlier in this paragraph, write out the name. Remove the quotation marks around “me.”

Edited sentence: A graduate of the Business Breakthrough University (BBT) who graduated via Newme also said, “When I enrolled, I never thought I would operate my avatar and attend the graduation ceremony. However, receiving a diploma in public is a novel experience."

Once the COVID-19 pandemic is over, the New"me" creator ANA Holdings has plans to deploy the thin 4.9-foot (1.5-meter) tall machine to "travel" to destinations worldwide on behalf of humans.

*** Add “According to the article” before quoted phrases from the article. Remove the quotation marks around “me.” More than a few words must be changed - this information needs to be summarized.

Edited sentence: According to the article, “Once the COVID-19 pandemic is over, Newme creator ANA Holdings has plans to deploy the slim, 4.9-foot (1.5-meter) tall machine to ‘travel’ to destinations worldwide on behalf of humans.”

To add on, Japan has always been at the forefront of robotic technology.

*** Use quotation marks around quoted phrases from the article.

Edited sentence: To add on, “Japan has always been at the forefront of robotic technology.”

Those are the two events in this article

*** Add a period at the end of this sentence.

Edited sentence: Those are the two events in this article.

*** After quoting from the article, explain what each quote means in your own words. Put quotation marks around phrases that are from the article. When there is another quote inside a quote from the article, use single quotation marks (‘) around the inside quote.

Edited paragraph:

There are two events in this article. One of the events was at Tokyo’s Hotel Grand Palace on March 28, 2020, which started with “university president Kenichi Omae delivering an uplifting commencement speech to the students attending via video-conferencing platform Zoom. Then began the virtual graduation ceremony.” And every time a pupil’s name was called by a moderator, “one of the two remotely operated ‘Newme’ avatar robots, dressed in graduation caps and gowns, motored to the podium to accept the diploma from the president.” A graduate of the Business Breakthrough University (BBT) who graduated via Newme also said, “When I enrolled, I never thought I would operate my avatar and attend the graduation ceremony. However, receiving a diploma in public is a novel experience." According to the article, “Once the COVID-19 pandemic is over, Newme creator ANA Holdings has plans to deploy the slim, 4.9-foot (1.5-meter) tall machine to ‘travel’ to destinations worldwide on behalf of humans.” To add on, “Japan has always been at the forefront of robotic technology.” Those are the two events in this article.

Edited by Penny Yagake






If a person wants to be an astronaut, there are many requirements. It happened In early March, the US space agency NASA asked people whoe astronauts tplyin the US space program. Even As children, many people dreamn astronaut. But thmber of people who actually make it into space is quite small. Since the 1960s, only 350 men and women have been chosen for NASA’s astronaut training. Currently, NASA has 48 astronauts. Also Between Mch 31, 12,000 people applied to become NASA astronauts. That’s almost a record. In 2017, over 18,000 people applied. But this time NASA is requiring more higher levels of education.The people who are chosen (called “Astronaut Candidates”) will also need to have near-perfect eyesight and be in good physical shape. They must be good at working with other people – able to lead, and A can only choose 12 right p.Thatis the requirements people need toe an astronaut.


If a person wants to be an astronaut, there are many requirements.

*** Good.

It happened In early March, the US space agency NASA asked people whoe astronauts tplyin the US space program.

*** “It happened” would be used to refer to an event that is mentioned before this sentence, but no event is mentioned before this sentence. Use quotation marks around phrases from the article. “whoe” and “tplyin” are misspelled. Make sure quotes are written correctly according to the article.

Edited sentence: “In early March, the US space agency NASA asked people who wanted to become astronauts to apply” to the US space program.

Even As children, many people dreamn astronaut. But thmber of people who actually make it into space is quite small.

*** “dreamn” and “thmber” are misspelled. Use quotation marks around phrases from the article.

Edited sentence: Even “As children, many people dream of becoming an astronaut. But the number of people who actually make it into space is quite small.”

Since the 1960s, only 350 men and women have been chosen for NASA’s astronaut training. Currently, NASA has 48 astronauts.

*** This is directly from the article. Rewrite this information using your own words or make this into a quote.

Edited sentence: According to the article, “Since the 1960s, only 350 men and women have been chosen for NASA’s astronaut training. Currently, NASA has 48 astronauts.”

Also Between Mch 31, 12,000 people applied to become NASA astronauts.

*** Make sure information from the article is stated correctly — “March” is misspelled, and the second date in the range is missing.

Edited sentence: Also, “Between March 2 and March 31, 12,000 people applied to become NASA astronauts.”

That’s almost a record. In 2017, over 18,000 people applied. But this time NASA is requiring more higher levels of education.

*** This is almost directly from the article, except that “more” has been added towards the end. Rewrite this information using your own words or make this into a quote.

Edited sentence: The article states, “That’s almost a record. In 2017, over 18,000 people applied. But this time NASA is requiring higher levels of education.”

The people who are chosen (called “Astronaut Candidates”) will also need to have near-perfect eyesight and be in good physical shape.

*** This is directly from the article. Rewrite this information using your own words or make this into a quote.

Edited sentence: Additionally, “The people who are chosen (called “Astronaut Candidates”) will also need to have near-perfect eyesight and be in good physical shape.”

They must be good at working with other people – able to lead, and A can only choose 12 right p.

*** What does “A can only choose 12 right p” mean? Make sure the information mentioned here is correct according to the article.

Edited sentence: According to the article, “They must be good at working with other people – able to lead” and NASA can only choose 12 “Astronaut Candidates.”

Thatis the requirements people need toe an astronaut.

*** Change “That is” to “Those are.” Remove the “e” at the end of “toe.” Add “become” before “an.”

Edited sentence: Those are the requirements people need to become an astronaut.

*** Do not just copy from the article. After each quote, you need to write a sentence explaining what the quote is saying. Watch out for misspelled words and incomplete phrases.

Edited paragraph:

If a person wants to be an astronaut, there are many requirements. “In early March, the US space agency NASA asked people who wanted to become astronauts to apply” to the US space program. Even “As children, many people dream of becoming an astronaut. But the number of people who actually make it into space is quite small.” According to the article, “Since the 1960s, only 350 men and women have been chosen for NASA’s astronaut training. Currently, NASA has 48 astronauts.” Also, “Between March 2 and March 31, 12,000 people applied to become NASA astronauts.” The article states, “That’s almost a record. In 2017, over 18,000 people applied. But this time NASA is requiring higher levels of education.” Additionally, “The people who are chosen (called “Astronaut Candidates”) will also need to have near-perfect eyesight and be in good physical shape.” According to the article, “They must be good at working with other people – able to lead” and NASA can only choose 12 “Astronaut Candidates.” Those are the requirements people need to become an astronaut.

Edited by Penny Yagake






There are two opposing viewrticle. New York City school buildings will not reopen this academic year, Mayor Bill de Blasio announced Saturday, "a decision that would add the nation’s largest school system to the long list of districts where in-person ition has been canceled to cuirus pandemic". But then Hours later, Gov. Andrew Cuomo said the "mayor had been premature in saying the city’s more than 1 million public school students would continue to learn remotely at least 26, the scheduled end of the school year". Mayor de Blasio also said, “Lord knows, having to tell you that we cannot bring our schools back for the remainder of this school year is painful. But I can also tell you, it’s the right thing to do." Cuomo said “There has been no decision. That’s t. I value it,” “But the decision will be coordinated.” Those are two opposing views in this article.


There are two opposing viewrticle.

*** This sentence is incomplete. Change “viewrticle” to “views in this article.”

Edited sentence: There are two opposing views in this article.

New York City school buildings will not reopen this academic year, Mayor Bill de Blasio announced Saturday, "a decision that would add the nation’s largest school system to the long list of districts where in-person ition has been canceled to cuirus pandemic".

*** Put quotation marks around this whole sentence and add “According to the article” before the quote. Additionally, make sure the quote is written correctly — “in-person ition has been canceled to cuirus pandemic” should be written as “in-person instruction has been canceled to curb the coronavirus pandemic.”

Edited sentence: According to the article, “New York City school buildings will not reopen this academic year, Mayor Bill de Blasio announced Saturday, a decision that would add the nation’s largest school system to the long list of districts where in-person instruction has been canceled to curb the coronavirus pandemic.”

But then Hours later, Gov. Andrew Cuomo said the "mayor had been premature in saying the city’s more than 1 million public school students would continue to learn remotely at least 26, the scheduled end of the school year".

*** The first quotation mark should come before “Hours later…” The period at the end should come before the last quotation mark. Again, make sure the quote is written correctly — “remotely at least 26” should be written as “remotely at least through June 26.”

Edited sentence: But then “Hours later, Gov. Andrew Cuomo said the mayor had been premature in saying the city’s more than 1 million public school students would continue to learn remotely at least through June 26, the scheduled end of the school year.”

Mayor de Blasio also said, “Lord knows, having to tell you that we cannot bring our schools back for the remainder of this school year is painful. But I can also tell you, it’s the right thing to do."

*** Good, but you need to explain what each quote means.

Cuomo said “There has been no decision. That’s t. I value it,” “But the decision will be coordinated.”

*** This quote is incomplete. “That’s t” should be written as “That’s the mayor’s opinion.” To connect the quotes more, I added “adding” as can be seen in the edited sentence below.

Edited sentence: Cuomo said, “There has been no decision. That’s the mayor’s opinion. I value it,” adding, “But the decision will be coordinated.”

Those are two opposing views in this article.

*** Add “the” after “are.” Explain what the two opposing views are in your own words.

Edited sentence: Those are the two opposing views in this article.

*** After each quote, you need to explain what the quotes mean in your own words. Make sure to write quotes correctly according to the text. Watch out for misspelled words.

Edited paragraph:

There are two opposing views in this article. According to the article, “New York City school buildings will not reopen this academic year, Mayor Bill de Blasio announced Saturday, a decision that would add the nation’s largest school system to the long list of districts where in-person instruction has been canceled to curb the coronavirus pandemic.” But then “Hours later, Gov. Andrew Cuomo said the mayor had been premature in saying the city’s more than 1 million public school students would continue to learn remotely at least through June 26, the scheduled end of the school year.” Mayor de Blasio also said, “Lord knows, having to tell you that we cannot bring our schools back for the remainder of this school year is painful. But I can also tell you, it’s the right thing to do." Cuomo said, “There has been no decision. That’s the mayor’s opinion. I value it,” adding, “But the decision will be coordinated.” Those are the two opposing views in this article.

Edited by Penny Yagake






 Eastern tiger salamanders are coming to  Maryland.In the 1990s, as development, pollution and evolving land uses intruded on breeding sites, Eastern tiger salamanders also the largest land-dwelling salamanders in North America  almost became extinct in the state. These salamanders  are making a significant comeback. Also like other amphibians, tiger salamanders are important to the ecosystem because they are predators to smaller organisms and prey for larger creatures. McDaniel said “Salamanders are one of the first species many of us encounter as kids."  "Their seemingly smiling faces and bright colors excite the imagination as you flip a rock over or roll a log to find such a unique treasure hiding underneath." To add on “Female tiger salamanders need fishless freshwater ponds that have a lot of sunlight for their eggs,” Schlimm said. Egg masses attach to upright vegetation, so water depth is critical. “Too shallow, they dry out; too deep, and sun won’t get to the egg masses.” And "A really rough population estimate would be 1,000 to 2,000 individual tiger salamanders," said DNR biologist Scott A. Smith. They are concentrated in Caroline and Kent counties. Those are some details why Eastern tiger salamanders are coming to Maryland


Eastern tiger salamanders are coming to Maryland.

*** Good, but remove the extra space before “Maryland.”

Edited sentence: Eastern tiger salamanders are coming to Maryland.

In the 1990s, as development, pollution and evolving land uses intruded on breeding sites, Eastern tiger salamanders also the largest land-dwelling salamanders in North America almost became extinct in the state.

*** This sentence is almost the same as the one in this article: https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/kidspost/eastern-tiger-salamanders-once-nearly-gone-from-maryland-make-a-comeback/2020/04/07/1042c818-7453-11ea-85cb-8670579b863d_story.html. The only difference is that the dashes have been taken out. Rewrite this sentence with more of your own words or make this a quote.

These salamanders are making a significant comeback.

*** This sentence is also almost the same as the article except that “amphibians” has been replaced by “salamanders.” There is also an extra space after “salamanders.”

Also like other amphibians, tiger salamanders are important to the ecosystem because they are predators to smaller organisms and prey for larger creatures.

*** Use quotation marks.

Edited sentence: Also “like other amphibians, tiger salamanders are important to the ecosystem because they are predators to smaller organisms and prey for larger creatures.”

McDaniel said “Salamanders are one of the first species many of us encounter as kids." "Their seemingly smiling faces and bright colors excite the imagination as you flip a rock over or roll a log to find such a unique treasure hiding underneath."

*** Use an ellipsis (...) to connect these quotes.

Edited sentence: McDaniel said “Salamanders are one of the first species many of us encounter as kids… Their seemingly smiling faces and bright colors excite the imagination as you flip a rock over or roll a log to find such a unique treasure hiding underneath.”

To add on “Female tiger salamanders need fishless freshwater ponds that have a lot of sunlight for their eggs,” Schlimm said.

*** Add a comma after “on.”

Edited sentence: To add on, “Female tiger salamanders need fishless freshwater ponds that have a lot of sunlight for their eggs,” Schlimm said.

Egg masses attach to upright vegetation, so water depth is critical.

*** Rewrite this as your own sentence or make this a quote.

Edited sentence: According to the article, “Egg masses attach to upright vegetation, so water depth is critical.”

“Too shallow, they dry out; too deep, and sun won’t get to the egg masses.”

*** Who is saying this quote?

Edited sentence: Schlimm added, “Too shallow, they dry out; too deep, and sun won’t get to the egg masses.”

And "A really rough population estimate would be 1,000 to 2,000 individual tiger salamanders," said DNR biologist Scott A. Smith.

*** This is okay, but still really close to the sentence in the article.

They are concentrated in Caroline and Kent counties.

*** Rewrite this as your own sentence or make this a quote.

Those are some details why Eastern tiger salamanders are coming to Maryland

*** Add “about” after “details.” Add a period at the end of this sentence.

Edited sentence: Those are some details why Eastern tiger salamanders are coming to Maryland.

*** Do not copy from the article. A majority of this article is made up of quotes, but you need to explain what they mean. Rewrite these sentences as your own or turn them into quotes. Only the edited sentences are included in the edited paragraph below.

Edited paragraph:

Eastern tiger salamanders are coming to Maryland. Also “like other amphibians, tiger salamanders are important to the ecosystem because they are predators to smaller organisms and prey for larger creatures.” McDaniel said “Salamanders are one of the first species many of us encounter as kids… Their seemingly smiling faces and bright colors excite the imagination as you flip a rock over or roll a log to find such a unique treasure hiding underneath.” To add on, “Female tiger salamanders need fishless freshwater ponds that have a lot of sunlight for their eggs,” Schlimm said. According to the article, “Egg masses attach to upright vegetation, so water depth is critical.” Schlimm added, “Too shallow, they dry out; too deep, and sun won’t get to the egg masses.” And "A really rough population estimate would be 1,000 to 2,000 individual tiger salamanders," said DNR biologist Scott A. Smith. Those are some details about why Eastern tiger salamanders are coming to Maryland.

Edited by Penny Yagake






The super moon is different from a regular moon . On April 7, 2020, the skies will be lit up with a Super "Pink" Moon — the brightest and biggest full moon we will encounter all year! And Super moons, which are usually about seven percent bigger and 15 percent brighter than the average full moon, occur when the full moon coincides with lunar perigee — the Moon's closest point to Earth in its orbit. On April 7, 2020, the moon will be about 221,773 miles (356,909 km) away from Earth. This is just a few hundred miles further than the November 2016 super moon, which at 221,524 miles (356,508 km), was the closest distance we have experienced in recent history. The distance between the Moon and Earth varies because of the satellite's oval orbit, which brings it closer to and farther from Earth as it goes around. The farthest point in this ellipse, called the apogee, takes the moon approximately 253,000 miles (407,164 km) away from Earth. In contrast, during perigee, the Moon generally comes to within 226,000 miles (363, 711 km) of Earth. That is how The super moon is bigger than the normal moon.


The super moon is different from a regular moon .

*** Remove the space before the period.

Edited sentence: The super moon is different from a regular moon.

On April 7, 2020, the skies will be lit up with a Super "Pink" Moon — the brightest and biggest full moon we will encounter all year!

*** This sentence appears to be the same as one in this article: https://www.dogonews.com/2020/4/1/aprils-super-pink-moon-will-be-this-years-biggest-and-brightest-full-moon. Please write your own sentence or make this a quote.

And Super moons, which are usually about seven percent bigger and 15 percent brighter than the average full moon, occur when the full moon coincides with lunar perigee — the Moon's closest point to Earth in its orbit.

*** This sentence is also from the same article linked above except that a space has been added between “Super” and “moons.” Put quotation marks around quoted sentences.

Edited sentence: And “Supermoons, which are usually about seven percent bigger and 15 percent brighter than the average full moon, occur when the full moon coincides with lunar perigee — the Moon's closest point to Earth in its orbit.”

On April 7, 2020, the moon will be about 221,773 miles (356,909 km) away from Earth.

This is just a few hundred miles further than the November 2016 super moon, which at 221,524 miles (356,508 km), was the closest distance we have experienced in recent history.

*** The above two sentences are also taken from the same article. The only difference is that a space has been added between “super” and “moon.” Rewrite these sentences with your own words or turn these sentences into quotes.

The distance between the Moon and Earth varies because of the satellite's oval orbit, which brings it closer to and farther from Earth as it goes around. The farthest point in this ellipse, called the apogee, takes the moon approximately 253,000 miles (407,164 km) away from Earth. In contrast, during perigee, the Moon generally comes to within 226,000 miles (363, 711 km) of Earth.

*** All the above sentences are also taken from the same article. Rewrite these sentences with your own words or turn these sentences into quotes.

That is how The super moon is bigger than the normal moon.

*** The first “The” should not be capitalized.

Edited sentence: That is how the super moon is bigger than the normal moon.

*** Do not copy articles. You must either write your own sentences or quote the source. Only the edited sentences are included in the edited paragraph below.

Edited paragraph:

The super moon is different from a regular moon. And “Supermoons, which are usually about seven percent bigger and 15 percent brighter than the average full moon, occur when the full moon coincides with lunar perigee — the Moon's closest point to Earth in its orbit.” That is how the super moon is bigger than the normal moon.
Edited by Penny Yagake






Negative and positive reasons for practicing social distancing are,to limit the spread of the coronavirus that causes COVID-19.According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, social distancing involves “avoiding mass gatherings” and “maintaining distance” whenever possible. Also,Even standing six feet apart from others, people can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes. Social distancing can limit the chances of that. A professor named Denise Rousseau at Carnegie Mellon University, in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. She says social distancing is a response to the idea that many people can’t stay home all the time, even during a disease outbreak. Those are Negative and positive reasons for practicing social distancing.


Negative and positive reasons for practicing social distancing are,to limit the spread of the coronavirus that causes COVID-19.

*** This sentence starts out as though it is going to list multiple reasons, but it only lists one. Is this a positive or negative reason? In this case, replace “are,to” with “include” and add “ing” at the end of “limit.”

Edited sentence: Negative and positive reasons for practicing social distancing include limiting the spread of the coronavirus that causes COVID-19.

According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, social distancing involves “avoiding mass gatherings” and “maintaining distance” whenever possible.

*** Good.

Also,Even standing six feet apart from others, people can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes.

*** “Even” does not need to be capitalized. Add a space before “even.” Move “people” after “even.”

Edited sentence: Also, even people standing six feet apart from others can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes.

Social distancing can limit the chances of that.

*** Good.

A professor named Denise Rousseau at Carnegie Mellon University, in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

*** This sentence is incomplete. Add “There is” at the beginning of this sentence.

Edited sentence: There is a professor named Denise Rousseau at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

She says social distancing is a response to the idea that many people can’t stay home all the time, even during a disease outbreak.

*** Good.

Those are Negative and positive reasons for practicing social distancing.

*** “Negative” should not be capitalized.

Edited sentence: Those are negative and positive reasons for practicing social distancing.

*** Make sure not to capitalize words that do not need to be capitalized. Also make sure to fix incomplete sentences.

Edited paragraph:

Negative and positive reasons for practicing social distancing include limiting the spread of the coronavirus that causes COVID-19. According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, social distancing involves “avoiding mass gatherings” and “maintaining distance” whenever possible. Also, even people standing six feet apart from others can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes. Social distancing can limit the chances of that. There is a professor named Denise Rousseau at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. She says social distancing is a response to the idea that many people can’t stay home all the time, even during a disease outbreak. Those are negative and positive reasons for practicing social distancing.

Edited by Penny Yagake






I feel that JK Rowling's new webpage will help children. JK Rowling can help children because she is one of the most famous authors in the world and she makes books about Harry Potter, one of the most bestselling books in the world also, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone" has been added to Audible's library of free books as part of its partnership with the platform, making it immediately available in several different languages for free, and without requiring a subscription to the Amazon-owned audiobook service. And Other features of the hub include articles, puzzles and videos, made available by publishers Bloomsbury and Scholastic. Those are some ways that JK Rowlings new webpage will help children.


I feel that JK Rowling's new webpage will help children.

*** Avoid first person point of view — remove “I.” Use third person point of view instead.

Edited sentence: JK Rowling’s new webpage will help children.

JK Rowling can help children because she is one of the most famous authors in the world and she makes books about Harry Potter, one of the most bestselling books in the world

*** This sentence is pretty long, so divide it into smaller sentences. Here I divided it into two sentences. Add a period at the end of this sentence. The second “most” is not needed because “best” has nearly the same meaning here.

Edited sentence: JK Rowling can help children because she is one of the most famous authors in the world and she makes books about Harry Potter, one of the bestselling books in the world.

also, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone" has been added to Audible's library of free books as part of its partnership with the platform, making it immediately available in several different languages for free, and without requiring a subscription to the Amazon-owned audiobook service.

*** Capitalize the first word of this sentence. Book titles should be italicized or placed inside quotation marks. There is one quotation mark here, but where is the other quotation mark?

Edited sentence: Also, Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone “has been added to Audible’s library of free books as part of its partnership with the platform, making it immediately available in several different languages for free, and without requiring a subscription to the Amazon-owned audiobook service.”

And Other features of the hub include articles, puzzles and videos, made available by publishers Bloomsbury and Scholastic.

*** Is this a quote? If so, put quotation marks around quoted phrases.

Edited sentence: And “Other features of the hub include articles, puzzles, and videos, made available by publishers Bloomsbury and Scholastic.”

Those are some ways that JK Rowlings new webpage will help children.

*** Add an apostrophe before the “s” in “Rowlings.”

Edited sentence: Those are some ways that JK Rowling’s new webpage will help children.

*** To avoid writing run-on sentences, try to divide longer sentences into smaller sentences. Use only third person point of view for these paragraphs. Make sure to include quotation marks before and after quoted phrases.

Edited paragraph:

JK Rowling’s new webpage will help children. JK Rowling can help children because she is one of the most famous authors in the world and she makes books about Harry Potter, one of the bestselling books in the world. Also, Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone “has been added to Audible’s library of free books as part of its partnership with the platform, making it immediately available in several different languages for free, and without requiring a subscription to the Amazon-owned audiobook service.” And “Other features of the hub include articles, puzzles, and videos, made available by publishers Bloomsbury and Scholastic.” Those are some ways that JK Rowling’s new webpage will help children.

Edited by Penny Yagake






One way that postponing the 2020 Olympics would cause negative situations is, "The leaders agreed that the Olympic Games in Tokyo could stand as a beacon of hope to the world during these troubled times," the IOC and Tokyo 2020 organizing committee said in a joint statement. "And that the Olympic flame could become the light at the end of the tunnel in which the world finds itself at present." Organizers said the Olympic flame will stay in Japan during the delay, and the Games will also continue to officially be called "Tokyo 2020," even as they move to 2021. Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe and IOC president Thomas Bach formally agreed to the decision Tuesday, amid intensifying pressure and public pleas for clarity from athletes and governing bodies alike. Another detail is,While the Olympics have previously been canceled during periods of war, and complicated by boycotts, this is the first time they have ever been suspended. It is not immediately clear whether the Games will be moved to the summer of 2021 or the spring, when Japan's famous cherry blossoms are in bloom. "A lot can happen in one year," said Toshiro Muto, CEO of the Tokyo 2020 organizing committee. "So we have to think about what we have to do." The decision to move the multi-billion dollar event will have widespread political, legal, logistical and financial ramifications, both locally in Japan and around the world. Those were a few details that postponing the 2020 Olympics would cause negative situations.


One way that postponing the 2020 Olympics would cause negative situations is, "The leaders agreed that the Olympic Games in Tokyo could stand as a beacon of hope to the world during these troubled times," the IOC and Tokyo 2020 organizing committee said in a joint statement. "And that the Olympic flame could become the light at the end of the tunnel in which the world finds itself at present."

*** Good.

Organizers said the Olympic flame will stay in Japan during the delay, and the Games will also continue to officially be called "Tokyo 2020," even as they move to 2021.

*** This sentence seems to be copied from this source: https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/olympics/2020/03/24/tokyo-olympics-postponed-coronavirus-summer-games-2021/2863551001/. Please create your own sentences or make this a quote.

Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe and IOC president Thomas Bach formally agreed to the decision Tuesday, amid intensifying pressure and public pleas for clarity from athletes and governing bodies alike.

*** This sentence seems to be copied from this source: https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/olympics/2020/03/24/tokyo-olympics-postponed-coronavirus-summer-games-2021/2863551001/. Please create your own sentences or make this a quote.

Another detail is,While the Olympics have previously been canceled during periods of war, and complicated by boycotts, this is the first time they have ever been suspended.

*** If this is a quote, add quotation marks at the beginning of the quote and at the end of the quote.

Edited sentence: Another detail is, “While the Olympics have previously been canceled during periods of war, and complicated by boycotts, this is the first time they have ever been suspended.”

It is not immediately clear whether the Games will be moved to the summer of 2021 or the spring, when Japan's famous cherry blossoms are in bloom. "A lot can happen in one year," said Toshiro Muto, CEO of the Tokyo 2020 organizing committee. "So we have to think about what we have to do." The decision to move the multi-billion dollar event will have widespread political, legal, logistical and financial ramifications, both locally in Japan and around the world.

*** Again, these sentences seem to be copied from this source: https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/olympics/2020/03/24/tokyo-olympics-postponed-coronavirus-summer-games-2021/2863551001/. Please create your own sentences or make this a quote.

Those were a few details that postponing the 2020 Olympics would cause negative situations.

*** Change “that” to “about why.”

Edited sentence: Those were a few details about why postponing the 2020 Olympics would cause negative situations.

*** Do not copy articles. You must either write your own sentences or quote the source. Only the acceptable sentences are included in the edited paragraph below.

Edited paragraph:

One way that postponing the 2020 Olympics would cause negative situations is, "The leaders agreed that the Olympic Games in Tokyo could stand as a beacon of hope to the world during these troubled times," the IOC and Tokyo 2020 organizing committee said in a joint statement. "And that the Olympic flame could become the light at the end of the tunnel in which the world finds itself at present." Another detail is, “While the Olympics have previously been canceled during periods of war, and complicated by boycotts, this is the first time they have ever been suspended.” Those were a few details about why postponing the 2020 Olympics would cause negative situations.

Edited by Penny Yagake






I will be telling two activities that can be the most fun indoors .One activity I think will be fun indoors is, Lego kits, I feel this way because kids can get their favorite tv show as a Lego set for example Frozen. Kids can roleplay with these Legos too, and that's why I think Lego kits can be fun indoors. Another indoor game that I think can be fun is, Indoor basketball, This can be fun because kids can get some exercise while stuck indoors. They can practice shooting or layups on their own, or they can enlist siblings for games like knockout and "horse". Indoor basketball sets tend to start at around $20. Those are two activities that can be fun while you are stuck indoors.


I will be telling two activities that can be the most fun indoors .

*** Avoid first person point of view (“I”) and use third person point of view. Remove the extra space before the period at the end of the sentence. Edited sentence: There are two activities that can be the most fun indoors.

One activity I think will be fun indoors is, Lego kits, I feel this way because kids can get their favorite tv show as a Lego set for example Frozen.

*** The commas are not needed in this sentence. Again, avoid writing in first person point of view (“I”). “Frozen” is a movie, so this sentence can say “favorite TV show or movie.”

Edited sentence: One activity that will be fun indoors is Lego kits because kids can get their favorite TV show or movie as a Lego set, for example, Frozen.

Kids can roleplay with these Legos too, and that's why I think Lego kits can be fun indoors.

*** Again, avoid writing in first person point of view (“I”).

Edited sentence: Kids can roleplay with these Legos too, and that’s why Lego kits can be fun indoors.

Another indoor game that I think can be fun is, Indoor basketball,

*** Add a period at the end of this sentence. “Indoor” does not need to be capitalized. The commas are not needed in this sentence.

Edited sentence: Another indoor game that can be fun is indoor basketball.

This can be fun because kids can get some exercise while stuck indoors.

*** Good.

They can practice shooting or layups on their own, or they can enlist siblings for games like knockout and "horse".

*** Put the period inside the quotation mark.

Edited sentence: They can practice shooting or layups on their own, or they can enlist siblings for games like knockout and “horse.”

Indoor basketball sets tend to start at around $20.

*** Good.

Those are two activities that can be fun while you are stuck indoors.

*** Avoid second person point of view (“you”). Use third person point of view instead.

Edited sentence: Those are two activities that can be fun while kids are stuck indoors.

*** Use third person point of view for these paragraphs. Third person point of view does not use “I” or “you,” and focuses on how the information relates to the reader. Watch out for extra spaces and commas.

Edited paragraph:

There are two activities that can be the most fun indoors. One activity that will be fun indoors is Lego kits because kids can get their favorite TV show or movie as a Lego set, for example, Frozen. Kids can roleplay with these Legos too, and that’s why Lego kits can be fun indoors. Another indoor game that can be fun is indoor basketball. This can be fun because kids can get some exercise while stuck indoors. They can practice shooting or layups on their own, or they can enlist siblings for games like knockout and “horse.” Indoor basketball sets tend to start at around $20. Those are two activities that can be fun while kids are stuck indoors.

Edited by Penny Yagake






ThBold textis story is about the COVID-19 which is also known as the Coronavirus. One detail about this story is…”children that are 9 and younger are less likely to show symptoms of the coronavirus,fewer than 1% of confirmed COVID-19 cases in China were of children under the age of 9.” as it states in paragraph 4. Another detail is Epidemiologists measure how contagious a disease is by its “basic reproduction number,” or R0 (pronounced “are-not”), meaning the number of people each infected person would be expected to infect in turn. So far, experts believe the coronavirus to have an R0 of about 2-2.5, meaning each infected person would be expected to pass it on to another two or so people. That is nearly twice as contagious as the flu, which has an R0 of 1.3, but much less contagious than another childhood illness, measles, which one infected person could spread to as many as 30 people in a bad outbreak. Based on this base level, children should be more likely to contract coronavirus than the flu .As it states in paragraph 7.Another detail is, The seasonal flu has killed 136 U.S. children so far during this 2019-20 season, and 11 children during the last week of February alone. this shows that the Coronavirus is spreading fast ,as O, Leary said. This is one of the most dangerous pandemics there is. Those are a few facts about the COVID-19 .

This story is about the COVID-19 which is also known as the Coronavirus.

      • “the” is not needed.

Edited sentence: This story is about COVID-19 which is also known as the Coronavirus.

One detail about this story is…”children that are 9 and younger are less likely to show symptoms of the coronavirus,fewer than 1% of confirmed COVID-19 cases in China were of children under the age of 9.” as it states in paragraph 4.
      • The ellipsis (...) is not needed unless this quote is beginning in the middle of the original sentence. There should be a space after the comma unless this is in the original source. Since the quote is part of this sentence, the period after “9” is not needed.

Edited sentence: One detail about this story is “children that are 9 and younger are less likely to show symptoms of the coronavirus, fewer than 1% of confirmed COVID-19 cases in China were of children under the age of 9” as stated in the fourth paragraph.

Another detail is Epidemiologists measure how contagious a disease is by its “basic reproduction number,” or R0 (pronounced “are-not”), meaning the number of people each infected person would be expected to infect in turn.

      • “Epidemiologists” does not need to be capitalized.

Edited sentence: Another detail is epidemiologists measure how contagious a disease is by its “basic reproduction number,” or R0 (pronounced “are-not”), meaning the number of people each infected person would be expected to infect in turn.

So far, experts believe the coronavirus to have an R0 of about 2-2.5, meaning each infected person would be expected to pass it on to another two or so people.
      • Good.
That is nearly twice as contagious as the flu, which has an R0 of 1.3, but much less contagious than another childhood illness, measles, which one infected person could spread to as many as 30 people in a bad outbreak.
      • This is good, but I would remove “another” since no other childhood illness is directly mentioned before.

Edited sentence: That is nearly twice as contagious as the flu, which has an R0 of 1.3, but much less contagious than the childhood illness measles, which one infected person could spread to as many as 30 people in a bad outbreak.

Based on this base level, children should be more likely to contract coronavirus than the flu. As it states in paragraph 7.
      • Connect these two sentences.

Edited sentence: Based on this base level, children should be more likely to contract coronavirus than the flu, as stated in the seventh paragraph.

Another detail is,The seasonal flu has killed 136 U.S. children so far during this 2019-20 season, and 11 children during the last week of February alone.

      • The first comma is not needed. “The” does not need to be capitalized.

Edited sentence: Another detail is the seasonal flu has killed 136 U.S. children so far during this 2019-20 season, and 11 children during the last week of February alone.

this shows that the Coronavirus is spreading fast ,as O, Leary said.
      • Capitalize the first word at the beginning of this sentence. Make sure the name is written correctly.

Edited sentence: This shows that the Coronavirus is spreading fast, as O’Leary said.

This is one of the most dangerous pandemics there is.
      • Good.
Those are a few facts about the COVID-19 .
      • “the” is not needed.

Edited sentence: Those are a few facts about COVID-19.

      • Remember to follow the structure below:


Restate the question

Answer the question

Cite evidence

Explain the cited evidence

Answer the question with another detail

Cite evidence

Explain the cited evidence and conclude the paragraph

There should be 7 sentences in total.


Edited paragraph:

This story is about COVID-19 which is also known as the Coronavirus. One detail about this story is “children that are 9 and younger are less likely to show symptoms of the coronavirus, fewer than 1% of confirmed COVID-19 cases in China were of children under the age of 9” as stated in the fourth paragraph. Another detail is epidemiologists measure how contagious a disease is by its “basic reproduction number,” or R0 (pronounced “are-not”), meaning the number of people each infected person would be expected to infect in turn. So far, experts believe the coronavirus to have an R0 of about 2-2.5, meaning each infected person would be expected to pass it on to another two or so people. That is nearly twice as contagious as the flu, which has an R0 of 1.3, but much less contagious than the childhood illness measles, which one infected person could spread to as many as 30 people in a bad outbreak. Based on this base level, children should be more likely to contract coronavirus than the flu, as stated in the seventh paragraph. Another detail is the seasonal flu has killed 136 U.S. children so far during this 2019-20 season, and 11 children during the last week of February alone. This shows that the Coronavirus is spreading fast, as O’Leary said. This is one of the most dangerous pandemics there is. Those are a few facts about COVID-19.

Original paragraph:

This story is about the COVID-19 which is also known as the Coronavirus. One detail about this story is…”children that are 9 and younger are less likely to show symptoms of the coronavirus,fewer than 1% of confirmed COVID-19 cases in China were of children under the age of 9.” as it states in paragraph 4. Another detail is Epidemiologists measure how contagious a disease is by its “basic reproduction number,” or R0 (pronounced “are-not”), meaning the number of people each infected person would be expected to infect in turn. So far, experts believe the coronavirus to have an R0 of about 2-2.5, meaning each infected person would be expected to pass it on to another two or so people. That is nearly twice as contagious as the flu, which has an R0 of 1.3, but much less contagious than another childhood illness, measles, which one infected person could spread to as many as 30 people in a bad outbreak. Based on this base level, children should be more likely to contract coronavirus than the flu.As it states in paragraph 7.Another detail is,The seasonal flu has killed 136 U.S. children so far during this 2019-20 season, and 11 children during the last week of February alone. this shows that the Coronavirus is spreading fast ,as O, Leary said. This is one of the most dangerous pandemics there is. Those are a few facts about the COVID-19 .

Edited by Penny Yagake